"Convince them that Everyone else is Doing it"

I just read a post at Hooking up Smart and one part really stood out for me,

…What researchers have found is that there are techniques for changing a culture that appear to work, but they are not always the obvious ones. Doing so in a way that produces lasting results, but doesn’t involve destroying the group entirely, requires finesse, subtlety, and patience. It also requires a certain suspension of optimism about human nature. To really change how a group of people thinks and behaves, it turns out, you don’t need to change what’s inside of them, or appeal to their inner sense of virtue. You just have to convince them that everybody else is doing it.

“The inner conformist is stronger than the inner activist,” said Michael Morris, a psychologist at Columbia University who studies the role of culture in decision-making.

Up here in Canada I feel like everybody has a positive view of self-improvement and social climbing and mobility. That's because my parents are that way and so are their friends. They sent me to schools where the emphasis was on doing very well academically, having hobbies, participating in many activities, learning new languages etc. so that we would be well-rounded people (which also made us attractive to universities). In university there was the same mentality and people clamored for unique experiences out of curiosity, to prepare them for work, and also to prepare them for graduate school (and make them more attractive to those schools). So for all those years I was surrounded by achievers, people trying to do their best, people pressured to "publish or perish", and the hoops one had to jump through in order to achieve desired goals. Since all of my friends were from school I though that this was a common mentality and "everybody else was doing it". Really it doesn't even matter if there are other large groups of society who think differently because I don't know them, I won't be working with them as colleagues, and I won't be dating them since I date prestigious and ambitious men.

This makes me wonder about some of the stereotypical things people think Western Black people do and don't do. How many of these things are based on the media especially movies, TV shows, and music?   These things are shown around the world and people think this is "Black culture" not just the culture of a small group of AA people. How many Black people around the world are really into hip hop (I mean totally satisfied and can see no wrong in it)? I keep on hearing that White people are the largest consumers of the music and they own the record companies so then isn't hip hop a White thing? But I don't hear anyone saying "White people who don't appreciate hip hop are sellouts to their own race". Why aren't people pushing oldschool Mowtown, Jazz, Blues, Calypso, Reggae, R & B, and pop as hard as hip hop? This is tragic because the hip hop that I hear/see in the mainstream in my opinion is the most materialistic, violent, misogynist, racist, and perpetuating of stereotypes when compared to the other music (and no I'm not going to search for some mysterious type of hip hop that doesn't have any of those things. I tried that before and was left with less money and two CDs full of cursing and the n-word that I was told was conscious and not like other hip hop. I gave it a shot and I've chosen other forms of music that's easier to consume). I've never had that issue with these other forms of Black music. I think that the music tastes of Black people needs to be studied and we might find that not as many like it as we think. Maybe a lot of people only like the beat and wish that most things about the style changed, which means they don't really like it! Seriously, if you say you don't like mainstream hip hop then do you really like hip hop? I have ZERO complaints about the mainstream ballads and Mowtown songs I love.

I also think that the values and beliefs of Black people around the world needs to be studied too so that what the majority of Black people think is known. There are probably studies like this already but I just don't know about them. I think this is so important for dispelling stereotypes! It could be that the majority of Black people in Western countries believe in marriage and having children after wedlock. The majority could believe that education is extremely important. They could actually be supportive of interracial friendships and dating. The majority may not think that everything bad that has happened in their lives is due to slavery or racism. They may barely think of race at all most days. They may think Black men and Black women are not a problem. They may think that Black people are not that different from other races.

It could be the case that the majority of Western Black people think these things but we are not hearing these sentiments as loudly or frequently as we should on the news, on TV, in movies, in music videos, in music, on Youtube, or on blogs! Is it because the minority is more vocal, attention-getting, famous, or more motivated to make their views known to the public? Have they just been more successful at making it seem like "everyone" is like them when really it's only a small group? Is this the media's fault or the fault of consumers? Are some Black people swallowing harmful messages put out by the minority while ignoring the beneficial messages of the silent majority? If you know something is a stereotype aren't you motivated to be different especially if it is negative? I guess some people might want to be a negative stereotype as some sort of protest or because they want most people to dislike or fear them (for reasons I do not understand). At least if you are conforming to a positive stereotype then there are obvious benefits because the behaviour/attitude is viewed positively. People have a strong drive to be "normal". For some the "Black normal" is very different from "White normal" but for others those two are almost the same! But many feel shamed and pressured to accept the extreme version of "Black normal" that actually makes it more difficult to to be successful in Western societies (i.e., being "Black normal" as defined by the minority means being considered abnormal by the rest of society and accepting the host of problems that comes along with that).

This is why it is SOOOO important to seek out alternative viewpoints, look at research and statistics, and sometimes just turn off the TV or computer and do what you think is right instead of what the media tells you "everyone is doing". Why do we have to all stick together when it comes to personal interests and life goals anyway? Since when does my going to school, dressing a certain way, speaking a certain way, or dating someone have anything to do with bettering the race or fighting for justice? I don't put on my clothes thinking "hmmm, I shouldn't wear this dress because this could harm Black people". I don't decide "hmmm I'm going to curse out this White woman today because that will help Black people" lol (doesn't it sound ludicrous to always think about race before doing anything?). MY LIFE IS NOT A PROTEST! We need to THINK about the lives we want, set goals, and figure out the best ways to achieve those goals by THINKING and looking at other people who have achieved similar goals (regardless of race). Based on my goals I don't think that acting like a stereotype would have helped me one bit. People should do what works for them instead of doing something because supposedly that's what members of their race do. I mean if Black people started jumping off cliffs would you do it too? Maybe if you searched for yourself and examined the people in your own life you would see the media is distorting the truth. Maybe those things labelled "Black" are not that Black after all.





I might agree with about 98% of what this man is saying omg!


May as well post another one just because :) Ok, he says if a woman goes out with him on 3 date's she's his girlfriend??? Where in the world can I find a man who thinks like that??? Yeah, I don't like the sandwich jokes...

Related Articles:
If feels weird seeing all these lists of things Black people like, dislike, do and don't do but I don't see other races doing this as much. I mean there are things associated with other cultures but it's not as strict or talked about in the same way. It's like when other races talk about this stuff there isn't this underlying "if you don't do this then you are no longer a part of this race, you hate yourself, you hate your race, and you need therapy" sort of notion. I mean it's funny to laugh at common traits but there shouldn't be pressure to conform to those traits or else risk expulsion from the group!
Stuff Black people like blog
Things Black people like blog (yeah yeah I like hot sauce and cocoa butter..whatever lol)
Stuff Black people don't like blog "This website will serve to educate the general public on Black people and the Stuff That Black People Don't Like. Black people have many interesting eccentricities, which include disliking a litany of everyday events, places, household objects and other aspects of their everyday life. Black people are an interesting subject matter and this website will chronicle the many problems in life that agitate this group of people." (seriously?...)
Stuff Black people hate
Stuff educated Black people like (Oh noes she's calling me out! I like a lot of stuff on this list..does that mean I'm a stereotype???)

Response to The Tyranny of Stylishness Part II

Continued from Part 1...
The other point that stuck out for me was the one about conformity:

"In covering our bodies — a very personal thing — women shouldn’t have to conform, cover our eccentricities and ethnicities, and act like ladies — unless we want to. The style advanced by “WNTW” is about rules and homogeneity."

For me, my clothes are not a very personal thing. My identity and my clothing are not so tightly linked the way they are with others. Basically I choose things that I like, look good, and will make the impression I want and if none of those conditions are met I don't buy. OMG it's so clear now...unlike other people who want to appear rebellious, make a statement against the norm, and view their wardrobe as a form of protest I want to do the EXACT OPPOSITE! I want my wardrobe to say to the world to the world "I am not angry, I am happy, I am feminine like other women, I am not a trouble maker, I am upper-middle class, I try to look good, I am easy to get along with, I am educated, I am professional, you can bring me home to mom, I am not from the hood, I fit the norm! Well I guess you could say my wardrobe is a protest against looking bad and the sort of "I don't care" impression I get with androgynous, boring styles lol!

I am doing things that history and society says will earn rewards and avoid punishment from the important people with power over my happiness. If the rewards turn to punishments from the people who matter then I would have no problem changing! However for some groups (e.g., Black people) popular wardrobe choices may only bring rewards from the people they interact with (e.g., friends) and others who don't matter (e.g., criminal rappers who don't know or care about you, men you don't want) and punishment from those in power who are quick to punish (e.g., parents, teachers, police, employers who will refuse to hire you). Remember I am just talking about the way you present yourself not about speaking your mind about injustices...actually if you fit the norm then people will be more likely to listen to you and take you seriously, so you would be more effective in creating social change. 

I know some people will automatically have a problem with this because they view "conformity" as a bad word and always wrong yet they do it every day in many ways. It seems like it is promoted from AAs that Black people should always be angry and protesting and if you are not then you are part of the problem (the fallacy of false dichotomy). Isn't it so true though, people say being White is acting like the norm so acting Black must be going against the norm. In their minds following any norm (even though it brings rewards and avoids punishment and may actually be beneficial) is acting White and therefore off limits to Black people. Hmm...it's the norm to follow the law so Black people should break it. It's the norm to go to school so Black people should not. It's the norm to get married then have kids so Black people should not. That's being Black and keeping it real right? Sigh...this is so insanely self-destructive it's like some Black people have chosen to screw themselves over while this so-called oppressor can sit back and laugh. Why not try to beat them at their own game instead of purposely accepting the defeated position?

I think that parents and school sent the conflicting message that conforming to peer pressure was bad (e.g., if everyone jumped off a bridge would you, don't smoke/do drugs/have sex/ just because your friends do etc.) but there is pressure to follow the rules, be good, go to school, and get along with others. There is also the encouragement of free thinking, being creative, and not being afraid to be different. But I think what was missing was talking about the benefits of conforming when it is beneficial because people do that all the time! It's common sense most of the time to do what is normal or doing what normally brings rewards and avoids punishment in society. 

That's the whole point of role models! You look at their accomplishments, learn what they did to succeed, and try the same things so that you can be successful. Most of the time they did positive and socially approved things like working hard at school and showing good character traits (e.g., determination, optimism, creativity, resourcefulness), and they chose something that tends to bring rewards in society (e.g., high status job, heroic job, star status etc.). There are also negative "role models" who are held up as cautionary tales or examples of what people shouldn't do. For example, those "stupid criminal" stories, stories about people falling from grace, and tales of people we know who ruined their lives and never lived up to their potential. The downfall of many of these people was doing something against the norm that had the risk of severe punishments (e.g., death or imprisonment not just losing money or failing). I want to be looked at as a positive role model who succeeded and did not cheat, steal, or lie to get to the top. Will you be looked at as someone who succeeded, tried their best, and did so in a respectable way or will you be a cautionary tale about wasted potential and making bad choices?

Robin Givens from the movie Boomerang. One of my

favorite movies. I wanted to be "That Woman", the one

who women want to be and men want to be with. People hate

her but she is successful, has everything she needs/wants.

You know she looks good!

We Don't Live in Bubbles and Other People Influence Us

I'd like you to HONESTLY answer these questions:

1. When you are planning to stay home for the day do you put on your regular going-out make-up, do your hair, and put on your work, date, or going-out clothes? 
2. If you are staying home do you dress differently if you know someone will be stopping by?
3. Do you look different at home than when you are in public?
4. When you go to work do you dress like the other people at your job or according to the dress code?
5. When you go out for the evening for a date, party, or special event do you dress up more than you usually would?
6. Do you dress in a way that is similar to your friends?
7. Have you ever worn something or changed your clothes because your partner or friend said that outfit looked great/bad on you?
8. If people tell you that you don't look good in something, after a while are you reluctant to wear it?
9. Have you ever avoided wearing something because you thought other people would not like it?
10. If people compliment something you wear are you more likely to wear it, will you keep it in your wardrobe longer, or wear it when you really want to look good?
11. Have you ever worn something because you thought other people would like it?
12. Have you ever seen someone wearing something and decided to buy something similar because you liked it?
13. Have you ever started wearing something because you read about it in a magazine?
14. Have you ever gone out to buy something because it was advertised (e.g., on sale)?
15. Have you ever followed a fashion trend?
16. Can you label your fashion style (e.g., casual, hipster, hip hop, boho chic, sporty, preppy etc.). 
17. Do you only buy women's clothes and shop at women's stores?

If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions then you, like most other people, have at some point dressed in a certain way because of other people! You are following social conventions just like everyone else. There are social conventions (unwritten rules) about what to wear in public, at work, at school, on a date, at a party, to get attention, to scare people, to appear non-conformist, to look like you don't care about fashion, to not attract attention, to be approachable, to be attractive to men, to be stylish and fashionable, to be unique, to be feminine, to be androgynous, to be sporty, to be comfortable yet acceptable, to be thrifty and so on. You may only conform to some conventions while others conform to the rest. Other people influenced your choice of what to wear and when, and what you purchased. 

You do not always dress in a certain way just because you like it and the "I only dress for me not for other people" thing is a fallacy. In this case I would say it's a false dichotomy (black or white thinking) where you assume people either dress for themselves or for others when I think that most people, at times, actually dress for others! There is nothing new under the sun and unless you make your own clothes then someone else influenced you to wear what you have chosen to wear in public. You are wearing the clothes fashion designers have decided to make and market in a given year and you are following the crowd by buying those things. If your clothes can be labeled as a certain style then you are following the fashion rules someone else created. If you look different at home compared to when you go out then you are dressing differently because other people are around (and the weather I'll admit that). If you only shop in women's stores or buy women's clothes then once again you are following a social convention and shopping and buying only what others have designated for you. If you purchased or wore anything after seeing it on someone else, in an advertisement, or after a sale was announced then someone else (e.g., the media) prompted you to do something that you may have never done otherwise. 

Yes it makes people feel good and independent to say "I wear things ONLY because I want to not because of person A, B, or C" (e.g., men) but there are so many factors that influence us in a consumer society that it is highly unlikely that other people did not influence your decision. For instance, most fashion designers are men so if you like designer clothes you are choosing to look the way these men dictate and they sometimes design clothes that are horribly uncomfortable yet appealing to men. I would say that most fashion magazines consider men's views when choosing clothes and advertisements so men are influencing these magazines. That fashion icon you emulate may dress to attract men if it wasn't your reason. Even people who have decided to not follow trends are actually following the trend of not caring about such things. Perhaps the exceptions to the rules would be hermits who don't interact with anyone and certain mentally ill people who don't think before they put something on. I am willing to admit that I answered yes to all of the questions above because I acknowledge that I don't live in a box and other people influence me, sometimes even without my knowledge. Hopefully the questions above will help you to admit the same and not be ashamed of it.

********************************************************************************

On to my next point. I have to stop being surprised whenever someone says that their identity is only based on what they think of themselves. Part of our identity is based on what others think about us! This is called the Looking Glass Self (Wikipedia) in sociology. For example, if you think you are a well mannered person but everyone tells you and others that you are rude then which one is the truth? Both are the truth! You are an individual who thinks you are well mannered but is perceived to be rude by others. Constantly being told you are rude may eventually convince you that you are a rude person. If you don't like being a rude person then you may choose to improve your manners to change that aspect of your identity and the way others perceive you. Sometimes our self-identity and other-identity match (e.g., we think we are pretty and so does everyone else) but often they don't match (we think we are boring but others find us interesting). Sometimes the positive or negative opinions of us come as a shock because they are so different from our thoughts about ourselves (e.g., I thought I was feminine but others think I'm too hard???). 

In fact, in your interactions with other people what they think about you is THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS because all they have is their perceptions and what they think can have consequences for you! It doesn't matter if you think you are gorgeous, interesting, kind, and intelligent because if others think you are unattractive, boring, mean, or dumb then they will treat you that way. Only your behaviour can change their opinions and reasoning with them will not work. When people say "what other people think of you shouldn't matter" or "your caring what other people think means you have low self-esteem" it puzzles me because I know very well it does matter and everyone cares no matter what their self-esteem is! People...convincing yourself you don't care what others think is just your way of protecting yourself (because you actually do care but can't handle the negativity or possibility you can't live up expectations) and it is being reinforced by the "feel good" culture of today. But if it makes you happy and keeps you going it's working and don't stop and there are plenty of articles online that can teach to not care (too much) about what other people think. 

It's good to protect yourself. But please don't act like I'm crazy or messed up for facing reality! You may have convinced yourself that not dressing to attract men means you are confident, independent, and laid back but it may hide the reality that you are lazy, unmotivated, ambivalent about having a man, or you have been LUCKY enough to get men without any effort (e.g., you work/go to school with them, dated male friends, were at the right place at the right time, were introduced etc.). Please consider that other women are rarely be around men so they have to make an effort to frequent places to meet men and dress in a way to attract them! If I know what bait a fish likes I will make sure to go out, purchase, and use that bait instead of using whatever I have lying around. No one is talking about wearing something you dislike, causes pain, or bankrupts you just because someone else likes it. I like clothes that look good, feel comfortable AND are attractive to men...I get more bang for my buck!  

What others think of you is part of who you are. BUT it is not helpful to be overly influenced in a negative way by self- or other-perceptions because of course that can ruin your self-esteem (beware of the self-fulfilling prophesy). For instance, other people's opinions of you may not be based on you at all and may be based on racism, sexism, jealousy, misinterpretations or just their personal issues. But we should not keep our heads in the sand about the fact that other's opinions influence us and what they think of us may have consequences. If people are influencing us in a negative way or if they have negative opinions of us then only we can try to change that by choosing a more positive path that will create a positive impression. We have to pick and choose whether it is worth it to improve based on the negative or potential consequences or if it is even possible to improve. We must also consider the consequences of changing, for example, are you willing to steal, fight, do drugs, have sex, etc. to convince yourself and others you are cool? Are you willing to inject silicone into your body, starve yourself, or spend a fortune on cosmetics to convince yourself and others that you are beautiful? I think these would be bad choices. On the other hand, you could instead improve in healthy ways or if possible change who you associate with (e.g., find friends who think you are cool the way you are and a boyfriend who thinks you are already beautiful). There are numerous articles online about how to not care (too much) about what other people think but I think it's impossible for most people to not care at all. 

I'm done...yes I was irritated when I wrote this...

Related Articles:

Why your teenager is a failure

Psychology of self-fulfilling prophesy (GREAT, please read)

Dressing down gets the kiss off

Why dress like everyone else?

How to dress to attract a man

Attract a man, be a lady (funny but good advice)

Do women dress for men (some differing opinions)

3 reasons why women fail to attract men

Not really Into Hipsters....Or am I?

According to the Urban Dictionary (I'll highlight parts that are appealing and relevant to me in pink and parts I dislike in green):

Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. The greatest concentrations of hipsters can be found living in the Williamsburg, Wicker Park, and Mission District neighborhoods of major cosmopolitan centers such as New York, Chicago, and San Francisco respectively. Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind, it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs [I only like on men]. Such styles are often associated with the work of creative stylists at urban salons, and are usually too "edgy" for the culturally-sheltered mainstream consumer. The "effortless cool" urban bohemian look of a hipster is exemplified in Urban Outfitters and American Apparel ads which cater towards the hipster demographic. Despite misconceptions based on their aesthetic tastes, hipsters tend to be well educated and often have liberal arts degrees, or degrees in maths and sciences, which also require certain creative analytical thinking abilities. Consequently many hipsters tend to have jobs in the music, art, and fashion industries. It is a myth that most hipsters are unemployed and live off of their parent's trust funds. 

Hipsters shun mainstream societal conventions that apply to dating preferences and traditional "rules" of physical attraction. It is part of the hipster central dogma not to be influenced by mainsream advertising and media, which tends to only promote ethnocentric ideals of beauty. The concepts of androgyny and feminism have influenced hipster culture, where hipster men are often as thin as the women they date. The muscular and athletic all-American male ideal is not seen as attractive by confident and culturally-empowered hipster women who instead view them as symbols of male oppression, sexism, and misogyny. Likewise, culturally-vapid sorority-type girls with fake blond hair, overly tanned skin, and "Britney Spears tube-tops" are not seen as attractive by cultured hipster males who instead see them as symbols of female insecurity, low self-esteem, and lack of cultural intelligence and independent thinking. Hipsters are also very racially open-minded, and the greatest number of interracial couples in any urban environment are typically found within the hipster subculture. 

Although hipsters are technically conformists within their own subculture, in comparison to the much larger mainstream mass, they are pioneers and leaders of the latest cultural trends and ideals. For example, the surge of jeans made to look old and worn (i.e. "distressed"), that have become prevalent at stores such as The Gap, American Eagle, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Hollister, were originally paraded by hipsters who shopped in thrift stores years before such clothing items were mass produced and sold to the mainstream consumer. The true irony here is that many of the detractors of hipster culture are in fact unknowingly following a path that hipsters have carved out years before them. This phenomena also applies to music as well, as many bands have become successful and known to mainstream audiences only because hipsters first found and listened to them as early-adopters of new culture. Once certain concepts of fashion and music have reached mainstream audiences, hipsters move on to something new and improved. 

Because of the rise of various online photo-blog and social networking sites, insights into urban hipster culture is reaching sheltered suburban audiences at an exponential rate. Cultural "norms" have been deconstructed by hipster culture as a whole. Hipsterism is often dismissed as just an image thing by some, but the culture as a whole is effecting changes in society, leading to feelings of insecurity and resentment in people who are no longer a part of the cultural ruling class. For example, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from culturally-clueless suburban frat boy types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can.

I said in my previous post that i might like hipsters well...After reading this description I think I would actually like them (look at all that pink!) and get along with them in terms of their thinking, non-conformity to mainstream fashion, and breaking social barriers attitudes. The definition also admits that they are actually conforming to hipster culture, I am conforming to ultra feminine images, and many are opposed to both. I have seen a lot of hipster women wearing vintage dresses that I actually like with bows, cute flats etc. and looking very girly and vintage etc.

I guess in some ways I have many things in common with this description of hipsters. I reject the mainstream image of Black women, feminism, women's fashion, and the hypersexuality of the media. I reject limitations being placed on people based on race (e.g., the way you can speak; who can be your friends, dates, marriage partners, and role models; how you can think; and what your preferences can be). I reject the mainstream telling me that I should do something and I will instead choose to do what is beneficial to me and fits with my values. I am very thrifty and frugal and prefer buying used things, vintage fashion, thrift shopping, and finding new uses for things I already have (I am pretty anti-consumerism). I reject the Eurocentric ideal of beauty and believe women of all ethnicities can be beautiful based on common things (e.g., beautiful hair no matter the texture, clear skin, beautiful smile etc. as written in my previous post). I like to interact with and learn about different cultures and ethnicities and do not limit my friendships or dating based on race. I also don't like having to define myself and want the freedom to just be me. Plus I am very educated, value education and like interacting with educated people who talk about interesting things. I would LOVE to associate with people who don't have preconceived notions of how I'm supposed to be based on my race, age, education, or profession and will just accept me as me.

It's so funny that my best friend (love you) kind of gets down on me for always buying things from thrift stores but I just find so many great things there, even from mainstream stores for such a cheap price, in great condition, sometimes not ever worn (with original labels). I started doing this as a starving student and I see no reason to stop. I HATE the pressure to buy things every season just because the fashion industry says so. I don't get on trends much and instead buy what looks feminine and good on me. Some people (online) are so vehemently against the way I dress because I am rejecting not only the mainstream fashion for women but I embrace a vintage look that rejects feminism, and a look that isn't the norm for Black women in the media. But maybe around hipsters they would actually think this is awesome!

I just looked at some photos of hipster fashion online and I like parts of them but many outfits I saw were just awful, especially on the men. I guess I think the hats are cute and the fake eyeglasses when they aren't too big, and scarves are okay in the fall and winter. I do like thrift store clothes but not when they actually look like they are from a thrift store. But I definitely and FOREVER will not like skinny jeans or when guys roll up their skinny jeans showing their ankles and wearing Oxfords or deck shoes. I guess maybe I just like that a lot of they guys are kind of skinny with floppy hair and the ones I saw on the weekend were very cute. Plus they were smiling, nice, and not intimidating. Here are some random images because I thought they were funny!

Related Articles:
How to be a hipster (wow a lot of this sounds like me!)
Hipster on Wikipedia
What is a hipster (with video)

Videos:
Vintage dress heaven
Vintage dress collection (love these dresses)
Thrift store haul (this woman should be my personal shopper...seriously I love what she finds)
Top thrift store finds 2011
Professional thrift haul
How to dress modern retro (very cute)

Life Choices and The Decision to Change

What is the fastest, easiest, least expensive, most effective, and most personally beneficial way to combat a negative stereotype?

1. Create an educational campaign to dispel the stereotype using science, statistics, creative art, and personal anecdotes?
2. Explain the historical and contemporary reasons for why the stereotype exists?
3. Shame the believers of the stereotype by calling them racist, sexist, stupid, small-minded etc?
4. Purposely embrace and promote the stereotype so that it possibly transforms into a positive and desirable attribute?
5. Immediately stop behaving or looking like the stereotype and telling friends and family to do the same?

I believe the answer is 5. There are many recent examples of activism that focuses on anything but 5. For example:

1. Create an educational campaign to dispel the stereotype using science, statistics, and personal anecdotes. This is expensive, time consuming, slow, but necessary for long-term change. This includes conducting university research, public surveys, creating educational courses, writing books and making films and television shows about exceptions. For example efforts to create better, self-produced Black media with positive images, Black female admiration blogs, women's television channels, women's studies.
2. Explain the historical and contemporary reasons why the stereotype exists. This is time consuming, speculative, only beneficial if it is a springboard for change, redundant.  It is necessary because sometimes awareness is needed before people realize there is a problem and decide to fix it. Examples include constantly explaining the effects of slavery, patriarchy, the War on Drugs, pornography, poverty, feminism etc. 
3. Shame and defame the believers of the stereotype by calling them racist, sexist, stupid, small-minded etc. Time consuming, angers the person into accepting the stereotype more out of spite, shames others into hiding their beliefs to avoid scrutiny, makes people look cruel which garners sympathy for the believer. For example launching personal and overblown attacks on anyone who says something racist, sexist, ignorant or insensitive. This is happens in politics all the time or any time a celebrity says something ignorant and has to go on an apology tour.
4. Purposely embrace and promote the stereotype so that it possibly transforms into a positive, desirable, or neutral attribute or raises awareness of a problem. This is the most ineffective and potentially dangerous method! This encourages people to keep doing things that could potentially harm them or hold them back in life despite people CLEARLY and REPEATEDLY telling them that they hold these automatic beliefs (beyond their conscious control). Examples include taking back the n-word, Slut Walks, rejecting well known social conventions and standards (e.g., praising the rejection of advanced education, marriage, dual parent homes, social climbing, manners), and anything promoting the acceptance of the hip hop industry. The success of this method depends on other people changing their automatic beliefs (virtually IMPOSSIBLE) and preferences that have protective value to them.
5. Immediately stop behaving or looking like the stereotype and telling friends and family to do the same. This is the easiest because it can start immediately, only requires individual commitment, does not require trying to change others you have no control over, and it is most likely to immediately protect people from the ill effects of the stereotype by becoming an exception to the rule. It involves purposefully trying to act and look like the opposite of the stereotype. This is beneficial because it involves accepting social conventions and standards that will help you succeed among people who also hold those standards (e.g, employers, schools, socially accepted people). Some refuse to entertain this method because to them that would be conforming, letting the stereotype holders win, or hiding their individuality or natural qualities. As with all choices it can be taken to the extreme and result in harmful behaviours in an attempt to meet social standards (e.g., skin bleaching, starvation diets, self-hatred). This method is taken by many BWE blogs; pick up artist sites/programs; campaigns and programs promoting education, health, weight loss, fitness, financial savvy, and marriage; public service announcements; the self-help and self-improvement industry including media involving beauty and dating advice. They all encourage people to be "normal", "average", or "above average" and refusing to be "deviant" which is not the same as being different, creative, or unique.

I predominantly use method 5 in my life and on this blog because I believe conforming to the standards of successful and socially accepted people is the most likely way to become successful and socially accepted. To be a winner you have to do what winners do and not follow those who are deemed unsuccessful and undesirable according to society (Western society in my case). I use method 1 to inspire myself and feel hopeful and method 2 to understand my beliefs so that I can make changes or fight their effects. I try to refrain from using method 3 as much as possible. I don't use method 4 at all and it is basically suicide in my opinion but for some reason this method is very popular with activists and seems the most logical to some dangerous people! It's all about choices and the probability that they will be successful and bring you happiness. I don't gamble and therefore I focus my efforts on methods that have the highest probably of being successful with the minimal amount of effort. I strive to be normal or above average.