Misleading Statistics About Black Women

We have all heard the misleading statistics about Black women that the media has been feasting on for the past few years. I have only heard these statistics for African American women (I'm Canadian) and I don't even know if studies like this exist in Canada (I'll have to look around). Here are some widely spread statistics and why reporting them is VERY misleading.

• 70% of Black women are single: This statistic has been awful for Black women and has started a finger-pointing war between Black men and women trying to explain the cause. The problem with this statistic is that it includes lesbian women who often can not get married, common-law relationships, women with boyfriends, women who are engaged, women who are divorced, women who are widowed, and women who do not want to be married right now! It is highly inflated! The media has spun this into a PROBLEM with Black women, Black men, and the Black community that requires individuals to change. It has caused widespread criticism of Black women who focused on their careers and degrees causing them to panic that they will never be married. This Oprah Video focuses on why women are single not the validity of the statistic and was a bad move on Oprah's part! Here is a Great Video Critique of this statistic(warning foul language).

• 42% of Black women have never been married compared to 23% of White women: 42% unmarried is better than the 70% single statistic, but the way it has been reported is just as problematic (for instance in this Nightline Report and B-NET). First of all, they only report the statistic when compared to White women! If they were honest they would also report that 41% of Black men have never been married and Black women tend to marry Black men! Based on this it just seems Black people deciding to stay unmarried. Instead, the media has focused on the unavailability of Black men who are the equals to successful Black women (and they never forget to report their unemployment rates, incarceration rates, and high school drop out rates). On the other hand, Black men have focused on criticizing Black women for their independence, dating standards, femininity, weight, hair, and attitude and all the reasons why they think other races of women are better. Watch this Great Video Commentary about this statistic (warning there is foul language).
• Why doesn't the media report how many of those White marriages were young, starter marriages that have ended in divorce? Is it better to rush into a marriage that is uncertain or wait until an older age when one's life is more stable? What about reporting how many times White women marry compared to Black women? That could show White women tend to marry younger and multiple times (like Elizabeth Taylor) while Black women wait and only have to marry once or twice. Does the number of times you marry really show how desirable you are or do these women just demand it more or find men who rush into things the same way they do?

• 70% of African American children are born our of wedlock: The biggest problem with this statistic is that people have used it as a criticism of single mothers (read this critique from The Atlantic and P.a.p.-Blog). The statistic does not explain if many of these babies are born to TWO loving parents who just happen to not be married. If you look at the 42% statistic above that shows Black couples are not getting married, then the babies they have will be out of wedlock. But this doesn't mean the father is not around, the mother was irresponsible, or the baby wasn't planned! Married Black women are also having fewer kids and this inflates the statistic. This statistic is problematic because it is a snapshot in time. It does not account for the many couples who get pregnant and decide to have a wedding after the birth (often when the woman is happier with her weight). White couples tend to marry more, fewer of their children are born out of wedlock, and maybe more of them rush to marry before the baby is born. This is not to say that there are some Black men who are not caring for their children, but this statistic does not identify the role of the father in the child's life. BlackVoices uses this to point at unwed Black mothers and reports some disturbing statistics (but I think they can all be explained by poverty and they are also misleading) and BNET provides opinion about American absentee fathers.
• Black women are the least desirable on online dating sites: This ridiculous finding has been reported but it is based on OkCupid, one online site, where 74% of the members are White! So if you join this site, you are likely looking for a White partner. If you wanted someone Black you would go to a Black dating site! This article from the Freakonomics Webiste (where they should know better) and ReadWriteWeb repeat the mantra that Black women can't find a partner. Read THIS ARTICLE for an interesting analysis of the data that changes the results. Furthermore, there is no objective rating of the actual attractiveness of the profiles. It could just be that the Black women on OKCupid are not physically attractive or their profiles are bad, but you can not generalize that ALL Black women are unattractive! It also doesn't mention how quickly members respond because maybe Black women take their time. Asian and White girls may respond quickly and frequently send flirty messages while Black women do not. Maybe men only send messages to women they think they can actually get and I have heard even average White men have no problem attracting Asian women but I have not heard the same for Black women. But above all this, no one ASKED the members why they chose to respond to some people over others because that is the only way you will know if it was due to attractiveness and not something else. You can not generalize the attractiveness of millions of Black women based on ONE online dating site were most members are White!

I hope that after reading this post some Black women feel better about themselves and have a more discerning eye when it comes to these statistics. The media is not a friend to Black women or Black people in general and they love to make us look bad. They will stop reporting things like this if we stop reading these articles and commenting on them! 

EBWs Must Change the Words they use to Define Themselves

The way you define yourself will determine how others define you. This also includes the way you define yourself in your own head because that affects the way you carry yourself. The words you speak will have the same effect. These are some things we must stop saying immediately because they are not helping us and they have developed negative connotations.

• Don't call yourself independent. You can be independent and enjoy it, and you don't have to call yourself needy; just don't use the word. If you use this term men will think you do not need them and they will not seek relationships with you. Friends, family, and coworkers may be reluctant to offer help when you are struggling. You will find it hard to ask for help if you actually need it to make your life easier. You may have used this term to avoid getting hurt,  but you are setting yourself up to be alone when that is not what you really want.  NEVER say you don't need a man or anyone else in your life or that is exactly what you will get! People might also assume that you have been single for a long time or you are a loner and these things are turn-offs. This term will help your resume but not your love life. 
• Don't call yourself strong. This term is related to independent in it's negative connotations. I've even heard men online voicing their disdain for "Strong Black Women". Why label yourself with something that can be an instant turn-off? Being strong has masculine connotations and men you date and others may treat you harshly because they think you can take it. Because you are so strong they won't bother to treat you like the delicate flower you are. You can be strong and keep your head up no matter what misfortunes you encounter, just don't go around telling people you are strong or weak. Use other terms to describe yourself. Furthermore, if you describe yourself as strong they may assume you have had a hard life and many people avoid those with "baggage". In fact, online this term seems to be synonymous with "single Black mother". 
• Don't call yourself a diva. Nowadays I only hear this term used by Black women or the media when referring to pop stars who are impossible to please. If you call yourself a diva men will run because they will assume you have an attitude, you have temper tantrums, you will never be satisfied, you have impossible standards, and you lead an exorbitant lifestyle that they can not afford. The reputation of the  "angry Black woman" has been spread around the world and it needs to stop!  A diva is a nice way to say b**** but it means the same thing! Don't go around calling yourself b**** either by the way.
• Don't call yourself "hood", "street", "ghetto", or "ghettofabulous". These terms will only be attractive to other people who describe themselves in the same way. These terms are not attractive to gentlemen, professional people, or people who do not want drama or the negative things associated with the "hood". It doesn't matter if you grew up poor in a bad neighborhood, it just doesn't help you to advertise it. Be proud of what you have done with your life but don't give others any reason to discriminate against you. 

If you have screen names or you are online dating, do not use these terms in your screen name or your profiles if you want to attract a gentleman who is worthy of you. Think about the way women of other races describe themselves. Would a kawaii Japanese woman describe herself as independent, strong, a diva, or ghetto? Never! Think about your positive, feminine qualities and use them to describe yourself and refer to yourself in your own mind and try to live up to the labels. The way we think about ourselves has a definite effect on the way we behave and the way others treat us. Changing the way you define yourself is like an instant makeover!

P.S. I could also use feminist to this list because that scares men off like the plague. But as I said in an earlier post, you can believe in women's rights and strive to uphold them, but you don't have to label yourself a feminist to do so. I find that some people will shut themselves off to whatever you say if you use this term so it's counterproductive.