Tuesday, November 29, 2016

My Thoughts on the Election of Trump

I didn't write anything about the US election for many reasons. For one, during the week after the election I was feeling so down and I was in shock. I could not believe what was happening. I read so many things and the more I read the more scared I felt. I would feel okay for a while and then suddenly feel fear because I remembered something horrible he said or promised he would do! This is like a nightmare come true and I just can't believe it! I also didn't want to comment because I'm Canadian and sometimes I don't want to get into these things. I had so many things that I wanted to write and I didn't think I had the time or the drive to write it all. So I waited a while to collect my thoughts and figure out what to say.

I have to be honest. After seeing the exit poll results and who voted for whom...I'm actually feeling wary of White people. In previous posts I was feeling fine, and not really thinking much about racism at all! I knew things were not perfect but I thought that things were going in the right direction. But the majority of White people in the US voted for Trump, including White women! White women didn't even pick someone in their own image and chose someone who has no respect for women and actually assaulted some of them!? Black women voted for Hillary in droves, she wasn't even Black, but they knew she was better than Trump! You can see the exit poll results HERE. White voters were from all income brackets, not just those suffering or without jobs or something. Non-White people voted for Hillary even if they didn't like her.



You can not in your right mind trust and especially date one of these people. This sight is so scary to me because they could be anybody. I was never into the frat boy type and these guys are a nightmare! Packs of men just like this are terrorizing POC right now! I just see Nazis in this photo, I can't shake it. Where does this hatred come from?

I hear people going on about the hypocrisy of stereotyping all Trump voters as racists and misogynists because we don't like all Black folks or women to be stereotyped. But this is different! After hearing about Trump's plans to herd up Muslims and Latinos, endorsements from white supremacists, offering nothing to Black people, all the sexual assaults and misogyny, lack of experience, and all the other nonsense he was spewing--you still chose to elect this man??? If you voted for him then you are either racist, misogynist, highly unintelligent, or extremely selfish! You cared more about taxes or jobs than for the safety of fellow citizens! His whole campaign was about dividing everyone by race and you went along with it! The whole world is in shock and every international headline I saw was shocked and disappointed in this election (except India for some reason).

This brings me back to my point about feeling wary about White people. Some of you may have felt this way before the election anyway. I don't really feel this way about people I know, but in small, mostly-White areas of Canada maybe they could be like Trumpers. I mean the UK surprised everyone with Brexit too. White people today are more racist than I thought. All the hate crimes that have been committed after the election are horrifying! Is this really 2016? Hate crimes have happened in Canada too. Read a list of hate crimes HERE if you want to be sad.

Why is it that when a Black or Muslim person commits a crime then the media and everyone starts questioning their communities, upbringing, what their elders teach, who they associate with, their religion, music, their history, and even genetics? Why are these questions not asked when a White person commits a crime, especially all those mass shootings and hate crimes? What is it about the White community, White mothers, White males, and White religions that condone these things? What is it about White culture that convinces them that they are better and more human than everyone else, their needs must to be taken care of before everyone else's, and their lives are more important than everyone else's? What is it in their culture that makes so many so selfish and self-centered, unable to share, need to control and subjugate everyone, and never be satisfied with what they have? Is it schools, reading their history, S & M, videogames, sports, religions that show Jesus and God as White men, Santa Claus...what is it? White people have to be accountable for the Trumpers no matter who they voted for until they stop making Black folks accountable for everything any Black person does! They don't get to be "individuals" this time.

It's just so terrifying that these people were all around, maybe you wouldn't even be able to pick them out. In my opinion, if I were you, I wouldn't trust anyone who voted for that man. I don't care who they are or why they voted as they did. They can not be trusted because they are part of that culture I just alluded to that is based on white supremacy and the belief that their needs come before everyone else's, whether they realize they are racist or misogynist or not. You can't trust someone like that. I didn't say all White people, just the Trumpers. They made their choice and these are the consequences and I don't have to show compassion towards them. I choose to dismiss them and their toxicity.

I hope this was a wake up call to all the Black women who support Feminists. Feminism was created by White women for White women. They excluded Black women from feminism and were racist from the start, including Susan B. Anthony. They did not want any Black people to vote. White women are not your allies, they benefit from white supremacy because they are the daughters, sisters, and wives to the men in the so-called patriarchy. Let them fight their White men on their own while Black women fight our own battles. They don't do anything to help Black women or women of colour yet they expect all of us to fall in line in some sisterly solidarity! Black women fell in line for this election and they bailed! I can think of numerous times Black women have been attacked and White feminists were no where to be seen. It's because they want to see White women on top and don't want to share the pedestal with you! I remember hearing all those Black women bashers talk about White women being innocent victims during slavery because they were oppressed and helpless against the White man. Bull! They liked it because they didn't have to do the work, they benefited off the labor and wealth, and they were held up as better than dark skinned women. They were and are complicit in white supremacy! Feminism is not for you Black girl. Let them do all the feminist work, and if you benefit so be it, but you don't have to thank them for something they didn't want you to have in the first place.

This brings me to my final heavy thoughts about interracial dating. If I was living in the US I would feel very wary about dating White men, and darker skinned men would be a more attractive option for me. If I were you I would never date someone who is a Trump supporter. Just forget that lot because they are forever tainted. The thing that scares me to the core is that many men secretly adore Trump for his misogyny and racism but they kept their voting plans secret! I did not see the full extent of what was happening when I first discovered the Red Pill, PUA, and Men's rights movements years ago, but they have been secretly radicalizing White men into misogynist racists! On their forums they worship Trump as an alpha male because he is a rich White man with a model wife who is much younger and attractive than him. They like Eastern European women because they do not act like liberated American feminist women. They love that he only values women for their looks and gropes them without permission because that is what they endorse and want every man to do! He is their idol! Here are some articles discussing this: Article 1Article 2, Article 3, Article 4.

These forums instructed members to lie to everyone about liking Trump to avoid suspicion and then vote for him! Read about the hidden agenda HERE (MUST READ). No one realized that these men were being radicalized. There are so many of these forums on the Internet that any angry, sexually frustrated, feminist-hating White male could have been exposed to their teachings. It's because of this that you have to be so careful right now! The next White guy you meet could secretly frequent one of these sites, using pick up artist techniques just to get you in bed and throw you away. They may act nice but do subtle things like negging (giving you ambiguous insults so that you feel insecure and then try to please them to make them like you, e.g., "I don't usually like Black girls but you are the exception", or "I like your hair, is it real?"). Read up about these movements if you dare because it seems like Trump was way more appealing to White men than we could have ever imagined. If you hate Trump then make sure you don't associate with men who like him or act like him. Here are some tips for defending yourself from PUAs. In the past I thought PUAs were just awkward guys who wanted some help so that they could socialize better with women. But that innocence has been radicalized. Remember Elliot Roger? He was part of this manosphere and some applauded his mass shooting.

In all due seriousness, I am scared for all of you in the US. I heard a horror story about a Black girl at the gas station being accosted by a group of White men. One had a gun and said he would have killed her had there not been so many people around! Please be aware of your surroundings and now be wary of groups of White men. I am serious, they are acting out like crazy and I don't want any of you hurt. Please be careful! Fortunately you can buy pepper spray on Amazon here for less than $10, just get one that is safe especially if there will be children who can find it. Apparently, since Trump was elected POC have been buying up guns. This is so unbelievably sad. 😟

Related Articles:
My Problem with The White Feminist Reaction to the Presidential Election
Young Women Around the Globe React to Trump's Shock Win
White Women Helped Elect Donald Trump
Why Did College-Educated White Women Vote for Trump?
White women voted for Trump in 2016 because they still believe white men are their saviors
The quiet racism behind the white female Trump voter

Friday, November 11, 2016

10 Lessons Every Elegant Black Woman Must Know: Part 2


This post is a list of 10 lessons that any Black woman can learn in order to become an Elegant Black Woman! Each lesson is comprised of past blog posts that address the subject of each lesson. If you want to learn ideas about how to become more feminine and elegant, just read the posts under each heading. I am working on updating the images and links in these posts so some may not be fully edited. As I write new posts I will also add them to this page. I will make this a stand-alone page on my blog that you can access from the blog header as well (HERE is the page). Happy reading :)

Introduction: 

In this introduction you can see all of the conflicted feelings and thoughts I had about becoming an Elegant Black Woman (EBW). You may be experiencing the same conflicts and asking the same questions. I have thought a lot about this journey, why I was doing it, and whether it was a good idea or not. I have received a lot of praise that I appreciate, but also some criticism, and questioning. By looking at the amount of posts on making this change you can see that I have really thought about this and come up with arguments in support of my choice. At this point I am fine with my decision to be an EBW and reading these posts can help you to feel secure in you own decision. Many of these posts are controversial, they are based on opinions that can vary from person to person, and if you agree you may become angry so be warned! Just remember, we are all free to think and feel as we like and you are free to disagree too.

Why Become an Elegant Black Woman?
Is Trying to be Elegant Also Trying to be White?
The F-Word: Who Wants to be a Feminist?
The Feminist Police
The Feminist Law
Do People Really Know Why They Do Things?
Is Gender Socialization Wrong?
Life Choices and The Decision to Change
Are you really that great the way you are?
Becoming Kerry Gabrielle Michelle
The Great Self-Improvement Debate
Contradictions and Dangerous Messages
We Don't Live in Bubbles and Other People Influence Us
Social Comparisons are Torture for the Hopeless
Being a Fake vs. Being Your Best Self
Why do some Black Women Reject Self-Improvement?
Freeing Myself From African American Cultural Limitations
A Black Woman Who Will Not Pathologize Herself

Summary lessons:

These posts provide some quick advice about how to become more feminine and elegant and some basic definitions and instructions.

How Will I learn to Be an Elegant Black Woman?
Advice From Video Bloggers
How Can You Become an Elegant Black Woman?
What is Feminine?

1. How to dress

These posts describe ways that you can feminize your wardrobe without spending too much money. They provide many examples for feminine clothing and styles.

DIY and Inexpensive Ways to Feminize Your Wardrobe
Pin Up Girl Style for Black Women
Ways to Look Cute and Feminine
Why I Gave Up Wearing the Pants--Literally!
Showing too Much Cleavage
My Current Wardrobe
Dita von Tesse Burlesque Style
Clothing Men Prefer on Women
Thank Goodness for Lingerie!
What Kind of People Thrift Shop?

2. How to wear your makeup

Read these posts to learn how to wear your make-up in a natural and feminine way to enhance the feminine beauty you already have.

Cute Make-up and Hairstyles
Have Realistic Expectations for Yourself: Nobody is Perfect :)
We Can Look Just as Desirable as Anyone Else
My New Makeup Icon is Kelly Rowland
Is There a Black Standard of Beauty?

3. How to wear your hair

Should Black Women Wear Their Natural Hair?
Touching Black Women's Hair

4. How to smile

Smiling More Often Can Improve Your Life
The Risk of Smiling Too Much

5. How to speak

These posts are about how to speak in a feminine and respectful manner and also how to describe yourself to others so that you are respected and valued.

An Elegant Black Woman Speaks Well and Defies the Stereotypes
EBWs Must Change the Words they use to Define Themselves
Black Women Must Advertise Their Unique Feminine Features
Feminism, Egalitarianism, and Humanitarianism

6. How to sit, stand, and walk

Instantly Improve your Posture and Appearance

7. How to interact with others

These posts are about manners, how to speak in a positive manner, and how to relate to others in ways that will benefit you and minimize conflict.

Free Online Manners and Etiquette Tutorials!
New Etiquette and Instructional Videos
Assertiveness Training Will Save Black Women!!!
Are Controlling Black Men Responsible for the "Angry Black Woman" Stereotype?
An EBW does not "Keep it Real"
Victim Mentality may be Limiting Your Potential
Should Women Act Like Men to Get Ahead?
EBWs Need People Skills
Watch Out for First World Problems

8. How to spend your free time

Read these posts to learn about feminine hobbies and pass-times that will help you to feel more feminine and value traditionally feminine activities. These activities are actually useful.

Should an Elegant Black Woman be Able to Cook?
Learning the Art of Cooking
This EBW is Learning How to Sew
Feminine Dances I Want to Learn
Bellydance for Femininity, Weight Loss, and Fitness
Will Looking at Images of Fit Women Help Black Women to Lose Weight?

9. How to date

These posts are all about interacting with men, sex, dating, and getting married. These posts are probably controversial. 

Letting a Man be a Man
Why are Black Women Frustrated with Men?
Many Black Women are Too Submissive
Does Your Man's Money Matter?
Alpha and Beta Males and Females
Some Black Women Are Labeling Themselves "Handicapped"
A Pro Man Woman
Why Do I Care So Much About Attracting a Man?
Are Women in Competition?
Auditioning for the Role of Wife or Girlfriend
Volume Dating Versus Serial Dating
The Irresponsibility of Women Who Support Promiscuity
I Think Promiscuous Men are Gross Too
My Sex Life is None of Your Business!!! Or is it?
What Do Men Look for in Girlfriends & Wives?
Hypergamy and Black Women Marrying Up

10. How to be be virtuous

These posts are about expressing positive and feminine virtues, character traits, and personality traits. These things are the hardest to change because they will involve changing behavioural habits that you have had for a long time. Making these changes may require self-help or even psychotherapy in some cases. Changing your character is controversial because many will see this as changing who you are, which is much more of a commitment and more work than just changing the way you look. Keep in mind though that these traits are all positive and are suggested to make you happy and help you to get along with others. If you read the introduction above you will feel better about making these changes. These changes are key to being the most feminine woman you can be.

What Ever Happened to Character Building?
Does Your Success Say Something About Your Character?
10 Essential Habits of Positive People
Empathy, Kindness, Hostility, and Being Strong
Should an Elegant Black Woman be a Pleaser or a Giver?
Giving Only Because of Love
Why Many Black Women are Succeeding
Becoming an Elegant Black Woman is Very Ambitious!
Be a Survivor not a Victim
Self-Help Articles for Black Women
Is all this Venting Helpful?
Being Quiet does not Equal Being Weak
Being Soft is Pretty Sweet :)
Respectability Politics
Being Prejudiced and Hostile Hurts You The Most

Fun lessons and cultural studies:

These posts are fun and interesting and helped me to see the positives in traditional feminine roles and how femininity is expressed in other cultures. 

Lessons We Can Learn from Secretaries
Lessons We Can Learn From Beauty Queens
Lessons  we can Learn from Cheerleaders
Tribute to Black Beauty Queens
The Elegance of Claire Huxtable
Retro Femininity: Motown Singing Groups
Tribute to EBW Thandie Newton
Lessons We Can Learn From The Stepford Wives (2004)
Remember when Being Feminine and Girly was a Black Thing?

Japanese Kawaii Girls are Experts on Cuteness!
Lesson in Extreme Ultra Femininity
Indian and Middle Eastern Women are Experts on Eyeliner!
Elegant African Women
Lessons We can Learn From Brazilian Women
Lessons We Can Learn From Geisha
Imagine if Black Women Wore Sarees!!!

P.S. Some of you may be asking for a summary with updates of each lesson...they are coming :)

P.P.S: You may be wondering why I haven't written about the US election. Well I would be writing for days if I did and it has just been getting me too upset and distracted from my work. The more I read the more scared I become. I hope that everything will be okay but know that I think this is awful and horrible. I just can't believe it!

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Women’s Style Rules: 1950s Vs. Present

This is so funny! Buzzfeed posted the video below in order to ridicule 1950's style rules, but I agree with most (not all) of what the video says! Maybe its because I'm in my 30's, but none of the styles the models wore were appealing to me at all. It is what it is, but I thought the tips were actually pretty good! The models are not wearing outfits that would be acceptable at many jobs and schools (of course universities are more liberal). The 1950's woman was over the top but I think she would definitely get respect (you should read the YouTube comments).




Miss Vintage 2014: Dress Like A Lady To Be Treated Like A Lady: In this video I love her cardigans! It may be too costume-like to wear so much 50's style at once but individual pieces are great. I prefer the cuts of 1950's and 60's clothes, they seemed to emphasize your good parts and minimize your flaws plus the material was so sturdy compared to the flimsy fabrics today. Also, unlike in the video, I like my skirts around knee length and I like the pinup model look with pencil skirts.

Vintage Style - Outfit Tips for Beginners (If you go overboard then you could be ridiculed...but it has never happened to me. I also don't bother with pantyhose but I wear tights or leggings in the winter. I like red nails but I don't like the way red lipstick looks on me.)

In future posts when I make fashion suggestions they will be based on a "vintage feminine" style that is classic and mixable with modern items. I focus on style instead of fashion because fashion is trendy and changes from season to season.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

12 Things Every Elegant Black Woman Must Know

In upcoming blog posts I am going to review the things that I have learned about being an Elegant Black Woman (EBW) and how you can become an EBW too. This is what this blog was originally all about--my journey towards achieving my goal of becoming a high-quality woman, despite my upbringing or lineage, so that I can attract good, successful men of any race (you can read, It's Time for The New Elegant Black Woman, my original post that explains why I started this blog). I have learned so much over the years and I have changed so much. I am treated better than I was in the past so I think that this endeavor has been a success!

The last step I have to achieve is settling down and starting a family but I am hopeful that this is just around the corner. Education and starting a career interfered with my romantic opportunities unfortunately so I was not able to "have it all" while trying to become an educated career woman (sigh). But now is the time for me to date and find someone to settle down with, who is grown up enough to want the same thing.

In reviewing my old blog posts I think that I can summarize what I have learned into 10 lessons that every BW must learn in order to become an EBW (I narrowed things down from 12):
  1. How to dress
  2. How to wear your makeup
  3. How to wear your hair
  4. How to smile
  5. How to speak
  6. How to sit, stand, and walk
  7. How to interact with others
  8. How to spend your free time
  9. How to date
  10. How to be virtuous


***UPDATE November 11, 2016. Visit this PAGE to view the l0 lessons.***

Some might complain and ask why are all of the appearance lessons listed first? I did this because when you are trying to make changes in your life, it is better to start with small easy steps. That way you can start with some early successes that can boost your spirit and give you the momentum you need to complete more difficult tasks. It is much easier to change the way you look than it is to change the way you feel and the virtues you embody. You could shop for a day or two and totally change the way you look. People are also likely to treat you differently based on your feminine appearance so you can benefit from the positive treatment right away. First impressions matter, and we all know as BW that we are often stereotyped based on first impressions, just because we are Black. Also, when a change is new, the reasons for some things may be complicated or difficult to understand. Changing your look to appear more stereotypically feminine, so that people assume you are feminine, is not complicated to understand.

On the other hand, people may not notice your personality or behaviour change right away so you could feel disappointed by that. Lessons 11 and 12 will take much more time to learn and practice. People are accustomed to women changing the way they look, but they are less used to women totally changing how they act, speak, and respond to things. It is in this area where many modern women will object, often due to feminism (let's be real, they would object to the other lessons as well). Also, unfortunately many people associate being well mannered, soft, and virtuous with being White and some may actually oppose these changes for BW. They will exclaim "just be yourself and do what's natural". The problem is that being ourselves and being natural has not been helping many of us, and while feminine behaviour is rarely questioned in other women, it is both expected and discouraged for BW at the same time! When we don't act feminine we are compared to non-Black women and told we are inferior, but when we act feminine we are accused of being self-hating and trying to be something we are not! My choice is to be feminine and ignore that haters because being feminine leads to better treatment by people who matter in my life. 

Furthermore, what is natural? Most of us learn how to act by observing others starting with our parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, and eventually people in the media. A child will observe these people and will often act in the same way. But what if a Black girl's role models are all highly masculine acting, aggressive, angry, depressed, uneducated, or poorly mannered? Then that girl may act the same way! Due to this negative influence, many BW will have to re-learn how to be feminine and undo the unhelpful behaviours they learned in the past. Self-improvement and remedial learning is necessary for anyone who didn't get the best training when they were younger. There is nothing wrong with self-improvement and striving to improve your life because nobody is perfect!. By leaning these 12 lessons you will feel better about yourself and other people will feel better about you! Stay tuned :)

Friday, October 28, 2016

The Importance of Elegant Black Women Images

After I removed the images from my blog I started searching royalty-free stock images of elegant Black women (EBWs). The search was hard! There are some free stock-photo sites, many of the images were not good, and most were of White women. This is because the sites are probably White owned, the photographers are mostly White, and the models are mostly White. It is what it is (sigh). Photographers and models should be paid for their work and I don't want to take advantage of them. But while looking for images I felt so left out and kept asking myself 'why aren't there more images for us'?

It is so important that Black women and girls can see images of themselves that defy racial stereotypes so that they feel free to break those stereotypes. It really is mind control! We are not all blessed with imagination, and many of us don't question why we act a certain way, or if we could be different. Sometimes just the suggestion of a different path can inspire a flurry of ideas and possibilities for someone. This is especially important for BW because, due to our history, we have been bombarded with pessimism, criticism, and legalized restrictions on what we could and could not do. Showing non-stereotypical possibilities opens minds and could lead BW and girls to defy the stereotypes. Just think back to your childhood. Do you remember ever thinking that you could not be successful, beautiful, cherished, adored, or admired because you rarely saw BW portrayed with these qualities? Only seeing White women with these traits has an impact.

So what can we do to change this? We have to seek out positive representations and support them, including support with our dollars. Selling, publishing, and buying now is easier than ever! We can produce images to show the world how we want to be represented. There are already creative people making Black dolls with Afrocentric features and natural hair, there are now many BW on TV and in movies too. I have seen some people self-publishing books and selling them, including children's books. These items can be advertised on blogs and by using social media. They can be sold using online marketplaces like Amazon, Etsy, and many others.

Well, in the process of finding images I came across some avatar makers! Some of them are actually girls games (like paper dolls) but you dress up your "doll" online and then download the images! It was quite fun and I must have made 20 images lol! Now this may seem childish, but think about all of the logos, product covers, clothing, commercials, and art that have graphic images of non-Black people on them. These were created by adult graphic designers who make a living designing these things. I'm no graphic designer, but I think I can make some simple things to decorate my blog or post for other's use. I plan to use these avatar makers when I do posts about feminine clothing as well as using Polyvore (Polyvore allows you to create fashion collages and you can post the widget on your blog. The items in the widget will show the price and brand and link to where you can purchase the product. As far as I know it's legal). Simple things like making your own decorations, book covers, wall decorations, etc. can help you to surround yourself with EBW images rather than images of other women. I'm going to find out about some of these options and share them with you as I go along. There is no reason why BW need to beg big companies to make these things for us when we can make or find them ourselves and sell to others. What we make will probably be more affordable and more to our liking anyway.

P.S. I also learned something fantastic that may be useful to bloggers. You can now use many of the images from Getty Images for free on your blog if you use their posting widget to give credit and link to their site! So I will be able to post images of EBWs all over this blog and it will be legal! Also to see a large collection of EBW images be sure to visit my Tumblr site because it's amazing!





Avatar Makers (pretty fun!): The first thing you should do with any of the games is check if they have brown skin and the hair options you want because many don't have brown skin tones.Take a look at the FAQ pages because it may be possible to use the image you create commercially if you give credit to the artist.




Stock Photos:



DIY Fashion Collages: