The Hatred of All Things Feminine, Elegant, Cute, and Pretty

There are some people who just hate anything feminine, girly, pretty, or elegant. In the not too distant past most women could appreciate these things. Nowadays some women detest the feminine and adamantly believe that liking feminine things harms women, makes them appear weak, and makes them vulnerable to men. I read an excellent post today on The Seductive Woman about Envious Women (this blog was formerly The Art of Being Feminine but changed sites so I missed out on months of new posts! I'm glad it's still around though and old posts can still be read on The Art of Being Feminine). It just reminded me that no matter what you do some people will just dislike you either due to envy or just because they have different preferences. People can have whatever preferences they want and disagree with something but why does there have to be hatred and putting down of a person's intelligence, worth, personality, and dignity just because they like something different? Well, maybe sometimes that's due to envy and jealousy according to The Seductive Woman. I think that's the reason why some people hate Zooey Deschanel. She just too girly, old fashioned feminine, and cutesy for them so they hate her but I'm wondering if some of it is envy that they don't feel secure enough to be girly, feminine, silly, and adorkable like her? There aren't many women like her on television at all but it's like they won't even allow one! I don't want to watch female lawyers and cops everyday and I enjoy seeing a girly-girl who isn't catty, shallow, rich, and scheming all the time.

I  have been reading posts on Tumblr and when I searched for femininity I actually came across a site about anti-femininity! Sorry I can't find a site link. But from what I recall it's a site about lesbians who prefer the masculine or androgynous look, two looks I totally dislike for myself. It's fine though that the blogger likes what she likes but I noticed that she posted a link to a blog I frequent called The Feminine Woman. The blogger posted the link so that the site could be ridiculed!!? I'm not saying that this blogger is envious at all, but I'm just using it to show that some people hate and ridicule femininity. On Tumbler there are TONS of photos of girly/feminine images that I like to reblog and there are many other images of that kind of androgynous/masculine version of femininity that has become "normal" in society today. There are anti-feminist messages and pro-feminist messages. There is a post stating "I'd rather be dark and twisted than light and frilly" or something like that.

To some people the idea of a woman doing ANYTHING that would make her attractive to men is stupid, shows low self-esteem, and is a bad example to other women. For one, I think these people are in denial about all the things they actually do to be accepted by others. They take baths, wear deodorant, don't go out naked, and don't start fights with random people so that they can be accepted and get along with others. Unless they make their own clothes then they are buying what everyone else is wearing and not being totally unique. If you are buying anything modern then you are following trends and not being as individual as you think. Furthermore, they are acting like women don't get anything out of this! I have high standards for men and I'm aiming high in terms of success and looks. If I want an attractive and successful man then I have to make sure that I'm attractive and successful myself. I like pretty boys and cute guys and I expect them to take care of their appearance, shave (I'm wary of even dating hairy guys and if he shaves his body AWESOME), have good hygiene, and be physically active, healthy, and not overweight. How can I ask for those things if I'm not willing to be attractive for them too? So if you are a woman who doesn't care about the way your man looks then sure you won't feel the need to look attractive for him. I want an attractive man so I present myself in a way to get that man and that is empowering because I made my own CHOICE! Furthermore, I actually like feminine clothes and they make me look WAY better than the way I used to dress. I also feel great when I'm nice, well-mannered, pleasant, and fun because it makes me feel like a good person...because good people are NICE!!! People can question my intelligence if they like but hey, I have the papers to prove it, society believes it, and so do the people I know so nothing anyone online says has credibility in the real world.

In the Black community if you have Black celebrities as role models, buy what they wear, and listen only to their music you are being a follower too yet you make fun of Black people who find role models who are not Black? So following Black people is always good even if many are not good examples? Emulating a successful White or Asian role model is unacceptable even if they are highly successful and have all the desirable traits the person wants? Why should anyone limit themselves by race? You are segregating yourself and saying things are off limits to you just because you are Black! All of these opportunities have been opened to you and you put up a sign saying "No Blacks Allowed!!!!" I have never had a Black teacher or professor in my life so my educational and professional role models are all White people and many are White men because there are no Black role models available. I look for Black examples of femininity but there aren't many that show the type of femininity I like and I find more examples from Asian and White women. On Tumbler it seems like 98% of the femininity posts are by Asian and White women so I think that says something about who is the most interested in feminine things and becoming more feminine! A starving person should eat whatever they are given and not toss it back because it's not their preferred brand or flavor!!! Stop standing in your own way!

So far in my real life I haven't been treated differently by women because of the way I look and dress and some really like it. But I have to watch out for those who hate femininity and try to not take their comments personally. One thing I have noticed is some men act funny when they hear about my education and career field. They are acting nervous and self-conscious but they still talk to me anyway. That is something that I'll have to deal with and I don't take that personally either. I just have to accept that I won't be able to get along with everyone because of this and due to class differences, the way I talk, the way I write, and my interests and that's okay. I'm an intellectual, girly, geeky, open to new ideas and experiences type of person and I need to find friends and a man who appreciates those things :) Moving on and moving up...keeping my eye on the prize!

UPDATE: The Seductive Woman linked to an article on Mail Online called 'There are downsides to looking this pretty': Why women hate me for being beautiful. I read the article and looked at the attached photos. Okay, now if this woman looked like someone the guys like such as Megan Fox or something I wouldn't be surprised, but this woman? She gets so much free stuff because she's so beautiful? I just find that hard to believe. I'm thinking, if her story is true at all, that it is because of the way she dresses or carries herself and she may be really flirty in some way. People may dislike her for something other than her looks. Maybe she says things that make it sound like she would steal someone's husband. The photos just don't go with the story. No I am not envious of her beauty whatsoever. I'm younger and more attractive but I've never experienced the things she has.

I'd Love to be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl!

NPR Video, Parody Video (pretty funny, I would love for someone to make me a mix CD!!!, Femme Fatales Vs. Manic Pixie Dream Girls video (interesting because I think Black women are often treated like femme fatales i.e., attractive but mean or bad, so I'd rather be a MPDG)

Manic Pixie Dream Girl (MPDG) is a term used to describe women like Zooey Deschanel and the characters she plays on film and television. An MPDG is a "bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the imaginations of writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” Well it seems that feminists dislike Zooey Deschanel (according to the numerous post about her on The Gloss.com). MPDGs have a girlish, quirky, fun, carefree, lovable quality which sounds fantastic to me! But some women hate Manic Pixies and accuse them of being vapid, unintelligent, woman-girls (they just sound like young women to me), and somehow an affront to modern women and feminism. People hate it when young women grow up too fast and are now complaining when older women want to stay young! So to combat patriarchy I should forgo simple joys and purposefully act and look older than I feel...wouldn't that mean patriarchy is controlling my behaviour anyway? It's funny that they don't like Zooey because she dresses modestly, doesn't have the stereotypical Hollywood sex-object look, and appears to be a "nice girl". Zooey Deschanel is 32 and I would love to have her feminine qualities! I just watched (500) Days of Summer again and I loved her and her wardrobe (as an aside I have to say I ADORE Joseph Gordon-Levitt and there is nothing more adorable to me than skinny, emo guys in sweater vests!!! From now on I think I will call potential boyfriends Joe's lol!).

Many of Zooey's critics use feminist arguments for why they do not like her. Naturally I disagree with all such arguments. It is against women't best interests and perhaps happiness to be forced to abandon everything youthful and fun. What is the alternative, depressing news coverage, activism, politics, and stressful careers all day every day until we die? Shouldn't women be allowed to have fun and hold on to some childhood pleasures? If I like kittens, sundresses, and wearing bows on my clothes does that mean I don't have a brain? According to them I have to only like politics, arguing, dressing like a man, and buying designer handbags. People have criticized her website Hello Giggles by calling it immature and inappropriate for a grown woman. I think this is blatant sexism! Zooey is a comedian and plays quirky characters who are similar to herself. Comedians do things to be funny! Her way of being funny is about being quirky, cute, and "adorkable". No one criticizes Ricky Jervais, Seth Rogan, or Paul Rudd for being man-boys in their comedic roles or hilarious interviews. But it's as though women have a cut off point (maybe 25) where they have to stop being funny and cute and they have to hate everything adorable. Men today still play video games but I can't like kittens and pink dresses? It is a total double standard!

So now it's a problem that a woman inspires a man to improve his life, shows him life is worth living, teaches him how to enjoy simple pleasures, and reminds him of what it was like to be an innocent child? I think that anyone who is able to do that is worth having in your life and has immense power and wisdom (seriously, people pay therapists for this sort of thing)! Are women not inspired by other men and women? Are men not inspired by other men? Isn't that what our parents, teachers, heroes, mentors, and role models do? No, your purpose in life is not to inspire men but I believe it is YOUR JOB in a relationship to add enjoyment instead of pain) to your partners' life and to have a fun time together. Are these critics suggesting that in a relationship women should just exist and not try to be fun, be playful, try new things, and push their boundaries?

In each of the MPDG movies all I saw was an introverted, depressed, and under-employed man who grew to love an extroverted, non-depressed, non-career driven (but often working) woman. It is refreshing and inspiring to the man because the woman is so different. In fact, since she changes him instead of vice versa isn't she the secure and stable one? If she had low self-esteem she would start acting differently and change to fit with her man but instead she is so confident in herself that she insists he act more like her! This is what ALWAYS happens when two very different people interact. The one who is the most insecure and open to change will do so. Of course the Manic Pixie is not perfect but why are feminists expecting her to have no flaws? So what if the women are not bound to stable careers? Many people are not and their job does not determine their self-worth. There are plenty of men and women who go from job to job and are unsure of what they want, especially those under 30 without a degree. Any extroverted, well-travelled man who has had many long-term relationships would be a Manic Pixie Dream Guy to me because I'm the introverted one who finds it hard to let loose. He would inspire me to try new things and teach me about relationships...isn't that the point of meeting new people?

The funny thing is that men LOVE MPDGs which is why they are dream girls! Male critics love Zooey Deschanel but it is other women who have a problem with her. Surprise, surprise, someone who has traditional feminine qualities (e.g., charm, girlishness, cuteness, innocence, lightheartedness, caring, and nurturing) is loved by men and rejected by women who have strong feminist views. I think that Zooey's website looks fun and it seems like she is having fun...unlike her critics! They probably love Sarah Silverman because she may be a comedian but she doesn't dress like a girly-girl. Critics make it seem like the only acceptable female character is one who isn't appealing to men! Rosie O'Donnell maybe? As long as a woman is pretty some man will fantasize about her, even if she is a tomboy, or a lesbian, or an evil and horrible person (e.g., the bad girl).

Some state that the MPDG trope is one-dimensional and it is harmful for women to be thought of as Dream Girls by men because then those men will never get to know who they really are (read article HERE). I absolutely do not understand that argument. When men meet ANY woman they may have a one-dimensional view of her ranging from trophy wife potential, sexual conquest, girl next door, best friend, to MPDG. But once they get to know the woman that may change completely. Are these critics implying that once a man sees you as his dream girl he will never get to know you and you can do no wrong? Where is the proof of that? This is just the way relationships are because you start off with an idealized image of the person combined with lofty relationship dreams and infatuation. Then you start to see the person is not your perfect ideal and you either accept the person or end the relationship. I don't think any man should be criticized for idealizing a woman at the beginning for their relationship. I have idealized many men after a great first meeting but sooner or later I got to know them and see their (sometimes major) flaws. Oh call the police, your man thinks you are his perfect dream girl, poor you! I would LOVE to be someone's dream girl instead of feeling like a place holder until the guy finds "the one".

What is this depth these critics are complaining about? MPDGs are the girlfriends of lead characters and often bring comic relief. By depth do you mean drug addiction, intimate partner violence, oppression, dysfunctional childhoods, death of loved one's, miscarriages, suicide attempts, political beliefs, religious beliefs and what other depressing or controversial things are you expecting writers to include in these comedic characters that would not be a total derailment of the main plot? I have the feeling that to these people depth means having "edge" (having a chip on your shoulder) and you know how much I dislike edge.

In a way I am an MPDG in the making because I like to wear cute dresses, I look younger than am, I like to have fun and still like some things younger people do (e.g., dance clubs, amusement parks), and I don't talk about serious things (especially work) when I first meet people. I am highly educated though, but since I am still a student, my schedule is more flexible than other adults (I sometimes sleep during the day and stay up at night lol). I also prefer men who are younger, introverts, and seem a bit insecure because I think it's cute. To these men I will appear to be the more outgoing and adventurous one and I am always told that I am fun. If these guys said I inspired them to enjoy life that would be fantastic! I love videos of kittens, animals, babies, and kids doing cute things. When I am feeling down nothing cheers me up more than watching kitten videos on YouTube. There is a reason why such videos go viral and have millions of hits...it's because they make people happy! I also love watching America's Funniest Home Videos and it often makes me laugh out loud, something that rarely happens when I watch anything else. That show has been around for at least 20 years because it makes people happy. I say to Zooey's critics, lighten up and allow yourself to experience pleasure and happiness in little things. Life is too short and full of suffering so don't waste time having negative thoughts about inherently pleasant and harmless things. Not only are Manic Pixies enjoying their lives but you are letting them ruin your own happiness by causing you anger (or maybe jealousy)!


Here are some related articles:
My Love Hate Relationship with Zooey Deschanel
In Defense of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Why are Manic Pixie Dream Girls Getting Dumber
What Exactly is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl
An Argument for the Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Kill the Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Zooey Deschanel: Maybe We're All B******(foul language)
A Valentine for Maturity (crude language)
Who is the Black Zooey Deschanel?
The War on Twee and the Illusion of Choice (excellent pro-twee article)
Femmephobia (must read, excellent!)
On Cupcakes