Wednesday, December 28, 2016

My Fears for Black Women Under Trump

I have a lot a fears running through my head and maybe you do too. This post is just me getting those worries out. I know that I do not live in the US but I am concerned for Black women everywhere. I can't just cut off my concern because of geographical borders. Furthermore, the US has so much exposure and influence in the world that I will easily hear about anything affecting Black Americans, and I believe this influence has an effect on Black and non-Black people around the world.

I am a big science fiction fan and I always imagined the future being a place where people didn't care much about race because of increased integration, working, friend, and romantic relationships. Different cultures will not seem so "strange" and we will be able to understand and get along better. I was expecting and looking forward to this. Now for the first time I'm worried that things will not progress in this way but instead we will go backwards! I just didn't imagine that White people would fight so much against this and many of us were shocked by Brexit and this election. Below I will explain some of my worst fears. These things may not happen, but I want to write them down so at least we can be prepared rather than just being scared. Sometimes a bad situation is just a bad situation and there is nothing you can do. I will make some suggestions, they might not work 100%, but they could be better than nothing. The solutions may be extreme but it seems like these are extreme times.

  1. Racism and hate crimes will increase with few repercussions: Racists have been emboldened by the US election and are being openly violent and racist. Hate groups are recruiting and even planning parades. White people seem to be fed up with being respectful and want the right to be racist. When they are called racist they are claiming that is discrimination against them! The new Attorney General has a racist history and is opposed to civil rights organizations. Because of this the legal system will probably go easy on perpetrators of hate crimes. We already know that the police are biased against Black folks so there will be little support from them. Also if you are discriminated against at work there will be little support for you. 
  2. Racism and racists will be normalized: There are even academics and highly influential people arguing for open dialogue about racist statements and that shutting these discussions down is being closed minded! I predict that there will be more and more claims of reverse racism, normalizing of racist views, and pressure on Black folks to "listen" and try to "understand" people who think they are less than human (e.g., A&E even tried to air a KKK reality show that was cancelled!). Many White people believe in White supremacy and will do anything to disavow any responsibility, past or present, for harming people of colour (POC). They will insist on their superiority but then play the victim when their racism is pointed out. Talk about microagressions will be dismissed and only the most overt acts of racism will be validated. Members of Black Lives Matter (BLM) will no longer be tolerated and protests will be quashed. BLM may be labeled a hate group and their mostly female members will suffer. BW will be seen as mean and unfeminine if they stand up to racist WW.  
  3. Affirmative action will be eliminated: White people hate affirmative action because they believe it gives opportunities to less qualified POC. They can not fathom that the POC is just as qualified or that there are ALWAYS more spaces for White people than for POC. White women are also the biggest beneficiaries of affirmative action so they are hurting themselves by opposing it (but as this election shows, they are willing to harm their own interests to support racism). Without affirmative action there will be fewer opportunities for Black people. If affirmative action is removed from higher education there will actually be an increase in Asian and international students because they have the highest grades and international students pay more. So White people will actually have fewer spots in schools unless the schools decide to be racist against Asian and international students. 
  4. Diversity initiatives will be quashed: Many Black folks ask for inclusion in the media and in consumer products. These requests could be ignored even more. With affirmative action out, there will be less pressure to include Black faces in anything. We will have less representation. Accusations about lack of diversity will be ignored. Also, because the conservative government hates social programs, many government funded programs for Black people will be cut and that support will be gone. 
  5. Sex education will be abstinence only: Conservative sex education will become the norm again and studies have shown that this actually leads to more teen pregnancies. The conservative government will also try to restrict abortion so there will be many more unwanted pregnancies resulting in more babies being placed in the foster care or adoption system. The government may also cut funding to these social programs when they will be needed more than ever. Single motherhood can often lead to poverty so there will be more poor families and mothers dropping out of school with less government support.
  6. The prison industrial complex will grow: The police will be emboldened to arrest and harass more Black people because Trump supports that. That means more unarmed shootings, more arrests, and more prison time especially for Black men. All of the progress BLM has made may be undone, especially if police reforms required government funding. Private prison funding will be reinstated and they will be profitable again. More BM with criminal records will mean fewer job opportunities, resorting to crime, poverty, or living off women. This will also mean fewer suitable BM for marriage. These men will also be unable to provide for their children. Black women are more likely to be murdered than any other women (Article 1, Article 2). Men commit the most murders, women are most likely murdered by men they know, and BW know more BM. So the conclusion has been drawn that BM kill more of their women than non-Black men (this has been known for years). Poverty, a criminal background, bad role models, anger and frustration, and powerless can make men prone to this violence and BW are they most likely victims. Black women are also treated worse by the police and police are the only thing protecting BW from these violent men and dangerous neighborhoods.
  7. Black women will have fewer dating options: Due to the previous point, more BM will have criminal records and be unsuitable partners. Also if more White men are converted into misogynist racists then many of them will not be options either. That leaves BW with even fewer potential mates. This may mean that BW have to open up their dating options even more. Lack of diversity initiatives and affirmative action will also impact dating. There will be fewer positive BW role models (e.g., Michelle Obama) to combat stereotypes or emulate in the media. White people may have even less exposure to Black people and this will not reduce fears. I don't know if increased racism will make BM appreciate BW more and actually stop chasing non-Black women. They may choose to continue what SOME do by having multiple women and children but never settling down. There will be even more pressure on BW to have sex in order to keep a man, more unwanted pregnancies, and more single mothers. 
  8. The Black mortality rate will increase: If social programs and Obamacare are eliminated then more Black people will die. Black people have worse health indicators than other groups and get worse care. If social programs and Obamacare are reduced then we will die more from diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and even infant mortality will increase. 

My Advice
: Keep your head down, avoid groups of White males, carry pepper spray, and be wary of White co-workers. You have to be on your best behaviour right now and I know that may not help 100% of the time, but I think this works most of the time. Don't make racial waves right now or they will be quick to ruin your life. Scapegoating will run rampant so protect yourself, document offenses and your contributions, keep your resume updated, and network for opportunities. Do your best work and decent people will recognize that above race. You can no longer assume that people you come across are not racist or that they agree with you about what's right or wrong. Many White people see themselves as victims because their "superiority" is not being rewarded and they think they "deserve" more than you do. Focus on fostering your self-care, physical, and mental health.

Try to create allies if you can because being the lone BW against the White majority will have you at a disadvantage. Vet White allies very well because they can back-stab easily. Convincing people not to be racist can make you appear as the villain if you cause White girl tears. Plus somehow calling people racists may make them more racist! (Article 2). Let other people be the warriors right now. Let the White feminists fight for women's rights (they dropped the ball for Hillary so they need to make up for it) and let Black men fight for racism. Protect yourself because no one else will do it. You need to be sympathetic to people and appear like a victim if you are victimized so people will feel compelled to help you. You be the one who cries and looks vulnerable so people will see your humanity. The strong warrior BLM stance will not work anymore. I don't know if anything will work other than duck and cover right now. Remember you will no longer have a president you supports you, many of his advisers are White supremacists, and the police support Trump. 

Broaden your dating pool and really put an effort into meeting a partner. You will have to work harder than other women. I know that sounds unfair but if you want what you want, sometimes you have to really work for it. So that means many dates (but hold out on sex until you get a commitment), online dating, singles events, and opening yourself up to interracial relationships. The truth is, Hillary won the popular vote by almost 3 million, so that that means that there are non-Black men who did not chose racism and misogyny. Dating White, Hispanic, or Asian come with the risk of racism, but dating Black is not risk free. A financially secure non-Black man may be the best for you. Just get to know the men to make sure they are not racist or dating you as an experiment. 
that's all I can think of for now.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

My Thoughts on the Election of Trump

I didn't write anything about the US election for many reasons. For one, during the week after the election I was feeling so down and I was in shock. I could not believe what was happening. I read so many things and the more I read the more scared I felt. I would feel okay for a while and then suddenly feel fear because I remembered something horrible he said or promised he would do! This is like a nightmare come true and I just can't believe it! I also didn't want to comment because I'm Canadian and sometimes I don't want to get into these things. I had so many things that I wanted to write and I didn't think I had the time or the drive to write it all. So I waited a while to collect my thoughts and figure out what to say.

I have to be honest. After seeing the exit poll results and who voted for whom...I'm actually feeling wary of White people. In previous posts I was feeling fine, and not really thinking much about racism at all! I knew things were not perfect but I thought that things were going in the right direction. But the majority of White people in the US voted for Trump, including White women! White women didn't even pick someone in their own image and chose someone who has no respect for women and actually assaulted some of them!? Black women voted for Hillary in droves, she wasn't even Black, but they knew she was better than Trump! You can see the exit poll results HERE. White voters were from all income brackets, not just those suffering or without jobs or something. Non-White people voted for Hillary even if they didn't like her.

You can not in your right mind trust and especially date one of these people. This sight is so scary to me because they could be anybody. I was never into the frat boy type and these guys are a nightmare! Packs of men just like this are terrorizing POC right now! I just see Nazis in this photo, I can't shake it. Where does this hatred come from?

I hear people going on about the hypocrisy of stereotyping all Trump voters as racists and misogynists because we don't like all Black folks or women to be stereotyped. But this is different! After hearing about Trump's plans to herd up Muslims and Latinos, endorsements from white supremacists, offering nothing to Black people, all the sexual assaults and misogyny, lack of experience, and all the other nonsense he was spewing--you still chose to elect this man??? If you voted for him then you are either racist, misogynist, highly unintelligent, or extremely selfish! You cared more about taxes or jobs than for the safety of fellow citizens! His whole campaign was about dividing everyone by race and you went along with it! The whole world is in shock and every international headline I saw was shocked and disappointed in this election (except India for some reason).

This brings me back to my point about feeling wary about White people. Some of you may have felt this way before the election anyway. I don't really feel this way about people I know, but in small, mostly-White areas of Canada maybe they could be like Trumpers. I mean the UK surprised everyone with Brexit too. White people today are more racist than I thought. All the hate crimes that have been committed after the election are horrifying! Is this really 2016? Hate crimes have happened in Canada too. Read a list of hate crimes HERE if you want to be sad.

Why is it that when a Black or Muslim person commits a crime then the media and everyone starts questioning their communities, upbringing, what their elders teach, who they associate with, their religion, music, their history, and even genetics? Why are these questions not asked when a White person commits a crime, especially all those mass shootings and hate crimes? What is it about the White community, White mothers, White males, and White religions that condone these things? What is it about White culture that convinces them that they are better and more human than everyone else, their needs must to be taken care of before everyone else's, and their lives are more important than everyone else's? What is it in their culture that makes so many so selfish and self-centered, unable to share, need to control and subjugate everyone, and never be satisfied with what they have? Is it schools, reading their history, S & M, videogames, sports, religions that show Jesus and God as White men, Santa Claus...what is it? White people have to be accountable for the Trumpers no matter who they voted for until they stop making Black folks accountable for everything any Black person does! They don't get to be "individuals" this time.

It's just so terrifying that these people were all around, maybe you wouldn't even be able to pick them out. In my opinion, if I were you, I wouldn't trust anyone who voted for that man. I don't care who they are or why they voted as they did. They can not be trusted because they are part of that culture I just alluded to that is based on white supremacy and the belief that their needs come before everyone else's, whether they realize they are racist or misogynist or not. You can't trust someone like that. I didn't say all White people, just the Trumpers. They made their choice and these are the consequences and I don't have to show compassion towards them. I choose to dismiss them and their toxicity.

I hope this was a wake up call to all the Black women who support Feminists. Feminism was created by White women for White women. They excluded Black women from feminism and were racist from the start, including Susan B. Anthony. They did not want any Black people to vote. White women are not your allies, they benefit from white supremacy because they are the daughters, sisters, and wives to the men in the so-called patriarchy. Let them fight their White men on their own while Black women fight our own battles. They don't do anything to help Black women or women of colour yet they expect all of us to fall in line in some sisterly solidarity! Black women fell in line for this election and they bailed! I can think of numerous times Black women have been attacked and White feminists were no where to be seen. It's because they want to see White women on top and don't want to share the pedestal with you! I remember hearing all those Black women bashers talk about White women being innocent victims during slavery because they were oppressed and helpless against the White man. Bull! They liked it because they didn't have to do the work, they benefited off the labor and wealth, and they were held up as better than dark skinned women. They were and are complicit in white supremacy! Feminism is not for you Black girl. Let them do all the feminist work, and if you benefit so be it, but you don't have to thank them for something they didn't want you to have in the first place.

This brings me to my final heavy thoughts about interracial dating. If I was living in the US I would feel very wary about dating White men, and darker skinned men would be a more attractive option for me. If I were you I would never date someone who is a Trump supporter. Just forget that lot because they are forever tainted. The thing that scares me to the core is that many men secretly adore Trump for his misogyny and racism but they kept their voting plans secret! I did not see the full extent of what was happening when I first discovered the Red Pill, PUA, and Men's rights movements years ago, but they have been secretly radicalizing White men into misogynist racists! On their forums they worship Trump as an alpha male because he is a rich White man with a model wife who is much younger and attractive than him. They like Eastern European women because they do not act like liberated American feminist women. They love that he only values women for their looks and gropes them without permission because that is what they endorse and want every man to do! He is their idol! Here are some articles discussing this: Article 1Article 2, Article 3, Article 4.

These forums instructed members to lie to everyone about liking Trump to avoid suspicion and then vote for him! Read about the hidden agenda HERE (MUST READ). No one realized that these men were being radicalized. There are so many of these forums on the Internet that any angry, sexually frustrated, feminist-hating White male could have been exposed to their teachings. It's because of this that you have to be so careful right now! The next White guy you meet could secretly frequent one of these sites, using pick up artist techniques just to get you in bed and throw you away. They may act nice but do subtle things like negging (giving you ambiguous insults so that you feel insecure and then try to please them to make them like you, e.g., "I don't usually like Black girls but you are the exception", or "I like your hair, is it real?"). Read up about these movements if you dare because it seems like Trump was way more appealing to White men than we could have ever imagined. If you hate Trump then make sure you don't associate with men who like him or act like him. Here are some tips for defending yourself from PUAs. In the past I thought PUAs were just awkward guys who wanted some help so that they could socialize better with women. But that innocence has been radicalized. Remember Elliot Roger? He was part of this manosphere and some applauded his mass shooting.

In all due seriousness, I am scared for all of you in the US. I heard a horror story about a Black girl at the gas station being accosted by a group of White men. One had a gun and said he would have killed her had there not been so many people around! Please be aware of your surroundings and now be wary of groups of White men. I am serious, they are acting out like crazy and I don't want any of you hurt. Please be careful! Fortunately you can buy pepper spray on Amazon here for less than $10, just get one that is safe especially if there will be children who can find it. Apparently, since Trump was elected POC have been buying up guns. This is so unbelievably sad. 😟

Related Articles:
My Problem with The White Feminist Reaction to the Presidential Election
Young Women Around the Globe React to Trump's Shock Win
White Women Helped Elect Donald Trump
Why Did College-Educated White Women Vote for Trump?
White women voted for Trump in 2016 because they still believe white men are their saviors
The quiet racism behind the white female Trump voter

Friday, November 11, 2016

10 Lessons Every Elegant Black Woman Must Know: Part 2

This post is a list of 10 lessons that any Black woman can learn in order to become an Elegant Black Woman! Each lesson is comprised of past blog posts that address the subject of each lesson. If you want to learn ideas about how to become more feminine and elegant, just read the posts under each heading. I am working on updating the images and links in these posts so some may not be fully edited. As I write new posts I will also add them to this page. I will make this a stand-alone page on my blog that you can access from the blog header as well (HERE is the page). Happy reading :)


In this introduction you can see all of the conflicted feelings and thoughts I had about becoming an Elegant Black Woman (EBW). You may be experiencing the same conflicts and asking the same questions. I have thought a lot about this journey, why I was doing it, and whether it was a good idea or not. I have received a lot of praise that I appreciate, but also some criticism, and questioning. By looking at the amount of posts on making this change you can see that I have really thought about this and come up with arguments in support of my choice. At this point I am fine with my decision to be an EBW and reading these posts can help you to feel secure in you own decision. Many of these posts are controversial, they are based on opinions that can vary from person to person, and if you agree you may become angry so be warned! Just remember, we are all free to think and feel as we like and you are free to disagree too.

Why Become an Elegant Black Woman?
Is Trying to be Elegant Also Trying to be White?
The F-Word: Who Wants to be a Feminist?
The Feminist Police
The Feminist Law
Do People Really Know Why They Do Things?
Is Gender Socialization Wrong?
Life Choices and The Decision to Change
Are you really that great the way you are?
Becoming Kerry Gabrielle Michelle
The Great Self-Improvement Debate
Contradictions and Dangerous Messages
We Don't Live in Bubbles and Other People Influence Us
Social Comparisons are Torture for the Hopeless
Being a Fake vs. Being Your Best Self
Why do some Black Women Reject Self-Improvement?
Freeing Myself From African American Cultural Limitations
A Black Woman Who Will Not Pathologize Herself

Summary lessons:

These posts provide some quick advice about how to become more feminine and elegant and some basic definitions and instructions.

How Will I learn to Be an Elegant Black Woman?
Advice From Video Bloggers
How Can You Become an Elegant Black Woman?
What is Feminine?

1. How to dress

These posts describe ways that you can feminize your wardrobe without spending too much money. They provide many examples for feminine clothing and styles.

DIY and Inexpensive Ways to Feminize Your Wardrobe
Pin Up Girl Style for Black Women
Ways to Look Cute and Feminine
Why I Gave Up Wearing the Pants--Literally!
Showing too Much Cleavage
My Current Wardrobe
Dita von Tesse Burlesque Style
Clothing Men Prefer on Women
Thank Goodness for Lingerie!
What Kind of People Thrift Shop?

2. How to wear your makeup

Read these posts to learn how to wear your make-up in a natural and feminine way to enhance the feminine beauty you already have.

Cute Make-up and Hairstyles
Have Realistic Expectations for Yourself: Nobody is Perfect :)
We Can Look Just as Desirable as Anyone Else
My New Makeup Icon is Kelly Rowland
Is There a Black Standard of Beauty?

3. How to wear your hair

Should Black Women Wear Their Natural Hair?
Touching Black Women's Hair

4. How to smile

Smiling More Often Can Improve Your Life
The Risk of Smiling Too Much

5. How to speak

These posts are about how to speak in a feminine and respectful manner and also how to describe yourself to others so that you are respected and valued.

An Elegant Black Woman Speaks Well and Defies the Stereotypes
EBWs Must Change the Words they use to Define Themselves
Black Women Must Advertise Their Unique Feminine Features
Feminism, Egalitarianism, and Humanitarianism

6. How to sit, stand, and walk

Instantly Improve your Posture and Appearance

7. How to interact with others

These posts are about manners, how to speak in a positive manner, and how to relate to others in ways that will benefit you and minimize conflict.

Free Online Manners and Etiquette Tutorials!
New Etiquette and Instructional Videos
Assertiveness Training Will Save Black Women!!!
Are Controlling Black Men Responsible for the "Angry Black Woman" Stereotype?
An EBW does not "Keep it Real"
Victim Mentality may be Limiting Your Potential
Should Women Act Like Men to Get Ahead?
EBWs Need People Skills
Watch Out for First World Problems

8. How to spend your free time

Read these posts to learn about feminine hobbies and pass-times that will help you to feel more feminine and value traditionally feminine activities. These activities are actually useful.

Should an Elegant Black Woman be Able to Cook?
Learning the Art of Cooking
This EBW is Learning How to Sew
Feminine Dances I Want to Learn
Bellydance for Femininity, Weight Loss, and Fitness
Will Looking at Images of Fit Women Help Black Women to Lose Weight?

9. How to date

These posts are all about interacting with men, sex, dating, and getting married. These posts are probably controversial. 

Letting a Man be a Man
Why are Black Women Frustrated with Men?
Many Black Women are Too Submissive
Does Your Man's Money Matter?
Alpha and Beta Males and Females
Some Black Women Are Labeling Themselves "Handicapped"
A Pro Man Woman
Why Do I Care So Much About Attracting a Man?
Are Women in Competition?
Auditioning for the Role of Wife or Girlfriend
Volume Dating Versus Serial Dating
The Irresponsibility of Women Who Support Promiscuity
I Think Promiscuous Men are Gross Too
My Sex Life is None of Your Business!!! Or is it?
What Do Men Look for in Girlfriends & Wives?
Hypergamy and Black Women Marrying Up

10. How to be be virtuous

These posts are about expressing positive and feminine virtues, character traits, and personality traits. These things are the hardest to change because they will involve changing behavioural habits that you have had for a long time. Making these changes may require self-help or even psychotherapy in some cases. Changing your character is controversial because many will see this as changing who you are, which is much more of a commitment and more work than just changing the way you look. Keep in mind though that these traits are all positive and are suggested to make you happy and help you to get along with others. If you read the introduction above you will feel better about making these changes. These changes are key to being the most feminine woman you can be.

What Ever Happened to Character Building?
Does Your Success Say Something About Your Character?
10 Essential Habits of Positive People
Empathy, Kindness, Hostility, and Being Strong
Should an Elegant Black Woman be a Pleaser or a Giver?
Giving Only Because of Love
Why Many Black Women are Succeeding
Becoming an Elegant Black Woman is Very Ambitious!
Be a Survivor not a Victim
Self-Help Articles for Black Women
Is all this Venting Helpful?
Being Quiet does not Equal Being Weak
Being Soft is Pretty Sweet :)
Respectability Politics
Being Prejudiced and Hostile Hurts You The Most

Fun lessons and cultural studies:

These posts are fun and interesting and helped me to see the positives in traditional feminine roles and how femininity is expressed in other cultures. 

Lessons We Can Learn from Secretaries
Lessons We Can Learn From Beauty Queens
Lessons  we can Learn from Cheerleaders
Tribute to Black Beauty Queens
The Elegance of Claire Huxtable
Retro Femininity: Motown Singing Groups
Tribute to EBW Thandie Newton
Lessons We Can Learn From The Stepford Wives (2004)
Remember when Being Feminine and Girly was a Black Thing?

Japanese Kawaii Girls are Experts on Cuteness!
Lesson in Extreme Ultra Femininity
Indian and Middle Eastern Women are Experts on Eyeliner!
Elegant African Women
Lessons We can Learn From Brazilian Women
Lessons We Can Learn From Geisha
Imagine if Black Women Wore Sarees!!!

P.S. Some of you may be asking for a summary with updates of each lesson...they are coming :)

P.P.S: You may be wondering why I haven't written about the US election. Well I would be writing for days if I did and it has just been getting me too upset and distracted from my work. The more I read the more scared I become. I hope that everything will be okay but know that I think this is awful and horrible. I just can't believe it!

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Women’s Style Rules: 1950s Vs. Present

This is so funny! Buzzfeed posted the video below in order to ridicule 1950's style rules, but I agree with most (not all) of what the video says! Maybe its because I'm in my 30's, but none of the styles the models wore were appealing to me at all. It is what it is, but I thought the tips were actually pretty good! The models are not wearing outfits that would be acceptable at many jobs and schools (of course universities are more liberal). The 1950's woman was over the top but I think she would definitely get respect (you should read the YouTube comments).

Miss Vintage 2014: Dress Like A Lady To Be Treated Like A Lady: In this video I love her cardigans! It may be too costume-like to wear so much 50's style at once but individual pieces are great. I prefer the cuts of 1950's and 60's clothes, they seemed to emphasize your good parts and minimize your flaws plus the material was so sturdy compared to the flimsy fabrics today. Also, unlike in the video, I like my skirts around knee length and I like the pinup model look with pencil skirts.

Vintage Style - Outfit Tips for Beginners (If you go overboard then you could be ridiculed...but it has never happened to me. I also don't bother with pantyhose but I wear tights or leggings in the winter. I like red nails but I don't like the way red lipstick looks on me.)

In future posts when I make fashion suggestions they will be based on a "vintage feminine" style that is classic and mixable with modern items. I focus on style instead of fashion because fashion is trendy and changes from season to season.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

12 Things Every Elegant Black Woman Must Know

In upcoming blog posts I am going to review the things that I have learned about being an Elegant Black Woman (EBW) and how you can become an EBW too. This is what this blog was originally all about--my journey towards achieving my goal of becoming a high-quality woman, despite my upbringing or lineage, so that I can attract good, successful men of any race (you can read, It's Time for The New Elegant Black Woman, my original post that explains why I started this blog). I have learned so much over the years and I have changed so much. I am treated better than I was in the past so I think that this endeavor has been a success!

The last step I have to achieve is settling down and starting a family but I am hopeful that this is just around the corner. Education and starting a career interfered with my romantic opportunities unfortunately so I was not able to "have it all" while trying to become an educated career woman (sigh). But now is the time for me to date and find someone to settle down with, who is grown up enough to want the same thing.

In reviewing my old blog posts I think that I can summarize what I have learned into 10 lessons that every BW must learn in order to become an EBW (I narrowed things down from 12):
  1. How to dress
  2. How to wear your makeup
  3. How to wear your hair
  4. How to smile
  5. How to speak
  6. How to sit, stand, and walk
  7. How to interact with others
  8. How to spend your free time
  9. How to date
  10. How to be virtuous

***UPDATE November 11, 2016. Visit this PAGE to view the l0 lessons.***

Some might complain and ask why are all of the appearance lessons listed first? I did this because when you are trying to make changes in your life, it is better to start with small easy steps. That way you can start with some early successes that can boost your spirit and give you the momentum you need to complete more difficult tasks. It is much easier to change the way you look than it is to change the way you feel and the virtues you embody. You could shop for a day or two and totally change the way you look. People are also likely to treat you differently based on your feminine appearance so you can benefit from the positive treatment right away. First impressions matter, and we all know as BW that we are often stereotyped based on first impressions, just because we are Black. Also, when a change is new, the reasons for some things may be complicated or difficult to understand. Changing your look to appear more stereotypically feminine, so that people assume you are feminine, is not complicated to understand.

On the other hand, people may not notice your personality or behaviour change right away so you could feel disappointed by that. Lessons 11 and 12 will take much more time to learn and practice. People are accustomed to women changing the way they look, but they are less used to women totally changing how they act, speak, and respond to things. It is in this area where many modern women will object, often due to feminism (let's be real, they would object to the other lessons as well). Also, unfortunately many people associate being well mannered, soft, and virtuous with being White and some may actually oppose these changes for BW. They will exclaim "just be yourself and do what's natural". The problem is that being ourselves and being natural has not been helping many of us, and while feminine behaviour is rarely questioned in other women, it is both expected and discouraged for BW at the same time! When we don't act feminine we are compared to non-Black women and told we are inferior, but when we act feminine we are accused of being self-hating and trying to be something we are not! My choice is to be feminine and ignore that haters because being feminine leads to better treatment by people who matter in my life. 

Furthermore, what is natural? Most of us learn how to act by observing others starting with our parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, and eventually people in the media. A child will observe these people and will often act in the same way. But what if a Black girl's role models are all highly masculine acting, aggressive, angry, depressed, uneducated, or poorly mannered? Then that girl may act the same way! Due to this negative influence, many BW will have to re-learn how to be feminine and undo the unhelpful behaviours they learned in the past. Self-improvement and remedial learning is necessary for anyone who didn't get the best training when they were younger. There is nothing wrong with self-improvement and striving to improve your life because nobody is perfect!. By leaning these 12 lessons you will feel better about yourself and other people will feel better about you! Stay tuned :)

Friday, October 28, 2016

The Importance of Elegant Black Women Images

After I removed the images from my blog I started searching royalty-free stock images of elegant Black women (EBWs). The search was hard! There are some free stock-photo sites, many of the images were not good, and most were of White women. This is because the sites are probably White owned, the photographers are mostly White, and the models are mostly White. It is what it is (sigh). Photographers and models should be paid for their work and I don't want to take advantage of them. But while looking for images I felt so left out and kept asking myself 'why aren't there more images for us'?

It is so important that Black women and girls can see images of themselves that defy racial stereotypes so that they feel free to break those stereotypes. It really is mind control! We are not all blessed with imagination, and many of us don't question why we act a certain way, or if we could be different. Sometimes just the suggestion of a different path can inspire a flurry of ideas and possibilities for someone. This is especially important for BW because, due to our history, we have been bombarded with pessimism, criticism, and legalized restrictions on what we could and could not do. Showing non-stereotypical possibilities opens minds and could lead BW and girls to defy the stereotypes. Just think back to your childhood. Do you remember ever thinking that you could not be successful, beautiful, cherished, adored, or admired because you rarely saw BW portrayed with these qualities? Only seeing White women with these traits has an impact.

So what can we do to change this? We have to seek out positive representations and support them, including support with our dollars. Selling, publishing, and buying now is easier than ever! We can produce images to show the world how we want to be represented. There are already creative people making Black dolls with Afrocentric features and natural hair, there are now many BW on TV and in movies too. I have seen some people self-publishing books and selling them, including children's books. These items can be advertised on blogs and by using social media. They can be sold using online marketplaces like Amazon, Etsy, and many others.

Well, in the process of finding images I came across some avatar makers! Some of them are actually girls games (like paper dolls) but you dress up your "doll" online and then download the images! It was quite fun and I must have made 20 images lol! Now this may seem childish, but think about all of the logos, product covers, clothing, commercials, and art that have graphic images of non-Black people on them. These were created by adult graphic designers who make a living designing these things. I'm no graphic designer, but I think I can make some simple things to decorate my blog or post for other's use. I plan to use these avatar makers when I do posts about feminine clothing as well as using Polyvore (Polyvore allows you to create fashion collages and you can post the widget on your blog. The items in the widget will show the price and brand and link to where you can purchase the product. As far as I know it's legal). Simple things like making your own decorations, book covers, wall decorations, etc. can help you to surround yourself with EBW images rather than images of other women. I'm going to find out about some of these options and share them with you as I go along. There is no reason why BW need to beg big companies to make these things for us when we can make or find them ourselves and sell to others. What we make will probably be more affordable and more to our liking anyway.

P.S. I also learned something fantastic that may be useful to bloggers. You can now use many of the images from Getty Images for free on your blog if you use their posting widget to give credit and link to their site! So I will be able to post images of EBWs all over this blog and it will be legal! Also to see a large collection of EBW images be sure to visit my Tumblr site because it's amazing!

Avatar Makers (pretty fun!): The first thing you should do with any of the games is check if they have brown skin and the hair options you want because many don't have brown skin tones.Take a look at the FAQ pages because it may be possible to use the image you create commercially if you give credit to the artist.

Stock Photos:

DIY Fashion Collages:

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Hi Ladies! Here I am back again after almost a year of no blogging. I have decided to start up this blog again so that I can continue to document my Elegant Black Woman journey because it is not yet complete. So why even start this up again? Well with the US election coming up, soon Michelle Obama will no longer be in the public view. She has been a big role model for me on my EBW journey. There is also a lot of racial strife in the US right now and it makes me wonder what impact that will have on the perception of BW in general. Today we are being represented much more on television and wearing natural hair is no longer abnormal. So with all of these changes I wondered if my opinions have changed and if I have kept up with my EBW ideals.

I started this blog in 2011 when I was still in school, unemployed, and with limited funds. It's not as though I have tons of free time or cash now, but it's good to have a hobby to keep oneself occupied. To tell the truth, when I started thinking about this again I was so excited! I plan to revisit my old blog posts and do updates and make a bunch of tips that can be used to become an EBW. I would also like to try using new social media, graphic design, and monetization ideas I have been learning. This blog has just been sitting here for ages so maybe it can become a source of passive income for me. I'm being upfront and honest about this part and I think that BW could all benefit from using some of these ideas. I could even post the tips, videos, and articles I have been using and maybe it will inspire you too! This is a niche blog that only appeals to certain women, but a niche can be a good thing. Everyone has opinions so why not share mine on this blog? There is so much I have to do! I have to add images, update my links, open social media accounts, and check out whether there are any other Black femininity blogs around.

You may notice that most of my images have been removed because I don't want to risk infringing on copyrights and I may as well monetize the site since I put so much work into it! So I'm going to sign up for Adsense. I will also sign up to be an Amazon affiliate because that way I can post images of items I am talking about, including movie posters. I am in the process of collecting free clip art and I am looking around for inexpensive clip art and stock photos that I can use on the site. One thing I want to mention is that since I started looking for free photos and images it has become really clear that there are not many for Black women at all! Over the years I have gotten so many comments complaining that the women in the images I used were too light or that I should have more images. I should not have posted those images at all because they did not belong to me! I miss them because they were amazing and they are still on my Tumblr site though if you want to see them.

Well, that was my first post of 2016! Welcome or welcome back if anyone is out there watching!
P.S. I have also turned the comments back on. I had to turn them off because of annoying spammers.