Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Why Do Men Like Naughty Traditional Roles?

This is just me trying to understand gender roles and relationships again related to my 'Lessons we can Learn' series. I'm also thinking about Halloween lol! Well I believe that there are actually some really cute Western fashions. Like most highly feminine outfits, men fantasize about women wearing these items! They especially like it when women wear tight and short outfits and behave in a somewhat naughty manner. I'll link to some examples but these are not suitable for work...wow. The naughty cheerleader, school girl (sometimes gross), ballerina, stewardess, French maid, secretary, nurse, babysitter, waitress, teacher, librarian, or even princess (real or fictional, prom queen, beauty queen etc.) comes to mind, perhaps even Barbie. The only masculine type of fantasy role would be the female boss or police officer who dominates the man while wearing a short and tight outfit lol. What is it about these roles that men find so attractive? Is it the case that women in some of these roles are more desirable to men and therefore more likely to marry or be in relationships? Are they more likely to be sexually harassed?

Well let's look at some common factors.
Nurturing and caring: The fantasy maid, stewardess, babysitter, nurse, secretary, teacher, and waitress may be fantasies because they care for men's needs, usually know what men need without being asked, provide good things so the men don't have to do it themselves (e.g., cleaning, child care, health care, office work, information, or food), and often do so with a smile. Maybe they are looking for someone just like mom? Perhaps it's a classical conditioning thing and when they see women in these roles or costumes pleasant feelings and memories are triggered?
Subservient/Dominant yet feminine: I would say that in French maid, babysitter, stewardess, nurse, secretary, and waitress roles the women are subservient to men except perhaps the teacher (though they are often subservient to a male principal). I don't think that men are intimidated by these roles and they may think that these women have qualities that would make them good wives and mothers. In the past (and some in the present) the women would wear cute, feminine outfits that have now been replaced with androgynous ones either for equality or because they are more practical/comfortable for the women. It may also be because of sexual harassment because we have all probably seen a show/movie where a nurse, secretary etc. was pinched on the bottom and harassed. On the other hand, sometimes these roles can be dominant and some men like that fantasy. For instance the uptight boss, disciplinary teacher, strict babysitter, female cop, or no-nonsense nurse. These roles do have some authority.
Familiarity: Many men and women are used to seeing women in these roles so when they think of women they think of these occupations. As children/teenagers, men may have lived with maids, had babysitters, seen a nurse, and had many female teachers who they fantasized about. Men are used to seeing waitresses whenever they eat in public. In the past the female secretary may have been the only woman in a workplace. So when men think of their dream woman she may take on one of these familiar roles. In some cases (e.g., restaurants) women are hired for their looks and the better looking hostesses and waitresses get better tips. Due to socialization and life experiences I think most men don't fantasize about naughty accountants, mechanics (perhaps), gym teachers, or engineers (I'm not saying don't go into those professions just because men don't fantasize about them).
Trophy wife/girlfriend: I think that princesses, beauty queens/prom queens, ballerinas, and Barbies are desirable because they are seen as beautiful trophies. Physically they are highly beautiful and feminine and appear to be ideal women. These are highly sought after and sometimes public figures that men want to possess and show off to others. A real princess is a member of royalty and therefore different from other women. Beauty queens and prom queens are the winners of beauty, talent, and popularity contests. Ballerinas perform on stage and work hard for lead roles. Women who look like Barbies appear to conform to a rare and unattainable beauty ideal. There are many women who dye their hair blonds and quite a few who have had surgery or dress/wear makeup to look like Barbie. Actually when you think about it, a man who has a woman who cooks and cleans for him would probably brag about that too!
Feminine outfits: I think that men like women in short, tight, feminine uniforms and women know it. That is why on Halloween you will often see women dressed as school girls, nurses, maids etc. These are also costumes that women sometimes wear for their men in the bedroom when they may do something totally different for work. It's interesting that in Japan women dress up as maids and there are maid restaurants where women in the frilly costumes serve customers.

I think that this list says a few things that many of us already know about men. They like women who are nurturing and caring, subservient in most cases, beautiful, and dressed well in a feminine manner. They also look for women like those they are familiar with such as Mom, past crushes, and fantasy figures. Well personally I love French maid uniforms but I would be uncomfortable wearing one to work with strangers. For many of the old uniforms it probably wasn't practical or comfortable wearing a short skirt and having to bend over all the time. I still think they are cute costumes sometimes. But as usual, many of the costumes are too sexy and revealing instead of cute and sweet like the traditional costumes.

I'm not endorsing going into any of the professions mentioned just to be attractive to men. So instead of taking on the roles maybe we should nurture some of their traits in ourselves. We can try to be more caring and nurturing by being supportive and doing nice things. Occasionally get over your fear of ever cleaning or serving anyone (you don't have to do it all the time). Dress up when you go out with your man so he will show you off. Wear things that he finds attractive that are also comfortable and appropriate. Play around with being submissive or dominant and find a balance that works (that's all I'm going to say about that and I don't mean that freaky, kinky stuff).

Lastly, before getting up in arms about having to do anything to "please a man" or be a man's fantasy think about your fantasy man. Do you have things you want him to do to please you (e.g., surprise you with thoughtful gifts and romantic gestures)? Are you attracted to men in certain roles or uniforms (e.g., three piece suit...swoon)? Are you attracted only to men who treat you or make you feel a certain way (like a beautiful treasure)? Is there a certain type of man you would brag about and show off to your friends (a good looking prestigious man)? If so, then you have fantasies that men have to live up to as well. BUT personally I'm not interested in a man who expects me to obey him like he's my boss or father...I would resent that too much to tolerate it. We have to treat each other like adults with equally valid goals, thoughts, and opinions. A little fantasy and role play is fine but it's just play.

Related Articles:
Causes of sexual harassment (so basically women can be harassed in traditional and non-traditional roles but in the non-traditional roles they may earn more)
Men want women to be more traditional and women are happy to be the housewife (interesting, just stating what people want and think, time to face reality)
Men prefer subordinate women for long term relationships (oh...)

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