Being Soft is Pretty Sweet :)

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I don't mind being soft, I actually like it. You have to be gentle with something soft. If you are soft then you don't have to put up with things other people have to. You can protect yourself and you don't need anyone's permission to do so. People don't expect you to tolerate harshness, you are excused. Your comfort and protection is of the utmost importance.

What I don't understand is how some women complain about being treated like unfeeling pack mules and yet continue to act like unfeeling pack mules. Why don't you just stop it? If everyone thinks you are strong, you can take everything, and you actually like drama and arguing...why do you play into those assumptions? Why do you complain over and over about mammys and mules and then proudly conform to those very stereotypes? Putting up with disrespect doesn't mean you are strong, it just means you have no problem with being treated badly and that's sad. Get your mind out of Blackistan! Why don't you tell people you need help, you can't handle everything, and you don't want to be on the defensive all the time? Why don't you just start acting softer? If you want something to change then you have to change something!

Well some women will say that acting softer will make them weak and vulnerable and people will take advantage of them. Understand I said soft--not stupid. Being soft means you actually raise your standards and require better treatment from others. You don't even give anyone the chance to harm you. You can be soft and pleasant and still say no, in fact, you don't have to argue or fight at all because you don't need to expose your precious mind to negativity. You do not have to tolerate being treated like a mule for one second because you are no mule! You are a lady and must always be treated as such.

Let others accept poor treatment because they somehow convinced themselves this proves they are "mature" and "real women". If they feel proud about how much abuse they can take, let them. In the meantime, enjoy the freedom, peacefulness, joy, and serenity of being soft and cherished :)

What is Feminine?

Cross posted at Beyond black & White

What I Specifically Mean When I Say "Feminine"

Any time a discussion about femininity arises someone asks the question, "What is feminine and what is femininity?" Well I looked into it a bit. According to Wikipedia (I know it isn't an academic source):

Femininity (also called womanliness or womanhood) is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with girls and women. Femininity is made up of both socially defined and biologically created factors. This makes it distinct from the simple definition of the biological female sex, as women, men, and transgender people can all exhibit feminine traits...Behavioral traits generally considered feminine include gentleness, empathy, and sensitivity. (source: Wikipedia)

So, you being a woman does not automatically make you feminine. Anything that a woman does is not automatically feminine. I don't rely much on modern definitions. Why? Because in the past masculine and feminine was clearly delineated and there was no androgyny or ambiguity like there is today. It was simple so it was also easy to understand. This also doesn't have to be a scientific thing because femininity predates gender studies. You just know it when you see it. It may help to look at works of art depicting women. You might not like this, but realistic paintings like those of the Renaissance and French Impressionists (e.g., Manet, Degas, Renoir) really captured femininity, although all the women were White (please just imagine they were Black). I read an African American art book once and almost all of the paintings were depicting suffering or something edgy so they were not the same. Wouldn't it be great if Black artists depicted us in a highly feminine manner? Sigh...one can only dream. See the P.S. below for more tips :)

The femininity I focus on is old fashioned/vintage femininity, specifically femininity in Western countries dating from maybe 1900-1960. However Western women looked and acted back then is what I consider "feminine". I'm focusing on Western femininity because that's where I live. No need to be ridged about that image though (i.e., you do not need white skin, white features, or straight blonde hair to be feminine). What stands out about this look is that women's clothing looked different from men's and it was soft, flowing, and delicate with nothing androgynous. Hair was medium length to long. Other aspects include painted or well manicured medium length nails, especially in red. Subtle makeup was worn to look natural and to enhance natural features and clear skin. Feminine shoes, dresses, skirts, and modest jewelry was the norm. Basically Dorothy Dandridge, Diahann Carroll, Marylin Monroe, Dita Von Teese, and Zoe Deschanel stand out to me for having old fashioned femininity. Stores like ModCloth, Shabby Apple, and vintage/thrift stores sell clothing that I recommend to get this look. So nothing hard, edgy, or masculine in terms of dress. Back then everyone knew what feminine and masculine meant and there was no ambiguity. Some women may prefer a modern feminine look that includes masculine items like pants, androgynous styles, or edgy styles but that doesn't appeal to me and that isn't old fashioned feminine.

Feminine Traits

Today in research, questionnaires are often used to assess someone's masculine and feminine traits. I searched the interwebs and had no luck finding long lists of traits! But I found one, the Bem Sex Role Inventory (BSRI; 1974) that might still be used today. The BSRI lists masculine and feminine traits that you can read below:

Masculine Traits: acts as a leader, aggressive, ambitious, analytical, assertive, athletic, competitive, defends own beliefs, dominant, forceful, has leadership abilities, independent, individualistic, makes decisions easily, masculine, self-reliant, self-sufficient, strong personality, willing to take a stand, willing to take risks.

Feminine Traits: affectionate, cheerful, childlike, compassionate, does not use harsh language, eager to soothe hurt feelings, feminine, flatterable, gentle, gullible, loves children, loyal, sensitive to the needs of others, shy, soft spoken, sympathetic, tender, understanding, warm, yielding.

Based on the BSRI it's no wonder many think the "Strong Independent Black Woman" role and title is too masculine, that's because it is from an old fashioned viewpoint! I actually believe that Black women would benefit from adopting an old fashioned feminine look as well as some old fashioned feminine traits. I do not consider occupations when I discuss femininity so whatever you have to do at work is not an issue. I am not concerned about hobbies either or what you are good at doing around the house (i.e., gender roles). This is about feminine traits not activities or jobs so I do have some modern ideas about femininity lol! Traits that need to be turned off outside of work include being aggressive, defending own beliefs too much, dominant, forceful, too independent, too individualistic, masculine, too self-reliant, too self-sufficient, strong personality, too willing to take a stand, and too willing to take risks. These traits make people in general difficult to get along with and they bother people even more when expressed by women. Yes that's not fair I know.

From what I've read and heard from men, they are turned off by women who are more masculine than feminine. They are more interested in women who they do not confuse with men. So if you want to attract a high quality masculine man for a relationship then maybe getting in touch with your femininity will be helpful. I also think that some women may look better in feminine clothing. I used to wear jeans, hoodies, and runners all the time like everyone else. That was until I cut my hair after going natural and felt uncomfortable. I felt that I looked too masculine and I didn't like it. So I started to wear more jewelry and decided to wear more dresses and skirts that I purchased from a thrift store. I found out that the clothing was actually quite comfortable and looked great! I would not have known had I not tried! I have changed styles many times and this was a change that I really liked.

So if you don't like being thought of as masculine then why not try to be more feminine? It seems as though, once again, for a Black women to be considered as feminine as the average White or Asian woman then she has to appear more feminine than average. Old fashioned/vintage feminine women appear more feminine than average to me. I don't mind looking more feminine because I think it makes me look better. I don't mind acting more feminine or like a lady either because I think that it makes me pleasant to be around and that's a good thing. Being liked is helpful and being disliked is not. Fortunately for me it is also compatible with personality so it's not so much of a stretch. If you are used to dressing in a more masculine, androgynous, or edgy manner I would suggest you start with small changes such as wearing a plain black skirt, ballet flats,heels, or a feminine top and see how you feel. Then you can add more items as you become more comfortable.


Reasons to Become More Feminine

I am not of the mindset that you can only do things for certain reasons and that there is a "right" or "wrong" reason for doing something (outside of ethical issues and laws). I do not look at being feminine from a moral standpoint. I look at it from a behaviourist operant conditioning perspective and any choice that brings your rewards, avoids punishments, and doesn't hurt others is a valid choice. You can decide to be and look more feminine for any reason you want. If it makes you happy, gets you what you want, and doesn't hurt anyone then that reason is valid.  People do things for many reasons they are not even conscious of and how you present yourself is no exception. Other people choose their behaviour and styles for many different reasons and the choice to be feminine is no different. Here are some reasons why you might want to become more feminine or embrace your femininity (some may think that only reasons 1 and 2 are valid reasons but I don't):

1. You think looking and acting more feminine is true to who you are as an individual. This will be expressing who you really are and being your best self. You think that feminine traits are great and very attractive. You are naturally feminine.
2. You feel that society convinced you that being feminine was wrong or inferior so now you want to give it a chance and try something different. You had negative opinions about femininity but now you think differently. You realized that many people looked down on femininity so you rejected everything feminine. 
3. You think that being feminine is more attractive to men. You want to attract men or keep your man attracted to you. You think it will make you more attractive than masculine women including women of other races who choose to be more masculine. You think it will make you more attractive than you already are so it will be an improvement. You believe this will put you ahead of the competition. 
4. After seeing ultra feminine fashion you have begun to like it. You think looking feminine is beautiful, cute, pretty, sweet, and very attractive. You want to try this new style and have a makeover. You just feel like changing your style and trying something new. I made a video about how to look feminine, previously posted on BB&W, that may help. 
5. After hearing about feminine traits you decided that you want to have these traits. You think that feminine traits are very positive, pleasant, attractive, useful, and good traits to have. You think that having and expressing these traits will make you a better person. This video describes some of the positive traits that I like. 
6. You think that becoming more feminine will make you more likable and acceptable to people. You are being mistreated by others and think that being more feminine may help. You think it may help you with making friends, attracting a man, and getting along with coworkers. Strangers may be nicer to you, treat you with more respect, act chivalrous, and treat you with care. People may not expect you to be angry, strong, or independent so they will not treat you like a pack mule. 
7. You want to emulate a feminine role model. You like everything about this role model and want to be like them. You think your role model's style is perfect, she presents herself perfectly, and she is a great person. You feel that this will be an improvement over the way you already are (e.g., Michelle Obama). I made a video of 52 feminine Black women that you might like as role models. 
8. You admire women of the past so you want to look and be like them. You believe that they had admirable traits that are not as common today. You would rather be an old fashioned feminine woman than a modern woman (e.g., Claire Huxtable or Dorothy Dandridge). I made a video of old fashioned feminine Black women that you may find helpful.
9. You want society to think Black women are just as good as other women. You are tired of the criticisms about the way Black women look. You believe that Black women would be viewed more positively if they were more feminine. You are doing this due to respectability politics so your behaviour and appearance is a political statement.  
10. You are caving to the pressure to be more feminine. Wait a minute....While this is your choice I encourage you NOT to change for this reason. This post is not meant to control or force you to do anything. It was meant to present an option that I and others have chosen and enjoy. Don't do this if you hate it and don't want to. But if you do change for this reason do not be ashamed, it's just clothing and feminine traits are actually pretty positive. Even feminine women have some masculine traits, especially at work so you don't have to become a completely different person. If your clothing style is linked to your soul then don't change (it's superficial, relax) and if you are a tomboy and think you will die if you show a feminine trait then don't change. No one wants to see you miserable, that wouldn't be feminine anyway :)

P.S. This video of women in gowns may help you to visualize ultra feminine Black women. My Tumblr site also has many images and the more you see them the easier it will be for you to notice femininity. Focus especially on the way the women are presenting themselves (e.g., posture, smiles, expressions). Look at the images and use adjectives to describe what is feminine about the women. The most common adjective will probably be "soft" in appearance, expression, clothing, and personality (as in being open, pleasant, kind, affectionate, cooperative, friendly and the opposite of hard, inflexible, unapproachable, scary, threatening, or mean). A smile softens you and is a universal expression of softness that says 'I am a friend and I am not a threat'.

Related Articles:
What does it mean to be feminine?
What is femininity
What is femininity to today's women? "In today’s Western culture, a suggestion that women need to get in touch with their femininity is often met with disbelief and can lead to accusations of attempting to encourage women to return to the way they were back in the 1950s." LOL
The essence of femininity: Good
How American women lost their femininity
How to be feminine

Two More New EBW Videos

I really enjoyed making these two videos. It's actually a lot of fun. I enjoy watching them because they really show how feminine and beautiful Black women can be and the femininity of Black women of the past. I've watched both several times while making them and after adding all the labels. The more I watch the more I can see how to be an Elegant Black Woman. Notice the way they smile, pose, and have pleasant (non angry) facial expressions. I can also see that many of the women are wearing shaping garments like corsets. I love these images!

The Hatred of All Things Feminine, Elegant, Cute, and Pretty

There are some people who just hate anything feminine, girly, pretty, or elegant. In the not too distant past most women could appreciate these things. Nowadays some women detest the feminine and adamantly believe that liking feminine things harms women, makes them appear weak, and makes them vulnerable to men. I read an excellent post today on The Seductive Woman about Envious Women (this blog was formerly The Art of Being Feminine but changed sites so I missed out on months of new posts! I'm glad it's still around though and old posts can still be read on The Art of Being Feminine). It just reminded me that no matter what you do some people will just dislike you either due to envy or just because they have different preferences. People can have whatever preferences they want and disagree with something but why does there have to be hatred and putting down of a person's intelligence, worth, personality, and dignity just because they like something different? Well, maybe sometimes that's due to envy and jealousy according to The Seductive Woman. I think that's the reason why some people hate Zooey Deschanel. She just too girly, old fashioned feminine, and cutesy for them so they hate her but I'm wondering if some of it is envy that they don't feel secure enough to be girly, feminine, silly, and adorkable like her? There aren't many women like her on television at all but it's like they won't even allow one! I don't want to watch female lawyers and cops everyday and I enjoy seeing a girly-girl who isn't catty, shallow, rich, and scheming all the time.

I  have been reading posts on Tumblr and when I searched for femininity I actually came across a site about anti-femininity! Sorry I can't find a site link. But from what I recall it's a site about lesbians who prefer the masculine or androgynous look, two looks I totally dislike for myself. It's fine though that the blogger likes what she likes but I noticed that she posted a link to a blog I frequent called The Feminine Woman. The blogger posted the link so that the site could be ridiculed!!? I'm not saying that this blogger is envious at all, but I'm just using it to show that some people hate and ridicule femininity. On Tumbler there are TONS of photos of girly/feminine images that I like to reblog and there are many other images of that kind of androgynous/masculine version of femininity that has become "normal" in society today. There are anti-feminist messages and pro-feminist messages. There is a post stating "I'd rather be dark and twisted than light and frilly" or something like that.

To some people the idea of a woman doing ANYTHING that would make her attractive to men is stupid, shows low self-esteem, and is a bad example to other women. For one, I think these people are in denial about all the things they actually do to be accepted by others. They take baths, wear deodorant, don't go out naked, and don't start fights with random people so that they can be accepted and get along with others. Unless they make their own clothes then they are buying what everyone else is wearing and not being totally unique. If you are buying anything modern then you are following trends and not being as individual as you think. Furthermore, they are acting like women don't get anything out of this! I have high standards for men and I'm aiming high in terms of success and looks. If I want an attractive and successful man then I have to make sure that I'm attractive and successful myself. I like pretty boys and cute guys and I expect them to take care of their appearance, shave (I'm wary of even dating hairy guys and if he shaves his body AWESOME), have good hygiene, and be physically active, healthy, and not overweight. How can I ask for those things if I'm not willing to be attractive for them too? So if you are a woman who doesn't care about the way your man looks then sure you won't feel the need to look attractive for him. I want an attractive man so I present myself in a way to get that man and that is empowering because I made my own CHOICE! Furthermore, I actually like feminine clothes and they make me look WAY better than the way I used to dress. I also feel great when I'm nice, well-mannered, pleasant, and fun because it makes me feel like a good person...because good people are NICE!!! People can question my intelligence if they like but hey, I have the papers to prove it, society believes it, and so do the people I know so nothing anyone online says has credibility in the real world.

In the Black community if you have Black celebrities as role models, buy what they wear, and listen only to their music you are being a follower too yet you make fun of Black people who find role models who are not Black? So following Black people is always good even if many are not good examples? Emulating a successful White or Asian role model is unacceptable even if they are highly successful and have all the desirable traits the person wants? Why should anyone limit themselves by race? You are segregating yourself and saying things are off limits to you just because you are Black! All of these opportunities have been opened to you and you put up a sign saying "No Blacks Allowed!!!!" I have never had a Black teacher or professor in my life so my educational and professional role models are all White people and many are White men because there are no Black role models available. I look for Black examples of femininity but there aren't many that show the type of femininity I like and I find more examples from Asian and White women. On Tumbler it seems like 98% of the femininity posts are by Asian and White women so I think that says something about who is the most interested in feminine things and becoming more feminine! A starving person should eat whatever they are given and not toss it back because it's not their preferred brand or flavor!!! Stop standing in your own way!

So far in my real life I haven't been treated differently by women because of the way I look and dress and some really like it. But I have to watch out for those who hate femininity and try to not take their comments personally. One thing I have noticed is some men act funny when they hear about my education and career field. They are acting nervous and self-conscious but they still talk to me anyway. That is something that I'll have to deal with and I don't take that personally either. I just have to accept that I won't be able to get along with everyone because of this and due to class differences, the way I talk, the way I write, and my interests and that's okay. I'm an intellectual, girly, geeky, open to new ideas and experiences type of person and I need to find friends and a man who appreciates those things :) Moving on and moving up...keeping my eye on the prize!

UPDATE: The Seductive Woman linked to an article on Mail Online called 'There are downsides to looking this pretty': Why women hate me for being beautiful. I read the article and looked at the attached photos. Okay, now if this woman looked like someone the guys like such as Megan Fox or something I wouldn't be surprised, but this woman? She gets so much free stuff because she's so beautiful? I just find that hard to believe. I'm thinking, if her story is true at all, that it is because of the way she dresses or carries herself and she may be really flirty in some way. People may dislike her for something other than her looks. Maybe she says things that make it sound like she would steal someone's husband. The photos just don't go with the story. No I am not envious of her beauty whatsoever. I'm younger and more attractive but I've never experienced the things she has.

Cute Make-up and Hairstyles

I like the gyaru style of Japanese make-up. I have been doing something similar for a couple of years before I even heard of this stuff. I'll describe my daily look that takes me 15 minutes maximum:

• After my face cream I use concealer under my eyes and a mineral powder on my entire face. I also use a primer on my eyelids, forehead, and nose.
• I ALWAYS fill in my brows with a dark brown brow pencil. Ladies, please do this, it just polishes the look.
• I line the inner corner and inner half of my lower lid with a silver eyeliner (no sparkles). I line the rest of the eye with black eyeliner.
• I wear two to three coats of mascara.
• I may wear a bronze eye shadow on my lids with a bluish gray in the crease (it actually looks pretty natural). I only wear that at night. During the day I may go without eye shadow or just wear a dark brown.
• I line my lips with a plum lipliner, fill in the lips with a bronze/brown lipstick, and then add a pink or bronze lip gloss over top. It gives me a pinkish bronze lip that matches my skin.
• I wear a lot of pink blush. I add it to the front cheek area, and even a bit on the bridge of my nose. I don't use it under my cheekbones because I think that makes you look old.

The photo below is an exaggerated version of what I do. I use silver liner instead of white (more subtle), no false lashes, no green contacts (I think her eyes are natural though). I wear more blush and less white eye shadow. The Barbie tutorial will give you a similar look.

I think big, long lashes are very feminine so I really recommend wearing mascara. I also recommend RapidLash because it really does grow your lashes. I'm not a fan of the false lashes because I prefer the natural look (enhanced by make-up). If you tend to lower or furrow your brows, try this exercise to raise them again. I found it helpful because once I began to notice the different feeling when my brows were up versus down I was able to correct myself. You will have to do it twice a day for a while.
Make-up Tutorials:
I chose these tutorials because I think they look nice on Black women. Many of the tutorials for Black women use really bright, unnatural colours that I think EBWs should avoid.
Gyaru Make-up Video 1 (final look is very nice but I think it can be done with fewer steps)
Gyaru Make-up Video 2 (cute, but forgot the brows)
Kelly Rowland Tutorial
Kim Kardashian Inspired Make-up (on a Black woman. I know, I know, but KK does know how to look good)
Gyaru Make-up Video 3 (she used a lot of make-up and steps to get a natural look so I think it was excessive). 

Black Gyarus (excessive at times, unflattering piercings)

Great hair will really improve your appearance. I have been natural for over three years and my hair is finally long enough for me to feel comfortable. I did not like it when it was short and it is so much better now. I think natural hair is very feminine. I have lots of little coils with lots of movement and volume. If you wear wigs or weaves please choose something that looks natural or relaxed instead of an unusual colour or super straight and shiny texture. 

Lessons We Can Learn from Secretaries

I was thinking last night about examples of really feminine women aside from celebrities. I started to think about jobs that are traditionally feminine and had a great idea! I think it will be easier for me to let my feminine side show if I think about women in traditional feminine jobs and what about those jobs exemplify feminine characteristics! I have a whole list in mind. I also realized that women with these jobs tend to be in men's erotic fantasies, That just shows how much men love feminine women!

The first example of a traditionally feminine role model is The Secretary/ Receptionist.

I'll use an idealized version of a secretary as an example because we know that all secretaries don't look like this ----------->

1. Appearance: Secretaries/receptionists are always neatly dressed, often in feminine attire like blouses and skirts. Their appearance is always neat, they wear make-up, and have nicely groomed hair. A secretary/receptionist is the first person someone meets when they visit a workplace, therefore, their appearance always makes a good impression. Does your appearance make a good impression for yourself, your man, your family, or your boss?
2. Manners: Secretaries/receptionists must have good manners and social skills in order to get along with everyone in a company and anyone who visits the workplace. I have always admired their ability to greet everyone with a smile, be cheery on the phone, and never let their negative emotions show (I personally could not be cheery having so many demands and being required to smile while dealing with annoying people. This is a TRUE SKILL). They use proper telephone etiquette, current writing conventions, and have good speaking skills. How do you appear to others? Can you control your emotions in public? How are your manners?
3. Special Skills: Secretaries/Receptionists also have excellent time-management and scheduling skills because they know everything that is going on in the company (especially with their bosses) and make sure everyone keeps to their schedule. Are you often late or do you miss appointments? Do you keep track of you man's and your kids' schedules so that they are always on time and don't miss appointments? (they should also do this themselves but you can be the back-up)
4.  Discretion: People love to stand around the secretary/receptionist's desk and talk. They hear EVERYTHING! A secretary is privy to all of a company's secrets and if she is a true lady, she keeps those secrets and does not spread them around. She also refrains from revealing too much personal information about herself that could quickly spread around the office. Do you talk too loudly so that everyone can hear your business? Do you gossip about your friends or coworkers? Do you keep the secrets of people who trust you?
5. Caring and Giving: Secretaries/receptionists are essential for offices to run because they know everything including where everything is and how the office operates. When secretaries go on strike the productivity of the office loses steam. Are you indispensable to your man, your friends, or your family because of the things you do for them? Do you bring anything positive to those relationships or do you just take?

As you can see, there are many things we can learn from the ideal secretary that can make us better women and they truly exemplify femininity!

Where I Need to Improve

I have been reading the five blogs I posted about here and a few of them, like The Art of Being Feminine reminded me that I need to start this journey by taking inventory of my current ladylike qualities and areas where I need improvement. So let's start with the positive.

My Positive Qualities

• I routinely say please, thank-you, and you're welcome. I graciously thank people who have helped me or complimented me
• I have fairly good (average) manners
• I am not loud when speaking or laughing and I do not yell
• I never chew with my mouth open. If I have to answer a question with my mouth full I try to finish chewing and then hold my hand over my mouth when I speak. (I think I can avoid this by just taking smaller bites and eating more slowly)
• I never burp in public
• I keep up my appearance
• I exercise regularly, eat healthy, and have a healthy body weight
• I rarely swear (and I don't think I will have a problem stopping completely)
• I have discussions but I don't argue
• I dress nicely and like to wear dresses and feminine clothing (but it's hard to do in the winter)
• I wear make-up and jewlery
• I have good posture, sit nicely, and walk upright
• I have natural hair that I have learned to take care of and style nicely
• I am educated
• I speak well using proper grammar (from now on I will severely limit my use of slang)
• I am a great listener 
• I don't brag or boast
• I do not bully or insult people (I may have a few times to unpleasant people on YouTube though)
• I do not hope bad things happen to other people
• I care about others and want to help people
• I am not aggressive and would never even think of hitting someone
• I have goals and a plan for my life
• I am not a golddigger

My Negative Qualities 

• I don't smile enough and find it hard to hide my anger or sadness
• I complain (e.g., about the weather, not having money, being busy etc.)
• I disclose too much personal information (this has caused embarrassment recently)
• Sometimes I say bad things about my parents
• I don't socialize as much as I could out of fear of being a burden or being rejected
• I need more hobbies (hard to do on a budget though)
• I think negatively a lot more than is necessary. I let things bother me when I really don't have to and pay too much attention to negative things (e.g., YouTube videos)
• I don't think positively about some people
• Sometimes I interrupt someone I'm talking too because I really want to say something  
• I stopped wearing high heels
• I am sometimes too passive and fearful of rejection

Things I Need to Learn More About

• Party etiquette
• How to improve my walk
• How to be more attractive
• How to attract, get along with, and have a relationship with men
• How to be more graceful, poised, and elegant
• Rules of etiquette
• How to act more like a traditional feminine woman
• How to dress more modestly

As you can see, I have positive and negative traits and there are some things I can learn to improve my attractiveness :)