Showing too Much Cleavage

I went on a great first date last week. It was great except that I wore an outfit that showed too much cleavage. It didn't look like too much when I looked at myself in the mirror, but by the time I got to our meeting place, my top had migrated downwards and my bosom was bulging to the delight of my date. We joked about it but I would have preferred to make a different first impression. I had worn a cardigan with a camisole underneath to cover my bust. Unfortunately, the camisole just didn't stay up.

Some of you may have experienced a similar problem. Due to the size of my chest I just have to accept the reality...I have to wear large or extra large tops to accommodate it. Most men think about sex and like to look at attractive women, but they do this more when you are bulging out of your top (or when you are wearing very short or skimpy clothes). That is not the look that I am going for.

Some of you may say this isn't a problem, show your cleavage, don't hide it, it's men's problem if they stare, and you don't care if other people don't like it. Well that's not a battle I want to fight and it makes me uncomfortable to be so exposed. Sometimes I want to get that attention, but it's annoying when I want to cover up by my clothes just won't let me! If you don't want a men starring at your chest all night or only seeing you as a sex object then this problem has to be solved. So here are some ideas I have used and will use soon to make sure that I don't show too much cleavage anymore:

1) Buy tops that don't reveal your cleavage: I bought some yesterday. Unfortunately I have a large chest and large arms so many of the cute tops just didn't look right (elbow length sleeves are best for me. I think I just need to lose the weight and then the arm problem will go away). Even if a collar looks good on the hanger, I have to try it on because they often end up stretching lower than I would have imagined. Trying things on is a must! If you are a thrifter and a sewer then you can buy tops with higher collars and then cut  and hem them so that they are the perfect size for you.

2) Add lace to the bust areas of revealing tops: This is the next thing I plan to do. I will buy small pieces of lace in black, white, and the colours of tank tops and other tops I already have. I will cut the pieces to the appropriate sizes and then sew them into the tops. That way I don't have to go searching for new tops and I like the feminine touch of lace anyway.

3) Add fasteners to gaps between button holes: I had so many cardigans that I wasn't wearing because there were large gaps between the buttons that revealed bare skin underneath. So I bought some clasps (they were inexpensive) and sewed them on every cardigan that needed them. This took quite a while but it was worth it! You can use metal fasteners, plastic clasps, hook and eye fasteners, or velcro if you want.

4) Wear camisoles: Remember how your mom would make you wear cute little undershirts under your clothes? They came in packs (e.g., Fruit of the Loom). Unfortunately they don't sell them like that for women so you will have to buy separate camisoles. Camisoles are good but sometimes they do slip down and reveal too much because they are stretchy. I think that I have to permanently shorten the straps on some of mine so that they stay up. You can also wear tank tops. I think that camisoles would be easy to make from t-shirts, clothes you don't wear, and some elastic, with some lace at the top if you like.

This blogger loves camisoles and states that you can wear many more tops, even revealing ones, if you just wear a camisole underneath (she has some good fashion advice to make the best out of your wardrobe). I don't recommend Cami Secret because they really aren't wide enough for someone with a wide chest and the bottom part doesn't stay in place. It seems to only work for v-necks (maybe I just need to sew a better version). The Essential Cami looks a bit better (hopefully it can be worn higher because even that shows too much cleavage for work in my opinion. I would totally sew that myself). There are camisole bras available but I would prefer something removable and changeable.

5) Sew up collars and revealing openings: You can also always hand stitch the openings of certain tops (e.g., v-neck tops) so that they are not as low. If a top can be pulled over your head then you can permanently stitch the spaces between buttons closed.

The most important thing is that you are comfortable and that you look the way you want in the clothes you bought with your hard earned money. If there are items in your wardrobe you aren't wearing because they show too much cleavage then hopefully this helps :)

What Kind of People Thrift Shop?

I think that Black women should really look into becoming thrifters. I aim this at Black women because I hear the statistics about how they don't have enough savings and thrifting is a great way to save money yet still get all the clothing and items you want and need. You can look very fashionable and people can't tell that you thrift shop if you don't want them too. You can keep it a secret and just have people believe that you can afford to buy everything full price ; ) So if you need to save money because you are underemployed, a student, or just want to save money, then thrifting is definitely for you. It's a great way to start off your feminine wardrobe or get professional wardrobe for job hunting or your new career.

Have you ever noticed that when you go to the mall the clothing items are very similar? That's because stores follow fashion trends so different stores will carry very similar items. Also, they will only carry items from the current fashion season which is again being trendy. On the other hand, at thrift stores you can often find things that are actually on trend because fashion trends come and go and old fashion trends come back. So why spend $80 on a pair of skinny jeans made last month when you can spend $5 on a retro pair (well if you like skinny jeans). Instead of just buying what's available and trendy at the moment and using that to determine your style, at a thrift store you can choose from at least 30 years of fashion. If you shop vintage of course you can shop and create a style from several decades of fashion. With more options you have the ability to create a unique style and look different from everyone you know.

You can also alter thrift store clothes and not worry too much about ruining the items. I finally got a sewing machine so I can alter the things I buy to fit me perfectly and I can also transform clothing items into totally new pieces! My first two projects were turning a t-shirt into a pencil skirt and making a loose skirt into a pencil skirt and they look great! So this will make thrift shopping a totally new experience because I can buy items just for the fabric (it's really expensive to buy from fabric stores), buttons, zippers, straps, and whatever I need to make my own projects. I have to goal of making every item in my wardrobe wearable. So large items will be resized, small items will be given away or somehow made into larger items, or I will take parts of the small items (e.g., buttons, zippers etc.) and use them to make new items. I barely shop in retail stores anymore so I could make it a goal to not buy any new (i.e., non-thrifted) clothing items for a year (well except for underwear of course).

I have quite a few projects already lined up: 1) add snaps in between cardigan buttons so that they close without leaving unflattering gaps (instead of cursing the size of my chest lol); 2) turning full skirts into pencil skirts; 3) turning dresses into skirts or even peplum tops; 4) turning mens suits into skirts, dresses or dress suits; 5) revamping old dress suits into more modern styles; 6) turning knit shirts and t-shirts into pencil skirts in many colours...and the list goes on.

So, some of you might be wary of thrift shopping so I wanted to show you some videos of some people who thrift shop. You might be surprised! They look very fashionable and well put together with great individual styles. Many of the vloggers below have multiple thrifting videos that you can watch. Notice all the name brands, store labels, and designer labels they mention. Also remember you can get great household items and fashion accessories from thrift shops too. Shopping vintage and buying antiques is no different from thrifting...you are buying previously owned and used items. Also, all those celebrities you look to for fashion ideas, a lot of them have stylists who choose their clothes and styles, they often get clothes for free, and they can afford expensive items while you can't. You have to live within your reality instead of trying to live the celebrity lifestyle you can't afford. Instead of spending money on clothes, spend it on your education, health, property, savings, and investments because those things are way more important :)

DIY and Inexpensive Ways to Feminize Your Wardrobe

We all have unique fashion styles, preferences, and shopping habits. This post is for women who want easy and inexpensive ways to makeover their clothing items or outfits so that they are more feminine or interesting. Some will buy a plain t-shirt and wear it as is. Others won't even buy that t-shirt or they will add flowers, lace, bows, or a print to the shirt because it is just too plain or not feminine enough for them. They feel that plain clothes are not flattering or interesting or they look too much like men's clothes (my rule is if a man could wear something similar then it's not for me). In the same way that some women feel that a bare face is too plain and they want makeup, some women think plain and unfitted clothes are boring and their clothes need some "makeup" too.

I personally LOVE Do it Yourself (DIY) fashion, refashioning, or upcycling but of course some people are totally opposed to it, only want new things, will only wear something someone else has made, and only want the "real thing". That's fine, but this post might not be useful for you. Maybe open your mind and try something new, especially if you are struggling financially. If you want to stretch your dollar, buy items that can be worn in many different ways and are appropriate for different situations (e.g., buy clothes that are appropriate for work but can be made casual). Consult fashion blogs about how to make many different outfits from the same items (e.g., 7 basic pieces 14 different looks). Below are some things you can do to improve your wardrobe and bring out your inner feminine fashionista on a budget (well these things will cost more time rather than money... it can become a time consuming but useful and fun hobby).

New Ways to Improve Your Wardrobe

1) Buy a sewing machine and start sewing: Altering your own clothes will help you to look better, save you money from tailors, and allow you to wear more of the clothes you already have. It can also help you to look great in thrifted items even if they are outdated or ill-fitting. You can refashion your old clothes/thrifted clothes into entirely new items and join the green upcycling movement. Lastly, if you make your own clothes sometimes then you can always get exactly what you want instead of spending a lot of time and money to find something someone else made.

I am planning to buy a sewing machine next week. I will start off practicing with scrap fabric and then start making alterations to the clothes I already have. I have already watched many sewing tutorials on YouTube so I'm ready (e.g., sewing materials tutorial). Later on I will start making over thrift store items and eventually refashioning clothing into entirely new items (e.g., turn a t-shirt into a pencil skirt, use t-shirts to make banded skirt, make a lace tank top). When I feel confident I will use sewing patterns (e.g., from Vogue, Butterick, McCall's, Burdastyle etc.) to make items from scratch but that can be expensive so I will have to limit how often I do that. PDF sewing patterns can be downloaded, printed, and used instantly so I'm excited!

2) Thrifting: Buying clothes from a thrift store is an easy and inexpensive way to add feminine items to your wardrobe. You can save so much money that you may lose all interest in buying retail (I have. Almost everything I wear is from a thrift store, I get compliments, and people can't tell). You can find modern items from popular stores (sometimes unworn with the tags still on) or vintage items that are one of a kind. Or you can sometimes purchase fabric or clothing items to refashion into new items (cheaper than buying from a fabric store). It's just fabric...think outside of the box and make it into whatever you want. There are many tutorials about how to thrift and women showing what they found at thrift stores (e.g., video1, video2, video3). Some people look down on thrifting but if you've been on Pinterest or YouTube you will see that all sorts of women are doing it and many are very fashionable (just wash before wearing items). I think that it's way more important to spend money on education, housing, investments, healthy food, transportation, and necessities rather than on clothing.

3) Pinterest, Polyvore, and YouTube: Pinterest, Polyvore and the Internet can give you many ideas about how to add femininity to your wardrobe. I recently started some Pinterest pages to keep track of DIY fashion ideas and sewing patterns I would like to use. Choosing sewing patterns is like shopping for new clothes except most patterns are under $6 and you will be making the clothes yourself. The benefit of using Pinterest instead of just bookmarking items you like is that you can see what you pinned, like making an online scrapbook, instead of just a list of links. You can also save video tutorials on YouTube and many are posted on Pinterest as well. Polyvore can be used to put outfits or clothing collections together so there is no need to cut up magazines (reminds me of Cher's computer program from Clueless). 

Simple Feminine Items to Add to your Wardrobe (many can be found in thrift stores. In DIY projects the way your items turn out will depend on your skill and artistic ability)

Peter pan or lace collars: Add some adorable to your plain shirts and dresses by adding a collar. These are all the rage and can instantly add cuteness to any outfit. They are super feminine, vintage, and maybe even hipster. I especially like the one's with pearls. There are many tutorials about how to make them yourself (pearl collars, Peter Pan collar)

Scarves: Tie them around your neck in various ways as demonstrated in this 25 ways to tie a scarf video. Or you can tie a chiffon or silk scarf into a bow and pin it to a blouse.

Spats: Spats are a vintage shoe accessory that have made a comeback thanks to the steampunk trend. I think they are adorable! You can transform any pair of shoes or boots into a unique vintage style or tall boot (tutorial Part 1 & Part 2).

Pearls: Pearls are always classy and elegant. I heard it was bad luck to buy your own pearls but who believes in superstition anyway? You can buy imitation pearls for low prices and wear them in different ways (9 ways to wear a pearl necklace).

Cute belts: My favorites are belts with bows. They are usually inexpensive and add a touch of femininity to any outfit. Here are tutorials for makingbow belts, elastic belts, and peplum belt 1, peplum belt 2.

Shoe accessories: I prefer the ones with bows (I love bows on everything lol!) or the ones that look like jewelry. If you have a pair of plain boring shoes then accessories may be exactly what you need. Here are some tutorials: add bows to shoes Part 1 & Part 2, pinup Valentine's Day bow shoes, add ruffles. 

Tights and Nylons: I really like wearing tights. I prefer them to nylons because they don't run but nylons are great too. Thick tights will allow you to wear skirts/dresses even in the winter. I like tights with cute patterns and nylons with vintage styles. Fishnets are also awesome in the bedroom lol ;)

Feminine tops by elegantbw featuring a tee-shirt

Feminine accents: Peter Pan collars, scarves, flowers, bows, sequins, studs, pearls, ruffles, lace, sheer fabric, satin, chiffon, stenciled/painted accents, appliques, polka dots, cropped sleves, peplums, blazers with feminine collars, pastel colours, jewel tones.

Alterations you can Make to your Clothing 

You can buy items and wear them as is. Or you can add feminine details to the clothing. If you can sew you can also alter your clothing to fit you in a more flattering manner. Once you see how easy it is to add feminine touches to items you won't feel the need to pay $30 for a tank top with flowers or a blouse with a studded collar since it is so easy and inexpensive to add these details yourself. Some of the alterations can be done without sewing (e.g., no sew hemming tape), with simple hand sewing, or using fabric glue if necessary (tutorial). Save money by looking for fashion inspiration online instead of buying magazines.

All of the looks below will depend on your skill and imagination. A designer or artist could make awesome alterations that you can not, at least not without practice. I strongly advise looking at retail/designer items for inspiration or else your project may not look very good. There are MANY ways to alter clothes, these are just some examples. Good Luck!:

1) Hem your clothes, shorten sleeves and hems, and bring in the sides of items that are too large (how to hem and fit a thrifted skirt)

2) Add fabric flowers, bows, or ruffles to your t-shirts, tank tops, and blouses (flowers, large ruffle, ruffles1, ruffles2, tulle flower, add frills)

3) Add lace/fabric inserts/add-ons to clothing (DIY lace sleeves, lace cap sleeve, flutter sleeves, add lace, ruffle sleeve, bow sleeve)

4) Add beads, pearls, or studs (embellished sweater, studded blazer)

5) Add an iron on or stenciled detail (use templates to paint clothes, lace pattern tutorial)

6) Use fabric paint to change the look of your clothes (sweater DIY, puff paint beads)

7) Add pre-made or homemade appliques (DIY applique collar)

8) Change the buttons on your shirt or jacket (self-explanatory)

9) Cut up a t-shirt and use a no-sew method to embellish it (tutorial)

10) Dye your clothes (tutorial)

11) Paint your shoes or add decorations (tutorial-don't like the style but you can do whatever your want, add shoe bling)  

Feminine Belts, Skirts, tights, shoes, and spats by elegantbw featuring a pink skirt

Feminine accents: frills, lace, peplums, flowers, bows, ruffles, polka dots.

Dresses For Work and After Work by elegantbw featuring sparkly prom dresses

Feminine accents: frills, ruffles, flowers, lace, bows, peplums, accentuating curves. These dresses are appropriate for work especially if paired with cardigans and blazers and if they are knee length.

How to Look Feminine Video

Well this is a simple video about things women can do if they want to look more feminine. It is only about looking feminine not about behaviours or inner qualities. The annotations took forever!

I've Decided to Start Corset Waist Training

Embed from Getty Images

Well you may have seen this coming since my Thank Goodness for Lingerie post, but I have decided to start corset waist training! I ordered some fashion corsets ($15) each to start. They have plastic boning and don't have many of the characteristics mentioned in the video below about what to look for in a corset.

What to look for in store video, Tips for buying a corset online (MUST WATCH).

I am now going to purchase a waist training corset and this will cost me about $70 and I have been searching for things online. I've actually chosen one from Leatherotics and there is a review for it HERE that provides way more information than on the store website. Garters can even be attached to it! I'm going to pay extra for it to be made for my custom measurements because that's supposed to make the waist look extra curvy. I'm not going to spend over a hundred dollars for a customized corset just in case wearing it isn't as fun as I expect.

I feel okay wearing the fashion corsets so I think wearing the waist training corset will be okay. I'm looking forward to the benefit of it reducing my appetite and eating smaller portions so that I can lose some weight. It will improve my posture too and just enhance my looks. I don't plan on tightlacing too much or trying to get under 20 inches or something, it's just not necessary to me. I don't want my proportions to look abnormal or extreme so my goal will be 26 inches in the corset after I lose some weight (I was 28 inches the last time I lost weight so it's not going to be extreme).

I'm really excited about this because corsets are such a feminine piece of clothing, although in the past some men have also worn them. But most people associate them with highly feminine women. Did you know Dita Von Teese has worn corsets since age 22? Here are some videos about her corsets, VIDEO1, VIDEO2 pretty risque NSFW, and VIDEO3 that I agree with. She laces up way too tight for me though and can go down to 16 inches! Something about the heaving bosom, tiny waist, and curvy hips is just so gorgeous, womanly, and sensuous. I actually like the way the corset feels smooth and as the Lucy Corsetry blog mentions, there is something comforting about being bound, like a warm hug or being swaddled. As far as clothing goes, in the corset your torso looks perfect, no back or belly rolls, perfectly flat stomach, and your proportions are perfect. However, the busk in the front and the boning can show through tight, thin-fabric clothes so I'll have to figure out a way to hide that. I may even dare to wear one as outwear on occasion.

I think that wearing a corset will be my bit of edge, sort of. You know I don't like edge when it makes women look hard, angry, unapproachable, or masculine, but this will give me a bit of ultra feminine edge! Most women do not wear corsets and many actually wrongly think they are torture devices, painful, and dangerous but I'm going to bravely wear one. Some people may actually be opposed to me wearing one because of their reputation. It's kind of funny, on my journey to embrace and enhance my femininity I'm going back to wearing one of the most feminine garments ever that some modern women today would label as "oppressive"! Yet I feel it will allow me to have a super feminine body and free me from the oppression of worrying about my waistline and comparing my waist to others! Many people also think corsets are incredibly sexy so it will give me a sexy edge although I will not be exposing more skin or changing my behaviour in any way. Corsets will be "my thing" along with dressing feminine, being nice and polite, and wearing natural hair.

Related Articles:
Corset lover tumblr site (a pretty risque NSFW)
The re-re-re-rise of the corset
Waist training
Waist training 2

Thank Goodness for Lingerie!

When I first read about lingerie on femininity blogs I didn't understand why they thought it was so great. Lingerie was just expensive stuff that some women liked, usually only in the bedroom. It was like fantasy clothing that 'regular women' didn't wear. I liked pretty bras and panties but that was about it. Also when I was younger I didn't really need foundation undergarments because my body was different and I rarely wore dresses...now I understand their utility. If you feel and look beautiful that will be a big boost to your confidence and self-esteem, this will have positive affects on other aspects of your life, and this will make you more attractive to others. The big bonus is that many men LOVE lingerie too! They think it makes women look so beautiful.

Some women think of lingerie as torture devices created by some sadistic men who didn't like the way women were naturally built. However, I see lingerie as being the exact opposite! Instead, I imagine unhappy women going to tailors and begging for something to help them to look perfect, despite their flaws, so that they could feel beautiful and focus on more important things. This is what lingerie is for me, it covers up my flaws so beautifully that I look gorgeous wearing it, accept that I am gorgeous, and then stop worrying and nitpicking the way my body looks. I mean if this stuff exists then there must be so many other women now and through out history who had the same body issues! I am normal and still gorgeous! I kind of reminds me of the way there is no point in worrying about taking a photo with blemishes on your face because you know the image can be edited and even the most beautiful women in the world have their photos edited...I am not less than, I am normal. It makes me think that maybe all those women who look perfect in dresses may be wearing spanks, girdles, waist cinchers, and corsets to look that way and so can I!  Lingerie is like medicine for an illness (feeling imperfect) that not only makes you feel good, but it makes you a man magnet as a side effect!

Lingerie can be expensive though, so on my budget I'm just looking for a few things that will enhance my body in a functional way and will look sexy not embarrassing like that scene in Bridget Jones' Diary. These are my favorite 'hide your flaws and look hot' items:

1) Garter belts and stockings: Pantyhose and tights are not my favorite things because they often slide down when I walk and they often don't fit me well due to the size of my thighs. So instead of pantyhose and leggings I buy thigh-high stocking and tights.

Benefits:  Garters with stockings stay up well instead of rolling down when you walk. You can use the bathroom without pulling them down so it makes them less of a hassle once you have them on (wear underwear on top of garter belt). They make your legs look better because they cover up stretch marks and cellulite and make you butt look extra round and sexy. The whole garter/stocking contraption is just so sexy looking to men and they will make you seem like sexy fantasy because many women don't wear them. The tights will keep you warm in the winter so you can still wear skirts and dresses all year long. I actually make thigh-high tights by cutting the top part off of full tights...it works and I wear them with a modified garter (I had to attach suspender clips to a garter belt because the tights were too thick for regular garter clips). If you wear a garter belt at your waist it can actually cinch it in to make your waist look smaller. In fact, you can buy waist cinchers with attached garters!

I prefer wearing garters at the waist rather than

the low rise one in advertisements. I also prefer

the wider bands for extra support.

I like many of the vintage style

garter belts because they provide

more support and can come with

6 or more garter straps. The more

straps the more secure and easier

to wear all day. 

2) Waist cinchers: I always encourage women to exercise and get down to a healthy weight but what can you do in the meantime? Well you can wear a waist cincher! Waist cinchers are modern lingerie that resemble corsets.

Benefits: They cinch in your waist and flatten your tummy so you don't have to worry about it. Unlike Spankx they actually look good and are easy to get on and off (but they don't do anything for your thighs). They make your dresses and tops sit smoother because there are no rolls or bumps and they give you more of an hourglass figure. Some waist cinchers come with attached garters, or you can just wear a garter belt over or under it. Your clothes will fit you so much better if you are wearing a waist cincher and your waist will appear smaller too!

3) Corsets: Oh I love corsets!!! They are so beautiful and nowadays you can by inexpensive fashion corsets for under $20. They come in beautiful designs, with frills and bows if you like, and can be worn over or under clothing depending on the style. Corsets are one of the most feminine undergarments ever and they have an elegant vintage look or even a modern sexy look because they come in many varieties.

Benefits: They make your waist look smaller and more feminine and hourglass shaped. You will look like you lost weight but you do not have to wear them too tightly if you don't want to. Overbust corsets cover the chest so you do not need a bra. Therefore, they are great for strapless tops or halters and act like a bra plus a waist cincher (best invention ever lol! Strapless bras do not work for busty women like me). Underbust corsets are like waist cinchers but they are rigid instead of stretchy lycra or spandex and the laces make them adjustable. Corsets improve your posture and can make your chest look very large and welcoming ;)

Pretty overbust corset. Corsets with a lot

of bows and frills will be hard to hide under

clothes so this one is meant to be seen.

Waist Training

I think I want to start waist training! Waist training requires a waist training corset that is more expensive than a fashion corset ($50 and more). I watched a ton of YouTube videos about it last night. For waist training you wear the corset for as many hours of the day as you can and even while sleeping if you want. As you get used to a certain tightness then you gradually tighten it more and more.  The corset has to be well made and stronger for this so you have to learn about corset parts, quality, and functions so that you can purchase a good one. By wearing it most of the time and tightening it your fat gets moved around and even your organs move a bit. This is not dangerous or harmful if done gradually but you need to do your research about it. You need to learn about the quality of corsets and shapes, how to put them on (you actually have to tighten and loosen the back every time you wear it), and how to care for it.

Once you get down to a desired size the changes can be somewhat permanent, but just like with exercise, you have to keep doing it (less frequently though) in order to maintain your progress.  It is also recommended that you exercise so that you keep your core muscles strong and firm. I just want to have a perfect .7 hip to waist ratio so I don't plan of developing a wasp waist or anything. As soon as you put one on and very quickly afterwards it will look like you have lost weight and your figure will look very attractive.  One major reason why I want to do waist training is for weight loss. Apparently, the corset restricts how much you can eat (similar to gastric bypass surgery) because there is not as much space for your stomach to expand. So it will help me with my weight loss plans, I will instantly look smaller with better posture, and it will make me feel sexy...so many benefits! Wearing a corset and most lingerie is like having a sexy secret that no one (except your man) knows about.

Here are some videos by modern women who wear corsets and there are MANY videos and blogs about corsets. These are super feminine women and they are proud of it!

This lady has many videos on her Youtube Channel called Lucy's Corsetry. If you look at her videos (I must have watched 20) you can see that she is very feminine. She keeps her hair long, frequently wears corsets, has undergone waist training, and also makes corsets. This video is great because it talks about different types of women who wear corsets. She has another video showing how boxy her waist normally is HERE so you can see that weight loss would never give her these dimensions. 



This young lady is undergoing waist training. She is trying to make her waist very small. Not my goal but it's interesting to watch her videos and see her trials and tribulations :) You will notice that she is very feminine with long hair

.
I think this video shows how a corset, heels, feminine hair, and feminine clothing can really enhance your appearance. The comments on this video are mixed (some people think it's weird to to pose like this and the noises) but some men were really floored by her femininity. I think she looks fantastic! If you don't have a waist, you can buy one with a corset instead of starving yourself and self-criticizing all day.

Related Articles:
My life in a corset: Squeezing into a new dieting strategy (ABC news)
Waist training program

Clothing Men Prefer on Women

This post is about clothing that men love to see women wear. In a future post I will write about clothing I love to see men wearing because I have preferences and it's not just about women being appealing to men. I have no problem looking fantastic for my fantastic looking man! Of course you can wear what you want and take the chance that you will meet someone who loves your androgynous style or you may be lucky enough to see someone on a regular basis (e.g., school, work, social group etc.) so that they fall in love with your personality first. For myself, I don't want to take chances and I don't have the same luck so I'm going to put out the bait to attract men and look feminine and respectable while doing so.

I think one has to be cautious about accepting the advice of women who are opposed to other women trying to look good for men. Sometimes I know they just don't want women to get hurt with extreme diets or plastic surgery, feeling shame/sadness if they don't come close to meeting beauty ideals, wearing things that don't make them feel comfortable, or a fear that men will only like them for their looks. But some of these women may have personal issues that are different from yours, they may be very angry with some men in their lives when you haven't had the same experiences, or they may have very different life goals (e.g., not heterosexual, believe in having lots of casual sex, believe in open marriages/relationships, doesn't believe in marriage, want to raise kids alone).

It's even worse when some women advocate not to do certain things when they are the poster women for those very things (e.g., thin women telling overweight women not to lose weight, beautiful women telling less attractive women to not wear makeup, women in relationships telling single women not to do anything to attract a man, women who's parents were married saying marriage doesn't matter, women without children saying women can raise children on their own etc.). It's hard to know what's going on behind the advice especially if a person is really adamant about their views. So to be fair you should really listen to a lot of different opinions and then choose the opinions, actions, or goals that make the most sense and feel the most comfortable to you. This will take time, learning, and introspection. For me, I look to women who are in relationships/married for relationship advice or experts (e.g., relationship counselors, match makers), or even men since I want to live with one of them not another woman. Why is it more enlightened to cave to the fashion industry or trends by buying new clothes every season? I'd rather buy some classic, durable, feminine clothes that I can wear for years that also attract men.

So below are links to information from men and women about what clothing and looks men prefer on women. You can ignore all of this information if you wish :)

• 5 outfits guys secretly hope you will wear video (I ignored the parts about pants since I never wear them. I'm all for the sexy librarian look. I like simple dresses too)
• What men want women to wear
• Here is a link to some interesting commentary on a dating forum where a woman asked "why do men like women to wear dresses/skirts?" I like reading forums sometimes because they show you what a group of people, from who knows where, think about a subject and in this case it is one where men and women are seeking relationships. This is useful if you don't have the time or know enough people to ask their opinions. Notice how negative some of the women are about the topic (e.g., calling men pigs for finding women's legs attractive) and how many have gotten used to just wearing jeans and not doing much about their appearance. I like this quote, "The only good thing about pants on a woman, is seeing the shape of her butt. Otherwise, they look clunky and industrial. Now a dress... accents her curves....and flows when she moves. Poetry in motion."
• It's almost like a flirty thing. When you wear a dress sometimes men start to fantasize about you in a way they don't with women in pants. Some women may be uncomfortable with the idea of this fantasizing but I like it, and I think it's powerful to be able to attract someone's attention so easily. I just ignore the men who don't interest me and revel in the attention of the one's I like. It's interesting the way some commenters actually said the question was "silly" and that the poster should obviously know that men prefer women in dresses/skirts because they make women look more feminine, accentuate their curves, and make men fantasize, but really I think some women don't know this! Or they know this but they don't care because they are more comfortable in pants or baggy clothes for whatever reason.
• Interesting website called The Rules Revisited by a man telling women what men want. There was an interesting post called Feminine beauty is highly controllable. The article is basically saying there is a lot your can do to improve your looks if you are willing to put in the effort. 
• Just because...How to dress like the ladies of Mad Men
• Clothes guys don't want women to wear (agree)
• Things women wear that men hate
• Things men hate that women wear
• Top 10 styles women love to wear but men hate to see

Response to The Tyranny of Stylishness Part 1

I just read an interesting post on Clutch called The Tyranny of Stylishness. It was a critique of the way that the stylists on What Not To Wear pressure women into conformity as explained in this quote:

"I admit to having a love/hate relationship with “WNTW.” I appreciate tips on finding clothes that fit well or mixing and matching patterns and colors. But there is an ethos running through the show that sticks in my craw — a push toward conformity and a certain sort of upper-middle-class, WASP, feminine style and away from individuality."

I have seen the show but I am not a fan...surprised? Well I always did like a lot of what Stacey wore and probably even more now because she does dress in a feminine, upper-middle class, feminine way but no I don't associate that with being a WASP (really annoying). I have never liked Clinton's wardrobe! It's like everything makes him seem like a total snooty, snob but I think that's because of his voice and the way he says things. He does not come off as sweet, friendly, and open (pocket squares make him look so snobby but not on other men for some reason). I do think that they come off as a couple of snooty people laughing at the poor saps who can't dress because Stacy and Clinton think they are clueless, poor, don't read high fashion magazines, or low class.  This of course may not be true and I think a lot of it is because their voices are so annoying, sometimes they make jokes and laugh at the person, and I do think that they try to give the participants a similar look.

I also DESPISE the encouragement of excessive consumerism by giving people $5000 to spend only on clothes and pushing expensive items. When the prices are revealed at the end of the shows it just makes me sick because I know I could have bought so much more (especially at thrift stores). It also breaks my heart when women end up crying when all of their clothes are thrown away, when they are forced to cut their hair, or when natural hair is relaxed or made straight. I mean can't they keep some of their favorite items? Once they change their look maybe they will throw them away on their own. Why is it necessary to permanently change someone's hair so drastically? What is wrong with allowing a woman to have long hair if she likes it? I totally don't understand this "I'm making a change in my life so I'm going to hack off all of my hair too" idea...why not just change your behaviour?

Anyways, I made this post because YES I realize that some people think of my blog in the same way, pressuring women to change their style! If you watch the two videos the stylists wanted the participants to dress in a more feminine manner and I felt the same way about their clothes. But this is a blog and I don't go up to people in real life telling them they look bad or throwing away their clothes. But fashion dos and don'ts and best and worst dressed articles/shows are not new and people are always evaluating fashion. You are taking this too personally (I can understand because I have felt hurt in the same way when reading articles criticizing ultra feminine styles). Many Black women like what I like and already dress in this way even though it seems so different to you. Plus I don't have the power to make anyone do anything. People have to see the value of it and choose it for themselves. 

I actually love make-over shows but prefer it when the individual WANTS to change because they don't like the way they look, it's bringing them negative consequences, or it's not getting them what they want. These are the reasons why I have changed my style numerous times and don't miss my old looks. Some people admit they dress in a certain way to hide because they have low-self esteem or don't like their bodies, so they did not choose clothing just because they liked it. Others were tired of being criticized and since they were not that attached to their style, they did not mind changing. Then there are also others who change because they want to give off a different look that either fits with their changed status or make a more desirable impression. So maybe ask yourself "do you really like your style or are you just wearing things because you feel you have to, have limited options because of your size or finances, or just don't know what to wear to make the impression you want? Is your style giving off the impression you want at this point in your life and is it benefiting you? Why are you so attached to your style, aren't you more than your clothes? 

Read Part 2

We Don't Live in Bubbles and Other People Influence Us

I'd like you to HONESTLY answer these questions:

1. When you are planning to stay home for the day do you put on your regular going-out make-up, do your hair, and put on your work, date, or going-out clothes? 
2. If you are staying home do you dress differently if you know someone will be stopping by?
3. Do you look different at home than when you are in public?
4. When you go to work do you dress like the other people at your job or according to the dress code?
5. When you go out for the evening for a date, party, or special event do you dress up more than you usually would?
6. Do you dress in a way that is similar to your friends?
7. Have you ever worn something or changed your clothes because your partner or friend said that outfit looked great/bad on you?
8. If people tell you that you don't look good in something, after a while are you reluctant to wear it?
9. Have you ever avoided wearing something because you thought other people would not like it?
10. If people compliment something you wear are you more likely to wear it, will you keep it in your wardrobe longer, or wear it when you really want to look good?
11. Have you ever worn something because you thought other people would like it?
12. Have you ever seen someone wearing something and decided to buy something similar because you liked it?
13. Have you ever started wearing something because you read about it in a magazine?
14. Have you ever gone out to buy something because it was advertised (e.g., on sale)?
15. Have you ever followed a fashion trend?
16. Can you label your fashion style (e.g., casual, hipster, hip hop, boho chic, sporty, preppy etc.). 
17. Do you only buy women's clothes and shop at women's stores?

If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions then you, like most other people, have at some point dressed in a certain way because of other people! You are following social conventions just like everyone else. There are social conventions (unwritten rules) about what to wear in public, at work, at school, on a date, at a party, to get attention, to scare people, to appear non-conformist, to look like you don't care about fashion, to not attract attention, to be approachable, to be attractive to men, to be stylish and fashionable, to be unique, to be feminine, to be androgynous, to be sporty, to be comfortable yet acceptable, to be thrifty and so on. You may only conform to some conventions while others conform to the rest. Other people influenced your choice of what to wear and when, and what you purchased. 

You do not always dress in a certain way just because you like it and the "I only dress for me not for other people" thing is a fallacy. In this case I would say it's a false dichotomy (black or white thinking) where you assume people either dress for themselves or for others when I think that most people, at times, actually dress for others! There is nothing new under the sun and unless you make your own clothes then someone else influenced you to wear what you have chosen to wear in public. You are wearing the clothes fashion designers have decided to make and market in a given year and you are following the crowd by buying those things. If your clothes can be labeled as a certain style then you are following the fashion rules someone else created. If you look different at home compared to when you go out then you are dressing differently because other people are around (and the weather I'll admit that). If you only shop in women's stores or buy women's clothes then once again you are following a social convention and shopping and buying only what others have designated for you. If you purchased or wore anything after seeing it on someone else, in an advertisement, or after a sale was announced then someone else (e.g., the media) prompted you to do something that you may have never done otherwise. 

Yes it makes people feel good and independent to say "I wear things ONLY because I want to not because of person A, B, or C" (e.g., men) but there are so many factors that influence us in a consumer society that it is highly unlikely that other people did not influence your decision. For instance, most fashion designers are men so if you like designer clothes you are choosing to look the way these men dictate and they sometimes design clothes that are horribly uncomfortable yet appealing to men. I would say that most fashion magazines consider men's views when choosing clothes and advertisements so men are influencing these magazines. That fashion icon you emulate may dress to attract men if it wasn't your reason. Even people who have decided to not follow trends are actually following the trend of not caring about such things. Perhaps the exceptions to the rules would be hermits who don't interact with anyone and certain mentally ill people who don't think before they put something on. I am willing to admit that I answered yes to all of the questions above because I acknowledge that I don't live in a box and other people influence me, sometimes even without my knowledge. Hopefully the questions above will help you to admit the same and not be ashamed of it.

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On to my next point. I have to stop being surprised whenever someone says that their identity is only based on what they think of themselves. Part of our identity is based on what others think about us! This is called the Looking Glass Self (Wikipedia) in sociology. For example, if you think you are a well mannered person but everyone tells you and others that you are rude then which one is the truth? Both are the truth! You are an individual who thinks you are well mannered but is perceived to be rude by others. Constantly being told you are rude may eventually convince you that you are a rude person. If you don't like being a rude person then you may choose to improve your manners to change that aspect of your identity and the way others perceive you. Sometimes our self-identity and other-identity match (e.g., we think we are pretty and so does everyone else) but often they don't match (we think we are boring but others find us interesting). Sometimes the positive or negative opinions of us come as a shock because they are so different from our thoughts about ourselves (e.g., I thought I was feminine but others think I'm too hard???). 

In fact, in your interactions with other people what they think about you is THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS because all they have is their perceptions and what they think can have consequences for you! It doesn't matter if you think you are gorgeous, interesting, kind, and intelligent because if others think you are unattractive, boring, mean, or dumb then they will treat you that way. Only your behaviour can change their opinions and reasoning with them will not work. When people say "what other people think of you shouldn't matter" or "your caring what other people think means you have low self-esteem" it puzzles me because I know very well it does matter and everyone cares no matter what their self-esteem is! People...convincing yourself you don't care what others think is just your way of protecting yourself (because you actually do care but can't handle the negativity or possibility you can't live up expectations) and it is being reinforced by the "feel good" culture of today. But if it makes you happy and keeps you going it's working and don't stop and there are plenty of articles online that can teach to not care (too much) about what other people think. 

It's good to protect yourself. But please don't act like I'm crazy or messed up for facing reality! You may have convinced yourself that not dressing to attract men means you are confident, independent, and laid back but it may hide the reality that you are lazy, unmotivated, ambivalent about having a man, or you have been LUCKY enough to get men without any effort (e.g., you work/go to school with them, dated male friends, were at the right place at the right time, were introduced etc.). Please consider that other women are rarely be around men so they have to make an effort to frequent places to meet men and dress in a way to attract them! If I know what bait a fish likes I will make sure to go out, purchase, and use that bait instead of using whatever I have lying around. No one is talking about wearing something you dislike, causes pain, or bankrupts you just because someone else likes it. I like clothes that look good, feel comfortable AND are attractive to men...I get more bang for my buck!  

What others think of you is part of who you are. BUT it is not helpful to be overly influenced in a negative way by self- or other-perceptions because of course that can ruin your self-esteem (beware of the self-fulfilling prophesy). For instance, other people's opinions of you may not be based on you at all and may be based on racism, sexism, jealousy, misinterpretations or just their personal issues. But we should not keep our heads in the sand about the fact that other's opinions influence us and what they think of us may have consequences. If people are influencing us in a negative way or if they have negative opinions of us then only we can try to change that by choosing a more positive path that will create a positive impression. We have to pick and choose whether it is worth it to improve based on the negative or potential consequences or if it is even possible to improve. We must also consider the consequences of changing, for example, are you willing to steal, fight, do drugs, have sex, etc. to convince yourself and others you are cool? Are you willing to inject silicone into your body, starve yourself, or spend a fortune on cosmetics to convince yourself and others that you are beautiful? I think these would be bad choices. On the other hand, you could instead improve in healthy ways or if possible change who you associate with (e.g., find friends who think you are cool the way you are and a boyfriend who thinks you are already beautiful). There are numerous articles online about how to not care (too much) about what other people think but I think it's impossible for most people to not care at all. 

I'm done...yes I was irritated when I wrote this...

Related Articles:

Why your teenager is a failure

Psychology of self-fulfilling prophesy (GREAT, please read)

Dressing down gets the kiss off

Why dress like everyone else?

How to dress to attract a man

Attract a man, be a lady (funny but good advice)

Do women dress for men (some differing opinions)

3 reasons why women fail to attract men

Looking to Africa for Fashion and Beauty Standards?

Someone made a comment on my post about sarees asking why I wrote about Indian clothing instead of traditional clothing worn by African women (I think she suggested Nigerian clothing). I was irritated by the comment so I looked at the links she posted then deleted it (why put up with negativity if I don't have to right?). Well I did a post in December about Elegant African Women and some fashions they had that I thought were nice. I couldn't find many videos so I posted the ones with dresses I actually liked. Although the dress shapes were nice I don't really like geometric designs and prefer my clothing to have either solids or flowers, and sometimes pinstripes. So I shy away from bright geometic designs like in the African dresses. They dresses are very...almost super modern looking because of the patterns and I prefer retro looks. So for whatever reason I like the sarees more. I suppose if the African dresses were plain I would like them more. Plus, I just don't like head wraps and prefer big loose natural hair. I didn't grow up with fashions like that and actually I'm more accustomed to seeing people wearing sarees in Toronto so I guess I'm used to them. I'm also more accustomed to seeing traditional East Asian clothing in Toronto on television and in movies. I can't even think of an African movie that I've seen where women were wearing dresses like in the videos or the links that were posted in the comments.

This all brings me to the main point I wanted to write about. Why is it that we expect Black people, who have never been to Africa and have been out of Africa for generations to have a preference for African fashions and beauty?  African fashion is foreign to me. The African women I know didn't even wear traditional clothes and they wore Western clothing the way I did! My parents and grandparents are from the Caribbean and they never showed me traditional clothes. The closest thing to traditional would be Caribana costumes but those are basically showgirl costumes so not something anyone would wear in their everyday lives. So do we expect that Black people around the world have some genetic preference for clothing? I think it's really unfair to expect that.

Now this brings me to my second point and this is the difficult one. Why are Black people who have never been to Africa and have been out of Africa for generations supposed to have a preference for African facial features? Again, are people expecting that Black people have a genetic preference for certain features? I think that there are some preferences, like the ones that I mentioned in my post about the Black standard of beauty, that may be widespread because they indicate health and youth. But we must also recognize that a lot of what we think is beautiful is based on what we see and what we are told is beautiful meaning that a lot of our preferences are socialized. So if a Black girl grows up around very few Black women and mostly sees White and Asian women in real life, and mainly White women on television why do we expect her to have a preference for traditional African features? Especially given that the Black women on television tend to be biracial (and in my case family members and friends with medium skin tones).Why would we try to live up to a standard of beauty from a place we don't live especially if its very different from the standard of the people we actually live around? A Black Canadian woman may be considered gorgeous in Kenya but that is irrelevant if she's considered unattractive in Canada where she lives.

What are African facial features anyway? I keep reading people saying that the Black actresses the media calls beautiful have European features. Other than them having lighter skin sometimes I don't think many of them look White at all if you compare them to the average White woman. Here's an example:



I mean when you look at Sanaa Lathan do you actually think her features "look White" compared to Christy Brinkly's? All of the Black women who people rate as beautiful do not have pencil thin noses and neither do many White women! I do not think Sanaa looks White and she is successful in Hollywood. What Black features does she not have? Also remember a lot of Black women like myself have the same skin tone as Sanaa. Is there some African face/jaw shape that Sanaa is supposed to have or is having an oval face a White thing? Let's try again:

Now looking at Halle Berry and Paris Hilton are you seriously trying to tell me that they look alike? No Halle's nose is not the widest I have ever seen by it is nowhere near as pinched as Paris' and her nose is very common and there are some White women who have fuller lips. You know what, a lot of the White women I find attractive actually have broader noses...hmm maybe they actually have more Black features??? I actually think Black men probably have a thing for Elisha Cuthbert, Britney Spears, and Pink below but that's just my theory ;)  Seriously, all three women look like Black women painted White to me and Britney and Pink are not lacking in "thickness" either. Why is it only the so-called White features credited for women's beauty? I think White women with more so-called Black features are actually very attractive and plenty of them are getting tanned, lip injections, and nose jobs that make their features "less White". These women are considered to be highly attractive but they shouldn't be since their noses are not very narrow and pointy and they don't have thin lips like other White women.

It just seems to me that people don't prefer the extremes and consider more "average" features to be attractive. In other words, skin not too light or dark, nose not too wide or thin, lips not to thick or thin, and body not too fat or thin. Although many biracial women have these features some don't, and many Black and White women have similar features. I mean I haven't kept up with the current models today but are there any really popular White models who have Barbara Streisand noses and non-existent lips? White people don't even find very so-called White features to be the most attractive.

Now don't even try to bring up Alek Wek, India Arie, or Whoopie Goldberg and say that they have African features because I have seen many photos of African women and models with the same skin tone who look nothing like them and have thinner noses than anyone I've posted here. There is so much variety so how can there be an African standard to accept? You know all of this talking about facial features makes me uncomfortable so I put off doing this post. It just reminds me of those racist experiments that were done where White scientists measured people's facial features so they could use them to objectively tell who was White or Black and use that to discriminate. It's a slippery slope if Black people start insisting that only Black women with skin of a certain shade, nose of a certain width, and lips or a certain size are beautiful and can be employed on television or as models. Isn't that the same kind of thing that started wars? It's like White people stopped rating us based on skin tone and facial features and Black people want to start doing it again!

I'm going to end this post by saying that I will not automatically prefer African fashion over styles that I like if they are very different from Western styles. I like sarees but like I said, I won't start wearing them because they are too different from Western fashions. There is nothing wrong with admiring other cultures and being inspired by them, it's called being open to new things. Also, when I choose beauty role models I will choose those who have many or a few features that are similar to mine (e.g., Kelly Rowland as my make-up icon). I will have many hair role models, some with a similar skin tone, some with a similar body shape, and some with similar facial features and I will benefit from looking at all of them. That is the only option that makes sense to me. Last of all, everyone has preferences and you can like whatever you want and so will I. I didn't make society the way it is and I did not make you the way you are, I just point out what I notice so don't shoot the messenger!

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UPDATE: Actually, I'll come clean because what does it matter anyway. I read a post HERE on Lipstick Alley and it irritated me. I forgot about the earlier comment I wrote about above, but when I read this thread it irritated me all over again. I was actually really glad to there were several women who liked my blog but then there were a couple who just wrote me off immediately, and one was because of the saree post! The other was because of the victim mentality post, but I warned readers it was controversial and it's not as though I made the concept up. I also CLEARLY stated that I may be out of touch with the way other people are feeling about the issue but this blog is to help me understand my thoughts and feelings so whatever. Well you can't get along with everyone and I think that I have a different world view from them. I don't limit myself by race and they do and I believe I can control over my life and they don't so it's unlikely that I will see eye-to-eye.

Furthermore, this isn't a Black Women's Empowerment blog because that is the name of a blog group and I'm not a member. I do read a couple of their blogs but I don't know their underlying philosophy and I don't read the blogs of the group founders. Anyways, they automatically assumed that I use this blog to uplift White men or something. Also they labeled me an elitist who puts down Black women when that is the exact opposite of what I try to do with this blog! It's about my studies to become more feminine and how I'm struggling with that as a Black woman. If others find it helpful that's just a bonus and something nice I can do for someone else. But because they don't like the other BWE blogs they lumped me in with them...so are they seriously going to reject any blog that is about empowering Black women before even reading it? I guess they can shut their minds if they want to. Self-improvement isn't for everyone and maybe they are completely happy with themselves and their lives.

Imagine if Black Women Wore Sarees!!!

I LOVE SAREES! I saw some women in the mall yesterday wearing them. They are the ultimate feminine dress and they look so beautiful with their elegant designs, vibrant colours, jeweled accents, and delicately draping fabrics. They scream I AM WOMAN! When looking at a woman in a saree, depending on the style, she looks delicate and you don't want to do anything to mess up the beautiful garment. Sometimes the women have to hold the saree making it incompatible with carrying things, physically active tasks, or doing anything but standing or sitting pretty lol. This is what makes them so feminine because they are fit for someone sitting on a pedestal! They look like princesses! They are walking works of art similar to Geisha in kimonos.

These images were made using saree doll makers.

Just imagine, what if Black women had always worn sarees or started wearing them? Wouldn't we instantly look more feminine, delicate, and princess-like? Would we look more respectable? Would we be treated more like delicate feminine creatures who should be cherished and protected from harm? (please take a look at Michelle Obama in sarees!!!). I'm just daydreaming with this blog and I'm not actually suggesting you go out and buy a saree. People will look at you like your're crazy and Indian women will complain about cultural appropriation. Do we have traditional African or Caribbean clothing and would they actually look good on women today (*sigh*)? But honestly, we just need one high profile Black celebrity to start doing this and it could actually happen :)

I'm sure that in other countries women in sarees are probably disrespected sometimes but I'm just focusing on Black women in Western countries. Should Black women adopt a standard feminine garb? I think they would if it said Gucci lol! Wouldn't it be wonderful if Black women started wearing sarees all the time! I would be so happy!!!

The Ice Princess Dream Girl

In my previous post I discussed the Manic Pixie Dream Girl (MPDG) character that some women (mostly feminists) dislike in films. For example, the character of Zooey Deschanel in (500) Days of Summer. One blogger asked the question, Who is the Black Zooey Deschanel? I think that Black women are rarely depicted as MPDGs in films (I can't think of any roles) but instead they are cast as "Ice Princess Dream Girls" (IPDGs; my label).

Unlike MPDGs the Ice Princess is usually the lead character in films and is often a successful, career oriented, strong, independent Black woman who either doesn't want a man, or can't find a man good enough for her. She may have a negative attitude as well. Then she encounters a man, usually less successful than she is, blue collar, or less attractive than she is. The Ice Princess initially rejects the man but he pursues her tirelessly. His role is to win the Ice Princess, show her that her career achievements or popularity will not bring her the happiness he can, and bring out her nurturing, feminine, soft side. IPDG films include Deliver Us From Eva, Something New, I Can Do Bad All by Myself, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Love Don't Cost a Thing, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, The Bodyguard, and probably many others. In these roles the male characters are less developed but infinitely wise and it is the female characters who are somehow deficient. In other cases where the man is the lead character, the Ice Princess's sole purpose is to show the man that he is chasing the wrong woman to be his trophy and he should consider the "nice girl" or "best friend" instead. Films like this include Boomerang, Brown Sugar, and Woo (I think). I think that many White women are also cast in the IPDG role too (e.g., New in Town, Overboard, Bed of Roses, Some Kind of Wonderful).

I am not sure if this is a case of art imitating life or life imitating art because many successful Black women are feeling pressured into the Ice Princess role! Successful, educated Black women are being pressured to lower their standards and date less successful and educated men. They are being told that they are single because they are too masculine, fake, or career oriented or that they have bad attitudes. Men are implying that these women need to change and that love (specifically Black love) is all we should require of a man. These men also advocate that we adopt the submissive role of letting them lead while at the same time taking the dominant role of helping them succeed.

Potential Black Manic Pixie Dream Girls
I do think that there are Black celebrities who could be cast as Manic Pixies. A Black Manic Pixie could wear the same feminine clothing as White Manic Pixies like Zooey Deschanel (except for the ones with the rainbow hair). In films they may also take on the bohemian look. In my mind I see these characters with adorable natural hair (maybe with flowers in it, I know I'm biased), a bubbly personality (quirky and cute) with no attitude, edge, or hardness, and a job as an artist or other creative or low-stress jobs (e.g., waitress, hairdresser). I think that Black Manic Pixies would be appropriate for interracial roles because they may be very attractive to White men but less so for Black men. These are the types of women who will be accused of "dressing and acting White", they will have multicultural friends, and they won't be into hip hop music or lifestyle (they would probably listen to rock, pop, retro music, or neo soul lol).

I think that other than the career thing, I might look like a Manic Pixie which is probably why I like them! I date interracially; dress in a feminine manner; have natural hair; I am quirky because of my love of cute things, science fiction/horror movies, and blogging; I listen to retro music and pop; and if my favorite songs come on I may spontaneously dance or call out the song title! Examples of celebrities who could pull off this role are Thandie Newton (I think probably has), Corinne Bailey Rae, Lisa Bonnet, Zoe Kravitz, Solange Knowles, and Jada Pinkett-Smith. Lynn from Girlfriends is a good television example. The great examples I would say are Andy Allo (images) and Esperanza Spalding (images) and you can see what I mean if you look at their photos. They look like nice, carefree, artsy, eccentric, feminine women who could be muses for any man. Below I have posted some outfits that Black women could wear to get the Manic Pixie look. I did not include any bohemian or punk styles because I'm not fond of that look :)

Manic Pixie Dream Girl Look by elegantbw featuring shoulder handbags

Related Articles:

The Black Zooey Deschanel Playoffs
Fairies Wear Boots (excellent)

My Current Wardrobe

I just discovered Polyvore a great site to make online collages! So I decided to make a collage to give you an idea of what I wear. It will also help me identify things that I want to change. It's not bad for a first try but the ones by some of the other users are amazing!

The items in the collage are similar to items I have, but they are not the same items, colours, or prices of the items I own. Prior to my EBW journey I only had hoodies, sweat shirts, turtle neck sweaters, blazers for work, jeans, ill-fitting pants, masculine looking dress shirts, and masculine looking shoes. I didn't like my wardrobe at all. Now I am really liking what I have purchased (almost entirely from thrift stores) but I think I can turn the femininity up a notch by paying more attention to accessories and altering my clothes. These are items depicted below:

Skirts: My favorite skirts are my black pencil skirts because they are comfortable and they emphasize my curves. I also have them in brown and gray. I have peasant skirts in brown, black, and white and they are great for work or running errands. I prefer skirts over dresses because I think I can get many different looks with them.
Dresses: I have some summer dresses, party dresses, and sweater dresses for the winter. I want to try different looks with the summer and party dresses by pairing them with cardigans, blazers, and shrugs.
Sleeveless tops and tank tops: I have so many of these in every colour (especially turquoise!). I like the frilly ones the most. They are great under cardigans, blazers, or low cut tops. I have a few baby T-shirts that are cute for a casual look when paired with a skirt.
Cardigans: I have many of these too. I was influenced to buy them because they look so great on Michelle Obama. I think I should pin flowers or brooches on them more often, wear them with belts, or wear them open because sometimes they make me look boxy. I also have some shrugs that I will wear more often because they probably won't make me look as boxy.
Blazers and Jackets: Blazers are perfect for work or sometimes I wear them as spring jackets. I have to alter many of them so that they fit me better. I have white, black, and beige trench coats and I love wearing them belted at the waist.
Belts: I almost always wear a belt to cinch in my waist and cover the waistbands of my skirts. I love the wide ones that are almost like corsets but I will try wearing the skinny ones too.
Jewelry: I tend to only wear earrings. I love hoops and thread earrings because tiny ones can only be seen if I wear my hair back. I also can't wear dangle earrings with my hair down (my hair and I learned that the hard way!). When I first went natural I actually wore brooches in my hair and it looked pretty, but now I think my big hair gets enough attention as is! I think any more jewelry would be too much.
Cute shoes: I have many pairs of heels but I rarely wear them. I want to get used to wearing them again and I will try to bear the pain! I think the heels will really perfect my look. I just have to stock up on shoe inserts and cushioning. I also have cute flats with bows that I love and some sandals. I have flip flops that I rarely wear because they aren't very classy are they?
Purses: I have four purses and three of them are black (small, medium, and large). I wouldn't mind getting something extra cute in pink or purple. I just don't want to become obsessed with purses.