Feminine Dances I Want to Learn

In the near future I want to learn samba and belly dance! My post about Lessons We Can Learn From Brazilian Women made me really want to learn the samba! I found videos online where women are doing the samba with partners and they are wearing dresses (not thongs) so I think that clearly, it is not the same booty-shaking dancing we are embarrassed about in clubs. I already have belly dance exercise tapes so I'll bring those out. I would like to take classes for both though. I also want to learn some feminine and tasteful moves for the dance club. Maybe I need to learn how to dance to actual "dance music" instead of hip hop too. I think that dance is a good feminine interest (of course men dance too but women take way more dance classes than men) and it will help me to move in a more feminine manner. Plus, dancing is great exercise.

The women who do this dance look so fit! Their bodies look like rubber! Definitely feminine...the guys have way too much flare for me though :)

Gorgeous!

Lessons We can Learn From Brazilian Women

My parents are from the Caribbean but I was born in Canada. Negative things have been said about Caribbean women too. Negative things were said about Rihanna's being from the Caribbean after that incident with Chris Brown (can't stand him). But I think there are some things we can learn from women who come from tropical places. I watched a few YouTube videos and I've noticed a few things. I have to first state that the women were chosen for the videos because they are beautiful and many are models, so they probably don't typify the average Brazilian or Caribbean woman. But I think it is fair to compare them to American women and models who are considered attractive.

1. Exotic allure: Anyone looking at these women would say they are "exotic". Some women think exotic is a bad word and don't want it applied to them. But what is wrong with being exotic rather than ordinary? People love exotic foods and traveling to exotic places. Asian and Latina women don't seem to mind being exotic and men sometimes seek them out just because they are different. Some might say the men who prefer exotic women just have a fetish, but isn't it a fetish to like a large chest or backside, or a certain colour of hair or eyes? Does having that fetish matter if a man loves and marries you? Men are attracted to women because of the way they look and some prefer a different look. Sometimes I think people call it a fetish because they can't understand why someone would want an exotic woman and they prefer the standard European look. It's just another way to devalue one of our qualities. Maybe those of us who are from the Caribbean, Africa, or South America should embrace our exotic roots. I personally think anything is better than hip hop fashion.
2. Carefree attitude: I doubt most people in the tropics are carefree but I'm just referring to the women in the videos. The women in the videos look happy, flirty, carefree, and easy to get along with. They don't look hardened. This is a very feminine quality and it is very attractive. They may have problems but they don't show it or they handle it well. 
3. Natural hair: Most of the women in the videos have long hair that is also natural. There were many different textures, some hair hung down, some was more puffy, but they all looked beautiful. I LOVE natural hair. Long hair is feminine but so is natural hair. Their hair was very sexy!
4. Healthy Weight: For some reason the women had really thin arms and waists but large breasts and backsides! It isn't possible to spot reduce so this look may be very difficult for most to achieve. But one thing we can do is exercise and eat healthier so that our waists are smaller. Larger waists are associated with health problems such as diabetes. Notice that many of the dancers had very fit legs and they were not skinny like Western fashion models. They look healthy not underweight. 
5. Beautiful skin: These women had skin that glows! Some had a biracial look, sometimes with light eyes and skin but there were plenty with dark skin and eyes. The photos were probably touched up too. The lesson for us though is that we need to moisturize, exfoliate, and take good care of our skin. Brown, tan skin just looks baked, ripe, and healthy :)
6. Stay feminine while dancing. There were several clips of women dancing. Some appeared to be doing Latin dances. They looked very feminine (I know they were barely dressed and you wouldn't wear those outfits everyday). Many hip hop dances (especially crumping...gross) look too hard and masculine. I think reggae dance can be vulgar sometimes too. Try to conduct yourself like a lady when you dance and men will treat you like one. I am not a fan of calypso, reggae, or Latin dance. I might get to like Latin dance and I want to take some kind of dance lessons. I think the dance in the videos is samba...very hot!

Blog Review - Be Exquisite Part II

This is Part 2 of my review of the beautiful and elegant Be Exquisite blog! I started the review from page 26 to page 16. Part 1 can be read HERE. Part 2 will be about the many random thoughts and questions that popped into my head while reading her blog (that are likely to inspire future posts). Really, they are just ramblings that will probably tell you more about me than the actual blog! I will review the rest of the blog in a future post. 

These are the Thoughts that Popped into my Head as I Read this Interesting Blog

Changing Yourself: 

• As I read through the blog I kept asking myself "is this all fake"?. Is the elegance we see in Michelle Obama her true self? Did she not receive some sort of teaching and coaching? If so, then some or us were taught early but it's still possible for some of us to be taught later. Eventually, practicing what we learn will become habit and our true selves. It isn't a natural way to behave but it can become natural.
• Are people allowed to change? Should we not improve ourselves? Rude is rude, obnoxious is obnoxious, why accept that your true self is an obnoxious oaf?
• Is it wrong to improve yourself to get a man? People do it to get a job and a man is more important than a job. It's a give and take. You become a better woman in order to get a better man. If you are a poorly-mannered woman then you will end up with a poorly-mannered man. Being well mannered is being nice and not offending others and I think those are good goals.
• Is it wrong to change if your man asks you to? On YouTube men have put out mean videos criticizing Black women and of course, when we are attacked we become defensive. But what if they asked in a nice way, or if it was your man who you actually loved. Would you change for him? Some will state that he should accept you exactly the way you are. But let me give you an example, suppose you have a habit of burping at the table and your man asks you to stop doing this. Would you say "no, burping at the table is who I am and you have to accept that or we are through." Yes it is trivial. To some, this whole blog is trivial, but it's this trivial thing that is hurting Black women's reputation around the world! So based on the negative consequences of these trivial actions, why not just fix the problem so that we can move on to more important things! By the way these Black women bashing videos are being pumped out by Black men you would think this is the biggest problem facing the Black community so let's quickly fix this problem so we can focus on the real issues!

Sensuality, Beauty and Dress:

• I liked her advice about how to keep nails filed and using cuticle cream. Simple things can make a big difference.
• Jackie made a post about being pleasurable to the senses (i.e., sensuous). This made me think about products for relaxed hair. They don't smell good at all. I wonder if this has had a negative effect on Black women's reputation. Do people think our relaxed hair smells bad? Natural hair products smell much better and are better for the hair. We should all make the switch because smelly hair is unacceptable.
• I liked her advice about trying to look like a goddess. Strive for that.
• I never got into aromatherapy. I thought it was bogus, new age, nonsense. Maybe I should give it another look if it is pleasurable to the senses. I do have essential oils that I use for their properties but I don't use anything for aromatherapy purposes.
• I think those people on "What Not to Wear" need to learn some vocabulary from Jackie because all they talk about is "sophisticated" and "sexy". Aren't there other things women can aim for when they choose an outfit?
• I wonder what it means to "dress Black" or "dress White?" If I wear feminine, sensuous (not sexy) clothes, that are not revealing, and not hip hop inspired, then would people say that is dressing White?
• This blog has posts about flowers. Do I like flowers? I think you spend money on them and they just die. I would prefer spending money once on fake flowers that last forever. I guess they look nice...I noticed that most of my dresses have some sort of abstract flower design on them. I guess I do like flowers :) Plus, if a man gave them to me I would feel great...maybe I love flowers!

Dating and Marriage:

• I am a smart woman and well-mannered. Men are criticizing other women for being loud and having attitudes.  So, if I become even more well-mannered I will have my pick of men! Since there are not enough men to go around, self-improvement sounds like a good idea.
• Men like women for their differences in mannerisms and appearance. But I think I would get along best if the man has values that are similar to my own.
• Do we really want androgyny? Do we want women to look and act like men and do we want men to look and act like women? I think women are most beautiful when they look and act like feminine ladies (e.g., on their wedding day in a beautiful gown). I think some men actually need to tone down the aggression and clean themselves up. That rugged, mountain man, thug, angry at the world, ill-fitting clothes look is entirely unattractive to me. Give me a clean-cut man in a three-piece suit and I swoon! I prefer men who are cute an sweet, maybe even a pretty-boy if I'm lucky :)
• I think a woman has to act like a lady in order to get a chivalrous man. I don't find chivalry demeaning, I love it! Growing up, due to feminism I thought that if something was traditionally feminine then I had to reject it! I didn't let men open doors, I carried my own heavy bags, I refused to learn how to cook, and I refused to wear dresses and skirts. Now I think the exact opposite! So we can change! 
• There is a great post on chivalry. If a man doesn't act chivalrous towards you, does he really care about you? Never curse and your man should never curse in front of you. I don't like listening to music with cursing and way too many songs have that now.
• Great quote "Get to know two things about a man--how he earns his money and how he spends it--and you have the clue to his character, for you have a searchlight that shows up the innermost recesses of his soul. You know all you need to know about his standards, his motives, his driving desires, and his real religion." Robert J. McCracken.
• I think that within the first three dates women should find out if their date believes in marriage. If he doesn't then you should stop seeing him otherwise you will be wasting your time trying to change his mind. If a man can definitively say he will never get married or does not believe in marriage, take him at his word and move on.
• I looked at her Recipe Challenge #10 and I had the vision of coming home with groceries and smiling at my husband. He asked why I was smiling and I told him I was making a special dessert. He smiled and looked excited. I think I would really like it if that happened. Seriously ladies, if you can get a guy to prefer you over other women but learning how to cook then why wouldn't you? You don't have to do it all the time and he can help you. Really think about all the expensive clothes and trips to the salon you spend money on to look attractive. Maybe you should spend that money on learning how to cook instead.

Posture and Grace: 

• There was a great post about how to sit with grace. What was amazing to me was that I was already sitting that way! I remember being at meetings where every woman in the room had their legs crossed at the knee and I was the only one sitting with my knees together and my legs crossed at the ankles. I actually worried that was sitting improperly. I don't cross my legs because sometimes my skirt rides up and it really hurts my knees when I do it. 
• The blog has a post about posture. Luckily my posture is quite good. I spent two years sitting on a balance ball instead of a desk chair. My abs are tight now, and I can stand up straight. I can check that one off my list.
• The blog has a few posts about ballet. I am not a fan of ballet...but they are graceful though.

Miscellaneous Thoughts:

• Jackie, the writer of this blog, writes very well and she is definitely well educated. I like the brief lessons and some posts are just images of art and I like those too.
• Jackie appears to be religious and I think that 100% of the blogs on this topic were by religious women too. What does that mean? In modern times are religious women more well mannered than atheists or agnostics? Are some of these rules of etiquette and deportment based on the Bible? What benefit would an agnostic get out of reading the Bible?
• I wish comments were allowed on more of the older posts.
• This blog introduced me to singer Amel Larrieux. I have never heard of her but I liked her song called "For Real. Very nice :) I think listing to all that negative hip hop has probably had a negative effect on the Black community. Hip hop is the opposite of feminine and it definitely is not sensuous or soothing. All of that foul language and derogatory language is the way some people speak all the time now.
• I really liked the post about How to Be Perfectly Miserable . 
• I think this would be a nice blog to give to her daughter. I hope she saves it.
• I admit, I have to work on my discretion. I was really embarrassed two years ago by being too open. In fact, this has been a big problem ever since high school. 
• I skipped over the recipes because I'm not in the position to deal with that right now (low funds, no oven or stove right now).

So that's the end of Part II of my review of Be Exquisite. Just reading this blog put so many ideas and questions into my head. Things I never really thought about before I decided to become an EBW. Maybe this blog will change you too :)

Free Online Manners and Etiquette Tutorials!

Isn't the internet fantastic? I recently found some great resources if you want to improve your manners and learn rules of etiquette that are still applicable today. However, these resources are OLD! I found a library site with many 1950s era videos that were shown to American students in school (I don't remember seeing things like this in Canada but I learned many of these things anyway). You will get a laugh out of how cheesy the videos are but if you pay attention, the information provided is very useful!

• Mind Your Manners (1963)
• How Do You Do? (1946)
• Social Courtesy (1952): Great example of the effects of changing your behaviour
• Office Ettiquette: Meeting the Public (1952): This reminds me of my post Lessons We Can Learn From Secretaries ;)
• Obligations (1950): As a kid I acted like I didn't have any and most do today
• Better Use of Leisure Time (1950)
• Are You Popular? (1947)

On the site (Archive.org) you can search for other similar videos and e-books :)

This is a link to Lessons on Manners for Home and School Use by Edith E. Wiggin that you can download for free. This recording is based on a book from a time when people still used people used carriages! There is one part I have to warn you about in Lesson #3. In stating an example of the way other cultures revere their elders the reader actually says "The lower races of man" and makes a reference to American Indians and Asians! That gave me pause and brought up those same thoughts I had in my previous post Is Trying to Be Elegant Also Trying to Be White? It didn't feel good thinking I'm reading a book written by a woman who would say I'm from a "lower race". I listened to the whole recording anyway and plan to listen a couple of times more because good manners and being nice is not just something White people do and these behaviours help all people to get along. So I put that unfortunate remark out of my mind, and aside from that the lessonas are actually pretty good.

Racism is a problem with old books on manners and about almost anything. I learned in my online searches that this information is in demand and some people are making a profit out of it. Modern etiquette and manners lessons are not free! There are companies and consultants who sell their services, seminars, workshops, books, and DVDs to people (e.g., business people, high society people etc.) who want to learn these skills today. Maybe one day I will invest in a DVD set. Etiquette Police is a free online program. I don't know how good it is but it's free! I signed up.