Friday, April 27, 2012

Are you really that great the way you are?

We all know how unpleasant it feels to be told you are not good enough and to be insulted about your looks, intelligence, education, accomplishments, social class, wealth, job and anything whatsoever. It feels even worse when you believe these things yourself and think that you are worthless and not good enough compared to other people. That is why people have low self-esteem and feel depressed every day. This has prompted parents' and teachers' attempts to protect their children and students from being put down or from feeling bad about themselves. Even the media does this to an extent. This is admirable. However, this can often be taken too far to the point where ANY behaviour is called "great" and everyone is "the best" and "a winner"! If everyone is the best then no one is because there is no criteria being used to judge what behaviour, accomplishment, or quality is better than another. It is useless and sometimes dishonest praise for mediocre qualities, status, and achievements. It makes people who do not meet standards for achievement and personal qualities feel better about themselves and that they are worthy of all the same rewards in life just like those who meet the standards. But if there are no standards for excellence then what are people to strive for? If everything is acceptable then people will just do whatever they want and expect zero negative consequences.

Prime examples of this are when (sorry it's true) people who are less attractive, uneducated, struggling financially, and unsuccessful expect to reap the same rewards as those who are highly attractive, highly educated, wealthier, and successful in their careers. They expect the same praise and attention and to be just as desirable to romantic partners as people who meet the higher standards. It's harsh I know. The problem is, while they think they are Halle Berry, Albert Einstein, or Donald Trump no one else believes it and they won't treat you that way (if they do to your face then they won't behind your back). They won't buy your claims that you are the best especially if they desire someone of a higher standard and there are other better options available. If you really are so great I just have to say PROOVE IT! Convince us that you are as hot or hotter than the people most call attractive, that you are smarter than educated professionals and doctors, and that you can provide the same high standard of living that a wealthier person can. Your argument will fall flat and instead you will try to convince others that their standards are too high, shallow, materialistic, naive, unimportant or whatever insult you can come up with to guilt them into accepting you.

People do things to earn rewards and avoid punishments so what happens when everyone is rewarded and praised and poor behaviour is excused and left unpunished? Well, I think that there are people who have internalized standards and see through the "everyone's a winner" facade and they strive to be "the best" even if others dishonestly say there is no competition and everyone is equal. These people are not fooled because they can see with their own eyes that those who achieve and are the best reap more rewards in life than those who have lower standards and achievements. They shield themselves from the mass feel-good delusions meant to protect the vulnerable and strive to win what they want and need! They strive for excellence! If a man wants a very attractive woman he will not go for someone who is too different from what he considers beautiful even if she has a sense of humor. If an employer wants an intelligent person with a degree he will not care how smart you say you are unless you have that degree. If you apply for a loan they don't care how hard a worker you are and they won't lend to you if they suspect you are too poor to ever pay them back. There are consequences for not living up to standards and we have to acknowledge this instead of hiding our heads in the sand! If you want certain benefits and rewards in life you have to WORK HARD to live up to the standards of the people who can give you the rewards.

People will tell you don't worry about your appearance
and weight; don't try to be more feminine, educated or
well-mannered than others; and don't try to be the epitomy
of beauty and femininity.  But if you want to be the best
and attract the best men then you must strive for
To some people striving for excellence is being fake, not being yourself, and pretending to be something you are not. Others will say that you are good enough just the way you are, everyone should accept you just as you are, and you will find someone who loves you just as you are. But are you really being "the best version of you" and "doing the best you can"? Well, what if you're a  lazy, unattractive, smelly, jerk with a bad attitude attracted to a guy who is sweet, kind, physically active, highly attractive, desirable to many women,  and who wants someone similar to himself? Well he will never be attracted to you and you will never have him. He has positive qualities while you have negative qualities. If you want a man with positive qualities then you have to become a better person yourself. That could mean working on yourself using self-help or a professional, getting into shape, learning how to be nice, taking better care of yourself, and developing the qualities of desirable women. You need to change to get what you want. Furthermore, these will all be positive changes that can help you to get along better with friends, family, and coworkers too! There is also the fantastic benefit of being proud of yourself and increasing your self-esteem because you now know you are great, a much better person, and being the best you can be...never underestimate that and how good it feels! On the other hand if you want a lazy, unattractive, smelly jerk with a bad attitude then you don't have to change a thing...but is that the man you are looking for? Do you like being that way really?

Don't be so afraid to change. If you constantly improve yourself then you become the best you that you can be. Why do you believe that you are your best self right now? How do you know you can't be much better? If you strive for excellence in many aspects of your life then you will become the best girlfriend (or potential girlfriend), wife, friend, daughter, employee, or professional you can be. Did you think that it would be easy and you wouldn't have to work for it? Even if these things come naturally to others you may just be one of the unfortunate people (like myself) who needs to make an effort. Take a look at yourself and make an HONEST list of your positive and negative characteristics to identify areas where you need to improve. I did this early on when I started this blog, I do it regularly, and I am realistic about my qualities and flaws. I recognize and accept my flaws as well as the responsibility to change them and become the best person I could be. I didn't deserve the label of very attractive, feminine, and pleasant before but I think those labels are more accurate now. I worked and improved myself in order to deserve those accolades. You may have to work and strive for excellence too!


  1. The "Everyone Gets A Trophy" culture has done a real disservice to work ethic and inner-satisfaction. Superfluous words are not a substitute for setting goals, trying, failing, getting back up again and accomplishment.

  2. One thing I like about your blog is you're not politically correct. That's exactly what a blog should be. An individual's true and well thought out opinion.

    I see from the above comment that I'm reading some very old stuff, but c'est la vie. I just discovered you this past month.

    I'm in agreement. There is a lot out there passing for excellence when it's really just "I'm fabulous just the way I am" talking. This is partly because no one is allowed to acknowledge a standard of excellence. And yet somehow we recognize excellence and quality when we see it. In terms of beauty many people try to emulate it. (i.e. that's why articles telling us what celebrities are wearing or how they're fixing their hair or what shade of the lipstick they're sporting are so popular.)

    More importantly, to myself anyway, is the necessity of having a standard of behavior. This use to be referred to as "proper etiquette." I like etiquette. It makes life run more smoothly and lets you know how you should treat other people and how you should expect to be treated by them.

    1. Thanks for the visit Valarie :) I had to read the post to remember what I wrote lol! I still believe what I wrote in my post and that we need standards to live up to otherwise what will we strive for? Anything and everything would be considered great. I think people on top know this and many people at the bottom are deluding themselves (which may be necessary in order to survive and not feel utterly depressed). But accepting the delusion will not improve one's life in reality.