An EBW does not "Keep it Real"

This post was inspired by a fantastic article Black women-Devil's Advocate: Has our Femininity Been Denied? Here are two definitions of keeping it real from the Urban Dictionary:

A manufactured street code for continued white supremacy. As used in common speech, could also be phrased, "keeping it submissive" or "keeping politically, socially, and economically irrelevant." African-Americans (especially men) who have evolved into greatness through traditional paths are invalidated as they have not "kept it real." The term's definition relegates and caps many potential great African Americans through peer-pressure, advertising, greater social misunderstanding, and ambiguous racial identity.The phrase is harmful in that it not only damages the collective psyche of a large portion of the American populace, it also limits (in all facets) the unlimited potential that this group could have upon the country. "Thurgood Marshall, Barack Obama, Bill Cosby, Oprah Winfrey, Morgan Freeman, Booker T. Washington, (Sports Analyst) James Brown, and Condoleeza Rice are not keeping it real." "50 Cent and Michael Vick are keeping it real."

A black person's excuse for being ignorant or doing ignorant [things]. The person who says that they are "keepin' it real" usually claims to be denying pop culture and sticking with their own thing.

Where in the world did this ridiculous and self-defeating idea come from? Keeping it real is purposefully living up to a stereotype about Black people that is usually harmful to you but makes you fit in with stereotypical Black people. If you were obese and lost weight, if you grew up poor and are now successful, if you were deathly ill and are now healthy, if you were an addict and now sober, if you were unattractive and are now beautiful what is the utility of living as though your life did not improve? Many of our ancestors were slaves but now we are free. Many of our ancestors were barred from education but now education is available. Remember the bad place you came from ONLY to make sure you never go back to that place!

In order to not go back to that bad place you will probably have to eliminate any people or situations that could drag you back down. If you have friends that push unhealthy foods on you then you need to avoid situations where they have food or find new friends. If you don't want to be in another abusive relationship then you need to stay away from men with those tendancies and women who normalize the abuse. If you were poor then you need to avoid people who threaten your wealth such as moochers, people who want you to save them, and people who insist you waste your money on extravagant things. If you have improved your looks you have to avoid people who pressure you to ignore your looks. If you want to achieve any of these successful and beneficial states then the first step may be to eliminate these influences from your life immediately! Beware of people who propose that being Black and keeping it real means doing the opposite of what respected, productive, law abiding, "average" people do!

Not keeping it real for Black women means not dating men who expect you to financially support them or men who do not respect your education or success. These men could pass down those same attitudes to your children and they may never become successful themselves. These men may never be in a position to help you the way you have helped them so this could land you both in financial ruin. Women of other ethnicities do not bother with men who are poor and unsuccessful (if they are smart) but people in the Black community will convince you that's your job to suffer and that's just keeping it real! Other women don't carry or raise their men so why should you? Stop 'othering' yourself by being so different from women who are not Black.

Not keeping it real means staying away from magazines, films, television shows, and studies that encourage embracing obesity (e.g., study saying overweight Black women have higher self-esteem than other women, depictions of "mammy types" etc.). Being obese is a health problem and any attempt to applaud the willful sabatoging of one's health is malicious! Allowing yourself to become obese or unhealthy increases your chances for heart disease or diabetes. This article clearly describes this. People in the Black community will try to convince you that Black women are genetically predisposed to carry more fat and we should embrace it. They will also try to convince you that you will fail if you try to lose weight because your body wants to be fat. Ask them this, if an obese Black woman was locked up and only given 1000 calories of food per day would she not lose weight? She would lose weight. It's calories in calories out plain and simple and the problem is that there is too much food and too many unhealthy options available to sedentary people. Stop 'othering' yourself by accepting unhealthy high weight norms (available on medical weight charts and recommended by doctors) when compared to women who are not Black.

Not keeping it real also means avoiding media and research that encourages or applauds Black women for being more independent (e.g., feminist arguments that we don't need men or marriage), stronger, or aggressive (e.g., article saying Black women are allowed to be more aggressive in the workplace) than other women. We must also avoid messages and people who encourage us to be masculine and less feminine than other women. For example people who accuse us of "acting White" if we have good manners and wear very feminine clothing. Educated women need to avoid people who accuse them of "acting White" because they speak well, go to school, read books, and refuse to use urban slang. Don't act uneducated when you are! Stop 'othering' yourself by acting like the opposite of the feminine norm accepted by non-Black people. You may not look like other women but you can still behave the way they do.

We are no longer slaves! Remember the determination and hardships your ancestors overcame but living as though you were just freed from slavery will only make you angry, suspicious, and disengaged from society. Acting as though you are a victim will actually keep you oppressed! I wrote about this in my post about victim mentality. The reality of life is that friendships end or fade and if a friend's behaviour is threatening to your progress as an individual then you may have to leave them behind. People outgrow their friends and if you do that does not make you a bad person. Friends should add to your life and not sabotage it. Entertainment should add pleasure to your life not brainwash you into ruining your progress. Treat everyone from respect because you were once in their place but you do not owe it to ANYONE to risk going back to that place.

It's time to stop looking only to Black people for role models and advice. Look for good advice and role models wherever you can find them based on what will be BENEFICIAL TO YOU not based on race. Health is health, good relationships are good relationships, femininity is femininity, intelligence is intelligence, and success is success no matter the race. Look to experts on health, success, relationships, femininity, education and every other important thing in your life regardless of race because these people are likely to know what they are talking about and can help you to achieve your goals better than someone who has no positive experiences with any of those things. It's time to broaden our minds and use the resources that are available to us no matter who they come from.

Imagine if Black Women Wore Sarees!!!

I LOVE SAREES! I saw some women in the mall yesterday wearing them. They are the ultimate feminine dress and they look so beautiful with their elegant designs, vibrant colours, jeweled accents, and delicately draping fabrics. They scream I AM WOMAN! When looking at a woman in a saree, depending on the style, she looks delicate and you don't want to do anything to mess up the beautiful garment. Sometimes the women have to hold the saree making it incompatible with carrying things, physically active tasks, or doing anything but standing or sitting pretty lol. This is what makes them so feminine because they are fit for someone sitting on a pedestal! They look like princesses! They are walking works of art similar to Geisha in kimonos.

These images were made using saree doll makers.

Just imagine, what if Black women had always worn sarees or started wearing them? Wouldn't we instantly look more feminine, delicate, and princess-like? Would we look more respectable? Would we be treated more like delicate feminine creatures who should be cherished and protected from harm? (please take a look at Michelle Obama in sarees!!!). I'm just daydreaming with this blog and I'm not actually suggesting you go out and buy a saree. People will look at you like your're crazy and Indian women will complain about cultural appropriation. Do we have traditional African or Caribbean clothing and would they actually look good on women today (*sigh*)? But honestly, we just need one high profile Black celebrity to start doing this and it could actually happen :)

I'm sure that in other countries women in sarees are probably disrespected sometimes but I'm just focusing on Black women in Western countries. Should Black women adopt a standard feminine garb? I think they would if it said Gucci lol! Wouldn't it be wonderful if Black women started wearing sarees all the time! I would be so happy!!!

Victim Mentality may be Limiting Your Potentential

VERY CONTROVERSIAL POST! Please read some or all of these articles before you read this post so that you don't get unnecessarily upset. Thank you. 
Victim mentality (great!)
The victim mentality (great!)
How to break out of the victim mentality: 7 powerful steps
Victim mentality (very good)
Victim mentality
Overcome victim mentality
Avoiding victim mentality (harsh but true)
Racism and the Myth of Victim Mentality by Tim Wise. While I agree with some of it I also disagree with some of it probably because the examples were so simplified. Of course it is necessary to talk to Black people about racism and warn them about it. But it can be harmful for a person to look at photos of lynchings, read hate literature, or read detailed descriptions of slaves being tortured and raped. Those things can permanently change the way a person views the world. Constant exposure to such things can be taxing and depressing. So I believe some discussion of racism is fine and necessary like Tim Wise but I also agree with the conservatives that too much can cause victim mentality in Black people. He also ignores the scientific research behind the concept.

“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”

Richard Bach

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

John W. Gardner

About five years ago I bought the book "Roots" by Alex Haley at a thrift shop and I read it. It was the first Black history book I had ever read. I feel that reading it was traumatic! The detail of the horrible tortures of Kunta Kinte, his daughter Kizzie, and all of the other slaves was so awful. It was hard to imagine that anyone could be so brutal and think that they were good people at the same time. It was horrifying and I cried A LOT! It changed me and it was almost like something inside me died for about three years. After that I started reading other Black history books and became more and more angry and hopeless about the plight of Black people. I decided to stop relaxing my hair and I stopped listening to music from White musicians. I started reading Black blogs exclusively and decided I should no longer be attracted to White men and that I would only date Black men. I joined an online Black activism group where everyone constantly talked about racism and fighting "the evil White man". In school I wrote papers about racism and constantly talked about Black history and racism. I was suspicious and possibly hostile to some White people. This was because I was so angry about the injustice and I wanted someone to pay for it. When things did not go well for me in school I wondered if it was because of racism. I thought retrospectively about my life and wondered if other negative things in my life happened because of racism and just because I was Black. I thought my future goals would never actually happen because some racist would stand in my way.

Now, five years later I realize that I took on a victim mentality and this was welcomed by other people with the same mentality online. A person with a victim mentality believes that the bad things in their life happened because of other people or forces over which they have no control. They do not feel responsible for things that happen in their lives because someone else is to blame. Due to this mentality they don't feel the need to change anything about themselves or do anything different other than focusing on the person who victimized them. Prior to this unhappy time I wasn't very happy and I did have some victimization beliefs but at the same time I was high achieving and I worked hard for what I wanted. So I had internal motivation, the external motivation of my parents, and some beliefs that I was "cursed" and that life was just harder for me. My Black history immersion, constant reading of Black activism blogs, and frequent online interactions with other people with victim mentalities threw me over the edge. It was fortunate for me that I didn't totally sabotage myself by ruining relationships with all the White people I knew by starting arguments or accusing people of racism when there was none. I'm glad I didn't decide to quit "the White man's education system", remove myself from mainstream society, and join some all-Black activist group. I left that mindset behind and I no longer feel like a victim (most of the time, I still have to watch out for it).

I think that many Black people may be sabotaging themselves because they spend so much time and energy hating White people and expecting an apology for things they are not directly responsible for. They are also too wrapped up in hopes that Black people will somehow take over and come into power the way they were in ancient Africa and somehow that will rectify past injustices. When anyone suggests things these people can do to improve their lives they say (emphatically) that "Black people have no power", "I don't have to change anything because White people caused the problem", or "our lives won't improve until White people stop being racist". This is so frustrating! Although my victim mentality was high, I still had a lot of personal agency, I made plans, worked hard, accepted setbacks, and tried again. I'm sure that these people must have some personal agency in their lives but maybe they just don't see it or want to admit it. What I want to know is if White people apologize for racism what happens then? Even if they were to give all Black Americans $1000 in reparations, what happens after that? What are you going to do then to make your life better? This blog is my way to cope with that question. White people don't have to apologize, give me reparations, or do anything before I can use my power to shape my life and live the best life I can.

Acknowledgement: I readily admit that I may be too middle class and educated/intellectual to really understand how many people are feeling about this issue. I might be "out of touch" but these are my opinions nonetheless. It may actually be helpful for others to hear how someone like me sincerely thinks and that Black people actually differ in opinion. I'm finding that I'm actually agreeing with a lot of what conservatives are saying about this issue and the progressives are looking illogical to me. I guess I have to face the sobering fact that I have always had some conservative values and although I consider myself to be a liberal, I'm becoming more conservative the older I get (*sigh*). I guess when crimes happen I don't focus on them because that's the job of the police and the courts so I don't concern myself with who did what etc. because what's the post of speculating on events that I did not witness? Instead I focus on something I find intriguing about people's behaviour (and their choices) and my reaction to that behaviour; something I can actually examine and potentially change. So here it is... I think that the public reaction to the Trayvon Martin case is maybe the largest, international instance of victim mentality I have ever witnessed! Not only are people dressing like the victim and purchasing his preferred drink and candy but they are actually saying "I am Trayvon"!!! They feel like their sons, brothers, husbands, and even themselves have been murdered or they are at risk for being murdered! Every Black man who has ever been harassed by police or treated poorly by White people is immersed in victim mentality right now. They feel as though they have been assaulted and that they are next to die! They sound very afraid, sad, worried, and helpless about protecting themselves from outside forces.

If someone suggests that these men are more likely to be shot by a Black person than a White person so why worry about White people they call that trying to ignore or excuse racism (I GUARANTEE they will say this). If you suggest maybe they should not dress like gangsters because it scares people they insist the scared people are racist and need to stop being scared. If you suggest anything that involves improving themselves they resist and insist that White people and society needs to change first. Don't even try to ask why they only get outraged after the rare instance when a White person kills a Black person and why they don't try to improve black communities to prevent Black-on-Black crime. Or that rap music has made people afraid of Black men and it makes black men look like aggressive criminals. They won't listen. Fighting racism (if that's even possible. Maybe it can be prevented in children but a true racist won't change just because their hated group tells them it's wrong) is a long-term thing but what are they going to do in the meantime? I think the answer is that they won't be doing anything different.

People are also saying that asking Black men to not dress like gangsters to avoid looking suspicious is the same as asking women to not wear short skirts to avoid getting raped. Well, part of victim mentality is feeling powerless and never looking at your own behaviour in a situation so I guess they are right. Taking on the victim role has it's advantages for people so they don't feel bad after they are victimized but unfortunately there is no place for personal responsibility or taking safety measures with this mindset. Feeling empowered that you control your life, that your power can help you overcome any bad thing that happens to you, and that you can have control of your life again also feels really good too! You have to choose whether you see yourself as having power or not and accept the consequences that choice may have for you mentally. If you want to change your victim mentality you can seek help from a professional or read articles like the ones posted above. I hope you can break out of this mindset.

Alternative views on Trayvon Martin case:
Why Geraldo was wrong for the right reasons (this what what I thought about Geraldo's comments)
Call it 'profiling' but people act on their assumptions
Geraldo and hoodies
Dissecting Geraldo Rivera's hoodie comment
How to talk to young Black boys about Trayvon Martin
Criminals give hoodies a bad rap
The hoodie: Fashion trend, criminal uniform, now symbol of social injustice
LAPD: In stores, keep hoodie on, but lower the hood

Is There a Black Standard of Beauty?

I keep reading about criticism that Black and Asian women need to stop trying to live up to the Western European (WE) standard of beauty. We all know the WE standard of beauty: long, straight, light coloured, silky hair; light eyes; light skin (now tanned seems to be preferred); slim or thin body; small behind; and large breasts. Many Black women do not have these characteristics. When Black women relax their hair or wear straight, silky, or light coloured weaves, try to lose weight, or bleach their skin they are accused of trying to live up to these WE standards of beauty. But what is the alternative? Is there a Black standard of beauty?

Let's start with the dictionary definition of beauty. Beauty is:

1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
2. a beautiful  person, especially a woman.
3. a beautiful  thing, as a work of art or a building.
4. Often, beauties. something that is beautiful  in nature or in some natural or artificial environment.
5. an individually pleasing or beautiful  quality; grace; charm: a vivid blue area that is the one real beauty of the painting.

It seems from the definition that a woman is beautiful if she gives others intense pleasure or satisfaction when they see her. Many times this will be subjective but at other times most people will agree that a woman is beautiful but disagree about 'how beautiful' she is when compared to other women. Scientists have tried to determine what makes a person physically beautiful but of course their studies are biased by the overwhelming popularity of the WE standard of beauty. However these studies tend to mention things like facial symmetry, clear and even skin, health, and youth as important characteristics. So keep these things in mind as you read on and remember it's just as insulting to call someone ugly because they have light skin as it is to call someone ugly for having dark skin. Praising "traditional African features" leaves out all the Black and African women who were BORN with features similar to European women.

There are some characteristics of many Black women that are very different from the traits in the WE standard of beauty. For instance many of us have: short, kinky/coily, dry hair; dark eyes; dark skin (darker than White women's skin); slim to overweight bodies; and large behinds (many have large breasts though). It would be nice to say that all of these traits should become the Black standard of beauty but then everyone would automatically be beautiful, no one would try to improve or keep up their looks, and the standard would be useless! Plus it would be dishonest because we all know that some women are more pleasing to look at than others. In terms of my preferences, I think dark skin and coily/kinky hair can be beautiful and light skin and straight hair can be beautiful. But in terms of personal preference I find some facial features to be more attractive than others and it's the facial features that determine beauty to me and the actual skin colour is almost irrelevant. That's why the whole "light skin versus dark skin" thing is strange to me because someone can have light skin with unattractive facial features while someone with dark skin can have amazingly beautiful facial features. I also have a preference now for natural hair, I like some natural hair more than others (mainly if it's big I love it), and I can find some straight hair attractive if it's long (short, thin, limp straight hair isn't attractive to me).

There are many women who have low self-esteem and understandably try to make everyone accept the status quo as the standard of beauty so that they can feel beautiful and not have to change anything. This is unhelpful too and sometimes unhealthy especially when talking about body weight and hair so damaged it can't grow past chin length. This doesn't mean you are not a good person, unworthy of love, or that someone won't think you are the most beautiful woman in the world! It would also be useless to accept standards that are unattainable to even the most attractive Black women without taking potentially dangerous measures (e.g., skin bleaching, surgery). I also don't think it is useful to use African women (living in Africa) as the standard because that does not help Black people who live in Western countries who look very different and may not actually be attracted to the African beauty standard, just as many Africans may not be attracted to the WE beauty standard.

If we think about Black women who are considered beautiful, they seem to conform to many of the WE standard beauty traits because they have: long, straight (or curly but not kinky), silky hair; light eyes (sometimes); lighter skin (but still 'ethnic looking'); slim or thin body; and large breasts. For some in the Black community, Black women are considered to be more attractive if they have a bit more weight than White women and especially if they have larger backsides and thighs. These are the women that most people of any race would call beautiful. This begs the question, can Black women who don't fit the WE standard of beauty ever be beautiful? I think we can!

Beautiful Black Women by elegantbw on polyvore.com

These are examples of women who I think are beautiful. They have various skin shades, eye colours, and hair textures. They are all thin (probably underweight) because they are celebrities. Almost all have long hair. They appear to have flawless skin because of airbrushing but they all wear make-up to enhance their looks. They dress in styles that are flattering. They are all beautiful but people may vary in how beautiful they think each woman is compared to their favorite celebs or women in their own lives. Anyone who says these women are ugly is blind, racist, or only inclined to see White, Asian or some other women as beautiful. There is no point worrying about such people and you should only focus on those who have the potential to find you attractive. I'm not going to argue about who is "really Black" or biracial because there are non-biracial women who are light, biracial women who are dark, and a lot of variety among Black women. They can all be beautiful. Someone might say that these women have some European facial features, for example their noses are not the widest or their faces are not very round (?). Well, they can't help their facial features now can they? Many Black women have the same features anyway but I guess those without these features are not as popular or I just couldn't find them. You and I may not look exactly like any of these women but we all have some features that are undeniably beautiful! Below are the Black beauty standard that we can all strive for and many of these items will be attainable to most women:

1. A beautiful face. Everyone is not born with a beautiful face so this will be impossible for some people. But if you are willing to make an effort you can use makeup to give yourself a more attractive but naturally-enhanced look. Moisturize, lighten dark spots to achieve an even tone, take measures to reduce blemishes (use acne products and cleanse your face regularly), wear sunscreen and don't let your skin burn in the sun.  Don't forget to moisturize those gorgeous lips too! Enhance your natural beauty the way most other women do (especially the ones who fit the EW standards of beauty).  
2. Bronzed/brown even-toned, shiny skin. Let's forget about trying to have light skin. If you have light skin great but if you don't you can still be beautiful without bleaching your skin. Just try to keep your skin even (lighten dark spots if necessary), free of blemishes, moisturized, and soft. You can also play up the beauty of dark skin by wearing lotions that add shine (White skin doesn't shine). Bronzed or brown, even, shiny skin is beautiful and will make you look like a bronze or ebony sculpture!
3. Long or big healthy hair. People find natural hair to be more beautiful than synthetic hair (in general, not including anti-Black people). I think what makes women attractive is that they have MORE hair than men and the more beautiful hair the better. Natural Black hair is big and full and that is beautiful! Grow your hair out, keep it moisturized, have it cut into a flattering style, and keep it neat. Learn how to care for your natural hair so that it has some sheen, softness, and movement. Define your curls if you can and use products or setting techniques (e.g., braid- and twistouts) to add sheen and definition. Lion manes are just as beautiful as horse manes so long natural afto-textured hair can be gorgeous too.
4. An amazing smile. A beautiful smile is always pleasing to the eye. Smile more often and try to have a pleasant look on your face instead of frowning and looking angry all the time. Take care of your teeth, visit your dentist, and look into getting some dental enhancements if necessary (I whiten my teeth and people notice). Fixing your smile is not trying to look White.
5. A slim and healthy body. Being overweight is bad for your health and so is being underweight. Look at healthy weight charts, buy a scale that assesses your weight and body fat composition, and use them regularly. Try to stay within the healthy weight, body fat %, BMI, and waist circumference ranges. Visit your doctor regularly too and keep track of your health status. Consider consulting a dietitian or starting a healthy lifestyle or weight-loss program. Exercise regularly to maintain your health, lose fat, and tone your body. Black women can be slim and healthy and don't listen to anyone who says it isn't possible. Your health is more important than having a large behind!
6. A beautiful character and persona. A beautiful woman becomes less attractive if she has a horrible personality and if she is hard and mean. Beauty if not just a physical thing. If you are beautiful on the inside, people will find you more attractive on the outside. The way you act and think about the world is something that you can actually change. 
7. A beautiful wardrobe. I think that a beautiful woman's wardrobe should add to her beauty not detract from it. Dressing in a way that is appealing to most people can make a woman appear more beautiful. This does not mean spending a fortune on designer clothes and following every fashion trend. In my opinion, feminine, pretty clothing that enhances our natural curves is beautiful to most people. The quality and beauty of the clothing is more important than the price, label, or whether it is "on trend" at the moment.

These are traits that Black women can have or achieve that will make them appear beautiful to most people. As with all things in life, all of us can make the choice about whether to strive for these standards, choose another set of standards, or choose to remain the same. You don't have to try to be beautiful if you don't want to. I want to!

Related Articles:
Is biracial the new beauty ideal?
Nicki Minaj and Marylin Monroe: Is she perpetuating the white female beauty standard?
Is the Black standard of beauty giving you low self-esteem?
Is the Black standard of beauty actually White beauty?
Black girl's guide to weight loss (several articles here)
Black vs. White new age standards of beauty (article is quite angry)

Remember when Being Feminine and Girly was a Black Thing?

When exactly did Black women start embracing the "strong, hard, independent Black woman" instead of the "feminine, delicate, elegant Black woman"? I know that during slavery Black women could not afford the same clothing as White women and they had to do hard labor, so let's just focus on after slavery. During those times there were surely poor Black women and those who were "better off" in their communities. Again let's focus on the women who were "better off" and could actually afford to choose their clothing (even if it was of lesser quality than the clothing White women could afford). Many of these women may have actually sewn their own clothes but they would have had to purchase the fabric. These women dressed very similar to White women at the time. I don't know for sure, but they may have added their own unique flare to the styles, but they were very feminine, elegant, and beautiful. I do also notice that they attempted to style their hair like White women which is unfortunate, but they probably needed to in order to work and fit in at the time.

So there was a time when Black women and White women followed the same fashion trends and dressed in a similar manner! When did this stop? Was it in the 60s when Black women started wearing afros? During the 60s and the civil rights and feminist movements Black and White women wore pants more often and embraced the sloppy hippie look. Both looks could be feminine or masculine at times. Was it the 70s? I think the Black disco queens were quite feminine. I don't think it was most of the 80s either because there were many Black female celebrities (e.g., the Pointer Sisters) who dressed in a feminine manner that was quite similar to the style of White celebrities.

There have always been subcultures who had their unique styles but I'm talking about mainstream fashion that was worn by the masses and then promoted by fashion designers and brands. Often times a musician would have a style, fans would copy the style and attitude of the musician, and eventually the mainstream would embrace the music, style, and attitude (or an actress would star in a big movie and fans would copy her style seen in the movie and in public). I think that the point where Black women embraced hard, edgy, defiant, masculine styles and mannerisms was the 1990s (because they liked them, not because they had to)! Prior to the 90s there was not much of a difference between Black and White female fashions, at least one did not seem more masculine than the other.  The 90s saw hip hop culture become mainstream and "urban fashion" was born. Urban female fashion was hard, edgy, overly sexy, or a female version of MEN'S fashion (in fact, when I was a girl I just wore my brother's old clothes). The sexy part was similar to White women's fashion but the hard, masculine part was unique to urban fashion (well actually White women had punk fashion that was hard and masculine but all White women were never pressured to dress punk. White people had many other styles that they chose from so they did not limit themselves to one style). By the 90s many Black women had also accepted feminism and along with that many rejected anything that was traditionally feminine (e.g., learning how to cook, sew, knit, and act like a lady etc.).

Celebrities who embraced urban fashion included Mary J. Blige, TLC, Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, Salt & Pepa, Aalyiah, Brandy, Monica, SWV, Xscape, and many others. When you think of these women, when they were most popular they tended to wear over-sized clothing that often looked like men's clothes and in their videos they rarely smiled and often looked unhappy. These were the women that Black women everywhere emulated! Some celebrities like En Vogue dressed in a feminine manner but they also had a hard edge sometimes. Fortunately, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey appeared "nice" in their videos as did some other pop and R & B singers (both women were accused of acting "too White"). This was the time when hardness and attitude crept into the professional personas of Black musicians and it was rare to see a Black musician who appeared sweet, soft, or down to earth without a chip on her shoulder. This was also echoed on television shows where elegant women like Claire Huxtable were replaced with loud, obnoxious caricatures like Gina on the Martin show, and numerous characters on In Living Color and Saturday Night Live (remember Ellen Cleghorn and her character threatening to cut everyone?).

Some may argue that the world always thought that Black women were unfeminine compared to other women and the change in fashion would not have made a difference. I just don't believe that! I think that if Black women had continued to choose mainstream fashions (and attitudes) instead of urban fashion then we would look no different from White or Asian women and perhaps today we would be regarded in the same manner. Look at how people react to Michelle Obama. Some still hold racist views and claim that she is angry and militant but sensible people can see she is very feminine, a caring mother, and a devoted wife, and that she dresses the same way they do (or the way they aspire to dress). Many Black women CHOSE to appear different and rejected anything that was overly feminine by calling it "White" and embraced masculine, oversized clothing as being "Black". We also did the same thing by calling good manners, speaking softly, becoming educated, reading etc. "acting White" even though these things were once cherished in the Black community! Instead we chose to follow the uneducated, criminal rappers and their hard, defiant, hyper-masculine attitudes. We followed these men in an attempt to "keep it real" and show our loyalty when we would have been better off following the fashion aimed at women in general! Part of this may have been an angry rejection of anything associated with White culture but I don't think it has helped us and it has only marginalized us further. It didn't work so what's the point holding on to it (the same goes for Black men acting hard because it has backfired)? Black women today need to realize that Black women were not always hard! Even in the face of blatant racism during Jim Crowe many women still carried themselves with more dignity and appeared more feminine and gentle than women today! I really think it's time that we went back to the old ways and rejected urban fashion/attitudes/mannerisms in favor of feminine, mainstream women's fashion/attitudes/mannerisms. That's exactly what I am doing!

Fantastic links to Vintage Black Women (you must visit these links and be amazed by the way Black women were once portrayed!):
Vintage Black women on Flickr
Vintage Black glamour on Tumblr
Vintage Black2 on Tumblr
16 Stone Vintage (great blog WOW!)