Saturday, March 24, 2012

Alpha and Beta Males and Females

This post may offend some people but as usual, it is a way for me to understand my own thoughts and behaviour. I will be using MANY overgeneralizations in this post for the sake of clarity but of course there will be a lot of variance in what people find attractive and there are exceptions to the rules. These are also my personal opinions so please keep this all in mind as you read. Here is a good description of alpha and beta males: ARTICLE.

An alpha male is very desirable to (some) women and research indicates this is especially true when women are most fertile each month. These men tend to be leaders, very masculine, healthy, and athletic. They are the most physically attractive and possess dominant/aggressive traits. Scientists surmise that these men are attractive because they are more likely to produce physically healthy offspring and they were best able to protect and provide for their women and offspring since prehistoric times. However, these males are less likely to be monogamous and their aggression may be turned on females and others. Athletes, businessmen, thugs, and violent criminals sometimes have these qualities. Most people don't consider these men to be the "nice guys" or underdogs but I suppose they can be nice (I'm not sure I've ever met one who was lol!). Alpha males know they are attractive to women and are often successful so sometimes they act like jerks because they can get away with it and everyone is afraid to stop them. They may refrain from any domestic duties that are not stereotypically male including spending time with their children. These are the men who feel entitled to cheat, treat women like pieces of meat, say they will never settle down, and abandon their children. I don't think they make good husbands/boyfriends but women may regard them as trophies or meal tickets.

Beta males have these qualities to a lesser degree, they tend to be followers, and they may have more boyish and nurturing traits. Beta males tend to be preferred when women are not fertile during the month and they are seen as very desirable husbands/boyfriends. This is because they are not as aggressive or dominant as alpha males so they can be nurturing to their women and offspring. These men are not ashamed to help with child care or housework. Beta males are cute, nice guys, or lovable nerds who I call "boyfriendy". They want to do the right thing more than winning. They want to play a large role in their children's lives.

Are there alpha and beta females? I think there are and they are almost the opposites of the alpha and beta males! An alpha female is extremely attractive to all males and has stereotypically feminine physical qualities.  She is the most pretty/beautiful, the least masculine, and she is soft, nurturing, and girlish. Scientists reason that these women are attractive because they appear to be healthy, fertile, and likely to have qualities that would make them good mothers. Many of the "dream girls" I have written about on this blog, such as Pin up girls, beauty queens, geishas, manic pixie dream girls, trophy wives, and Stepford wives are alpha females! Men want to snatch up these women and may insist that they are chaste. These women are "wife/girlfriend material" but of course some men will just use them for sex as usual. They have an innocent sensuality but they are not overtly sexual. The problem with some alpha females is that they are so desirable they may be enticed away by another man, they may look but not act like alpha females (e.g., beautiful but catty and shallow), or they may be totally dependent on men with no aspirations of their own (because being an alpha female has little to do with personal success). Some men, like beta males, may be better off not pursuing them because they are not on the same level.

Beta females have these qualities to a lesser degree. They are less attractive and have more masculine physical and personality traits. There are only certain men who find them attractive (but there usually is someone). They are not stereotypical females and men may think they don't even date men. They may be promiscuous possibly because they are not seen as the ideal wife/girlfriend material (because they do not have the dreamgirl qualities) so they may be used for sex more often. But they may also make great girlfriends/wives because they are less sought after by other men and more likely to be monogamous, they may have similar interests as the man (e.g., tomboys), and they may have lower standards for men so they will accept someone who isn't the most desirable. These women are way more attainable than alpha females and they need love too.

I think that feminism has promoted the transformation of many women into beta females and shamed alpha females or those who want to be alpha females! Feminists have shamed women for trying to look beautiful, wanting to be wives/girlfriends, trying to stay young, and for feeling fulfilled with nurturing domestic and caregiving roles. In contrast, feminists applaud the choices of beta females and hold them up as ideals. They encourage the pursuit of male activities and careers over traditionally feminine ones, looking and dressing more like males, and adopting stereotypically male behaviours (e.g., swearing, drinking, and being argumentative, aggressive, strong, and promiscuous). They use the faulty logic that rejecting femininity is a way to fight patriarchy and male dominance but if your choices in life are based on not doing what men find attractive you are still letting them control you! If you copy what men do you are affirming that they are superior! This has been a disservice to women! Many women are now realizing this and rejecting pressure to be beta females. I also place blame on rap music for encouraging Black women to be hard and promiscuous and to only seek out alpha males who do not want to have relationships with them. They also influenced women to dress in masculine hip hop clothing and sports gear as in the photo below. Lastly, I blame the burden of growing up in dangerous, high stress situations that force girls to act like women too soon and force them to act like men in order to protect themselves. Any woman who did not grow up under such conditions does not have this as an excuse and there is no reason for them to be hard.

Furthermore, it is 2012 and the traditional characteristics of alpha males and females have changed. It is more accepted for all men to be nice guys and nerds, share some domestic duties, and spend more time caring for children. In fact, being an alpha male has less to do with being tall, having muscles, and being a physical protector because having intelligence and money can provide protection (e.g., enough finances to live in a safe neighbourhood or to pay for martial arts classes, a security system, or a gun). It is also acceptable for women to work (even in traditionally male occupations), be highly intelligent, pay for someone to help with domestic/childcare duties, and to not base her whole life on pleasing men. I think that I was a beta female for years but this EBW journey has helped me to become an alpha female! The journey has helped me to bring out my feminine side and put aside hostility, anger, and moodiness. It has helped me to change my appearance to look more feminine. I am nurturing my soft, girly, sensitive side instead of being edgy, having an attitude, or being hard. I am eliminating negative things from my life and focusing on the positive and pleasurable things. I think I have always preferred "boyfriendy" beta males. Although I do find alpha males to be physically attractive I just don't want to have relationships with them because they don't tend to be nice guys in my opinion. They don't want to be monogamous or get married.

It's interesting that I am reading online about beta males having INTENSE and DISTURBING anger towards women for ignoring them in school and preferring alpha males (read any Men's Rights Movement website if you want to be terrified...maybe you shouldn't actually). They complain that these women dated and had casual sex with alpha males when they were younger and ignored and insulted beta males. Now that the women are older and want to settle down they are seeking the beta males that they once ignored. I think  these men just have to accept that alpha males are more physically attractive and pursue women more and that is why they dated more as youths. From experience women learned that these men were not boyfriend/husband material and they preferred the personality and behaviour of beta males and therefore seek them out for marriage. They have to remember that there were plenty of beta females who these beta males ignored too while they were pining after the alpha females! I was ignored and teased the same way they were. But unlike them, I don't blame the boys/men for not liking me and I just accept that they thought other girls/women were more attractive. I do not believe they were inherently evil creatures trying to destroy all of womankind! These downtrodden men are making themselves even less attractive to women because of this hostility and bitterness. The best way to deal with this is for these men to work on themselves to build their self-confidence. They may have to be more accepting of beta females too because there is no point chasing someone who continually rejects you. None of us are entitled to anyone else and holding onto this bitterness is probably hurting you and preventing you from having a good relationship.


  1. How is putting off blogging for a week working for you? ;)

    Great post! I've had a different experience than you have but I as always I enjoy hearing your opinion and your view. :)

  2. I know I am addicted! I have at least 6 blog drafts that I am itching to finish!

  3. Haha that's how I feel! I'm not really addicted to the process itself as much as that great feeling of satisfaction when you click "Publish" and you see a shiny new post at the top! :)