Friday, November 25, 2011

Many Black Women are Too Submissive

Yes, you read the title correctly, I think that many Black women are too submissive! defines submission as:
  1. inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
  2. marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.
Many of you reading this know Black women who don't seem submissive according to this definition. These are the strong, independent Black women who say they can do everything themselves and don't need a man or anyone else. These women are self-sufficient no matter how much money they make or how educated they are. They run their households and will not allow themselves to be disrespected. I agree, on the surface many of these women do not seem submissive. But take a look at the definition of submissive behaviour by

submissive (or passive) behavior means shying away from saying what you really mean and not seeking to achieve your needs, particularly when someone else has conflicting needs. A submissive person is a shrinking violet, avoiding upsetting others either because they fear them or they fear to hurt their feelings.
When things go wrong, the submissive person is likely to assume that they are to blame in some way, and accept culpability when singled out by other people.

According to that definition, many Black women are actually too submissive when it comes to having sex and babies with Black men! Think about all those Black women out there who are sweet talked by men who they suspect are no good and end up sleeping with them. Men will tell women they don't need labels on their relationship, polygamy is the African way and it's natural, let's have a baby without getting married, sex is no big deal, I don't see my children because their mother is crazy etc., and women STILL sleep with them! If a Black man says "jump" they refuse, unless they are told "jump into my bed" and then they quickly obey! Given the out of wedlock birth rate for Black women being the highest in North America, Black women are actually the most submissive women! These women are too submissive because they are giving into men who have conflicting needs. A man who's statements and behaviour is telling you he will never commit to you or your children has conflicting needs and your having sex with him will not change that. You are behaving too submissively when you put your needs aside because the man wants you for the moment! Men don't do things that do not benefit them so why are you?

I hear you saying, many women, of many ethinicities are submissive and give in to men pressuring them for sex. But Black women do it more often with men who are no good! Other women act submissively by letting the men be men, cooking, cleaning and other almost trivial ways, but they are less submissive when it comes to having sex! They hold out and refuse to have children without marriage! Some women will submit to sex but only when the man actually has something to offer them other than the promise of love. These men have resources and from their behaviour, there is actually A CHANCE that they will commit. They are not submitting to a man who has never achieved anything in his life with the hope that one day, with your love, he will pull himself together and change. These women try to get more than love which would be consistent with their needs! They hold out and refuse to have children without marriage!

Some Black women are also too submissive when it comes to the Black community. These women will actually date, sleep, and have children with men who have nothing to offer because the Black community pressures them to do so! They are told to forget about getting a successful Black man, just go for any Black man who could possibly love you and help him to succeed. Don't go for a successful man of another ethnicity because then you will be abandoning Black men and you owe them. Black men are struggling, so lower your standards and don't expect them to have an education, or a job. It's okay if he has children with other women , if he cheats on you, or if he's a criminal. 

Take a look at yourself and if you believe it is your duty to give any Black man a chance, even if he has nothing to offer but the promise of love (you might not even get that) then you are being too submissive! Do you think women of other ethnicities fall for that pressure? No! They are strong and don't even bother with men who have nothing, and they will date outside their ethnicity if that man is successful and treats them well! Yes, when Black women do the same thing they are called goldiggers, but other women are mostly exempt from that label because men and women understand that this mindset is in their best interest! No one would expect them to do anything that is against their best interests! But that is exactly what men are telling Black women to accept!  They are pressuring us to be submissive to no good men, just because they are Black! Think about it, what's worse, cooking dinner for man you have known for two weeks because he asks or having sex with a man you have known for two weeks because he asks? Which is more submissive? Which could have the more serious consequences?

So what do you think? I think some Black women are the most submissive women when it comes to having sex, making babies, and having relationships; these are three serious choices that can have lifelong consequences. Instead of this being recognized as a type of submission we are blamed for not closing our legs and going for thugs (no blame placed on the domineering men). We have to change the way we are submissive! Other women may be submissive when it comes to doing minor things their men want, domestic duties, and trivial behaviours (e.g., letting the man make dinner plans, having the last say on unimportant things etc.) but when it comes to having sex, babies, and relationships these women are DOMINANT and they SAY NO! Only be submissive if it's in your best interest!

Why Weak Men Want Submissive Women (excellent article!)
Women of Color Undervalued and Stereotyped

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