Two More New EBW Videos

I really enjoyed making these two videos. It's actually a lot of fun. I enjoy watching them because they really show how feminine and beautiful Black women can be and the femininity of Black women of the past. I've watched both several times while making them and after adding all the labels. The more I watch the more I can see how to be an Elegant Black Woman. Notice the way they smile, pose, and have pleasant (non angry) facial expressions. I can also see that many of the women are wearing shaping garments like corsets. I love these images!

How Can You Become an Elegant Black Woman?

I started this blog on February 13, 2011 (my first post). A while ago one of my blog readers asked me how to start her own journey to become an EBW. These are the steps I described to her that involve involve reading, setting goals, a self-assessment, and then monitoring your progress:

1. Reading: I started out searching the web for articles about how to be feminine, a lady, classy, elegant, graceful, etc. I have posted the links on my blog in the post "How will I become an elegant Black woman" and then continue reading the posts on my blog to see my journey. If you want instead you can read the blogs:  http://www.elegantwoman.org, http://theproperlady.blogspot.ca,  http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.ca/, and http://www.thefemininewoman.com/ because these are the blogs that helped me the most. This will be fun and interesting not a chore. There is a lot but that reassured me that I would eventually learn what I wanted to learn and that the information was available for free and at my convenience. I read about femininity every day lol!
2. Setting goals: Either now or after you start reading you need to make a list of the qualities of the ideal feminine woman that you want to be. It may also help to come up with a famous person (or persons) that you can think of as role models. Ask yourself 'what are their traits that I want to achieve?' because these are the new things that you need to learn and start doing. 
3. Self-assessment:  Also ask yourself, 'what are my current traits that make me appear less like a feminine woman?' because these are the things that you need to change. My list appears here:  http://elegantblackwoman.blogspot.ca/2011/02/where-i-need-to-improve.html. 
4. Monitor your progress:  Look back at your goals list from time to time as you progress to keep track of what you have learned and what you still need to learn. Goal setting is important because it gives you direction, tells you where the finish line is, and tells you when you have finished!  Also, look back on this list too to remind yourself to keep fighting your bad habits and old behaviours that were unhelpful. It will make you feel good to see how much you have changed and how different you become as you go on your journey. I would recommend starting a journal or blog as I did to keep track of your progress because looking back over your journal is a good way to monitor your progress. I also find journaling helpful for examining your thoughts and why you do the things you do because it's hard to understand our thinking without deep thought. 

This was a fun journey for me and it has taken over year but I'm still not finished. I love the positive attention I get from men and the men I attract are of high quality because I look like a "nice girl". The people around will get used to you and they might start to copy you. I received many compliments from women who didn't wear dresses themselves and you may even be asked to go shopping to help them dress like you! I recommend thrift shopping because you can buy a whole new wardrobe for under $200 if you want to make a quick change and you can get some high quality items that way without breaking the bank. The most important thing is that you will feel better about yourself because you will know that you are becoming a quality woman while others are not, you chose to make the journey, and you are powerful enough to improve yourself. People will treat you better and that is always a benefit. Also I think that the best way to change other people's behaviour is to be a role model and when they see you living well they will try to be like you without being pressured or asked to change!

Today I thought that this would also be a good time to refocus on my goals of being an elegant Black woman (EBW) and reviewing some of my previous posts. If you have similar goals have a look at some of my earlier posts where I learned important lessons about etiquette, manners, and what it means to be a lady :)

New etiquette and instructional videos: December 8, 2011: Useful and sometimes funny videos about modern etiquette and femininity.

Free online manners and etiquette tutorials March 3, 2011: Oh I always get a laugh out of these videos. I just pretend they are meant to be funny when probably they were not. I remember watching parodies of such videos on The Simpsons and thought there was no way they were so cheesy...but those were actually accurate depictions! There are some good lessons in them though.

Where I need to improve: February 19, 2011: This is where I made a list of the things I wanted to learn on my EBW journey. As you can see from the list, I did not seek to totally reinvent myself or become something totally different from who I already was. I just wanted to improve and get rid of some negative habits. But I don't see a problem with anyone trying to totally reinvent themselves either if it will make them happier and improve their lives. That would just be common sense, taking pride in yourself, being empowered, and taking initiative. Wow I think I have greatly improved on all of my negative qualities (I still have to work harder on some like wearing heels, not being so passive, and not focusing on the negative though). I have also already learned and continue to learn more of the things on my list. That's a lot of progress in under two years!

Blog reviews: February 15, 2011: I only got around to doing one blog review but I did read the other five that I linked. Be Exquisite has been removed unfortunately but I recommend the following sites for anyone who wants to learn about femininity: The Feminine Woman, Grace and Poise, The Art of Being Feminine and Elegant Woman because these are the blogs that I read when I first started my EBW journey. They have so many lessons about how to be feminine so I didn't feel the need to write about those things here. These are free resources that taught me so much! None of these blogs are written by Black women but hopefully you can get past that and make use of the valuable information anyway. 

Assertiveness training will save Black women: December 12, 2011. I think that one thing that can really help Black women is to improve our communication skills. If we want to be understood then we must communicate in ways that most people can understand, especially those who we need to help us achieve our goals. If we need certain things from partners, banks, employers, lawmakers, and even store employees then we need to communicate with them effectively. Being assertive instead of aggressive is also more respectful for the person you are talking to. Online lessons about how to be assertive are linked. 

I also found a Tumblr blog you may want to see called Art of Lovely. The blog is not focused on Black women but it focuses on elegant and feminine style. I'm not into buying expensive or designer things for those reasons alone but you can see the quality, beauty, and simple, classic elegance of the items (as opposed to designer items with prominent labels or strange/abstract/futuristic designs). Three years ago I did not think about decor or home design at all, but now that I'm at an age where I will be furnishing a home I've started thinking about it. I like minimal clutter and simple designs and I like the interior design photos on this blog. I also really like the fashions shown because they are classic and always stylish, feminine, beautiful, and not over the top (i.e., I'm not into bright colours, too much pattern, or things that look too trendy or attention getting). 

It's also really, I mean REALLY striking the way that White people depict their women in photography, paintings, and advertising compared to Black people. I mean look at the images... how often do you see Black women depicted in the same way? By seeing themselves depicted in loving, elegant, ultra feminine, and cherished ways White women have something to aspire to when they achieve success that actually makes them look classy. But do Black women have similar images or are we 99% of the time only shown as poor, struggling, or average? Or are we only shown rich (not wealthy) Black people (specifically musicians, actors, and athletes's wives) in ostentatious, gaudy, label adverting clothing with a street edge? I mean when was the last time you saw a photo of a really poor White person yet every day we see images of poor Black people. I know many of those images are for charities asking for donations but it does have an effect. The effect is that you can't imagine yourself in the images shown on Art of Lovely and you may internalize the idea that to be Black is to be suffering, and that a life surrounded by beauty and elegance is off limits to you even if you can afford it. This is why it is so important for us to see Black people looking, doing, and acting in as many different ways as possible instead of constant portrayals of the same stereotype over and over. This is why we have to seek out images, role models, and information about the things we desire instead of letting the mainstream tell us "you can not have these good things or have what we have because your are Black". We all have a right to those good things and we should never let racists of any colour tell us what we can't have! Go get your good life ladies!

Thanks to all of my supportive readers and to all the femininity bloggers who have helped me on my journey!  I'm really liking the new me :)

Advice From Video Bloggers

Don't you just love online videos? They just make the blogging experience so much more interesting and interactive. I'd like to share two videos with you. I really like the advice in the first one. We need to pay attention to our appearance. It isn't shallow and it doesn't set women back. There are benefits! Use what you have to ensure that you get what you want in life, especially love. You can be beautiful, smart, and talented. The idea that women should dull themselves down is like taking a beautiful flower and hiding it in a closet, or picking off the petals. Why hide beauty? Why not make the world more beautiful? Yes, being attractive can get you unwanted attention, but so can letting yourself look unattractive. The difference is that I can't think of any benefits of a woman being unattractive.

As for the second video...I'm not sure. In the second video she says it's attractive to men when women are vulnerable, but if you have read The Rule, or He's Just Not That Into You, they are both about weeding out the guys who don't like you and are likely to hurt you. I don't believe in wasting you time and being vulnerable to any guy. Maybe she means a guy you are already dating who has all the good qualities you want. Well, I'll let you decide.

Tribute to Black Beauty Queens

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but I didn't have the time. Last month I watched videos of Black beauty queens on YouTube and I have links for you all to watch. These are the women we need to look up to! I'm not talking about being some diva, doing anything to win including sabotaging other women, or being nothing but a pretty face. I'm talking about being intelligent, well-spoken, educated, ambitious, poised, congenial, and a well-rounded woman who men desire and women envy. Those are the traits of an EBW! Enjoy these videos and pay special attention to the make-up (natural looking), physique (healthy, not underweight or overweight, athletic not masculine), intelligence (in the answers), poise, and grace. Many of these pageants award scholarships, the chance to travel and make new connections, and the opportunity to be a role model. They are not just pretty faces...but they could do without the swimsuit competition. Oh yes, and look at how lovely Black women can look in gowns!

Vanessa Williams Miss America 1984 (yes I know about her indiscretion but she still carries herself like a lady and expressed herself so well in this video!)

Chelsi Smith Miss USA 1995

Janelle Commissiong first Black Miss Universe 1977
Vanessa Williams Miss America 1984 and Vanessa Williams the beauty queen
Miss Trinidad Miss world 1986 (Halle Berry is in this clip)
Debbie Turner Miss America 1990
Carole Gist Miss USA 1990
Kenya Moore Miss USA 1993
Ericka Dunlap Miss America 2004 (she was so surprised it's hilarious!)
Carissa Cameron Miss America 2010
Leila Lopes Miss Universe 2011

Miss Black American Princess Pageant (good example of showing girls how to behave)
Black beauty queens around the world

Blog Review - Be Exquisite Part II

This is Part 2 of my review of the beautiful and elegant Be Exquisite blog! I started the review from page 26 to page 16. Part 1 can be read HERE. Part 2 will be about the many random thoughts and questions that popped into my head while reading her blog (that are likely to inspire future posts). Really, they are just ramblings that will probably tell you more about me than the actual blog! I will review the rest of the blog in a future post. 

These are the Thoughts that Popped into my Head as I Read this Interesting Blog

Changing Yourself: 

• As I read through the blog I kept asking myself "is this all fake"?. Is the elegance we see in Michelle Obama her true self? Did she not receive some sort of teaching and coaching? If so, then some or us were taught early but it's still possible for some of us to be taught later. Eventually, practicing what we learn will become habit and our true selves. It isn't a natural way to behave but it can become natural.
• Are people allowed to change? Should we not improve ourselves? Rude is rude, obnoxious is obnoxious, why accept that your true self is an obnoxious oaf?
• Is it wrong to improve yourself to get a man? People do it to get a job and a man is more important than a job. It's a give and take. You become a better woman in order to get a better man. If you are a poorly-mannered woman then you will end up with a poorly-mannered man. Being well mannered is being nice and not offending others and I think those are good goals.
• Is it wrong to change if your man asks you to? On YouTube men have put out mean videos criticizing Black women and of course, when we are attacked we become defensive. But what if they asked in a nice way, or if it was your man who you actually loved. Would you change for him? Some will state that he should accept you exactly the way you are. But let me give you an example, suppose you have a habit of burping at the table and your man asks you to stop doing this. Would you say "no, burping at the table is who I am and you have to accept that or we are through." Yes it is trivial. To some, this whole blog is trivial, but it's this trivial thing that is hurting Black women's reputation around the world! So based on the negative consequences of these trivial actions, why not just fix the problem so that we can move on to more important things! By the way these Black women bashing videos are being pumped out by Black men you would think this is the biggest problem facing the Black community so let's quickly fix this problem so we can focus on the real issues!

Sensuality, Beauty and Dress:

• I liked her advice about how to keep nails filed and using cuticle cream. Simple things can make a big difference.
• Jackie made a post about being pleasurable to the senses (i.e., sensuous). This made me think about products for relaxed hair. They don't smell good at all. I wonder if this has had a negative effect on Black women's reputation. Do people think our relaxed hair smells bad? Natural hair products smell much better and are better for the hair. We should all make the switch because smelly hair is unacceptable.
• I liked her advice about trying to look like a goddess. Strive for that.
• I never got into aromatherapy. I thought it was bogus, new age, nonsense. Maybe I should give it another look if it is pleasurable to the senses. I do have essential oils that I use for their properties but I don't use anything for aromatherapy purposes.
• I think those people on "What Not to Wear" need to learn some vocabulary from Jackie because all they talk about is "sophisticated" and "sexy". Aren't there other things women can aim for when they choose an outfit?
• I wonder what it means to "dress Black" or "dress White?" If I wear feminine, sensuous (not sexy) clothes, that are not revealing, and not hip hop inspired, then would people say that is dressing White?
• This blog has posts about flowers. Do I like flowers? I think you spend money on them and they just die. I would prefer spending money once on fake flowers that last forever. I guess they look nice...I noticed that most of my dresses have some sort of abstract flower design on them. I guess I do like flowers :) Plus, if a man gave them to me I would feel great...maybe I love flowers!

Dating and Marriage:

• I am a smart woman and well-mannered. Men are criticizing other women for being loud and having attitudes.  So, if I become even more well-mannered I will have my pick of men! Since there are not enough men to go around, self-improvement sounds like a good idea.
• Men like women for their differences in mannerisms and appearance. But I think I would get along best if the man has values that are similar to my own.
• Do we really want androgyny? Do we want women to look and act like men and do we want men to look and act like women? I think women are most beautiful when they look and act like feminine ladies (e.g., on their wedding day in a beautiful gown). I think some men actually need to tone down the aggression and clean themselves up. That rugged, mountain man, thug, angry at the world, ill-fitting clothes look is entirely unattractive to me. Give me a clean-cut man in a three-piece suit and I swoon! I prefer men who are cute an sweet, maybe even a pretty-boy if I'm lucky :)
• I think a woman has to act like a lady in order to get a chivalrous man. I don't find chivalry demeaning, I love it! Growing up, due to feminism I thought that if something was traditionally feminine then I had to reject it! I didn't let men open doors, I carried my own heavy bags, I refused to learn how to cook, and I refused to wear dresses and skirts. Now I think the exact opposite! So we can change! 
• There is a great post on chivalry. If a man doesn't act chivalrous towards you, does he really care about you? Never curse and your man should never curse in front of you. I don't like listening to music with cursing and way too many songs have that now.
• Great quote "Get to know two things about a man--how he earns his money and how he spends it--and you have the clue to his character, for you have a searchlight that shows up the innermost recesses of his soul. You know all you need to know about his standards, his motives, his driving desires, and his real religion." Robert J. McCracken.
• I think that within the first three dates women should find out if their date believes in marriage. If he doesn't then you should stop seeing him otherwise you will be wasting your time trying to change his mind. If a man can definitively say he will never get married or does not believe in marriage, take him at his word and move on.
• I looked at her Recipe Challenge #10 and I had the vision of coming home with groceries and smiling at my husband. He asked why I was smiling and I told him I was making a special dessert. He smiled and looked excited. I think I would really like it if that happened. Seriously ladies, if you can get a guy to prefer you over other women but learning how to cook then why wouldn't you? You don't have to do it all the time and he can help you. Really think about all the expensive clothes and trips to the salon you spend money on to look attractive. Maybe you should spend that money on learning how to cook instead.

Posture and Grace: 

• There was a great post about how to sit with grace. What was amazing to me was that I was already sitting that way! I remember being at meetings where every woman in the room had their legs crossed at the knee and I was the only one sitting with my knees together and my legs crossed at the ankles. I actually worried that was sitting improperly. I don't cross my legs because sometimes my skirt rides up and it really hurts my knees when I do it. 
• The blog has a post about posture. Luckily my posture is quite good. I spent two years sitting on a balance ball instead of a desk chair. My abs are tight now, and I can stand up straight. I can check that one off my list.
• The blog has a few posts about ballet. I am not a fan of ballet...but they are graceful though.

Miscellaneous Thoughts:

• Jackie, the writer of this blog, writes very well and she is definitely well educated. I like the brief lessons and some posts are just images of art and I like those too.
• Jackie appears to be religious and I think that 100% of the blogs on this topic were by religious women too. What does that mean? In modern times are religious women more well mannered than atheists or agnostics? Are some of these rules of etiquette and deportment based on the Bible? What benefit would an agnostic get out of reading the Bible?
• I wish comments were allowed on more of the older posts.
• This blog introduced me to singer Amel Larrieux. I have never heard of her but I liked her song called "For Real. Very nice :) I think listing to all that negative hip hop has probably had a negative effect on the Black community. Hip hop is the opposite of feminine and it definitely is not sensuous or soothing. All of that foul language and derogatory language is the way some people speak all the time now.
• I really liked the post about How to Be Perfectly Miserable . 
• I think this would be a nice blog to give to her daughter. I hope she saves it.
• I admit, I have to work on my discretion. I was really embarrassed two years ago by being too open. In fact, this has been a big problem ever since high school. 
• I skipped over the recipes because I'm not in the position to deal with that right now (low funds, no oven or stove right now).

So that's the end of Part II of my review of Be Exquisite. Just reading this blog put so many ideas and questions into my head. Things I never really thought about before I decided to become an EBW. Maybe this blog will change you too :)

Modern Femininity: Thandie Newton for Uptown Magazine

Our darling Thandie Newton is on the cover of Uptown Magazine! Always an EBW!

 
The article looks interesting too about the Talented 10 in Hollywood. This refers historically to the outstanding 10 percent of the Black community who are good examples and strive fore excellence. Their incredible skills and hard work show the world what Black people are capable of so that those who come after will not have to fight as hard to get ahead. Are you one of the talented 10th?

Blog Review: Be Exquisite - Part 1

This is Part 1 of my review of the beautiful and elegant Be Exquisite blog! I started the review from page 26 to page 16. Part 1 of this review will be about the best advice and must read posts. Part 2 will be about the many thoughts and questions that popped into my head while reading her blog (that are likely to inspire future posts). I will review the rest of the blog in a future post.

I really like this blog! I think it's quite unique because I was only able to find four other blogs that discuss femininity and elegance in a similar way and this is the only one by an Elegant Black Woman (EBW). I love that the blog is a mix of quotes, advice, and examples of feminine elegance. Be Exquisite is filled with quotes, proverbs, and dictionary definitions and I enjoyed all of them. I think that people who use such quotes sound more credible because how can you really argue with a quote or ancient proverb? This is one to remember: "You define yourself with your deeds, words, and actions. Others define you with their perception of your deeds, words, and actions." I have learned a lot so far from reading and had to look up the definitions of orisha, deportment, and carriage. She also mentioned some elegant Black women like The Supremes, Diana Ross, Ertha Kitt, Naiomi Sims. Dorothy Dandridge, and Dianne Carrol. It's truly amazing that her family spent the time to teach her these things because that was a lot of quality time well spent! I hope she saves her blog posts to give to her own daughter or a female relative. I think that any woman who wants to improve her femininity, grace, manners, and deportment will benefit greatly from reading Be Exquisite!

Best Advice:

• Learn about the world because it makes you interesting and gives you something to talk about.
• Think about who you keep company with because they may actually be making your life worse and making you look bad.
• I liked the idea of venerating your ancestors because I don't think people do this anymore.
• Wear clothing styles and accessories that men do not. That will emphasize your femininity.
• Be sensual! Sensuality is about being pleasurable to the senses. You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar and negativity is not pleasing to the ears. I think that some men complain about loud women because they are not pleasurable to the ear. We need to speak in a more sensual manner to get what we want.
• I love the explanation that "attractive outfits which accentuate the female form are feminine...Attractive outfits which reveal the female form are sexy". The next time I buy clothing it will all be feminine!
• Seamless boyshorts are the best underwear because they hold everything in and they don't show.
• "By your own words, deeds, and actions you are continuously teaching others how to treat you."
• Respect yourself. "Let your words, deeds, and actions, place you in the best light. Refuse anything that is not advantageous to you".
• Try to listen to your intuition. I'm not even sure how to use this because many women like me have been taught that thinking with our heads through reason is the only way to do things.
•  "There are times when silence has the loudest voice", Leroy Brownlow. "Just because something is true doesn't mean you have to say it," Katherine Triandafilou.
• If someone compliments you say "Thank you" smile and maybe tell them "It was nice of you to say that" brilliant!

Must Read Posts:

• Conversation 101
• Self-Respect
• How to Sit With Grace
• Maintain Good Posture
• Sensuality
• Marriage
• Compliments
• Dressing with Self-Respect
• Acts of Chivalry
• Dare to be Unique
• How to be Perfectly Miserable
• Table Manners
• At the Table

Why Become an Elegant Black Woman?

This is a question I know I will be asked when people hear about this blog. People who know me will wonder why I suddenly decided to do this (I explained why here). People who don't know me will wonder why ANYONE would want to do this. In fact, I had a discussion with some work colleagues about this and one of them said acting more feminine was fake, no one should change in this way to get a man, and a man should love you just the way you are ;) I found it difficult to explain my reasoning and as you remember from this post, I did have some thoughts about whether this was trying to emulate someone else.

Fortunately I found two articles on The Feminine Woman that can help clarify that this is not about being someone fake and that there are actual benefits of becoming more elegant. You must read What is Fake Feminine? The article explains that becoming more feminine is actually allowing your natural femininity show instead of repressing it. I began repressing my femininity during childhood. Based on teachings about equality and feminism I automatically rejected certain things because they were expected of girls or boys were not encouraged to do those things. For instance, I rarely wore skirts or dresses, I scoffed at the idea of dance lessons, I looked disapprovingly at "girly girls", and I refused to learn how to cook because that's what women traditionally did! In my mind I thought that the way to succeed and be taken seriously was to avoid learning anything that was traditionally feminine and to have androgynous pursuits. I even thought that if I liked things guys did then they would like me more because I would be like one of their guy friends!

I was not intentionally "trying to be a man". I did wear women's clothes and make-up, most of the time I had long hair, and I chose a career field that is now predominated by women. I just had a negative attitude about "feminine pursuits" and thought people would use them against me somehow. What the article explains is that being more feminine is about changing my attitude about femininity and letting my innate feminine qualities show, instead of repressing them out of fear they will harm me or make me appear weak in front of others. We all act differently depending on the situation and that does not mean we are being fake. We just let some things show more or less depending on the company we are with but they are all aspects of the real you. For example we act differently with our parents, friends, boyfriends, employers, and when no one is watching.

The second article I read was Why Be Feminine? This article lists some benefits of being more feminine. Please also read Develop Poise for Beauty and Grace at Elegant Woman.org to learn about the history of poise. Although there are benefits that does not mean it's insincere manipulation to get some kind of reward. It's just a fact of life that your life may go better if you have certain characteristics (e.g., if you are not a Black women you don't have to worry about being stereotyped as angry and loud). Is it wrong to become more feminine because men prefer it? I don't think so. We learn and do so many things to be appealing to men (e.g., wearing make-up, dressing well, etc.) and as I said, this is letting your feminine side show instead of repressing it because men prefer that.

I think women like me thought men preferred someone who was more like them. I always remember learning in school that people get along with people who are similar to them, but apparently this is not the case with femininity. I believed that men thought girly things were stupid and ridiculous but they might not even realize they love it! (Side Note: Have you ever pretended to like sports, cars, or action films to get along with a guy? No need to pretend anymore!) This article really hit home for me and made me think about my aversion to cooking because it was "woman's work". Most men LOVE a woman who can cook so why not learn this skill to attract the man of your dreams? Women get plastic surgery, give their bodies away, give up their dreams, and have open relationships sometimes for men. If I can get the same results with cooking then I choose that because we all have to eat!

Here is the list of benefits:

1. You will be successful in your romantic relationship.
2. People are nicer to attractive people so you can get what you need or want (but not in a manipulative way).
3. Other people will want to protect you.
4. Femininity is rare nowadays so you will become more attractive than other women. (With the competition for good men this is so important!!!)
   
5. You will be expressing more of your true self.
6. You will understand and appreciate men more.

After reading these articles I am a peace with my decision to become an Elegant Black Woman (EBW). I'm letting my natural femininity show through and it's just lucky that people (especially men) like this!

Coming Soon!

I gave up blogging a few years ago but it feels really great that I have started again! I just had to find something I cared about and I care about how Black women are perceived. I will also be looking for Mr. Right in the near future and I have standards so I want to meet Mr. Right's standards too. So, these are some topics that I plan to write about and do YouTube videos about:

•  Areas where I need to improve in order to be a good Elegant Black Woman (EBW)
• The negative effect hip hop has had on the femininity of Black women and the behaviour of Black men;
• Creating a lady-like appearance on a budget;
• The Books "The Rules" and "He's Just Not That Into You" and how they helped me change my ideas about dating and what men want;
• Features about EBW celebrities 
• Why natural hair may be an important part of being an EBW;
• Why Black women need to exercise and cook healthier meals;
• What I think would change if all Black women became EBWs;
• Why I think Black women need to date interracially more often.

Is Trying to be Elegant Also Trying to be White?

Searching for websites about elegance, manners, and being a lady brought up some conflicting thoughts. For one, none of the websites I found were owned by Black women (maybe I just have to search better though). Furthermore, 95% of the elegant women posted on the blogs were White besides Michelle Obama! I tried to think of some elegant Black women and it was hard because I've never done that before, but I would put Michelle Obama, Iman, Zoe Saldana, Thandie Newton, Angela Bassett, Nia Long, and Saana Lathan on my list. The websites I visited tended to have black and white photos of actresses who died long ago like Audrey Hepburn (I have never even seen one of her movies), Grace Kelly, Eva Gabor and others that you can see in this article where there isn't a single Black actress.

Just look at this photo! When I look at it (just the photo not the real actress who I heard was very nice) I think snobby, upper-class woman, born into wealth, who never had to do anything for herself, who would never give a Black person the time of day unless they were serving her. Many of the photos on the websites had women dressed in 1920s, 30s, and 40s clothing or even Renaissance style paintings with no dark faces in sight. So if I go on this endeavor of becoming an Elegant Black Woman (EBW), then doesn't that mean I'm trying to be a White woman?

I took some time to think about it. I think that what would help me more is if I put up photos of elegant Black women so that I can remind myself and others that having manners, poise, grace, and elegance does not have to be linked to race. I will not entertain the notion that Black women must act badly in order to avoid being called White. Why would anyone choose and defend being rude, uncultured, obnoxious, loud, and un-feminine? I certainly will not. I think that women have these traits to varying degrees.

One positive thing that came out of reading websites made by White, Asian, and Indian women was that supressing our femininity and being lax with manners is not simply a "Black thing". Its something women of other ethnicities and countries are also concerned about! So, women losing their ladylike mannerisms is a problem for MANY women in industrialized countries where Feminism has been accepted and women work.

How Will I learn to Be an Elegant Black Woman?

I started my research into becoming an Elegant Black Woman (EBW) last night. I found a bunch of articles and websites that provided hours of reading. I'll post them below and later on move them to the sidebars for future reference. I learned a lot in a short period of time and of course some of it is review and I haven't finished everything, but I will. I'll be looking for more articles and blogs related to this topic. There are even YouTube videos that I'll make a post about.

I found it really interesting that I don't recall reading the word "submission" anywhere in these articles. They talked about being demure, not saying everything that comes to your mind, letting the man lead sometimes (e.g., letting him drive), letting men feel needed, complimenting him on being masculine, and listening to people, but no where did it talk about letting men rule your life. In fact, one article actually said the modern lady is INDEPENDENT and she does not let her man, parents, or in-laws rule her life. She is in control! I think the men who are demanding submission are just controlling and want to rule their women. Don't listen to them unless you want to be a doormat to a sexist person who does not think you are capable of making any good decisions.

Articles:
How to be Feminine
How to be Feminine 101
Tips on How to Be More Femine
How to Be Feminine (wonderhowto.com)
Self-Help for how to be More Feminine
How to be a Lady
A Guide to Elegance

How to be Classy:
How to be Classy
How to be Classy and Elegant Without Money
How to be Classy
How to be Classy
25 Ways to be Classy
What Does it Mean Being a "Classy Woman"
Let's Bring Back Some Class
How to Be Classy Without Being Rich

Websites:
http://www.elegantwoman.org/ This site has so much information!
http://www.thefemininewoman.com/
http://www.empoweredtraditionalist.com/
http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/
http://graceandpoise.wordpress.com/
http://theclassywoman.blogspot.com/
A to Z Guide to Manners and Etiquette

Good Manners:
How to Have Good Manners
What are Good Manners?
What are Good Manners? (Wisegeek)
Good Manners (kids health) yes it's for kids but it's still useful

Poise:
How to Develop Poise
Poise, Posture, and Performance
How to Improve Poise
How to Cultivate Poise
How to Improve your Poise and Posture
Self-Help Guide How to Develop Poise and Act with Grace and Style
Walking with Grace and Poise
poise: Have you Lose the Art of Natural Movement?

How to be Graceful:
How to Be Graceful
Advice and Resources on Being and Raising a Lady
How to be Graceful
How to be Graceful
How to be More Graceful
How to Look Graceful in Heels

How to be Girly:
How to Be a Girly Girl
How to be a Girly Girl
How to be Girly
How to be a Girly Girl
top 10 Ways to be Girly

It is Time for the New Elegant Black Woman

If you are a Black person in North America then you know that things are not as good as they could be. Many Black women are becoming educated and obtaining multiple degrees so that they can provide for themselves and their families. These are good women. Those women without much education education are trying their best to find happiness and fulfillment in their relationships and motherhood roles. These are good women too. But sometimes it seems that all the world can see are those women in the minority of black women who make us all look bad. You know who I'm talking about and I'm going to be a lady and not disparage them out here. I'm tired of the negative stereotypes about us!

For the past few years I have been an avid consumer of blogs, websites, and YouTube videos related to Black issues. You may have noticed that recently that YouTube has exploded with hatred against Black women! Black men who have somehow been wronged by us have gone on that site spreading hate propaganda against Black women which hurts their own mothers, sisters, and daughters! These men have taken it upon themselves to spread racism against their own women for the world to see! They post videos criticizing Black women so harshly that no one is willing to listen to them. They quote the Bible and rant that "Black women need to be submissive". Then there are the other Black men who say becoming educated and independent women hurts the Black community and that we need to lower our standards when selecting a mate. So our own men are saying that we are not good enough for them, no one wants us, and we are a lost cause (seriously, some of them are calling for a boycott of Black women...can you believe it?).

 Now the last straw came when an Ethiopian woman (Akat042001 on YouTube) decided to go on a racist rant against Black women. Her video is all over the web and garnered countless comments and response videos. Some Black gentlemen came to the defense of Black women and I love them for that. However, some Black men actually commended her racism and supported her future videos lambasting Black women! I have no idea why her YouTube account has not been deleted.

I did not start this blog to please those Black men who have rejected Black women because what would be the point of trying to please someone who doesn't want you. I definitely did not start this video because I think Akat042001 was right. I started this because I think that it's time that Black women change their image so that we able to achieve the things that we want and deserve. I am educated and I have good manners that I learned from my parents and school. Some women were not as fortunate and therefore, they do not know how to carry themselves as ladies and that seems to be the reason for the negative impression the world has of ALL Black women.

It seemed to me that something like loudness and attitude could be easily remedied by education on how to act differently instead of constant nagging and ridicule. So, instead of listening to the racists I decided to Google, etiquette, manners, elegance, and how to be a lady. I was pleasantly surprised by numerous interesting websites dedicated to these topics! I spent hours reading and learning. Yes, learning! I am not perfect either and I think we can all stand to 'up our game' because we have to compete with all other women for husbands of all ethnicities (we need to date out ladies).

If we want to attract good men (educated, employed, gentlemen) then we need to be sophisticated, elegant, ladies. If we learn how accept and exude our femininity the way we did before the Feminist movement, then we will become the desire of all men (and still have careers).  These things can be learned! Ladies, if we do these things then the reward will be the companionship of gentlemen who will adore us, protect us, marry us, and take care of their families. So follow me on this blog as I learn how to become more poised, elegant, and lady like and report back on how this has helped my dating life.