Thursday, September 20, 2012

Be a Survivor not a Victim

Definition of a survivor (to survive):

1. To remain alive or in existence.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: families that were surviving in tents after the flood.
3. To remain functional or usable: I dropped the radio, but it survived.

1. To live longer than; outlive: She survived her husband by five years.
2. To live, persist, or remain usable through: plants that can survive frosts; a clock that survived a fall.
3. To cope with (a trauma or setback); persevere after: survived child abuse.

Definition of a victim:

1. One who is harmed or killed by another: a victim of a mugging.
2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite.
3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.
4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the victim of a cruel hoax.

You can choose to be a survivor or a victim. There is a choice. After a while people become tired of victims and expect them to regain power over their lives instead of asking others for help. Most strangers do now want to save you because that would take them away from the things they want to do. They also get tired of the complaints of people who are constantly victims. They get tired because the victims keep doing things that seem unwise to observers. The observers give them advice about how to avoid problems and ways to protect themselves but the victims refuse to listen. They insist that others must change first. Eventually the observers may stop listening to the victims and see them as a lost cause. The initial help and concern one receives for being a victim disappear after a while because people expect you to move on and stop being a victim after a while. They get tired of the same old story especially when they have had their own victimization to deal with and recover from.

On the other hand a survivor only stays a victim for a while and then takes control of their life and learns to survive. Everyone loves survivor stories because they show that even after terrible things happen, people can still find happiness and get back on track with productive lives. They are stories of people who were resilient,  made use of available resources, forgave themselves for mistakes, stopped waiting to be saved, and started working to make their lives better. They are inspiring and show people that others have had it way worse than them and still overcame (so their problems seem minor in comparison). Victims are unable to do this or can not recognize when they are doing this because they remain focused on the past and making the same mistakes. This is why having a victim mentality is dangerous and it is better to have a survivor mentality. Watch out for reading or listening to too many victimization stories, complaints, or rants because they may bring down your mood, make you think life is terrible and hopeless, or make you feel like a victim too.

If you still don't understand the difference between victim and survivor I'm sorry but I can not help you. If you choose to live your entire life as a victim, as I said above, not everyone is going to listen or be concerned especially if you do not take their advice about how to solve your problems. I've posted some articles below but maybe you can find more on your own. Stop bothering me and go bother one of the authors below.

Related Articles:
Survivor vs.Victim: "Being a survivor doesn’t mean you are any less entitled to emotional and physical care. Being a survivor simply means that you are not letting yourself or your life be defined by your assault. Identifying as a survivor is a major step in the healing process."
From victim to survivor to thriver (excellent MUST READ)
How to survive a personal crisis
How to be a survivor
For a nation of whiners, therapists try tough love
How to develop survivor resiliency

Similar opinions:
Victim mentality 1 (Excellent)
Victim mentality 2 (very good) "The problem with victim mentality is that it is very often rooted in a real situation where you were slammed by unfortunate circumstances, or you were done wrong by another. But that time is long since dead and gone; yet you have chosen to respond to all obstacles in your path or all misunderstandings or disagreements between you and another in the context of that dead and gone time. Thus, you have become delusional."
Victim mentality 3 (from a psychiatrist no less) "Interacting with this type of person can cause you to be irritated or drained, and will make you want to avoid them"'re telling me....
Victim mentality 4


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. You see Anonymous, you are all about wanting to discuss with me but I have no desire to discuss with you. Your needs are not more important than mine and I am not obliged to give you what you want. Go whine to someone else who cares.