Sunday, February 19, 2012

Why Compare Black Women and Asian Women?

I think I should get this explanation out of the way so that readers understand where I'm coming from and why I tend to compare Black women to Asian women. Actually, this blog is about my endeavor to become more feminine, well-mannered, desirable, and a better woman in general so this also helps me to understand my own reasoning. I compare Black women to Asian women a lot because the the things said about both women are often the complete opposite! These are the things I have heard about both types of women. Yes most are stereotypes but those stereotypes will have benefits for them and negative consequences for us.
Black Women/Asian Women
curvy body/slim body
dark/light (some are dark too)
kinky hair or fake hair/straight real hair
overly masculine/overly feminine
called undesirable/called most desirable
disrespectful to men/live to serve men
not wife material/wife material
negative portrayals in the media/positive portrayals in the media

So you see, to me it makes sense that if I want to become a desirable, feminine woman that I would look to the group who's women are considered to be "the standard" for desirable, feminine women even if that is a stereotype. I also compare to Asian women because of the things we have in common:

  • We are visible minorities in Western countries so we are subject to racism and stereotypes. Our beauty is not the Eurocentric ideal. Some men will reject both groups just because we are not White.
  • When men of other races prefer us it is called a fetish.
  • We are both rarely seen in the media so the few representations people see are taken to be accurate depictions of the typical Black or Asian woman.
  • We naturally have dark hair and dark eyes and a yellow skin undertone (of course there are exceptions).
  • We have some similar facial features (e.g., full lips, rounded and sometimes wide noses). We look youthful longer too.
  • We have our own culture that is different from the "mainstream Western culture".

One might ask, why not compare to White women. I don't make that comparison often because:
  • I think it's more useful to look at our extreme opposites. There are many White women who are criticized for the same things as Black women (e.g, being loud, masculine, overweight, too feminist, etc). Many Black and White women dress in similar ways.  When I compare White women to Black women sometimes I don't see much difference. We also share Western pop culture and are exposed to the same beauty standards, music, media, events etc. But comparing to Asians on another continent removes some of the shared cultural aspects.  I do look to White women about etiquette, manners, homemaking, and dating though because they write the books and those things are accepted by most Western women.
  • There are unique similarities between Black and Asian women. In terms of appearance, there is more variety in White women's hair colour and texture and eye colour. Their skin tone also has less range and has a pink undertone or an orange tone when tanned that is different from my yellow undertone. There are some Asians who are actually as dark as I am (especially if we include West Asians) and they have a yellow undertone, but that is not the case for White women. So makeup that looks good with dark eyes and dark hair is applicable to both Black and Asian women.  I think many Black women like me don't even bother to compare ourselves to White women. They just look too different in terms of colour and facial features. 
  • White women are too over-represented in the media and in the population. I think because I'm so used to their look and standard of beauty that I don't see the point of comparing myself to them. It's like White women are your regular maple trees, Black women are palm trees, and Asian women are those pink cherry blossom trees. The maple trees don't stand out to me anymore for some reason. When I look at makeup tutorials for White women they just wouldn't look good on Black women (because of eye colour and skin undertones).  The White women I find attractive tend to have Black or Asian features like dark hair and skin, dark eyes, full lips, rounded noses, and rounded non-angular faces. I guess there just isn't a White celebrity who I think of as a beauty or fashion icon. Lady Gaga seriously? 
  • When I look up cute Western clothes they are nowhere near as cute as the Asian clothes. I can wear anything Lucy Liu can wear but I just can't compare myself to Blake Lively or Giselle at all.  I am not a fan of the stick-thin models and would never look good in the clothes they wear. On the other hand, as long as you are not overweight, I think some of the Asian fashions would look fine on me (not the super short skirts or teenager looks of course). The Asian girls are thin but the are also short so they are in proportion. I'm just bored with the Western look I guess. I'm going to start doing more comparisons to good examples of EBWs now because I think that would be even more helpful.
  • Oh, and I forgot one of the most important reasons! Comparing White and Black women would infuriate a lot of people! Due to the history of relations between Black and White people, comparisons between those groups always leads to controversy, discussions of slavery, racism, etc. to the point that any attempt to do anything White people do or look like them is practically a crime. This blog is not about that sort of thing and I am trying to stay away from those discussions. This blog is about trying to be the best woman I can be and that has nothing to do with trying to be White or Asian. Good qualities are good qualities, no matter who possesses them.


  1. Hello,

    I just found your blog. I'm really enjoying your viewpoint.

    However I just want to say that I have been married to an Asian woman for five+ years and I wouldn't say that she "lives to serve me." And I would call her a "strong" woman but also a feminine woman. I think that it is possible to be both. :)

    If I say something that bothers her, whether it's because she finds it to be insulting or degrading or for whatever reason, she doesn't just sit there and take it. She brings it up to me and tells me that it offended her, but she does so in a diplomatic and ladylike way. You can find a balance. :) I want a woman who'll tell me when I cross the line and I don't want a submissive robot (I might as well have married a blowup doll). But there's a diplomatic and feminine way to bring up issues and then there's the yelling way.

  2. Hi Alex,

    Oh yes of course I was referring to stereotypes some men (and probably) women believe about Asian women. I truly believe in discussing things in a diplomatic way and being assertive instead of aggressive or passive. Thanks for your visit :)

  3. If my comment offended you I am sorry, but I think you should at least consider my perspective before removing it. As a person who has taken many college sociological and race philosophy classes, at PCC and my current PNCA, I think I would know what I'm talking about.

  4. I agree with you. I think black and Asian are beautiful in their own way.

  5. are a really awesome person.
    Thank you