Monday, February 27, 2012

Giving Only Because of Love

I met a guy last week and he was really amazing. After the meeting I went home and started daydreaming about how great it would be to have a relationship with this guy. I thought about all the great things we could do together and all the "traditional feminine" things I would do for him (yes I daydream A LOT). I was thinking about surprising him with cute outfits, baking cup cakes, giving massages, having him thank me for house cleaning, going out with friends, and telling him and everyone else about how great he was.

This guy met all of my "Mr. Right" criteria: has a degree (graduate), attractive and cute, not overweight, nice to me, similar interests and goals, not likely to have a criminal background or substance abuse problem because of his job and school record, and he did not seem aggressive. So as soon as he met that criteria I didn't think about what he could do for me, only what I could do for him and how great it would be together. If we were in a relationship all he would have to do is maintain what he already has and keep doing what he has been doing (I would do the same). He would not need to go back to school or find another job (unless he wanted to) because he was already stable and maximizing his potential. I would not have to "raise him" or support him to overcome his bad habits or lack of success. He was already great the way he was and he was on my level. I respected him and his achievements and I would trust his judgement. I wouldn't mind following him most of the time because we like the same things, have similar values, and he had a history of making good choices.

This supports what I and many other women have been saying. We want someone on our level because then we don't have to worry about their judgement, whether the bills will get paid (we will also contribute), or whether he will "turn out okay". We can relax and just focus on doing nice things for him and enjoying our time together. I would want to do special things to keep him interested, to make him happy, and because it could be fun being the best girlfriend/wife ever. I imagined him bragging to his friends about what a great girlfriend/wife I was and feeling fantastic when he was appreciative. As long as he did what a nice guy and husband would normally do I wouldn't be thinking about what I could get out of him or what he was doing for me. Does anyone worry about someone who has their life together and isn't causing anyone pain or trouble? No. Of course there would likely be some disagreements but I would remember all of his good qualities and not want to ruin the relationship over anything small. Of course if he started being mean to me or cheated on me (changing his behaviour) that would change my behaviour and I would not want to do nice things to him or even be with him.

So do you see? If a man is successful and a well rounded "good man" then a woman will be happy and will do nice things for him without asking for much in return (other than continuing to do what he was already doing, including being nice, appreciative, respectful etc.). She won't feel the need to change him. The woman would do special things because of love alone. When a woman says a man is not on her level then that man needs to find someone on his level and STOP shaming the woman into dating him (totally unattractive and degrading). Otherwise this happy situation will never occur. She will always see him as lacking and needing to change which is emasculating. She will start wanting him to do extra things to please her to make up for the deficits. That is when she might start nagging and criticizing. Men should want women who are proud of them and who trust their judgement. Why are they trying to be with women who are telling them the exact opposite?

P.S. I won't be having a relationship with the guy because he was too young lol. I'll just have to find an older guy with similar qualities and yes they are out there :)


  1. Found your blog through Youtube. Young women today are so lucky... I wish I had these blogs growing up. ---Heavymetalloverz

  2. Thanks for the visit and your comment Heavymetalloverz :)

    Yes, I wish I had them growing up too. I wonder how different my life would have been if I was the girly girl at school. We'll never know. But I think things will be much better now that I have made these changes in my life. I feel happier and better about myself that's for sure :)