Lesson in Extreme Ultra Femininity

These are two images from sites such as Fairytalefawn, A curious idea, and Angel Fairy (more practical looks):

In Asia they can find stores that sell ultra feminine 
clothes or they buy them online. Yes this style is 
extreme and I'm not encouraging so much but
there are some aspects anyone can wear. 

As you can see this look is MARKETED
 to Asian women in advertisements and 
in certain magazines. Why isn't the ultra
feminine look being marketed to Black
 women? Why are we being marketed
 androgynous or masculine looks instead?

From these two images and many others on the sites (there are many similar sites) we can learn certain things to look for in feminine clothing. There is no need to do all of these things at once, but adding pieces that have some of these features can enhance your feminine wardrobe. I have already read a lot about how to be feminine (it's not just clothing) but it helps a lot to see it in action in images and on film. I think that along with dressing in a feminine manner the women in such images also present themselves in a feminine way (e.g., innocent, delicate, graceful, elegant, poised, demure, dainty etc.). As we all know it's harder to find this sort of image of BW. Choose the following ultra feminine features:

Materials- delicate, sheer, lacy, frilly, bows, fake fur, nylons and leggings
Colours- light colours, pastel colours, pink, white, cream, beige
Patterns- flowers, polka dots, hearts, cute animals, butterflies, cartoon characters, nature, dolls, candy
Items-  feminine shoes, Mary Janes, no stilettos, cute purses, delicate jewlery, old fashioned items
Style- modest and covering the entire body, youthful looking, vintage, old fashioned patterns.

This is a current Asian fashion but as you can see they are wearing clothes that resemble the European Victoran Age fashion! Do I think that AW dress in a more feminine way than BW (and WW)?...YES!!!!! Because this look is MARKETED to them! Their fashion industry wants them to look sweet, feminine and nice while ours wants us to look like anorexic men! It's even more ridiculous because Western clothes are usually made in Asia!!? Asian women made a better choice to spend their money on feminine clothing rather than caving to MARKETING promoting looks like THIS, THIS, THIS or THIS (I will admit there are B-gyaru women though that I wrote about HERE, HERE, HERE but they are copying Western BW).

These women are not better, they are just LUCKY enough to have been marketed and sold a better choice! They are influenced by women dressing in a different manner in their media, fashion, and everyday lives. They are actually dressing European but since they are the only ones doing it this is now called "dressing Asian". I think that Asian women know that modern fashion is too masculine so they are looking for more feminine fashions from the past! They look more feminine than many White women who have rejected their own past femininity. They took over the style and now it's theirs. Why can't Black women take over a feminine style and make it theirs instead of accepting these unattractive Western fashions? Asian women are not dressing in a traditional Asian way but they chose a style that actually makes them attractive and enhances their femininity! Instead Black women are choosing to look like THIS (scroll down Why???) and THIS, and photographers and stylists are making them look like THIS (Why??? and from a blog called "Black Fashion!!?"). Why is it that Asian women can find images of ultra feminine Asian women but it is so difficult to find similar images of BW? We need more ultra feminine BW!

Saana Lathan and Gabrielle Union demonstrate

feminine dress: pastel colours. Women over

35 are better feminine role models than

younger women in my humble opinion :)

Saana Lathan demonstrates

feminine dress: Bow, lace, satin,

pink, and posing like a lady :)

En Vogue demonstrates feminine dress: this was how BW 

used to look, look to the past for femininity lessons ladies :)

Someone correct me if I'm wrong but has being hard and acting like men ever been encouraged in Asia to the degree it is in Western countries? This is why unfortunately some men (who may actually have personal issues) are saying they can't stand Western women and prefer other women from Asia, South America, Africa, and Western Europe because they have not rejected traditional femininity in their mannerisms or dress. These women go to school and work yet they don't need to look and act like men to do so. These men also say that soon after these foreign women come to Western countries they lose some of their femininity and start acting and looking like Western women.

I am asking Black women to put the race issue aside when it comes to fashion and behaviour and to stop labeling feminine dress and behaviour "acting White or Asian" and masuline/androgynous dress and behaviour "keeping it real or acting Black". If you are living in a Western country realize that those countries have their concept of feminine dress and it is what I have already described above. It was defined by the majority White culture in Western countries but it really isn't that different from the descriptions of other cultures as I showed in my previous post "Who is allowed to be feminine". You have one life to live and if you want to reap the benefits of being feminine then you have to fit the definition of feminine that is used by your country and agreed upon by women and men. You will have to ignore those women who reject traditional femininity and are hostile towards men because their definition of femininity is different from everyone else's on earth.

When I was growing up I had feminine role models like En Vogue, Whitney Houston, Saana Lathan, Nia Long, Gabrielle Union, Janet Jackson, and all the other Black female celebrities who still acted in a feminine manner and dressed in a feminine way. So because of that I don't feel like I grew up without feminine role models unlike younger women today. When I was a teen these were the young women I looked up to and I didn't think that Black women were any less feminine than anyone else. Look to the past if you want to see true Black femininity. Ignore marketing like this, The Tomboy look posted on Clutch...sigh.

P.S. If comparisons to Asian women offends you then read this article from LifeHack, take a deep breath, and heal thyself of your offend-initis ;) You know it's so sad that so many women have forgotten  or never learned what things are feminine. Here's an analogy I just thought up. In football each team has a playbook with all of the plays and tricks they use on the field. Men have a playbook and so do women. In the past ALL women got a hold on the men's playbook. From the book they learned that as long as they continued to act in a feminine manner (they ALL knew how to be feminine) they were more likely to win the men's hearts in the game of love! Unfortunately many White women threw out their copy of the book and are now using plays that win some women and repulse men. Many Black women also threw out their copy and a lot of the men with it! Asian women are still following the old rules that all women used to know and were once taught. Since they are the ones who seem to have "the best game" that is why I study them in order to "improve my game". Not only my game with men, but also with anyone in society who isn't woman-negative. Don't hate the player, hate the game lol! One has to question, why isn't there an equivalent ultra feminine Black fashion? Yes, yes, yes we do not always dress for men but it is the awareness of masculinity that tells us what is feminine when we are unsure (it's the opposite). If one is confused about what is masculine or androgynous then they will also be confused about what is feminine.

Maybe I have a Sensitivity to Masculinity LOL!

I just wanted to mention I changed the layout of the EBW Tumblr site and it looks so much better and you can see all the photos by scrolling instead of turning pages. I LOVE it :) Eventually I'll probably switch to Pinterest though if it's more popular.

Just right!

Wait a minute, JGL kind of looks like the first guy....do I like feminine men??? Darn it those Big Bopper and Tiger Beat magazines I read (drooled on) growing up made me love pretty boys lol!!! Oh well, skinny, pretty guys need love and cuddles too :) Actually the first guy is kind of cute....I have to face it, I prefer men with a feminine side. I swear I'm straight though...seriously ;)

I think that in the past things were like this:

A. Femininity-X-----------------------------Androgyny--------------------X---------------Masculinity
          Preferred Woman                                                   Preferred Man

The preferred woman would be ultra feminine and was prevented from doing anything masculine. She was not allowed much if any independence, men ruled her life, she was their property, she was there to look pretty, have children and care for them, take care of the house, and do what men wanted. She dressed in an ultra feminine way reserved for women.

The preferred male was very masculine by not extremely so because he was a gentleman. He was intelligent, chivalrous, resourceful, and a good provider and protector for women, his family, and society. He was the leader and head of the household and everyone had to listen to him. Some of these men, especially of the upper classes, put work into their appearance and dress so that they looked good and stayed fashionable. But he dressed in a masculine way reserved for men.

Then over the past 100 years things shifted and I think in Western countries things are more like this today:


B. Femininity--------------------------------X-Androgyny-----------------------------------X-Masculinity
                                              Preferred Woman                                      Preferred Man

Basically everyone became too masculine and I think I'm allergic to that much masculinity lol! I think that in the 60s-80s women were more in the middle of the Femininity-Androgyny side and I think that was pretty good. Women worked and had rights, they still dressed in a feminine manner but not in the ultra feminine way of the past. Women wanted to be treated as equals and society began to accept and promote that. Women were still women but they were able to do more of the things men did and they did not have to look ultra feminine. But I think today it has gone so far that the preferred women in the media and to feminists would be practically androgynous. She wears women's clothing that look like men's and it's hard to tell she is a woman physically. She devalues feminine things and strives to prove she can do everything men can do and prefers what they prefer. The preferred woman is too close to androgyny and has given up all the things I love about women (e.g., softness, kindness, sweetness, dresses, skirts, bows, flowers, kittens, bunnies, smiles, cupcakes, baby ducks, and all that sissy stuff lol).

The men in the 60s-80s were still similar to the way they were in the past but they were getting used to thinking of women as equals (of course many fought against this). But then guess who came along...the tough, muscled, body builder, tough talking, rule breaking, ultra male of the film industry. This male typified by Marlon Brando, Burt Reynolds, the Marlboro Man, and eventually Arnold Swartzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and many physically dominant athletes. These were examples of masculinity on steroids (literally) and this is when bodybuilding began. At times I admit I do find these men physically attractive, but they have so many other unattractive things about them that I just don't want to have relationships with them. They are nice to look at but do they really get along with others or settle down for a quiet peaceful life? They just aren't boyfriend or husband material.

So this is what I think I like:


C. Femininity-----------X---------------------Androgyny--------------------X----------------Masculinity
        Preferred Woman                                                       Preferred Man

Yes, what I prefer is almost the same dynamic present in Example A. BUT...I want all of the gains women and men have made to remain! So I want women to keep the rights and respect they have yet still be allowed to wear dresses, bake cupcakes (if they want), and love kittens. I want men to not feel the need to be tough, ultra masculine men but instead go back to being more like chivalrous gentlemen. These gentlemen will want to have families and settle down while still having respect for women and their partners. So there will be less pressure for everyone to be masculine and masculinity will not be valued more than femininity. This level of masculinity is just enough for me :) I admit I do like some androgynous traits in men such as: long hair (lol, maybe I just like retro hair); metrosexuals in terms of personal grooming with little body hair; cute voices rather than deep ones; cute boyish faces rather than hard ultra masculine ones; guys who are younger or my age rather than older guys; thin rather than big guys; and of course guys who are sweet, nice, romantic, and sensitive. So these are things that the ultra masculine men don't have.

Many people don't have the same sensitivity I do so they are perfectly comfortable with Example B and will say anything a woman does or wears is feminine because she is a woman so basically anything goes. So they may date men who I think are way too hard or act in ways that I think are way too masculine but to others it will be perfectly "normal". I understand this. We just have a different sensitivity/preference and you may be comfortable with the status quo.

My next question would be, 'who do men prefer?' Followed by 'will the men I prefer actually prefer me?' From what I have read many men prefer very feminine women however I have just learned some (e.g., hipsters) don't seem to care and are comfortable with androgyny. I'll have to test out the second question in my real life :)


This made me think of Japanese pop stars. This is how I think things are in Japanese pop today lol!:



C. Femininity-X--------------------------------Androgyny--X----------------------------------Masculinity
               Preferred Woman                                  Preferred Man


Yes, I like my men to have a soft side but he shouldn't be wearing my make-up or looking prettier than me lol!

Any Woman can Look Masculine...But not an EBW!

Watch the video below (sorry about the music). I keep on hearing that White women (and Asian women) are supposedly the most feminine and Black women are too masculine (totally untrue) based on the way we look.

Another video about how NOT to dress and act: Feminine Masculinity & Androgyny


As you could see from the video, any woman, even a beautiful woman, can look masculine depending on her clothing, hairstyle, posture, and mannerisms. Notice most of them are slouching with their legs open, and they are not smiling. They are trying to look hard. As Black women we have to fight to not appear masculine or androgynous and leave that behaviour to other women. Don't dress like the women in the video if you want to be considered feminine and be treated like a lady. We just can't get away with it the way other women can. Some of them can dress this way, but because they are regarded as being more feminine as a group, they are still treated well. But because so many Black women have embraced masculine hip hop style and mannerisms we are considered more masculine. I don't buy that theory that dark skin is associated with being masculine, that's just some people's preference.

Here are some videos showing feminine fashion ideas:

Asian Fashion Inspiration (notice the feminine demeanor and poses!)
Asian Fashion Inspiration2

I also thought this would be interesting for those of you who don't think you are pretty enough. Most of us don't wake up looking pretty, not even celebrities!

Celebrities Without Make-up (play on mute)