Are Controlling Black Men Responsible for the "Angry Black Woman" Stereotype?

I found an interesting article called Are Controlling Black Men Responsible for the "Angry Black Woman" Stereotype? Once again, the article points out that Black women need to stop embracing the terms "strong" and "independent" because they are harming us and making us seem different from other women. Although some women of other ethnicities may like the term "independent", they are usually still looked upon as women who are in need or care and tenderness, unlike Black women. That's just the way it is, other women can use these terms and still be treated with care, but we don't get the same.

The solution...reject those terms and never apply them to yourself. Accept any term that implies you are an Elegant Black Woman (EBW) such as graceful, kind, nice, friendly, sophisticated, beautiful, pretty, smart, intelligent, witty, charming, or anything else that is positive or feminine. Reject any masculine term (being intelligent is not a masculine term). Do not let women who embrace masculine terms influence you. That means, be wary of certain feminist ideals (I mean feminist not those who seek equal rights for women) and encouragement to accept all things masculine and see all traditionally feminine things as inferior. Embrace the feminine and do what you need to do to lead a happy, healthy life where you are treated with respect, kindness, and tenderness.

What really stood out for me in the article is that Black women are sometimes called "angry" when they ask for what they want and called "independent" when they get what they want themselves. I think they should have also included that we are called "strong" in order to keep us accepting negative situations (e.g., poverty, abusive relationships, disrespect etc.). These words have been used to manipulate us! This brings me back to my previous article Assertiveness Training Will Save Black Women and how important it is for us to be able to express ourselves, what we need and want, and when we are being mistreated in an assertive manner rather than being aggressive or passive. This is how we can communicate and still be regarded as feminine not angry or strong. Nowadays I have no problem asking for what I want and getting it, and I appear approachable, friendly, and feminine to the people I encounter. Smile, ask for what you want in an assertive manner, and the world might just fall at your charming feet!

An EBW is NOT a Strong Independent Black Woman

Today I am posting a video that perfectly explains the reasons why Black women are doing themselves a disservice by calling themselves "Strong Independent Black Women" (see my earlier post about Black women needing to change the way we define ourselves). This term has become associated with negative traits like 'neck-rolling', being loud, demanding, controlling, argumentative, and masculine. We need to stop using this term and just try to be the best women we can be without the labels.

EBWs Must Change the Words they use to Define Themselves

The way you define yourself will determine how others define you. This also includes the way you define yourself in your own head because that affects the way you carry yourself. The words you speak will have the same effect. These are some things we must stop saying immediately because they are not helping us and they have developed negative connotations.

• Don't call yourself independent. You can be independent and enjoy it, and you don't have to call yourself needy; just don't use the word. If you use this term men will think you do not need them and they will not seek relationships with you. Friends, family, and coworkers may be reluctant to offer help when you are struggling. You will find it hard to ask for help if you actually need it to make your life easier. You may have used this term to avoid getting hurt,  but you are setting yourself up to be alone when that is not what you really want.  NEVER say you don't need a man or anyone else in your life or that is exactly what you will get! People might also assume that you have been single for a long time or you are a loner and these things are turn-offs. This term will help your resume but not your love life. 
• Don't call yourself strong. This term is related to independent in it's negative connotations. I've even heard men online voicing their disdain for "Strong Black Women". Why label yourself with something that can be an instant turn-off? Being strong has masculine connotations and men you date and others may treat you harshly because they think you can take it. Because you are so strong they won't bother to treat you like the delicate flower you are. You can be strong and keep your head up no matter what misfortunes you encounter, just don't go around telling people you are strong or weak. Use other terms to describe yourself. Furthermore, if you describe yourself as strong they may assume you have had a hard life and many people avoid those with "baggage". In fact, online this term seems to be synonymous with "single Black mother". 
• Don't call yourself a diva. Nowadays I only hear this term used by Black women or the media when referring to pop stars who are impossible to please. If you call yourself a diva men will run because they will assume you have an attitude, you have temper tantrums, you will never be satisfied, you have impossible standards, and you lead an exorbitant lifestyle that they can not afford. The reputation of the  "angry Black woman" has been spread around the world and it needs to stop!  A diva is a nice way to say b**** but it means the same thing! Don't go around calling yourself b**** either by the way.
• Don't call yourself "hood", "street", "ghetto", or "ghettofabulous". These terms will only be attractive to other people who describe themselves in the same way. These terms are not attractive to gentlemen, professional people, or people who do not want drama or the negative things associated with the "hood". It doesn't matter if you grew up poor in a bad neighborhood, it just doesn't help you to advertise it. Be proud of what you have done with your life but don't give others any reason to discriminate against you. 

If you have screen names or you are online dating, do not use these terms in your screen name or your profiles if you want to attract a gentleman who is worthy of you. Think about the way women of other races describe themselves. Would a kawaii Japanese woman describe herself as independent, strong, a diva, or ghetto? Never! Think about your positive, feminine qualities and use them to describe yourself and refer to yourself in your own mind and try to live up to the labels. The way we think about ourselves has a definite effect on the way we behave and the way others treat us. Changing the way you define yourself is like an instant makeover!

P.S. I could also use feminist to this list because that scares men off like the plague. But as I said in an earlier post, you can believe in women's rights and strive to uphold them, but you don't have to label yourself a feminist to do so. I find that some people will shut themselves off to whatever you say if you use this term so it's counterproductive.