For others (who really aren't doing badly) it's merely seeing what others have and wanting it for themselves. This involves comparing one's own state to that of others--social comparison. There are plenty of articles and advice about not comparing oneself to others but this is meant to help people to not feel bad about themselves. They advise to not compete or pay attention to others because you may feel bad and fail to ever achieve what the others have (social comparison can lead to negative envy if one is not careful). You will hear things like "money doesn't buy happiness" when money pays for food, shelter, clothing, education, and health care. Or "the grass always looks greener on the other side" while there are statistics and everyday examples of people living better or worse lives than others. Or "never change yourself to meet someone else's expectations" and "you are good enough just the way you are" even though we strive to meet expectations in school and on the job where those who don't meet the expectations are failed, expelled, paid less, or fired. For some people, they are hopeless about becoming like those they admire so they protect their self-esteem by not making comparisons (if you need to do this to function then keep doing it). This is a coping mechanism as I wrote about in a previous post. Some people have blinders on and pretend (or actually believe) that they know it all and never need to ask or look to anyone about how to be the best they can be. But they can fall into the trap of thinking they are WAY better than they actually are as I wrote about in the past. They are not high-achievers.
I'm wondering though how people imagine it is possible to be a high achiever without making social comparisons? How does an athlete train to be the best if they do not pay attention to the performance of past and present competitors? How does a company strive to make the best computer if they do not examine the products of the competition? How does a student strive for an A+ without knowing what A+ work looks like? How does one know how to lead without looking at other leaders for examples (or read theories and books about leadership written by people who studied leaders)? How does one win a competition if they pay no attention to what the competition is doing? I think this just highlights the difference between: A) those who have the drive to compete, versus B) those who don't and can only use their energy to barely get by and convince themselves that their lives are great. So before you make a troll comment ask yourself if you are in category B and have no understanding or desire to do what it takes to be in category A. People like myself in category A do not listen to advice from those in category B because you can only teach us how not to achieve the best. You should not read posts about social comparisons because your self-esteem can not handle it and it makes you feel bad. When you feel bad you lash out at the authors and project your lack of self-esteem onto them! (as you can tell these people annoy me because they are very vocal and rude). Read THIS POST to determine if you are an A or B.
So this leads to the questions pertinent to this blog...how can one learn to be feminine without looking at others who are highly feminine? How can one learn to be a prized and cherished woman without looking at those who are prized and cherished? Whenever I do a post using Asian women as the example some troll comes along and says "don't you see you are boosting them up with this post", "you think that Black women are inferior to Asian women", "you have low self-esteem and think Asian women are better than you", or "there is something wrong with you because you compare yourself to Asian and White women" etc. I think actually you are the one with the problem because your self-esteem takes a hit whenever Black women are compared to other groups. My self-esteem is in-tact before and after those posts because I don't think Asian or White women are better, they have just been dealt a better hand, and they made better plays. But now that I am in the game, despite the bad hand, I can win and have won many games. I think I can become just as good a "player" as they are so to me, their status is attainable. Maybe not for all Black women, but for me I know it is. I do not believe I have to have pale skin, blue eyes, Asian eyes, straight blonde hair, or petite bone structure to achieve the status I want either (as I wrote about in my Black standard of beauty post). So no I do not want to be a White or Asian woman and just like the car thief...I just want the prized status and options they have, nothing more. If you want to know why I single out Asian women, I wrote about that a while ago in THIS POST if you must know but I doubt you can handle it.
How to learn from competition: AMAZING!!! Read this article! This is about business like most articles about studying the competition (or sports). I want you to read this article and just imagine that what you are selling is your companionship/employee services as a Black woman while others are selling companionship/employee services of Asian or White women. I have done as the article explains: figure out who the competition is (White and Asian women where I live), find out what they are doing differently (being more traditionally feminine), find out what other people are saying about the competition (they are more feminine and that is highly desirable), and then decide whether or not to incorporate the competitions features into your product. I have also done the same examination with Black women to identify EBWs (e.g., other Black women are competition/role models, they are more feminine yet successful, they are the most desired, respected, and successful Black women). This was intuitive to me being that I've always had to compete but this may be foreign to others, especially those who do not think they are in competition. Once again, this is common sense! I have to include this quote:
"When you view your competitor as a villain, you assume you are the savior. You think everything you do is right and everything they do is wrong (smells like victim mentality...). This kind of mindset will prevent you from doing the right things at the right time (e.g., rejecting education, speaking well, or good manners by calling that "Acting White" and therefore wrong). You may not be able to keep an open mind when you see them doing something different because you will assume it is wrong." BINGO!Comparing yourself to others: It's not all bad
How do I study my competition?
"Knowing the competition is cruicial to the success of any business.
1)Gathering a solid base of information is the first step to creating a strong competitive analysis.
2)The next step is analyzing the information and using it to your advantage. List the strengths and weaknesses of each competitor.
3)Then look for areas where you cannot compete and areas where you can provide something that others cannot."