Well this is a simple video about things women can do if they want to look more feminine. It is only about looking feminine not about behaviours or inner qualities. The annotations took forever!
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Monday, October 1, 2012
Touching Black Women's Hair
NOTE: This is not a post about letting random White people you don't know come up and grab your hair without asking. Please keep that in mind while reading this post :)
It's really interesting the way someone can love something while others will hate it. I think it really all depends on your personal experiences (socialization), opinions, your environment, and the way you see the world.
Touching Black women's hair seems to be an issue for some. It's amazing how many women become outraged over the idea that someone wants to touch their hair! It creates anger! I have constantly seen the response, "Why should I let them touch my hair, I'm not in a petting zoo!". No one said you were an animal in a zoo but why do you equate touching a WOMAN's hair with touching an animal? First of all, why are YOU comparing yourself to an animal in a zoo?!! Did the person say, "you remind me of an animal so I want to pet you?" Did they say "you look like a woolly dog so can I pet you?" NO! They usually say "your hair is so pretty/amazing/full/big/coily etc. can I touch it?" It is you who are reminded of racist sentiments that rush to your mind. Isn't it hard always thinking such hurtful thoughts all the time? Why is it your natural impulse to think the person is a racist and has bad intentions instead of good intentions and curiosity? Are they treating you like an animal even if they are Black? If not, then why do you have a problem with Black people touching your hair? Okay, you may not want strangers to touch you, understandable.
But why in the world can't your friends, family, or dates touch your hair? You mean a guy can kiss you or sleep with you but he can't touch your hair??? This is a case where ignorance really is bliss because if your mind was not so filled with thoughts and stories about racism then you would actually enjoy having your hair touched. I had it done last night and I loved it! And guess what...I touched his hair too and it felt good! Did you know that many men LOVE to have their heads touched and massaged by women? If it is so horrible then why do they like it? One of your most powerful romantic tools as a woman is the power of your touch...use it instead of giving up sex so easily! Is this about weaves that you are ashamed of? Some many women say I love to change up their style, it's just hair so it's not important, White women wear weaves etc. so why make a fuss if it's not big deal? Is this about using greasy products? Well then maybe you need to stop buying that useless crap that's marketed to us and start using something different. I don't use any grease or oils on my hair and it feels fantastic (I'm all about super moisturizing with conditioner).
Black ladies, do you realize that women of other races let their friends, family, and romantic interests touch their hair? It is a sign of affection and it feels good to the woman and the person touching their hair. People would not allow or try to do it if it didn't feel good. I get that it may be annoying if a stranger just grabs your hair without asking or if you are a germaphobe but if someone you know asks why make such a big deal over it? It make you look like a nutbar! It's your hair not your breast or something! People don't try to touch smelly, dirty, ugly hair. They touch hair that looks like it would feel good or at least not unpleasant. I would think that after having a horrible experience touching nasty hair people would stop trying to do it, so obviously they have had good experiences with it. The people who ask to touch have probably also had the pleasure of having their hair touched. This may explain why some are shocked by your aversion. It reminds me of how weird it is when people react negatively to a compliment...that goes against the complimenter's experience giving and receiving compliments.
The whole hair thing also reminds me of those stories of babies raised in Russian orphanages. You can read about the benefits of touch in this article called Touching Empathy. It's like some Black women are deprived of being touched in a good way and the article explains all the positive things that these women have not received. It's really an unfortunate thing. But there is a reason why hugs and massages feel good and they have nothing to do with you being treated like an animal in a zoo! These things are pleasurable, this is the "good touch." Ask yourself how often you received the "good touch" from family, friends, and love interests in your life? Are you uncomfortable showing or receiving physical affection? If so then you are missing out on one of the most enjoyable things in life. If you have received the "bad touch" and that is the reason why you don't like being touched then this may actually be good for you so you can find out that not all touch is horrible. You need to desensitize yourself to the anxiety raised when someone touches or wants to touch you. This also reminds me of all of those movies where a person is afraid to do something they have never done before and an experienced teacher tells them to "let go of your inhibitions" because they will see there is nothing to fear and it is their thoughts that are keeping them back from experiencing something that could positively change their life. Maybe it would help you to let someone you care about touch your hair and you could touch theirs. I think Black women need to get over this issue and allow themselves to feel what other people are experiencing.
Someone may come back stating during slavery this, during Jim Crow that, racists think A, B, and C as reasons why they won't let someone they know touch their hair. I don't see the point in referring to the way people acted so far in the past (before many were born) or to what happened in another country. My being Canadian from the Caribbean is probably part of the reason why I don't look to those things as reasons why someone shouldn't be allowed to touch my hair. I also know my hair feels amazing so I have nothing to fear. I guess when it comes to touching my hair that's one issue where I'm extremely liberal. I've heard that in some countries there are actually people called "Untouchables" because of their social caste, they are treated horribly, and they are prevented from having the opportunities that the rest of society enjoys. I think that's awful. Why are you labeling yourself untouchable? What's the worst thing that could happen if someone touched your hair? It's one thing if you used too much product or it's too dry so you think the person will react negatively, but thinking up all of these racist, animal in a zoo fears is really, really excessive.
But you can do whatever you want to do and you don't have to let anyone touch your hair ever...do what you want. I'm writing about this because I find it annoying when people put out statements saying "never touch a Black woman's hair" because I am Black and I don't want people to treat me differently from other women :)
Related Articles:
Evidence that little touches do mean so much (excellent)
Touching makes you healthier
The benefits of human touch
Touchless society (video)
Hair touching: why I don't necessarily mind it
Black women want their heads rubbed too
Playing with her hair: Does it make sense?
Pick up artists are actually teaching men to touch women's hair (some foul language)
Advice from AskMen.com, "Maintaining their gorgeous locks isn’t the only reason women go to their hairstylists so often. The process of wash, cut, color, and styling can actually be quite a stress reliever. Running your hands gently through her hair is a surefire way to send tingles down her spine. Let your fingers massage circles from her temples to the nape of her neck and she’ll be putty in your hands." not applicable to some Black women I guess.
Just because...Edgy pixie cuts are back, but do they kill your attraction?
Why do men like women with long hair? "Another reason why men love long hair in women is that, they love to touch it. Men love to touch women, hug women, they like to think about touching your soft hair and it's very attractive to them."
Do men prefer long hair on women? The answer is yes
It's really interesting the way someone can love something while others will hate it. I think it really all depends on your personal experiences (socialization), opinions, your environment, and the way you see the world.
Touching Black women's hair seems to be an issue for some. It's amazing how many women become outraged over the idea that someone wants to touch their hair! It creates anger! I have constantly seen the response, "Why should I let them touch my hair, I'm not in a petting zoo!". No one said you were an animal in a zoo but why do you equate touching a WOMAN's hair with touching an animal? First of all, why are YOU comparing yourself to an animal in a zoo?!! Did the person say, "you remind me of an animal so I want to pet you?" Did they say "you look like a woolly dog so can I pet you?" NO! They usually say "your hair is so pretty/amazing/full/big/coily etc. can I touch it?" It is you who are reminded of racist sentiments that rush to your mind. Isn't it hard always thinking such hurtful thoughts all the time? Why is it your natural impulse to think the person is a racist and has bad intentions instead of good intentions and curiosity? Are they treating you like an animal even if they are Black? If not, then why do you have a problem with Black people touching your hair? Okay, you may not want strangers to touch you, understandable.
But why in the world can't your friends, family, or dates touch your hair? You mean a guy can kiss you or sleep with you but he can't touch your hair??? This is a case where ignorance really is bliss because if your mind was not so filled with thoughts and stories about racism then you would actually enjoy having your hair touched. I had it done last night and I loved it! And guess what...I touched his hair too and it felt good! Did you know that many men LOVE to have their heads touched and massaged by women? If it is so horrible then why do they like it? One of your most powerful romantic tools as a woman is the power of your touch...use it instead of giving up sex so easily! Is this about weaves that you are ashamed of? Some many women say I love to change up their style, it's just hair so it's not important, White women wear weaves etc. so why make a fuss if it's not big deal? Is this about using greasy products? Well then maybe you need to stop buying that useless crap that's marketed to us and start using something different. I don't use any grease or oils on my hair and it feels fantastic (I'm all about super moisturizing with conditioner).
I think this is weird. Why are you so defensive and closed off? Why is this such a big deal? I get grossed out when people burp or pick their noses, but touching my hair, even by strangers doesn't anger me. I just don't feel the way you do about this issue. Here is the link to another funny (but crude) VIDEO about a man's views on the issue.
The whole hair thing also reminds me of those stories of babies raised in Russian orphanages. You can read about the benefits of touch in this article called Touching Empathy. It's like some Black women are deprived of being touched in a good way and the article explains all the positive things that these women have not received. It's really an unfortunate thing. But there is a reason why hugs and massages feel good and they have nothing to do with you being treated like an animal in a zoo! These things are pleasurable, this is the "good touch." Ask yourself how often you received the "good touch" from family, friends, and love interests in your life? Are you uncomfortable showing or receiving physical affection? If so then you are missing out on one of the most enjoyable things in life. If you have received the "bad touch" and that is the reason why you don't like being touched then this may actually be good for you so you can find out that not all touch is horrible. You need to desensitize yourself to the anxiety raised when someone touches or wants to touch you. This also reminds me of all of those movies where a person is afraid to do something they have never done before and an experienced teacher tells them to "let go of your inhibitions" because they will see there is nothing to fear and it is their thoughts that are keeping them back from experiencing something that could positively change their life. Maybe it would help you to let someone you care about touch your hair and you could touch theirs. I think Black women need to get over this issue and allow themselves to feel what other people are experiencing.
Someone may come back stating during slavery this, during Jim Crow that, racists think A, B, and C as reasons why they won't let someone they know touch their hair. I don't see the point in referring to the way people acted so far in the past (before many were born) or to what happened in another country. My being Canadian from the Caribbean is probably part of the reason why I don't look to those things as reasons why someone shouldn't be allowed to touch my hair. I also know my hair feels amazing so I have nothing to fear. I guess when it comes to touching my hair that's one issue where I'm extremely liberal. I've heard that in some countries there are actually people called "Untouchables" because of their social caste, they are treated horribly, and they are prevented from having the opportunities that the rest of society enjoys. I think that's awful. Why are you labeling yourself untouchable? What's the worst thing that could happen if someone touched your hair? It's one thing if you used too much product or it's too dry so you think the person will react negatively, but thinking up all of these racist, animal in a zoo fears is really, really excessive.
But you can do whatever you want to do and you don't have to let anyone touch your hair ever...do what you want. I'm writing about this because I find it annoying when people put out statements saying "never touch a Black woman's hair" because I am Black and I don't want people to treat me differently from other women :)
Related Articles:
Evidence that little touches do mean so much (excellent)
Touching makes you healthier
The benefits of human touch
Touchless society (video)
Hair touching: why I don't necessarily mind it
Black women want their heads rubbed too
Playing with her hair: Does it make sense?
Pick up artists are actually teaching men to touch women's hair (some foul language)
Advice from AskMen.com, "Maintaining their gorgeous locks isn’t the only reason women go to their hairstylists so often. The process of wash, cut, color, and styling can actually be quite a stress reliever. Running your hands gently through her hair is a surefire way to send tingles down her spine. Let your fingers massage circles from her temples to the nape of her neck and she’ll be putty in your hands." not applicable to some Black women I guess.
Just because...Edgy pixie cuts are back, but do they kill your attraction?
Why do men like women with long hair? "Another reason why men love long hair in women is that, they love to touch it. Men love to touch women, hug women, they like to think about touching your soft hair and it's very attractive to them."
Do men prefer long hair on women? The answer is yes
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Should Black Women Wear Their Natural Hair?
My answer to that question is YES! One of the most frequent criticisms I hear about Black women is that we wear too much fake hair. Let me tell you my (long) hair story. When I was a little girl my mother would put my hair in plaits and a lot of kids made fun of me and called me Medusa. Sometimes for special occasions she would use a hot comb. The hot comb was always terrifying but I liked the straight hair after. Since my hair was always in plaits or blow dried I did not know what my natural texture looked like. My hair would always be covered in Blue Magic or another grease.
It may have been fifth grade when my mother first relaxed my hair and I was made responsible for my hair care. My hair got shorter and shorter because of breakage. I used a curling iron on my bangs every day and I used drying gels and hairsprays. In eight grade my mother said my hair was breaking off and she had a hairdresser come to the house and give me a leisure curl (pretty much a Jheri curl). She didn't warn me beforehand that she was going to cut off all my relaxed hair! My hair was short and bushy, the closest to natural I had ever been. I had to spray my hair with greasy products every day. The kids at school made fun of me and treated me horribly. It was the worst year of my youth.
After two years of the leisure curl (and barely any hair growth) I went back to the relaxer. My mother also started getting braid-in hair weaves that I liked. She learned how to do them and gave me weaves for two years. Kids at school were so impressed by how much my hair grew over the summer! A couple of years later, I stopped wearing weaves, and started experimenting with hair colour in red and golden brown and my hair was constantly breaking and short. Then I saw an ad for clip in hair extensions that I quickly purchased and wore for for my last year of high school and two years of university.
During university I found a new hairdresser who gave me a "natural relaxer". I don't think it was natural, it was a sodium hydroxide relaxer. It made my hair swell and it actually grew down to my mid back. I never went back to no-lye relaxers. I continued with the relaxer into graduate school. That was when I started reading Black history. It changed me forever and changed the way I thought about being Black and the way I looked. I started seeing natural hair videos on YouTube and learned how to style and take care of natural hair. I stopped getting relaxers and transitioned for nine months by wearing a curly fro hairstyle.
One day I decided to just cut off the relaxed hair and end the process. I was shocked because my hair coiled up way shorter than I had expected! I had to experiment with products for three years and deal with having hair that I thought was too short to look good on me. Finally after three years my hair is the same length it was when I started transitioning (but it looks shoulder length due to shrinkage). I love my coily hair! It is full and actually has some shine. It moves when I talk and bounces when I walk. I get so many compliments on it, mostly from men! They love my hair! Some Black men like it but I get the most compliments from White men! When I had relaxed or weaved hair I never got any compliments! I will never relax or lighten my hair colour (and risk breakage) again!
My Current Hair Regimen: I use a modified Tightly Curly Technique
- Wash day once a week.
- Plait hair into seven braids. Wash with a non-sulfate shampoo while leaving braids in. Put in some Cholesterol hair conditioner
and don't wash out. Exit shower.
- Unbraid and detangle each braid with a Tangle Teezer
adding more Cholesterol if needed. Spray hair with mixture of water and vegetable glycerin to keep moist.
- Once detangled squeeze out the excess conditioner. Add Ecostyler gel
and smooth small sections of hair with fingers.
- Braid hair again (to minimize shrinkage) and use a chamois to soak up the excess water and product that will come out of the braid.
- Repeat the process for all braids. Let hair air dry or sit under hooded dryer. It will take at least 24 hours to dry so I only do this on the weekend.
- Before going out unbraid the hair and gently separate the coils. DO NOT ADD ANY PRODUCT or else the hair will shrink up again. It might take 20 minutes to do this in the morning.
- At night add more cholesterol and gel if necessary and braid the hair again. If the hair is moisturized and tidy enough I just do a pineapple (pile hair on top of head and tie scarf around head).
As you can see from my regimen I don't use many products at all. Cholesterol is very moisturizing and cheap and it is the only wash-out conditioner I have found that can mix with gel (don't use any other conditioner). Once in a while I might do a protein conditioning treatment overnight. Everything I learned about taking care of my hair I learned online for free! There was a lot of trial and error but now I have no problem managing my hair. So if your hair is breaking or you have traction alopecia that makes it necessary to wear weaves and wigs (not just because you like them) then it's time to go natural. Natural hair can be so beautiful and different from the hair of any other women on earth! The most criticism you will get about your natural hair will probably be from other Black people who can't see the beauty of their natural state. You can learn to care for and love your natural hair and actually grow your hair long.
Natural Hair Inspiration (so beautiful!!!):
Natural Hair Websites:
Video (this video and description has plenty of links to popular sites)TightlyCurly.com (where I got my regimen)
CurlyNikki.com
BlackgirllonghairNaturallyCurly.comNaturalChica.com
NewlyNatural.com
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Are Black Women Really That Bad?
I came across a blog last night called NoWayGirl.com. I went through all 86 pages of bad hair photos! I recognized some of the photos because men on YoutTube used them in videos to show the world how unattractive they think (and want the world to think) Black women are. First of all I have to provide some constructive criticism for these ladies who do not not represent all Black women. I remember some women wearing coloured weaves when I was in high school and during my undergrad. Some wore blonde or red, or black with the ends coloured pink or purple. No one was wearing wigs especially lace front wigs. I will admit, the lace front wigs in the photos look horrible! Why not wear a regular wig that doesn't have to be glued on? Maybe a wig that has a bang to cover your hairline? Maybe I'm missing something and they actually want to look like dolls with doll hair. If you have traction alopecia or you are balding, then a weave is inappropriate and you need a wig instead that will give your hair a chance to grow back. I have gone through the relaxers, sew in weaves, clip on weaves, and hair breakage due to relaxers and hair colour. But if your hair is being so damaged by these things isn't it time to stop?
I am an advocate for natural hair. I have transitioned for nine months and have been natural for three years. There is no way I am going back. It is a scary thing to go natural if you have no memory of what your unprocessed hair looks like. I don't recommend a big chop or going bald unless you're sure you will look good that way. I would recommend transitioning as long as possible but you must stop using braid-in weaves and lace fronts immediately. There are plenty of online resources and even books about how to go natural so it might not be as difficult as you think. I spent a lot of money at first buying new products, but now that I know what works for me, I don't spend much on my hair at all. Plus, I never go to a hairdresser!
I think that some people just don't like looking natural in terms of colour and they don't want a hairstyle that doesn't stand out. I think this is something young people go through, but after a while other people grow out of it. I kept wondering where these women worked and if that was even possible with hair like that. What is this need to have such unnatural looking hair? Is everyone around you saying you look good?
The next thing I have to discuss is the clothing. We've gone through fashion on the blog already so I won't have to repeat it here. Yes, a lot of the women were overweight or obese. Exercise has to become an important part of your life and should be more important than keeping your hairstyle, but that is a post for another time. In the meantime, plus sized women still need to wear clothes, go out, and feel attractive. But I have to ask these women, do you shop for items that YOU FIND attractive or do you shop for items that MAKE YOU look attractive? There are plenty of cute clothes that may come in your size, but if it doesn't make you look good DON'T BUY IT! Yes, it's not fair that thinner girls can wear almost anything and look great, but you won't become thin overnight (I don't advise trying to do so either, lose weight the healthy way) so what will you wear in the meantime?
I recommend spending your money on quality clothing that fit you properly, nothing skimpy or flimsy, and nothing so tight people can see your rolls. If you must wear something tight then you must invest in bodyshaping underwear. You may even need a tailor to alter your clothes. This may mean you can't afford to buy as much clothing or the newest things from stores. But in my opinion it would be better to go out and wear the same items over and over, in different combinations, than wear a new unflattering outfit every time. Once you have the basics you can buy accessories that are on trend instead of fad outfits. You don't have to dress like your thin friends (the thin women didn't look great either) and you can look like an EBW with class.
The last thing I want to mention is that Black women are not the only one's who sometimes dress horribly. Take a look at Turbo White Trash, Poorly Dressed, and these Google searches for Goth Fashion and Punk Fashion. The women on these sites look just as ridiculous or abnormal. To anyone reading this just remember, these websites do not represent all Black or White people. To the men who post these photos on YouTube lamenting the way Black women look...you are dishonest and very narrow minded!
I am an advocate for natural hair. I have transitioned for nine months and have been natural for three years. There is no way I am going back. It is a scary thing to go natural if you have no memory of what your unprocessed hair looks like. I don't recommend a big chop or going bald unless you're sure you will look good that way. I would recommend transitioning as long as possible but you must stop using braid-in weaves and lace fronts immediately. There are plenty of online resources and even books about how to go natural so it might not be as difficult as you think. I spent a lot of money at first buying new products, but now that I know what works for me, I don't spend much on my hair at all. Plus, I never go to a hairdresser!I think that some people just don't like looking natural in terms of colour and they don't want a hairstyle that doesn't stand out. I think this is something young people go through, but after a while other people grow out of it. I kept wondering where these women worked and if that was even possible with hair like that. What is this need to have such unnatural looking hair? Is everyone around you saying you look good?
The next thing I have to discuss is the clothing. We've gone through fashion on the blog already so I won't have to repeat it here. Yes, a lot of the women were overweight or obese. Exercise has to become an important part of your life and should be more important than keeping your hairstyle, but that is a post for another time. In the meantime, plus sized women still need to wear clothes, go out, and feel attractive. But I have to ask these women, do you shop for items that YOU FIND attractive or do you shop for items that MAKE YOU look attractive? There are plenty of cute clothes that may come in your size, but if it doesn't make you look good DON'T BUY IT! Yes, it's not fair that thinner girls can wear almost anything and look great, but you won't become thin overnight (I don't advise trying to do so either, lose weight the healthy way) so what will you wear in the meantime?
I recommend spending your money on quality clothing that fit you properly, nothing skimpy or flimsy, and nothing so tight people can see your rolls. If you must wear something tight then you must invest in bodyshaping underwear. You may even need a tailor to alter your clothes. This may mean you can't afford to buy as much clothing or the newest things from stores. But in my opinion it would be better to go out and wear the same items over and over, in different combinations, than wear a new unflattering outfit every time. Once you have the basics you can buy accessories that are on trend instead of fad outfits. You don't have to dress like your thin friends (the thin women didn't look great either) and you can look like an EBW with class.
The last thing I want to mention is that Black women are not the only one's who sometimes dress horribly. Take a look at Turbo White Trash, Poorly Dressed, and these Google searches for Goth Fashion and Punk Fashion. The women on these sites look just as ridiculous or abnormal. To anyone reading this just remember, these websites do not represent all Black or White people. To the men who post these photos on YouTube lamenting the way Black women look...you are dishonest and very narrow minded!
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