How to Look Feminine Video

Well this is a simple video about things women can do if they want to look more feminine. It is only about looking feminine not about behaviours or inner qualities. The annotations took forever!

Two More New EBW Videos

I really enjoyed making these two videos. It's actually a lot of fun. I enjoy watching them because they really show how feminine and beautiful Black women can be and the femininity of Black women of the past. I've watched both several times while making them and after adding all the labels. The more I watch the more I can see how to be an Elegant Black Woman. Notice the way they smile, pose, and have pleasant (non angry) facial expressions. I can also see that many of the women are wearing shaping garments like corsets. I love these images!

New EBW YouTube Videos :)

I just made some videos for YouTube. These are just image videos because enough of my thoughts are already on this blog. I think I'll turn all of my photo posts into videos. It wasn't hard at all. I used a free program called Ezvid and then added annotations using YouTube. I think that the difference between these women and the women we see in the media will be very striking. These women look highly desirable, approachable, friendly, kind, and like high quality women. These are my fashion and beauty role models.  I hope you enjoy these :)

Tribute to Black Beauty Queens

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but I didn't have the time. Last month I watched videos of Black beauty queens on YouTube and I have links for you all to watch. These are the women we need to look up to! I'm not talking about being some diva, doing anything to win including sabotaging other women, or being nothing but a pretty face. I'm talking about being intelligent, well-spoken, educated, ambitious, poised, congenial, and a well-rounded woman who men desire and women envy. Those are the traits of an EBW! Enjoy these videos and pay special attention to the make-up (natural looking), physique (healthy, not underweight or overweight, athletic not masculine), intelligence (in the answers), poise, and grace. Many of these pageants award scholarships, the chance to travel and make new connections, and the opportunity to be a role model. They are not just pretty faces...but they could do without the swimsuit competition. Oh yes, and look at how lovely Black women can look in gowns!

Vanessa Williams Miss America 1984 (yes I know about her indiscretion but she still carries herself like a lady and expressed herself so well in this video!)

Chelsi Smith Miss USA 1995

Janelle Commissiong first Black Miss Universe 1977
Vanessa Williams Miss America 1984 and Vanessa Williams the beauty queen
Miss Trinidad Miss world 1986 (Halle Berry is in this clip)
Debbie Turner Miss America 1990
Carole Gist Miss USA 1990
Kenya Moore Miss USA 1993
Ericka Dunlap Miss America 2004 (she was so surprised it's hilarious!)
Carissa Cameron Miss America 2010
Leila Lopes Miss Universe 2011

Miss Black American Princess Pageant (good example of showing girls how to behave)
Black beauty queens around the world

Blog Review - Be Exquisite Part II

This is Part 2 of my review of the beautiful and elegant Be Exquisite blog! I started the review from page 26 to page 16. Part 1 can be read HERE. Part 2 will be about the many random thoughts and questions that popped into my head while reading her blog (that are likely to inspire future posts). Really, they are just ramblings that will probably tell you more about me than the actual blog! I will review the rest of the blog in a future post. 

These are the Thoughts that Popped into my Head as I Read this Interesting Blog

Changing Yourself: 

• As I read through the blog I kept asking myself "is this all fake"?. Is the elegance we see in Michelle Obama her true self? Did she not receive some sort of teaching and coaching? If so, then some or us were taught early but it's still possible for some of us to be taught later. Eventually, practicing what we learn will become habit and our true selves. It isn't a natural way to behave but it can become natural.
• Are people allowed to change? Should we not improve ourselves? Rude is rude, obnoxious is obnoxious, why accept that your true self is an obnoxious oaf?
• Is it wrong to improve yourself to get a man? People do it to get a job and a man is more important than a job. It's a give and take. You become a better woman in order to get a better man. If you are a poorly-mannered woman then you will end up with a poorly-mannered man. Being well mannered is being nice and not offending others and I think those are good goals.
• Is it wrong to change if your man asks you to? On YouTube men have put out mean videos criticizing Black women and of course, when we are attacked we become defensive. But what if they asked in a nice way, or if it was your man who you actually loved. Would you change for him? Some will state that he should accept you exactly the way you are. But let me give you an example, suppose you have a habit of burping at the table and your man asks you to stop doing this. Would you say "no, burping at the table is who I am and you have to accept that or we are through." Yes it is trivial. To some, this whole blog is trivial, but it's this trivial thing that is hurting Black women's reputation around the world! So based on the negative consequences of these trivial actions, why not just fix the problem so that we can move on to more important things! By the way these Black women bashing videos are being pumped out by Black men you would think this is the biggest problem facing the Black community so let's quickly fix this problem so we can focus on the real issues!

Sensuality, Beauty and Dress:

• I liked her advice about how to keep nails filed and using cuticle cream. Simple things can make a big difference.
• Jackie made a post about being pleasurable to the senses (i.e., sensuous). This made me think about products for relaxed hair. They don't smell good at all. I wonder if this has had a negative effect on Black women's reputation. Do people think our relaxed hair smells bad? Natural hair products smell much better and are better for the hair. We should all make the switch because smelly hair is unacceptable.
• I liked her advice about trying to look like a goddess. Strive for that.
• I never got into aromatherapy. I thought it was bogus, new age, nonsense. Maybe I should give it another look if it is pleasurable to the senses. I do have essential oils that I use for their properties but I don't use anything for aromatherapy purposes.
• I think those people on "What Not to Wear" need to learn some vocabulary from Jackie because all they talk about is "sophisticated" and "sexy". Aren't there other things women can aim for when they choose an outfit?
• I wonder what it means to "dress Black" or "dress White?" If I wear feminine, sensuous (not sexy) clothes, that are not revealing, and not hip hop inspired, then would people say that is dressing White?
• This blog has posts about flowers. Do I like flowers? I think you spend money on them and they just die. I would prefer spending money once on fake flowers that last forever. I guess they look nice...I noticed that most of my dresses have some sort of abstract flower design on them. I guess I do like flowers :) Plus, if a man gave them to me I would feel great...maybe I love flowers!

Dating and Marriage:

• I am a smart woman and well-mannered. Men are criticizing other women for being loud and having attitudes.  So, if I become even more well-mannered I will have my pick of men! Since there are not enough men to go around, self-improvement sounds like a good idea.
• Men like women for their differences in mannerisms and appearance. But I think I would get along best if the man has values that are similar to my own.
• Do we really want androgyny? Do we want women to look and act like men and do we want men to look and act like women? I think women are most beautiful when they look and act like feminine ladies (e.g., on their wedding day in a beautiful gown). I think some men actually need to tone down the aggression and clean themselves up. That rugged, mountain man, thug, angry at the world, ill-fitting clothes look is entirely unattractive to me. Give me a clean-cut man in a three-piece suit and I swoon! I prefer men who are cute an sweet, maybe even a pretty-boy if I'm lucky :)
• I think a woman has to act like a lady in order to get a chivalrous man. I don't find chivalry demeaning, I love it! Growing up, due to feminism I thought that if something was traditionally feminine then I had to reject it! I didn't let men open doors, I carried my own heavy bags, I refused to learn how to cook, and I refused to wear dresses and skirts. Now I think the exact opposite! So we can change! 
• There is a great post on chivalry. If a man doesn't act chivalrous towards you, does he really care about you? Never curse and your man should never curse in front of you. I don't like listening to music with cursing and way too many songs have that now.
• Great quote "Get to know two things about a man--how he earns his money and how he spends it--and you have the clue to his character, for you have a searchlight that shows up the innermost recesses of his soul. You know all you need to know about his standards, his motives, his driving desires, and his real religion." Robert J. McCracken.
• I think that within the first three dates women should find out if their date believes in marriage. If he doesn't then you should stop seeing him otherwise you will be wasting your time trying to change his mind. If a man can definitively say he will never get married or does not believe in marriage, take him at his word and move on.
• I looked at her Recipe Challenge #10 and I had the vision of coming home with groceries and smiling at my husband. He asked why I was smiling and I told him I was making a special dessert. He smiled and looked excited. I think I would really like it if that happened. Seriously ladies, if you can get a guy to prefer you over other women but learning how to cook then why wouldn't you? You don't have to do it all the time and he can help you. Really think about all the expensive clothes and trips to the salon you spend money on to look attractive. Maybe you should spend that money on learning how to cook instead.

Posture and Grace: 

• There was a great post about how to sit with grace. What was amazing to me was that I was already sitting that way! I remember being at meetings where every woman in the room had their legs crossed at the knee and I was the only one sitting with my knees together and my legs crossed at the ankles. I actually worried that was sitting improperly. I don't cross my legs because sometimes my skirt rides up and it really hurts my knees when I do it. 
• The blog has a post about posture. Luckily my posture is quite good. I spent two years sitting on a balance ball instead of a desk chair. My abs are tight now, and I can stand up straight. I can check that one off my list.
• The blog has a few posts about ballet. I am not a fan of ballet...but they are graceful though.

Miscellaneous Thoughts:

• Jackie, the writer of this blog, writes very well and she is definitely well educated. I like the brief lessons and some posts are just images of art and I like those too.
• Jackie appears to be religious and I think that 100% of the blogs on this topic were by religious women too. What does that mean? In modern times are religious women more well mannered than atheists or agnostics? Are some of these rules of etiquette and deportment based on the Bible? What benefit would an agnostic get out of reading the Bible?
• I wish comments were allowed on more of the older posts.
• This blog introduced me to singer Amel Larrieux. I have never heard of her but I liked her song called "For Real. Very nice :) I think listing to all that negative hip hop has probably had a negative effect on the Black community. Hip hop is the opposite of feminine and it definitely is not sensuous or soothing. All of that foul language and derogatory language is the way some people speak all the time now.
• I really liked the post about How to Be Perfectly Miserable . 
• I think this would be a nice blog to give to her daughter. I hope she saves it.
• I admit, I have to work on my discretion. I was really embarrassed two years ago by being too open. In fact, this has been a big problem ever since high school. 
• I skipped over the recipes because I'm not in the position to deal with that right now (low funds, no oven or stove right now).

So that's the end of Part II of my review of Be Exquisite. Just reading this blog put so many ideas and questions into my head. Things I never really thought about before I decided to become an EBW. Maybe this blog will change you too :)

Modern Femininity: Thandie Newton for Uptown Magazine

Our darling Thandie Newton is on the cover of Uptown Magazine! Always an EBW!

 
The article looks interesting too about the Talented 10 in Hollywood. This refers historically to the outstanding 10 percent of the Black community who are good examples and strive fore excellence. Their incredible skills and hard work show the world what Black people are capable of so that those who come after will not have to fight as hard to get ahead. Are you one of the talented 10th?

Instantly Improve your Posture and Appearance

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One way to improve your feminine appearance is to improve your posture. Feminine women like Zoe Saldana were trained in dance and have excellent posture. When you stand up straight with your shoulders back you appear thinner, healthier, and more attractive. You will also experience less back pain and you will walk more gracefully.

The Feminine Woman has an excellent article with video demonstrations of stretches you can use to improve your posture! I have been doing the stretches for the past 3 days and they work! I had thought that I had great posture, but after doing the stretches I realized that my shoulders were rounded forward and when I stood normally my palms faced the front of my thighs. After I do the stretches my shoulders are pulled back, my back is flat, and my palms face the sides of my thighs so there is a major difference. Elegant Woman.org also has several articles about improving your posture. I'm going to do these exercises daily until my posture is permanently corrected.

I also read on another blog, possibly The Art of Being Feminine, that if you are having difficulty walking in a feminine manner, practice walking on your toes. I have done this several times over the past few days. I notice that when I walk on my toes I'm actually more graceful! I can only take smaller steps, I somehow carry and turn my head differently, and I move and pick things up in a more delicate manner. Perhaps due to my precarious body position I am unable to do things with as much force so every movement is delicate and graceful. This may be why women who wear heels appear more feminine and graceful as well. There are several videos on YouTube about how to walk in heels so please take a look at them. Once the weather clears up I am going to try wearing heels again and I will definitely wear them when I start dating again. Later on I will invest in 2 pairs of high quality heels so that I can be comfortable, but I won't become a Carrie Bradshaw!

On Elegant Woman.org there is an article called Ballet for Elegance. I admit that ballet dancers look elegant and graceful but I have negative feelings about the art because of the demand that the dancers are underweight and the foot pain (if I had a daughter I would not enroll her in ballet or gymnastics).  However, the author did make a good point that most ballet exercises involve stretching which improves flexibility. I rarely stretch but I think I will start!

I can't believe I'm saying this but...I just walked around the room with a book on my head! The truth is, it works! When you walk with a book on your head you have to walk slower and keep your head straight. If you pick anything up or turn your head you have to do it slowly and carefully. When you can walk with a book on your head you will be walking and moving gracefully! I imagine that after a while your body will remember the movements and you will always move gracefully. I'm going to practice this, some may laugh, but looking graceful is no different from wearing trendy clothes, make-up, and getting your hair done--they all make you look beautiful!

Where I Need to Improve

I have been reading the five blogs I posted about here and a few of them, like The Art of Being Feminine reminded me that I need to start this journey by taking inventory of my current ladylike qualities and areas where I need improvement. So let's start with the positive.

My Positive Qualities

• I routinely say please, thank-you, and you're welcome. I graciously thank people who have helped me or complimented me
• I have fairly good (average) manners
• I am not loud when speaking or laughing and I do not yell
• I never chew with my mouth open. If I have to answer a question with my mouth full I try to finish chewing and then hold my hand over my mouth when I speak. (I think I can avoid this by just taking smaller bites and eating more slowly)
• I never burp in public
• I keep up my appearance
• I exercise regularly, eat healthy, and have a healthy body weight
• I rarely swear (and I don't think I will have a problem stopping completely)
• I have discussions but I don't argue
• I dress nicely and like to wear dresses and feminine clothing (but it's hard to do in the winter)
• I wear make-up and jewlery
• I have good posture, sit nicely, and walk upright
• I have natural hair that I have learned to take care of and style nicely
• I am educated
• I speak well using proper grammar (from now on I will severely limit my use of slang)
• I am a great listener 
• I don't brag or boast
• I do not bully or insult people (I may have a few times to unpleasant people on YouTube though)
• I do not hope bad things happen to other people
• I care about others and want to help people
• I am not aggressive and would never even think of hitting someone
• I have goals and a plan for my life
• I am not a golddigger

My Negative Qualities 

• I don't smile enough and find it hard to hide my anger or sadness
• I complain (e.g., about the weather, not having money, being busy etc.)
• I disclose too much personal information (this has caused embarrassment recently)
• Sometimes I say bad things about my parents
• I don't socialize as much as I could out of fear of being a burden or being rejected
• I need more hobbies (hard to do on a budget though)
• I think negatively a lot more than is necessary. I let things bother me when I really don't have to and pay too much attention to negative things (e.g., YouTube videos)
• I don't think positively about some people
• Sometimes I interrupt someone I'm talking too because I really want to say something  
• I stopped wearing high heels
• I am sometimes too passive and fearful of rejection

Things I Need to Learn More About

• Party etiquette
• How to improve my walk
• How to be more attractive
• How to attract, get along with, and have a relationship with men
• How to be more graceful, poised, and elegant
• Rules of etiquette
• How to act more like a traditional feminine woman
• How to dress more modestly

As you can see, I have positive and negative traits and there are some things I can learn to improve my attractiveness :)