Imagine if Black Women Wore Sarees!!!

I LOVE SAREES! I saw some women in the mall yesterday wearing them. They are the ultimate feminine dress and they look so beautiful with their elegant designs, vibrant colours, jeweled accents, and delicately draping fabrics. They scream I AM WOMAN! When looking at a woman in a saree, depending on the style, she looks delicate and you don't want to do anything to mess up the beautiful garment. Sometimes the women have to hold the saree making it incompatible with carrying things, physically active tasks, or doing anything but standing or sitting pretty lol. This is what makes them so feminine because they are fit for someone sitting on a pedestal! They look like princesses! They are walking works of art similar to Geisha in kimonos.

These images were made using saree doll makers.

Just imagine, what if Black women had always worn sarees or started wearing them? Wouldn't we instantly look more feminine, delicate, and princess-like? Would we look more respectable? Would we be treated more like delicate feminine creatures who should be cherished and protected from harm? (please take a look at Michelle Obama in sarees!!!). I'm just daydreaming with this blog and I'm not actually suggesting you go out and buy a saree. People will look at you like your're crazy and Indian women will complain about cultural appropriation. Do we have traditional African or Caribbean clothing and would they actually look good on women today (*sigh*)? But honestly, we just need one high profile Black celebrity to start doing this and it could actually happen :)

I'm sure that in other countries women in sarees are probably disrespected sometimes but I'm just focusing on Black women in Western countries. Should Black women adopt a standard feminine garb? I think they would if it said Gucci lol! Wouldn't it be wonderful if Black women started wearing sarees all the time! I would be so happy!!!

Is There a Black Standard of Beauty?

I keep reading about criticism that Black and Asian women need to stop trying to live up to the Western European (WE) standard of beauty. We all know the WE standard of beauty: long, straight, light coloured, silky hair; light eyes; light skin (now tanned seems to be preferred); slim or thin body; small behind; and large breasts. Many Black women do not have these characteristics. When Black women relax their hair or wear straight, silky, or light coloured weaves, try to lose weight, or bleach their skin they are accused of trying to live up to these WE standards of beauty. But what is the alternative? Is there a Black standard of beauty?

Let's start with the dictionary definition of beauty. Beauty is:

1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
2. a beautiful  person, especially a woman.
3. a beautiful  thing, as a work of art or a building.
4. Often, beauties. something that is beautiful  in nature or in some natural or artificial environment.
5. an individually pleasing or beautiful  quality; grace; charm: a vivid blue area that is the one real beauty of the painting.

It seems from the definition that a woman is beautiful if she gives others intense pleasure or satisfaction when they see her. Many times this will be subjective but at other times most people will agree that a woman is beautiful but disagree about 'how beautiful' she is when compared to other women. Scientists have tried to determine what makes a person physically beautiful but of course their studies are biased by the overwhelming popularity of the WE standard of beauty. However these studies tend to mention things like facial symmetry, clear and even skin, health, and youth as important characteristics. So keep these things in mind as you read on and remember it's just as insulting to call someone ugly because they have light skin as it is to call someone ugly for having dark skin. Praising "traditional African features" leaves out all the Black and African women who were BORN with features similar to European women.

There are some characteristics of many Black women that are very different from the traits in the WE standard of beauty. For instance many of us have: short, kinky/coily, dry hair; dark eyes; dark skin (darker than White women's skin); slim to overweight bodies; and large behinds (many have large breasts though). It would be nice to say that all of these traits should become the Black standard of beauty but then everyone would automatically be beautiful, no one would try to improve or keep up their looks, and the standard would be useless! Plus it would be dishonest because we all know that some women are more pleasing to look at than others. In terms of my preferences, I think dark skin and coily/kinky hair can be beautiful and light skin and straight hair can be beautiful. But in terms of personal preference I find some facial features to be more attractive than others and it's the facial features that determine beauty to me and the actual skin colour is almost irrelevant. That's why the whole "light skin versus dark skin" thing is strange to me because someone can have light skin with unattractive facial features while someone with dark skin can have amazingly beautiful facial features. I also have a preference now for natural hair, I like some natural hair more than others (mainly if it's big I love it), and I can find some straight hair attractive if it's long (short, thin, limp straight hair isn't attractive to me).

There are many women who have low self-esteem and understandably try to make everyone accept the status quo as the standard of beauty so that they can feel beautiful and not have to change anything. This is unhelpful too and sometimes unhealthy especially when talking about body weight and hair so damaged it can't grow past chin length. This doesn't mean you are not a good person, unworthy of love, or that someone won't think you are the most beautiful woman in the world! It would also be useless to accept standards that are unattainable to even the most attractive Black women without taking potentially dangerous measures (e.g., skin bleaching, surgery). I also don't think it is useful to use African women (living in Africa) as the standard because that does not help Black people who live in Western countries who look very different and may not actually be attracted to the African beauty standard, just as many Africans may not be attracted to the WE beauty standard.

If we think about Black women who are considered beautiful, they seem to conform to many of the WE standard beauty traits because they have: long, straight (or curly but not kinky), silky hair; light eyes (sometimes); lighter skin (but still 'ethnic looking'); slim or thin body; and large breasts. For some in the Black community, Black women are considered to be more attractive if they have a bit more weight than White women and especially if they have larger backsides and thighs. These are the women that most people of any race would call beautiful. This begs the question, can Black women who don't fit the WE standard of beauty ever be beautiful? I think we can!

Beautiful Black Women by elegantbw on polyvore.com

These are examples of women who I think are beautiful. They have various skin shades, eye colours, and hair textures. They are all thin (probably underweight) because they are celebrities. Almost all have long hair. They appear to have flawless skin because of airbrushing but they all wear make-up to enhance their looks. They dress in styles that are flattering. They are all beautiful but people may vary in how beautiful they think each woman is compared to their favorite celebs or women in their own lives. Anyone who says these women are ugly is blind, racist, or only inclined to see White, Asian or some other women as beautiful. There is no point worrying about such people and you should only focus on those who have the potential to find you attractive. I'm not going to argue about who is "really Black" or biracial because there are non-biracial women who are light, biracial women who are dark, and a lot of variety among Black women. They can all be beautiful. Someone might say that these women have some European facial features, for example their noses are not the widest or their faces are not very round (?). Well, they can't help their facial features now can they? Many Black women have the same features anyway but I guess those without these features are not as popular or I just couldn't find them. You and I may not look exactly like any of these women but we all have some features that are undeniably beautiful! Below are the Black beauty standard that we can all strive for and many of these items will be attainable to most women:

1. A beautiful face. Everyone is not born with a beautiful face so this will be impossible for some people. But if you are willing to make an effort you can use makeup to give yourself a more attractive but naturally-enhanced look. Moisturize, lighten dark spots to achieve an even tone, take measures to reduce blemishes (use acne products and cleanse your face regularly), wear sunscreen and don't let your skin burn in the sun.  Don't forget to moisturize those gorgeous lips too! Enhance your natural beauty the way most other women do (especially the ones who fit the EW standards of beauty).  
2. Bronzed/brown even-toned, shiny skin. Let's forget about trying to have light skin. If you have light skin great but if you don't you can still be beautiful without bleaching your skin. Just try to keep your skin even (lighten dark spots if necessary), free of blemishes, moisturized, and soft. You can also play up the beauty of dark skin by wearing lotions that add shine (White skin doesn't shine). Bronzed or brown, even, shiny skin is beautiful and will make you look like a bronze or ebony sculpture!
3. Long or big healthy hair. People find natural hair to be more beautiful than synthetic hair (in general, not including anti-Black people). I think what makes women attractive is that they have MORE hair than men and the more beautiful hair the better. Natural Black hair is big and full and that is beautiful! Grow your hair out, keep it moisturized, have it cut into a flattering style, and keep it neat. Learn how to care for your natural hair so that it has some sheen, softness, and movement. Define your curls if you can and use products or setting techniques (e.g., braid- and twistouts) to add sheen and definition. Lion manes are just as beautiful as horse manes so long natural afto-textured hair can be gorgeous too.
4. An amazing smile. A beautiful smile is always pleasing to the eye. Smile more often and try to have a pleasant look on your face instead of frowning and looking angry all the time. Take care of your teeth, visit your dentist, and look into getting some dental enhancements if necessary (I whiten my teeth and people notice). Fixing your smile is not trying to look White.
5. A slim and healthy body. Being overweight is bad for your health and so is being underweight. Look at healthy weight charts, buy a scale that assesses your weight and body fat composition, and use them regularly. Try to stay within the healthy weight, body fat %, BMI, and waist circumference ranges. Visit your doctor regularly too and keep track of your health status. Consider consulting a dietitian or starting a healthy lifestyle or weight-loss program. Exercise regularly to maintain your health, lose fat, and tone your body. Black women can be slim and healthy and don't listen to anyone who says it isn't possible. Your health is more important than having a large behind!
6. A beautiful character and persona. A beautiful woman becomes less attractive if she has a horrible personality and if she is hard and mean. Beauty if not just a physical thing. If you are beautiful on the inside, people will find you more attractive on the outside. The way you act and think about the world is something that you can actually change. 
7. A beautiful wardrobe. I think that a beautiful woman's wardrobe should add to her beauty not detract from it. Dressing in a way that is appealing to most people can make a woman appear more beautiful. This does not mean spending a fortune on designer clothes and following every fashion trend. In my opinion, feminine, pretty clothing that enhances our natural curves is beautiful to most people. The quality and beauty of the clothing is more important than the price, label, or whether it is "on trend" at the moment.

These are traits that Black women can have or achieve that will make them appear beautiful to most people. As with all things in life, all of us can make the choice about whether to strive for these standards, choose another set of standards, or choose to remain the same. You don't have to try to be beautiful if you don't want to. I want to!

Related Articles:
Is biracial the new beauty ideal?
Nicki Minaj and Marylin Monroe: Is she perpetuating the white female beauty standard?
Is the Black standard of beauty giving you low self-esteem?
Is the Black standard of beauty actually White beauty?
Black girl's guide to weight loss (several articles here)
Black vs. White new age standards of beauty (article is quite angry)

My Current Wardrobe

I just discovered Polyvore a great site to make online collages! So I decided to make a collage to give you an idea of what I wear. It will also help me identify things that I want to change. It's not bad for a first try but the ones by some of the other users are amazing!

The items in the collage are similar to items I have, but they are not the same items, colours, or prices of the items I own. Prior to my EBW journey I only had hoodies, sweat shirts, turtle neck sweaters, blazers for work, jeans, ill-fitting pants, masculine looking dress shirts, and masculine looking shoes. I didn't like my wardrobe at all. Now I am really liking what I have purchased (almost entirely from thrift stores) but I think I can turn the femininity up a notch by paying more attention to accessories and altering my clothes. These are items depicted below:

Skirts: My favorite skirts are my black pencil skirts because they are comfortable and they emphasize my curves. I also have them in brown and gray. I have peasant skirts in brown, black, and white and they are great for work or running errands. I prefer skirts over dresses because I think I can get many different looks with them.
Dresses: I have some summer dresses, party dresses, and sweater dresses for the winter. I want to try different looks with the summer and party dresses by pairing them with cardigans, blazers, and shrugs.
Sleeveless tops and tank tops: I have so many of these in every colour (especially turquoise!). I like the frilly ones the most. They are great under cardigans, blazers, or low cut tops. I have a few baby T-shirts that are cute for a casual look when paired with a skirt.
Cardigans: I have many of these too. I was influenced to buy them because they look so great on Michelle Obama. I think I should pin flowers or brooches on them more often, wear them with belts, or wear them open because sometimes they make me look boxy. I also have some shrugs that I will wear more often because they probably won't make me look as boxy.
Blazers and Jackets: Blazers are perfect for work or sometimes I wear them as spring jackets. I have to alter many of them so that they fit me better. I have white, black, and beige trench coats and I love wearing them belted at the waist.
Belts: I almost always wear a belt to cinch in my waist and cover the waistbands of my skirts. I love the wide ones that are almost like corsets but I will try wearing the skinny ones too.
Jewelry: I tend to only wear earrings. I love hoops and thread earrings because tiny ones can only be seen if I wear my hair back. I also can't wear dangle earrings with my hair down (my hair and I learned that the hard way!). When I first went natural I actually wore brooches in my hair and it looked pretty, but now I think my big hair gets enough attention as is! I think any more jewelry would be too much.
Cute shoes: I have many pairs of heels but I rarely wear them. I want to get used to wearing them again and I will try to bear the pain! I think the heels will really perfect my look. I just have to stock up on shoe inserts and cushioning. I also have cute flats with bows that I love and some sandals. I have flip flops that I rarely wear because they aren't very classy are they?
Purses: I have four purses and three of them are black (small, medium, and large). I wouldn't mind getting something extra cute in pink or purple. I just don't want to become obsessed with purses.

The Type of EBW I want to be

I've decided to review the type of woman I want to become so that I can check my progress and what I still need to work on. These are things that I want to achieve but of course I'm not expecting to be perfect. If I achieve these things then I will be the best woman I can be and my idea of an EBW. This is an ideal and not necessarily the ideal woman to anyone reading this blog. Anything with a star is something I haven't made enough progress with.

Appearance

• long, healthy, natural hair (my hair is bra-strap BSL length!)
• clear, toasty-brown skin all over* (I need to exfoliate more and always apply lotion or oil)
• healthy body weight and toned body* (want to lose a few pounds but I still look good)
• make-up that accentuates my features
• feminine fashion style (need to start wearing heels more often)
• good posture and feminine movement 
• smiling often (greatly improved)

Attitude and Behaviour

• Staying poised when under pressure
• Maintaining a positive mood and attitude (not too bad, greatly improved)
• Behaving like an EBW in public and private (improved)
• Not engaging in useless arguments online and offline (I have really improved!)
• Being a good friend  and daughter (need to make more friends too, improved as a daughter)
• Being a fun, joyful, nice, pleasant person (greatly improved)
• Toning down the sexiness (not bad)
• Being interesting to talk to (not bad)
• Helping others * (I help my friends with advice but I haven't been volunteering)

Hobbies and Interests

• healthy cooking * (need some good recipes)
• physical fitness and working out
• physical activities (e.g., pool, tennis, volley ball, golf)* 
• reading (need to do more pleasure reading instead of school related reading)
• self-improvement
• dinner parties *
• sewing and knitting *
• sketching and painting * (know how to but need to actually spend time doing)
• blogging (of course)
• dance lessons *
• learn massage * (another trick for my feminine arsenal)
• travel *
• socializing regularly* (the winter really killed my social life)

Romantic Relationships

• Starting a monogamous relationship * (I'm single)
• Getting married * (not even close)
• Having a baby *(again, not even close)

Career

• Graduate (almost there)
• Get a job in my field * (I have to start looking)
• Do the best job I can *

As you can see from this list, I have made a lot of progress on my journey to becoming an EBW! Most of the progress has involved changing the way I look, my attitude, and my behaviour. I am acting and looking very different from the way I was a few years ago. 

I am not worried about the improvements I need to make in my career because these goals will be achieved in the near future. I'm not even worried about them anymore. As you can see, my career goals do not include becoming the best, starting a company, or anything time-consuming like that. I'll be satisfied with the job, a husband, and kids. 

The areas where I need the most improvement are in my interests and romantic relationships. It may be possible that my interests and romantic relationships could actually intersect. I could take up some sports and meet someone in the process. I could go to dinner parties or out dancing and meet someone. I could also take in community events and meet someone. I just have to get out more and socialize and these things will be taken care of. The winter has really put a hold on some of these things, so I can't wait until the weather gets better. Some of the hobbies also require time and money and it was hard to find time and money while I was busy with school. So right now my priorities are doing what is necessary to graduate, finding a job, and going out and socializing. I'll wait until I earn some money before taking on some of the hobbies :)

Advice From Video Bloggers

Don't you just love online videos? They just make the blogging experience so much more interesting and interactive. I'd like to share two videos with you. I really like the advice in the first one. We need to pay attention to our appearance. It isn't shallow and it doesn't set women back. There are benefits! Use what you have to ensure that you get what you want in life, especially love. You can be beautiful, smart, and talented. The idea that women should dull themselves down is like taking a beautiful flower and hiding it in a closet, or picking off the petals. Why hide beauty? Why not make the world more beautiful? Yes, being attractive can get you unwanted attention, but so can letting yourself look unattractive. The difference is that I can't think of any benefits of a woman being unattractive.

As for the second video...I'm not sure. In the second video she says it's attractive to men when women are vulnerable, but if you have read The Rule, or He's Just Not That Into You, they are both about weeding out the guys who don't like you and are likely to hurt you. I don't believe in wasting you time and being vulnerable to any guy. Maybe she means a guy you are already dating who has all the good qualities you want. Well, I'll let you decide.

Cute Make-up and Hairstyles

I like the gyaru style of Japanese make-up. I have been doing something similar for a couple of years before I even heard of this stuff. I'll describe my daily look that takes me 15 minutes maximum:

• After my face cream I use concealer under my eyes and a mineral powder on my entire face. I also use a primer on my eyelids, forehead, and nose.
• I ALWAYS fill in my brows with a dark brown brow pencil. Ladies, please do this, it just polishes the look.
• I line the inner corner and inner half of my lower lid with a silver eyeliner (no sparkles). I line the rest of the eye with black eyeliner.
• I wear two to three coats of mascara.
• I may wear a bronze eye shadow on my lids with a bluish gray in the crease (it actually looks pretty natural). I only wear that at night. During the day I may go without eye shadow or just wear a dark brown.
• I line my lips with a plum lipliner, fill in the lips with a bronze/brown lipstick, and then add a pink or bronze lip gloss over top. It gives me a pinkish bronze lip that matches my skin.
• I wear a lot of pink blush. I add it to the front cheek area, and even a bit on the bridge of my nose. I don't use it under my cheekbones because I think that makes you look old.

The photo below is an exaggerated version of what I do. I use silver liner instead of white (more subtle), no false lashes, no green contacts (I think her eyes are natural though). I wear more blush and less white eye shadow. The Barbie tutorial will give you a similar look.

I think big, long lashes are very feminine so I really recommend wearing mascara. I also recommend RapidLash because it really does grow your lashes. I'm not a fan of the false lashes because I prefer the natural look (enhanced by make-up). If you tend to lower or furrow your brows, try this exercise to raise them again. I found it helpful because once I began to notice the different feeling when my brows were up versus down I was able to correct myself. You will have to do it twice a day for a while.
Make-up Tutorials:
I chose these tutorials because I think they look nice on Black women. Many of the tutorials for Black women use really bright, unnatural colours that I think EBWs should avoid.
Gyaru Make-up Video 1 (final look is very nice but I think it can be done with fewer steps)
Gyaru Make-up Video 2 (cute, but forgot the brows)
Kelly Rowland Tutorial
Kim Kardashian Inspired Make-up (on a Black woman. I know, I know, but KK does know how to look good)
Gyaru Make-up Video 3 (she used a lot of make-up and steps to get a natural look so I think it was excessive). 

Black Gyarus (excessive at times, unflattering piercings)

Great hair will really improve your appearance. I have been natural for over three years and my hair is finally long enough for me to feel comfortable. I did not like it when it was short and it is so much better now. I think natural hair is very feminine. I have lots of little coils with lots of movement and volume. If you wear wigs or weaves please choose something that looks natural or relaxed instead of an unusual colour or super straight and shiny texture. 

Smiling More Often Can Improve Your Life

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Have you ever heard that Black women don't smile enough? It's a common complaint that I have heard online along with the other criticisms about us (I don't think Black men smile enough either). I admit, I don't think I smile enough. In the past I didn't smile often because I was just unhappy most of the time. I also avoided smiling out of fear that men I passed would think I was interested in them when I was not.

As part of my journey to become an Elegant Black Woman (EBW) I am going to smile more! I have been doing it for the past week, not a full toothy grin, but just a slight raise of the corners of my mouth. This looks much better than my relaxed face. In fact, I feel less tension around my eyes and forehead when I smile this way. My whole face feels somehow lighter. Plus, when I see people and they smile it is easier for me to smile back because my face is not locked in a frown. When I'm by myself and smiling I find myself laughing more and my mood is actually more positive. You get a warm, satisfied feeling when you have a slight grin. It really does have an effect on others because my coworkers have all asked me if something good happened or if I met a guy because I look so content!



Here are the main benefits of smiling that have been supported by research:

• Smiling will improve your physical attractiveness. You will look more attractive, your face will be lifted, and you will look younger. You will look like a happy, confident, successful person.
• Smiling will improve your social life. Other people will smile back at you. People are attracted to happy people and the smile on your face will tell them that you are happy.
• Smiling improves your mood. Smiling is incompatible with negative thoughts and positive thoughts tend to pop into your head when you smile. Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin that help your body and brain to feel happy. These natural chemicals will also help you to feel less stressed.
• Smiling is good for your health. Smiling boosts your immune system that protects you against illnesses. Smiling has been shown to reduce blood pressure and induce relaxation. Studies have shown that optimistic people (who tend to smile) live longer. 

This list was based on following articles that you can read for more details: Health Benefits of Smiling, The Remarkable Benefits of Smiling (cites research), 20 Benefits of Smiling, The Benefits of Smiling (psychological and social benefits), Little Known Reasons and Benefits of Smiling (interesting!), and Benefits of Smiling.


For a while I was reading jokes online so that I could tell them to my friends. I haven't done that in a while but I want to start again. I will have a laugh and I can lighten the mood in social settings. I suppose it's not ladylike to tell sex jokes, so I will just enjoy them and keep them to myself ;) Really, I need to take myself and life less seriously, it hasn't helped me at all to do otherwise!