Elite Single Chinese Women are like Elite Single Black Women!!!

Wow oh wow! I just read an article that was linked to the Be Exquisite blog (I spent a while catching up on my reading there...great stuff!). It's called Elite Single Chinese Face 'Leftover Lady' Discount. I could not believe what I read! Their situation is so much like the situation of successful African American women trying to find husbands who are on their level.

Everyone knows about the shortage of women in China due to their one-child rule and preference for having a male child. But the article explains that there is an excess of poor men and not enough educated, white-collar, successful Chinese men who are on the same level as the elite Chinese women. So they are having problems finding men. Their parents are telling the women that they are too picky and marriage is more important than their careers. Some of the women are saying they accept that they might never get married and they find fulfillment in their work. There is also a traditional belief that Chinese men should marry down instead of getting someone out of their league (unlike some men I've heard about). These women also don't want to marry down. Here is a similar article about Chinese women having difficulty finding boyfriends (it really sounds like the kind of comments you hear about black women, it's really shocking!!!).

So, apparently Asian women can be independent, non-submissive, and unwilling to cater to men. Not all Asian women are the same! Some of them take pride in education and their careers and they don't base their happiness on serving a man's every whim. They aren't lowering their standards just to get a man! Wanting to do better and not settle is what many women choose to do, not just Black women! I wonder if their men will start complaining about their attitudes, that their standards are too high, they are unfeminine, or their educations are not important? Will they be called golddiggers because they want someone with a similar income and a degree? Will they be compared to women of other ethnicities because those women marry at higher rates???

I Need To Start Blogging Again

Well I had a great summer! I wore feminine clothes, met a lot of people, flirted and dated cute guys, and really had a good time. Then September came around and I had to work on some things for school. I used some of the things I learned on this blog, but I did slip in some areas, sometimes because it seemed necessary and sometimes because I just wasn't thinking about them while I was having fun.

Well I dressed feminine almost all the time and wore skirts and dresses, my hair down, and make-up. The guys really loved my natural hair and I got plenty of compliments (that I graciously thanked them for with a smile). I was polite whenever someone tried to talk to me and almost never reacted in a negative or aggressive way. Well except one time where an obese guy told me that I looked like I was having a "f****** awful time" (when I was not) and continued to swear and criticize me for not knowing he wanted to dance with me! That was just rude. I didn't swear at him but I asked him what he wanted from me and to go away, and yes I did look angry. It almost ruined my night! He was disrespecting me, maybe I could have looked less angry, but he would not go away but at least I don't think anyone but my friend noticed.

I went out on many dates but nothing serious came out of them. Probably because the guys were way too young for me so I wasn't serious about them either. I started doing online dating, and I'm still doing that, but things seem to have slowed down since the weather started getting colder. At first I did not send messages to guys, but there are so many profiles online, if I didn't say hi then many guys would not have even seen me. I suppose if I had met these guys in real life then I would have smiled or subtly shown interest, so online that takes the form of a wink or a message saying hi :) The guys I met always said that I was fun and although I was sexy, I was classy. I guess with the way my body is shaped I look sexy. Maybe I should minimize that and I was planning on buying some new clothes.

I didn't exercise as much as I should have so I put on a few pounds. I wasn't doing my posture exercises either so I have to get back on track with that. The one thing I remembered to do was to keep a slight smile on my face, which is probably why I was so approachable. I haven't been able to work on any feminine hobbies yet.

Oh, I have probably read every article and seen every video there is about Black women being single or Black women dating interracially. You have probably all heard about that awful Psychology Today blog that denied our amazing beauty but thankfully everyone (except some Black men???) rejected the article. I enjoyed reading articles about Ralph Richard Banks, Ph.D. and his new book "Is Marriage for White People?". I agree with his advice that Black women should date out rather than date down, but I'm also biased because I have always dated interracially and it's not as big a deal in Canada. So I've spent a lot of time reading and watching everything about Black women dating and marriage. Maybe I'll write something about it...or not because everyone seems to be fed up with the subject except me.

So that's everything that has been going on with me and I'll think up some new things to post.

Misleading Statistics About Black Women

We have all heard the misleading statistics about Black women that the media has been feasting on for the past few years. I have only heard these statistics for African American women (I'm Canadian) and I don't even know if studies like this exist in Canada (I'll have to look around). Here are some widely spread statistics and why reporting them is VERY misleading.

• 70% of Black women are single: This statistic has been awful for Black women and has started a finger-pointing war between Black men and women trying to explain the cause. The problem with this statistic is that it includes lesbian women who often can not get married, common-law relationships, women with boyfriends, women who are engaged, women who are divorced, women who are widowed, and women who do not want to be married right now! It is highly inflated! The media has spun this into a PROBLEM with Black women, Black men, and the Black community that requires individuals to change. It has caused widespread criticism of Black women who focused on their careers and degrees causing them to panic that they will never be married. This Oprah Video focuses on why women are single not the validity of the statistic and was a bad move on Oprah's part! Here is a Great Video Critique of this statistic(warning foul language).

• 42% of Black women have never been married compared to 23% of White women: 42% unmarried is better than the 70% single statistic, but the way it has been reported is just as problematic (for instance in this Nightline Report and B-NET). First of all, they only report the statistic when compared to White women! If they were honest they would also report that 41% of Black men have never been married and Black women tend to marry Black men! Based on this it just seems Black people deciding to stay unmarried. Instead, the media has focused on the unavailability of Black men who are the equals to successful Black women (and they never forget to report their unemployment rates, incarceration rates, and high school drop out rates). On the other hand, Black men have focused on criticizing Black women for their independence, dating standards, femininity, weight, hair, and attitude and all the reasons why they think other races of women are better. Watch this Great Video Commentary about this statistic (warning there is foul language).
• Why doesn't the media report how many of those White marriages were young, starter marriages that have ended in divorce? Is it better to rush into a marriage that is uncertain or wait until an older age when one's life is more stable? What about reporting how many times White women marry compared to Black women? That could show White women tend to marry younger and multiple times (like Elizabeth Taylor) while Black women wait and only have to marry once or twice. Does the number of times you marry really show how desirable you are or do these women just demand it more or find men who rush into things the same way they do?

• 70% of African American children are born our of wedlock: The biggest problem with this statistic is that people have used it as a criticism of single mothers (read this critique from The Atlantic and P.a.p.-Blog). The statistic does not explain if many of these babies are born to TWO loving parents who just happen to not be married. If you look at the 42% statistic above that shows Black couples are not getting married, then the babies they have will be out of wedlock. But this doesn't mean the father is not around, the mother was irresponsible, or the baby wasn't planned! Married Black women are also having fewer kids and this inflates the statistic. This statistic is problematic because it is a snapshot in time. It does not account for the many couples who get pregnant and decide to have a wedding after the birth (often when the woman is happier with her weight). White couples tend to marry more, fewer of their children are born out of wedlock, and maybe more of them rush to marry before the baby is born. This is not to say that there are some Black men who are not caring for their children, but this statistic does not identify the role of the father in the child's life. BlackVoices uses this to point at unwed Black mothers and reports some disturbing statistics (but I think they can all be explained by poverty and they are also misleading) and BNET provides opinion about American absentee fathers.
• Black women are the least desirable on online dating sites: This ridiculous finding has been reported but it is based on OkCupid, one online site, where 74% of the members are White! So if you join this site, you are likely looking for a White partner. If you wanted someone Black you would go to a Black dating site! This article from the Freakonomics Webiste (where they should know better) and ReadWriteWeb repeat the mantra that Black women can't find a partner. Read THIS ARTICLE for an interesting analysis of the data that changes the results. Furthermore, there is no objective rating of the actual attractiveness of the profiles. It could just be that the Black women on OKCupid are not physically attractive or their profiles are bad, but you can not generalize that ALL Black women are unattractive! It also doesn't mention how quickly members respond because maybe Black women take their time. Asian and White girls may respond quickly and frequently send flirty messages while Black women do not. Maybe men only send messages to women they think they can actually get and I have heard even average White men have no problem attracting Asian women but I have not heard the same for Black women. But above all this, no one ASKED the members why they chose to respond to some people over others because that is the only way you will know if it was due to attractiveness and not something else. You can not generalize the attractiveness of millions of Black women based on ONE online dating site were most members are White!

I hope that after reading this post some Black women feel better about themselves and have a more discerning eye when it comes to these statistics. The media is not a friend to Black women or Black people in general and they love to make us look bad. They will stop reporting things like this if we stop reading these articles and commenting on them!