Tuesday, February 28, 2012

What's Wrong with Being a Trophy Wife?

I think the negative connotations about being a trophy wife come from the stereotype of a gorgeous, young woman (with not much else going on) being paired with an older, wealthy, unattractive man. The man has his pretty trophy and the woman has the money and lifestyle she wants so both are happy. The traditional trophy wife is a young blonde woman but nowadays it's an Asian woman (surprise, surprise, maybe Black women will be the next trophies lol). In the past, when women did not work, their worth was based on their physical appearance, lineage, and whether they would be a good wife or mother. Nowadays, some men use the same criteria while others value a woman who is educated, has a good career, can carry on a conversation, and other qualities that are based more on her inner characteristics. But for most women, the idea of being a trophy wife is insulting, degrading, and for some reason indicates they have no intelligence.

But being a trophy wife does not have to be a bad thing today (hear me out). For one, it usually means you are physically attractive. No one will ever convince me that being attractive is something women should avoid in order to be seen as equals to men. It is important for your partner to find you physically attractive! Would you actually prefer it if he thought you were just "so-so" in terms of looks? What's wrong with your man openly admitting he was first attracted to your looks and he loves the way you look? That does not mean you don't have other good qualities. I think women should also seek out men who they find physically attractive (which means the man probably won't be twice your age). There is a double standard that women are supposed to care less about the way men look and should chose them based on character alone. I'm sorry but if I meet two great guys, one looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the other looks like Jonah Hill, sorry but Joseph wins. I need to be physically attracted to someone in order to be physical with them. I don't want to pretend I'm with someone else and stay in my fantasy until the deed is over (as quickly as possible). Women feel awful when their men don't compliment their looks so why complain that he likes you for your looks and wants to show you off?

The feminist law has taught us that a woman is more than her looks. Everyone knows that we should be valued for our character, personality, abilities, and achievements. So unless you are totally vapid with no endearing properties you will never be merely a pretty object to show off. You would be a trophy because of what's on the outside and the inside. I don't know about you but finding out my man was bragging about me to his friends would mean more to me than a dozen roses! Men brag about trophy women because it boosts their egos to know that their woman is better than most. The quality of woman they have is a reflection of their quality as men. When a man and woman are both attractive, successful, intelligent, interesting, and well-rounded good people then aren't they both trophies? I want a trophy husband and I assure you, if he has the qualities I am looking for I will be telling everyone about how great he is and I will constantly tell him that too. As long as you love each other for more than your looks then it's a good thing. Neither of you is settling and you are both on the same level. Showing off your spouse is a compliment so just say "Thank you". You should be worried if his friends and family don't know about you and he doesn't show you off to them. That could mean you really aren't his girlfriend or he doesn't think you are good enough (i.e., not trophy material). Times have changed and there is nothing wrong with being the best woman you can be and feeling proud to be shown off on a great man's arm. I would love that!


  1. I agree! I love it when my husband brags about me :)

    Mary Ellen
    The Working Home Keeper

  2. I hope that we can be open to the idea though that if you give a man a chance based on his personality first, then you may find him to be very handsome later on.

    Casanova once said that "attraction starts in the head." Just like a horrible personality can kill a great physical appeal, a great personality can make an average person really attractive to you on a sexual/physical level.

  3. Hi Anonymous,

    Thanks for your visit :) You said, "I hope that we can be open to the idea though that if you give a man a chance based on his personality first, then you may find him to be very handsome later on."

    Well I doubt it. I'm standing firm on this one. I think if a guy is average he can look much better to me because of his personality. But if he is unattractive nothing will help. He could make a great friend but I would not want to kiss him.

    I had the experience once where I went for a guy who I did not find attractive because he was nice to me (at the time). When my friends saw him they looked uncomfortable and didn't have anything good to say. They thought I could do better and I knew I could do better. I don't like that women are pressured to ignore the way a man looks and these women are called shallow for caring about looks. Yet men, even unattractive men, can chase beautiful women and no one calls them shallow. I think we should look for partners who are on our level, but I would be okay with a guy who is somewhat less attractive than me.

    I go for guys with great personalities any way so I would rather choose the cute guy with a nice personality over the unattractive one. Women have to really ask themselves why they feel the need to sacrifice their personal pleasure (in being with an attractive man) for any guy who is nice? Being nice is not enough, a man has to have the whole package and so does any woman (like myself) who is asking for the whole package. I don't care how nice Jonah Hill is, he is not attractive, people would be shocked if I was with a guy like him, and I can do better. Nothing will make that guy hot to me. I will never do anything that is against my best interests and having a fulfilling bedroom life won't happen if I'm not physically attracted to a man and niceness does not equal sexy to me. If a hot guy has no achievements and a rotten personality I would not go with him either for the record. I just don't feel like settling.

    1. Well...to each his own for sure, BUT I am getting the impression that your friends' input matter to you and interfere with YOUR thing with a man. Furthermore, you've said it...the irony is even unattractive men can get himself a beautiful woman...,.because like it or not, admit it or not, it is and will always be "a man's world". In the arena of relationship, there's always that double standard but well truly, just as women can't do certain things men do because we're women, same applies to men...men can't be or do what women do because they're men...men and women have their role in a relationship...that's just the blueprint of life. Nevertheless, unattractive, average, attractive, either way you look at it, hopefully your friends reaction or the vibe you get from your friends won't dictate YOUR OWN personal decisions on how to keep future relationships going.

  4. Elegance,

    I do agree that it is very unfair that women are called shallow to chase after attractive men but men are "just being men" when they chase after attractive women.

    I'm not condoning this, but what I AM condoning is for BOTH genders to care a bit less about looks.

    I'm not saying that we should go for people who we find to be UNattractive. I'm saying that we shouldn't write out people who are average just because they're not "handsome" or "hot."

    To be honest, when I first met my wife, I found her to be nothing special physically. I wouldn't have looked at her twice. She wasn't unattractive or repulsive, but she wasn't the kind of woman I would have approached. But after getting to know her and falling for her based on her personality, she truly became the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Many of my friends consider me to be good looking and at first wondered what I was doing with my then-girlfriend but after getting to know her they fell in love with her like I did!

    I'm not saying that simply being "nice" is enough, afterall, being nice is one of the easiest traits. But things like wit, warmth, femininity, talent, and a sense of humor aren't easy to achieve and they can make a plain woman very good-looking in my opinion!

  5. When I say "good personality" I'm not talking about just "nice guy" or "nice girl." I'm talking about charm, charisma, magnetism, drive, ambition, and radiance.

  6. I believe in the right to choose. :) I think that a woman should choose to be with the man who makes her happy and who SHE thinks is attractive, whether or not society agrees.

    And I think that your friends should respect your choice. Now of course Joseph Gordon-Levitt versus Jonah Hill is an extreme and Joseph is obviously better looking, but there are some men that society believe to be "hot" who just don't do it for me and there are some men who I think are "hot" who aren't always considered to be the "hotties" of society.

    I think that at a certain point it's a matter of taste and personal preference so it's hard to put a "rule" on it. As long as it's not an extreme and that their physical is at least decent and presentable (i.e. hygienic, take care of themselves, makes an effort in their appearance in the morning), I think that real friends should respect the choice and just be happy for their friend. :)

    After all, I find Brad Pitt to be unattractive while most of society finds him to be a hot. And news anchor George Stephanopoulos is extremely sexy to me while most girls just look at me like "Nina, George is cute... but SEXY?!" ;)

    I do agree with you that it's bad to lower your standards for a guy who's obviously unattractive. But when the looks of men reach a certain threshold of attractiveness, then it just becomes about your personal preference (do you like tall or short? muscular or slender? cute or handsome? dark hair or blond hair?). At that point, then it will be like if my friend started dating a guy who looks like Brad Pitt: I can see why other women may find him attractive and he's an attractive man physically, but I'm just not personally attracted TO him because he's not really my type. :)

  7. Yeah, I'm pretty sure anonymous wasn't talking about you giving ugly men a chance, just average men. He never said anything about "unattractive" men but he said something about "average" men. You wrote a very long post to him about why you wouldn't date unattractive men, but I really think that he agreed with you from the beginning, but was just bringing up the point that a guy doesn't have to be "hot" as long as he's not "ugly."

  8. Hi Anonymous,

    Okay then that long post was for nothing :) That guy I mentioned dating was below average. I actually like average or a bit less attractive than me. I don't think things will work out with me and a "hot" guy. I prefer the average, cute, average or lanky body types, kind of nerdy but very sweet. Definitely not everyone's type. I'm not interested in dating alpha males and have always been fond of beta males. Okay yes, I have had crushes on alpha males when I was in high school but I quickly learned they were not right for me.

    Hi Nina :)

    Yes my friends should be happy for me. But my close friends know from my history that I might settle for someone (I've done it in the past numerous times when I shouldn't have)so we have agreed to look out for each other when we do it. So their opinions would matter to me but what other people think wouldn't matter so much.

  9. I think that the opinion of friends are always fine as long as they're doing it from a point of care and concern other than a judgmental attitude.

    And I just want to add to this blog post that although you have a right to reject a man based on whatever you want to reject him for, you do not have a right to be rude or cruel about it. I first met my man when I was in middle school... at the time, I was very very overweight with horrible skin (horrible skin because I didn't care enough to take care of it). My man was considered to be one of the better looking men in his year. When I told my "best friend" that I liked him, she said to me, "He's good looking... not for you."

    Although I am now slender and toned, with shiny hair that I maintain through hair masks, good skin (through facials, biweekly scrubs), and feminine clothing, her voice is still in my head. Even though I now look nothing like I used to look in middle school, I still feel "inferior" to him, not because I physically am (after my turnaround no one ever thinks that one of us is much better looking than the other), but because someone once told me so, which is a horrible feeling. She said that to me 7 years ago and I still remember just how hurt I was and how inferior I felt. It's a horrible feeling to feel like "less" of a person than someone else.

    Even though it pushed me to improve myself and become attractive and to make my bad appearance go away, the hurt that I felt will never go away. That was years ago and we're both grown women now, not the 13 year olds that we were when she said it. But at alumni gatherings at the high school, whenever I see her I still think about how what she said and how it made me feel like less of a person.

    I hope that those who read this article and agree with it, like I do, understand that you have the right to reject a nice unattractive boy's advances for any reason you want but you don't have the right to be cruel about it.

  10. Also, about Jonah Hill, I don't think he's unattractive. He lost all the weight for 21 Jump Street.


  11. We can try to spin the phrase and modernize it to fit our meaning, but "trophy wife" will always carry the connotation that the woman fits the conventional, Westernized standard(s) of beauty: she isn't overweight, she has great hair, great skin, great eyes, etc. Her man is wealthy... Even if he is older, unfit, overweight, etc. Even old, fat, bald, rich guys can be picky... Because their pockets allow them to get the best their money can buy, and that includes women.

    I personally don't want to be a trophy... I'm not an object to be possessed. And as far as beauty, well I would like to think that I'm average... Pretty ain't never done nothing for me. I never got a job, promotion, date, or made friends because of my look. The fact that I was incredibly smart, with a great gift of gab, and liked to have fun generally won over friends, dates, co-workers and employers.

    Yes, a woman can be incredibly smart AND beautiful, but let's not kid ourselves: beautiful women don't really have to work "hard" at anything, even with average intelligence. The Halle Berries of the world may argue that they have to work hard to prove they have substance, but no average, size 14-16 Misses or Plus sized woman can get away with at- or below average intelligence and a bad personality... It's just not tolerated.

    I'm a plus-sized woman. I'm constantly told that if I lost 50 or 60 lbs, I could have my pick of the litter. My thought is, why? If a man cannot accept me and all of my positive attributes at 200 lbs, why would I want him at 140 lbs? I have a thyroid issue; next year I could be 125 lbs. BALD, but 125 (LOL)... I just think that if he is a great guy and he really cares for me, then he will love and accept me at any size... I may not fit conventional standards of beauty, but as long as he thinks I'm beautiful, that would be okay. I don't want a man to call me a "trophy". Again, I'm not an inanimate object... But if he told me that I'm beautiful, smart, and he couldn't imagine life without me, well that has substance...

  12. As a guy I find myself casually attracted to women regardless of how they're ranked in my mind. Whether she's below average, below average, beyond average, most women I would never seriously involve myself with because they don't have the qualities I'm looking for.