Thursday, July 12, 2012

Becoming an Elegant Black Woman is Very Ambitious!

What does it mean to be ambitious?
1. Having or showing a strong desire and determination to succeed- his mother was hard-working and ambitious for her four children
 2. (of a plan or piece of work) Intended to satisfy high aspirations and therefore difficult to achieve- the scope of the book is very ambitious- an ambitious enterprise 
(Ambitiousness) Ambition is the desire for personal achievement. It provides the motivation and determination necessary to help give direction to life. Ambitious people seek to be the best at what they choose to do for attainment, power, or superiority. ...(source)
Everyone has certain ambitions and things they want to do in life. But not everyone is "ambitious". Some people are fine with their lot in life, accept things as they are, and feel that they deserve the life they currently have. Others are ambitious and strive for high personal achievement and to be the best they can be in all aspects of life. I have come to realize that I am very ambitious! This comes as somewhat of a surprise to me because I thought it was just normal to strive to be the best and most people would do so if they could (e.g., if they were not bogged down with so may problems or barriers). 

I think that wanting to become an EBW is very ambitious because as you can read in the header above, I want to improve myself so that I become a better woman of the highest quality, despite my upbringing or lineage, so that I can attract good, successful men of any race. An ambitious woman does not just "settle" for what comes her way or what people think she deserves. She works hard to achieve what she wants and to change her situation into one she desires. 

I think my ambitiousness was definitely due to my upbringing (thanks Mom and Dad). My parents always expected an A (80% or higher) on my school work and they enrolled me into a school program with high achieving students who had high GPAs when compared to other students. I worked hard because I valued education, I thought high grades were supposed to be everyone's goal, and I didn't want to be the one who didn't achieve that goal. I also believed it was the norm for people to go to university if they wanted a good life and I always thought that the only acceptable occupations for me would be a doctor, dentist, or lawyer (why not strive for the best right?). So I went to school and obtained my advanced degree. I wanted to be highly intelligent, knowledgeable, competent, professional and well respected in society.

In terms of my personal characteristics, I am ambitious because I strive to have good manners, good health, a healthy weight, an attractive body, an attractive face, beautiful hair, and an attractive wardrobe. I work to be achieve these things because they are desirable traits to me an others. I also want to achieve the relationship I want, with a man I am physically, emotionally, and mentally attracted to, who has the same attraction to me, who I get along with, has similar values, and is just as ambitious as I am. Then we can strive to achieve our "dream life" of a house, his and her cars, a picket fence (actually I prefer hedges), two kids, a dog (preferably a cat), vacations, security, and a happily ever after. Actually almost all of my self-improvement goals were for this purpose, to have this happy life of love, family, security (including financial), and happiness.

So in terms of my education and career I am on the right track and my work is paying off. However in terms of my dream life things were not going as planned. I wasn't happy with my appearance, I was single, and I was not attracting the men I wanted. So being the ambitious person that I am, I decided to do something about it!  We all know that most men like attractive women so I improved my attractiveness. I also learned that many men prefer feminine women so I learned about femininity (I'm still learning) and allowed myself to be more feminine. I sought out many ways to do so including: reading about feminine fashion, looking at clothing online, and buying a new wardrobe; reading about feminine traits, allowing myself to show them, and reducing my masculine traits; and reading about relationships, going out out on dates, and trying the new things I have learned. A lot of what I've read and heard about feminism doesn't fit with this behaviour so I had to stop blindly following feminist ideas and I have allowed myself to be critical and only accept what doesn't harm my interests. The funny thing is, being ambitious is often listed as a masculine trait! So there's some equality for you :)

Showing too many masculine traits, suppressing my femininity, and just going with the flow in my social life was not achieving my goals and I was not going to accept that. As an ambitious person I used my resources to change my odds so that I would be more likely to achieve my dream life goal. This is ambitious and goes against what many others believe. I do not believe great things will "just happen" if I am patient, hope, wish, or pray. I try to make things happen. I believe that people are constantly changing and that my personal habits are not "the real me" so I have no issues with changing some personal habits in order to achieve my goals. People change their make up and wardrobes constantly so I see no problem with changing my make-up and clothing to appear more feminine (it's not like I'm getting plastic surgery, degrading myself in trashy clothes, putting up with mistreatment, or sleeping around to win men so I am not harming myself). Also since many of us have masculine and feminine traits I see noting wrong with choosing at this point to express my femininity over my masculinity since I didn't really like the masculine side anyway. I feel happier being feminine and expressing those traits rather than feeling pressure to be strong, aggressive, and independent all the time. There are many women like myself who were unhappy with their lives and decided to change their circumstances. They want better and I have no doubt that many of the women we admire are ambitious. The only reason we know about them is because they were ambitious enough to stand out above the rest!

So are you ambitious enough to change your life, not care what others say, resist the pressure to settle for less, and strive to achieve you dream life?

Related Articles:
Ambition: Why some people are most likely to succeed (very informative!)


  1. 80% or higher? Either the grading system in Canada is very different or my school and upbringing were strict! In the United States 80% is a C which is mediocre, B is Good and A is excellent and at my high school, a B (86%-93%) was considered to be mediocre (because everyone was supposed to be "good" so being "good" wasn't special) and the students who had B's went to the worst universities of the graduating class... if you wanted to go to Harvard, Princeton, or Yale you had to have high A's... in the U.S. 80% is for those who have no ambition and are fine with being mediocre students. If you're ambitious and won't settle for a mediocre university, then you'd have to do a whole lot better than that...

  2. Hi Lea :)

    The grading system is different then. At the schools I went to 49 or less = F, 50-59 = D, 60-69 = C, 70-79 = B, and 80 and above = A. It was rare to get above 95% on anything so I don't think the schools gave out good grades easily.

    Perhaps a paper rated 95% in the U.S. would only be 80% here.

  3. Apparently letter grades can vary greatly from place to place, even within Canada according to Wikipedia

  4. The grading system varied very much, then. At my old school anything below 75 was failing. But it varies very much from school to school. Public schools in the U.S. have the same system within the same district but each private school gets to pick their own system. It shouldn't be a challenge to fail!

  5. How hard it is to get certain grades varies from school to school. If you went to an exclusive prep school or boarding school on the East Coast, then anything over an 85% would be very very challenging to get but because you went to an exclusive school, despite how challenging it may be, you were still expected to perform at a high standard. As challenging as anything greater than 85% may be, you were still expected to get more than a 90% because you weren't accepted into those schools for being mediocre.

    I think I like the Canadian system, though. It seems much more generous because the failing grade is so low. It gives students more a of a chance to develop themselves academically in ways not related to a GPA. :)

  6. Hey, question!
    Are you on the route to becoming a doctor? I'm on that pathway and it would be nice to have another person to talk to that has already gone through the same situation.

  7. Hi Kasey,

    I've finished my degree but it's not in medicine. I don't talk about my field on the blog because I want to stay anonymous. I wouldn't want an employer to hold my uncommon opinions against me :)