Lesson in Extreme Ultra Femininity

These are two images from sites such as Fairytalefawn, A curious idea, and Angel Fairy (more practical looks):

In Asia they can find stores that sell ultra feminine 
clothes or they buy them online. Yes this style is 
extreme and I'm not encouraging so much but
there are some aspects anyone can wear. 

As you can see this look is MARKETED
 to Asian women in advertisements and 
in certain magazines. Why isn't the ultra
feminine look being marketed to Black
 women? Why are we being marketed
 androgynous or masculine looks instead?

From these two images and many others on the sites (there are many similar sites) we can learn certain things to look for in feminine clothing. There is no need to do all of these things at once, but adding pieces that have some of these features can enhance your feminine wardrobe. I have already read a lot about how to be feminine (it's not just clothing) but it helps a lot to see it in action in images and on film. I think that along with dressing in a feminine manner the women in such images also present themselves in a feminine way (e.g., innocent, delicate, graceful, elegant, poised, demure, dainty etc.). As we all know it's harder to find this sort of image of BW. Choose the following ultra feminine features:

Materials- delicate, sheer, lacy, frilly, bows, fake fur, nylons and leggings
Colours- light colours, pastel colours, pink, white, cream, beige
Patterns- flowers, polka dots, hearts, cute animals, butterflies, cartoon characters, nature, dolls, candy
Items-  feminine shoes, Mary Janes, no stilettos, cute purses, delicate jewlery, old fashioned items
Style- modest and covering the entire body, youthful looking, vintage, old fashioned patterns.

This is a current Asian fashion but as you can see they are wearing clothes that resemble the European Victoran Age fashion! Do I think that AW dress in a more feminine way than BW (and WW)?...YES!!!!! Because this look is MARKETED to them! Their fashion industry wants them to look sweet, feminine and nice while ours wants us to look like anorexic men! It's even more ridiculous because Western clothes are usually made in Asia!!? Asian women made a better choice to spend their money on feminine clothing rather than caving to MARKETING promoting looks like THIS, THIS, THIS or THIS (I will admit there are B-gyaru women though that I wrote about HERE, HERE, HERE but they are copying Western BW).

These women are not better, they are just LUCKY enough to have been marketed and sold a better choice! They are influenced by women dressing in a different manner in their media, fashion, and everyday lives. They are actually dressing European but since they are the only ones doing it this is now called "dressing Asian". I think that Asian women know that modern fashion is too masculine so they are looking for more feminine fashions from the past! They look more feminine than many White women who have rejected their own past femininity. They took over the style and now it's theirs. Why can't Black women take over a feminine style and make it theirs instead of accepting these unattractive Western fashions? Asian women are not dressing in a traditional Asian way but they chose a style that actually makes them attractive and enhances their femininity! Instead Black women are choosing to look like THIS (scroll down Why???) and THIS, and photographers and stylists are making them look like THIS (Why??? and from a blog called "Black Fashion!!?"). Why is it that Asian women can find images of ultra feminine Asian women but it is so difficult to find similar images of BW? We need more ultra feminine BW!

Saana Lathan and Gabrielle Union demonstrate

feminine dress: pastel colours. Women over

35 are better feminine role models than

younger women in my humble opinion :)

Saana Lathan demonstrates

feminine dress: Bow, lace, satin,

pink, and posing like a lady :)

En Vogue demonstrates feminine dress: this was how BW 

used to look, look to the past for femininity lessons ladies :)

Someone correct me if I'm wrong but has being hard and acting like men ever been encouraged in Asia to the degree it is in Western countries? This is why unfortunately some men (who may actually have personal issues) are saying they can't stand Western women and prefer other women from Asia, South America, Africa, and Western Europe because they have not rejected traditional femininity in their mannerisms or dress. These women go to school and work yet they don't need to look and act like men to do so. These men also say that soon after these foreign women come to Western countries they lose some of their femininity and start acting and looking like Western women.

I am asking Black women to put the race issue aside when it comes to fashion and behaviour and to stop labeling feminine dress and behaviour "acting White or Asian" and masuline/androgynous dress and behaviour "keeping it real or acting Black". If you are living in a Western country realize that those countries have their concept of feminine dress and it is what I have already described above. It was defined by the majority White culture in Western countries but it really isn't that different from the descriptions of other cultures as I showed in my previous post "Who is allowed to be feminine". You have one life to live and if you want to reap the benefits of being feminine then you have to fit the definition of feminine that is used by your country and agreed upon by women and men. You will have to ignore those women who reject traditional femininity and are hostile towards men because their definition of femininity is different from everyone else's on earth.

When I was growing up I had feminine role models like En Vogue, Whitney Houston, Saana Lathan, Nia Long, Gabrielle Union, Janet Jackson, and all the other Black female celebrities who still acted in a feminine manner and dressed in a feminine way. So because of that I don't feel like I grew up without feminine role models unlike younger women today. When I was a teen these were the young women I looked up to and I didn't think that Black women were any less feminine than anyone else. Look to the past if you want to see true Black femininity. Ignore marketing like this, The Tomboy look posted on Clutch...sigh.

P.S. If comparisons to Asian women offends you then read this article from LifeHack, take a deep breath, and heal thyself of your offend-initis ;) You know it's so sad that so many women have forgotten  or never learned what things are feminine. Here's an analogy I just thought up. In football each team has a playbook with all of the plays and tricks they use on the field. Men have a playbook and so do women. In the past ALL women got a hold on the men's playbook. From the book they learned that as long as they continued to act in a feminine manner (they ALL knew how to be feminine) they were more likely to win the men's hearts in the game of love! Unfortunately many White women threw out their copy of the book and are now using plays that win some women and repulse men. Many Black women also threw out their copy and a lot of the men with it! Asian women are still following the old rules that all women used to know and were once taught. Since they are the ones who seem to have "the best game" that is why I study them in order to "improve my game". Not only my game with men, but also with anyone in society who isn't woman-negative. Don't hate the player, hate the game lol! One has to question, why isn't there an equivalent ultra feminine Black fashion? Yes, yes, yes we do not always dress for men but it is the awareness of masculinity that tells us what is feminine when we are unsure (it's the opposite). If one is confused about what is masculine or androgynous then they will also be confused about what is feminine.

Asian Women Acting Masculine, Hard, and Ghetto Part II

I found this interesting Tumblr Site about B-Gyaru (sorry about the title). I previously wrote about B-gyaru in my posts, B-Lifestyle in Japan and Asian Women Acting Hard, Masculine, and Ghetto in Music Videos. Some may think this looks cute but I don't. I think you should also know that the most popular wearers of this style are STRIPPERS! Okay, some are go-go dancers, but you can tell from the site that they sometimes wear barely any clothes, many work at clubs, and they look very over sexed. They look hard and trashy in my opinion and you know this is not a respectable way to dress. I mean it's not all horrible but....just look at it and decide for yourself. Compare that site with one for cute, feminine Gyaru gals at Site 1, Site 2, Site 3, Site 4, Site 5 (it's a very young look I know) and you'll notice the B gyaru look is harder and more sexual and vulgar!

Both looks are very extreme, way too extreme for professional women or students, and Gyaru is way too much for an adult woman. But I just wonder, if someone were to dress in one of these costumes who would be perceived as a sex object who lives a rough life, hard, and trashy versus cute, sweet, endearing, and harmless? I think in a way they are showing two extremes of femininity, the mature, sexually aggressive, and skin bearing type of femininity versus the girlish, innocent, sweet and frilly type of femininity. Its "Bad girl" versus "Good girl". You know I prefer the Good girl look and most parents of young girls would. Unfortunately I think many women, especially Black women, are forced and pressured into the Bad girl, mature, sexually aggressive, and skin bearing type of femininity or into hiding their femininity by adopting masculine styles. There needs to be more balance and until then there will be opposition to both types of femininity. If the Bad girl look was so great women would not be complaining that they are treated as sexual objects, assumed to be promiscuous, assumed to have low morals, passed over for more conservative girls, and disrespected. If the good girl look was accepted then people would not call Black women "sellouts", "traitors to women", or infantalized and immature for choosing a more ultra feminine look.

You won't believe this video. Yes, Caribbean women haven't always portrayed the best image either. Even the women in the video recognize that they are trying to portray "strong" women and their dancing is overly sexual. All Asian women don't want to be delicate flowers as you can see ;)


Lol Latinos are not immune as you can see on this Chola Gal Tumblr site ;) Seriously this is so crazy they really know how to do that look! (OMG When I was in high school I used to wear dark liner and light lipstick...I was copying Chola style!).

This just makes you think that all it is is clothes, make-up, dance/music, and an attitude that can be adopted by anyone. It isn't genetic. It's just that somehow, due to fate, some people adopted a certain style and demeanor while others chose something different. So just because you were born in a certain country or with skin of a certain colour it does not mean you MUST adopt the stereotypical/most popular style of that culture. It's not in your genes, it's just a matter of preference. You can adopt any style you want.

BUT if that style brings you nothing but grief you will have to decide if it's actually worth it since it really is just clothes, make-up, dance etc. To me, none of those things are worth my future marriage, friends, or job so it wouldn't be the end of the world to me if I had to stop doing these things or keep them behind clothed doors. They are not more important to me than my partner, family, friends, education or job. They don't make me me.

One last thing is that while some may find these sites and videos cute and use them as confirmation that your style is harmless fun, please consider who these people are and who is in the most support of these styles. Are they like you? Do they have the same goals and lead the same lifestyle you do? If your style is mostly worn by strippers, rappers, and criminals, and you want to be a banker, teacher, or doctor then you are emulating the wrong people and it could prevent you from achieving your goals. You do not know why these people have adopted these styles! For all you know it could be because their dancing job requires it, they are criminals or part of the underclass (e.g., in a gang), wacky musicians or artists who don't have to follow mainstream rules of conduct, they are rebelling against their parents or society (and will eventually grow out of it), they have no desires to achieve anything and are just surviving, or it's just something fun they do for the weekend. Many adopt the gangbanger style as a form of rebellion because they have no interest in leading a mainstream, "normal" life and don't need to be accepted by anyone (e.g., mainstream employers, teachers, family, banks, customers etc.). So choose wisely :)

What Men Like About Black Women Versus Asian Women

One more thing before I leave the topic of Asian women compared to Black women for a while. I've mentioned in previous posts the things I've heard men say about Asian and Black women. I think the videos below will explain these views clearly.

I know it's hard to take being compared to someone else, especially when you can't help the way you were born or the way you look. It seems very unfair doesn't it? But pay attention to the video about why the blogger likes Asian women because only one reason has to do with physical appearance. The other reasons are because of their attitude, behaviour, and demeanor and also because they show interest and date the men who are interested in them! Attitudes, behaviours, and our dating interests can change! When Black men and men of other races are constantly rejected by Black women they may eventually give up and start pursuing other women who will give them a chance. Apparently, White men have had success with Asian women so they see them as dating and marriage options. They have probably learned from experience or from friends that most Black women are not interested in White men so they do not purse Black women as much. But if you give off a vibe (like many EBWs) that you are approachable, friendly, and open to other races then you will be approached by these men.

This man is attracted to Black women because he thinks we are strong and resilient (not a fan of that word strong or the belief that we are strong) and we strive for and only accept excellence. Also, because good men are in demand, Black women treat them well. Last of all, he finds us physically attractive (e.g., nice behind, full lips, dark skin the usual). There is no mention about us being very feminine or cute or that we are open to dating men of other races. Being strong is a masculine trait and once again it was used to describe us but it was not used to describe Asian women. In fact, I have never heard anyone describe Asian woman (or most women) as strong at all.

So, while Black and Asian women are considered to be attractive for different reasons, Asian women are valued for being feminine and girly while Black women are valued for being strong and hard working. I would rather be considered feminine and girly and some men are actually turned off by strong, independent women. I don't like being expected to be strong. I think the type of man who looks for a strong woman may want someone he doesn't have to worry about protecting or providing for. On the other hand, a man who wants a feminine, innocent, girly woman might enjoy being the protector and provider. I don't know but it's just my guess. I've heard Black men complain that they don't want strong, independent women who don't seem to need them. On the other hand I have heard men complain about lazy women who they have to do everything for too. Which situation do you think is the better deal for a woman? Maybe the ones who want a tiny, easy to overpower woman would be overly controlling? I really don't know but I preferred the first video and would like those things to be said about me.

This just reminds me of cats and dogs. I love cats but what I love about them is they are low maintenance. You feed them, play with them sometimes, but they are quiet, you don't need to walk them, and they don't constantly need your attention. Cats are like strong, independent women. Dogs need constant attention, grooming, walks, and whenever they make noise you have to go see what's the matter with them. The dogs are like the girly women who need protection and the help of a man. I don't want to be a cat, I need more attention and care than that! Cats are lonely and ignored.

Why Compare Black Women and Asian Women?

I think I should get this explanation out of the way so that readers understand where I'm coming from and why I tend to compare Black women to Asian women. Actually, this blog is about my endeavor to become more feminine, well-mannered, desirable, and a better woman in general so this also helps me to understand my own reasoning. I compare Black women to Asian women a lot because the the things said about both women are often the complete opposite! These are the things I have heard about both types of women. Yes most are stereotypes but those stereotypes will have benefits for them and negative consequences for us.

Black Women/Asian Women

loud/quiet

aggressive/submissive

overweight/petite

curvy body/slim body

dark/light (some are dark too)

kinky hair or fake hair/straight real hair

overly masculine/overly feminine

called undesirable/called most desirable

disrespectful to men/live to serve men

not wife material/wife material

negative portrayals in the media/positive portrayals in the media

So you see, to me it makes sense that if I want to become a desirable, feminine woman that I would look to the group who's women are considered to be "the standard" for desirable, feminine women even if that is a stereotype. I also compare to Asian women because of the things we have in common:

• We are visible minorities in Western countries so we are subject to racism and stereotypes. Our beauty is not the Eurocentric ideal. Some men will reject both groups just because we are not White.
• When men of other races prefer us it is called a fetish.
• We are both rarely seen in the media so the few representations people see are taken to be accurate depictions of the typical Black or Asian woman.
• We naturally have dark hair and dark eyes and a yellow skin undertone (of course there are exceptions).
• We have some similar facial features (e.g., full lips, rounded and sometimes wide noses). We look youthful longer too.
• We have our own culture that is different from the "mainstream Western culture".

One might ask, why not compare to White women. I don't make that comparison often because:

• I think it's more useful to look at our extreme opposites. There are many White women who are criticized for the same things as Black women (e.g, being loud, masculine, overweight, too feminist, etc). Many Black and White women dress in similar ways.  When I compare White women to Black women sometimes I don't see much difference. We also share Western pop culture and are exposed to the same beauty standards, music, media, events etc. But comparing to Asians on another continent removes some of the shared cultural aspects.  I do look to White women about etiquette, manners, homemaking, and dating though because they write the books and those things are accepted by most Western women.
• There are unique similarities between Black and Asian women. In terms of appearance, there is more variety in White women's hair colour and texture and eye colour. Their skin tone also has less range and has a pink undertone or an orange tone when tanned that is different from my yellow undertone. There are some Asians who are actually as dark as I am (especially if we include West Asians) and they have a yellow undertone, but that is not the case for White women. So makeup that looks good with dark eyes and dark hair is applicable to both Black and Asian women.  I think many Black women like me don't even bother to compare ourselves to White women. They just look too different in terms of colour and facial features. 
• White women are too over-represented in the media and in the population. I think because I'm so used to their look and standard of beauty that I don't see the point of comparing myself to them. It's like White women are your regular maple trees, Black women are palm trees, and Asian women are those pink cherry blossom trees. The maple trees don't stand out to me anymore for some reason. When I look at makeup tutorials for White women they just wouldn't look good on Black women (because of eye colour and skin undertones).  The White women I find attractive tend to have Black or Asian features like dark hair and skin, dark eyes, full lips, rounded noses, and rounded non-angular faces. I guess there just isn't a White celebrity who I think of as a beauty or fashion icon. Lady Gaga seriously? 
• When I look up cute Western clothes they are nowhere near as cute as the Asian clothes. I can wear anything Lucy Liu can wear but I just can't compare myself to Blake Lively or Giselle at all.  I am not a fan of the stick-thin models and would never look good in the clothes they wear. On the other hand, as long as you are not overweight, I think some of the Asian fashions would look fine on me (not the super short skirts or teenager looks of course). The Asian girls are thin but the are also short so they are in proportion. I'm just bored with the Western look I guess. I'm going to start doing more comparisons to good examples of EBWs now because I think that would be even more helpful.
• Oh, and I forgot one of the most important reasons! Comparing White and Black women would infuriate a lot of people! Due to the history of relations between Black and White people, comparisons between those groups always leads to controversy, discussions of slavery, racism, etc. to the point that any attempt to do anything White people do or look like them is practically a crime. This blog is not about that sort of thing and I am trying to stay away from those discussions. This blog is about trying to be the best woman I can be and that has nothing to do with trying to be White or Asian. Good qualities are good qualities, no matter who possesses them.