Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Will Never Be Ashamed of My Personal Goals

Sometimes you have have to laugh at how much you underestimate yourself. I was looking at and then I read another good article on Pick the Brain about How to Create Your Self-Improvement Plan. It just made me laugh because 43Things is a site where over 3 million people set goals to either improve themselves, experience something (that they feel will make them happy thus improving their life), or learn something (that again will make them happy in some way improving their lives). People vary in what they set as goals but the point is that they have things they want to achieve and they are not just sitting back and waiting for life to happen! They decide on the type of person and the type of experiences they want and take steps to achieve their goals. This is NORMAL. People who have no goals or just let life happen to them are, in my opinion, abnormal or so burdened or preoccupied that they don't have the option of making personal goals. I'm highly doubtful though that those people don't have dreams and aspirations they would attempt if they had the chance.

Just take a look at the site and look at all the various goals people want to achieve. They range from 'visiting New Zealand' and 'learning to draw Manga' to 'earning $100,000 a year' and 'completing a triathlon'. Some goals are trivial like 'learning to make tamales', some are admirable like 'appreciate my parents', and others are really high aspirations like 'save a life'. So when people look at my goal to be more feminine, have excellent manners (better than average), carry myself like a lady, get married to a prestigious man, have children etc. I just have to laugh because not only do other people share these goals, but they are not as trivial or strange and many I've seen! Plus, I don't think those with trivial goals are bad people, ignorant, self-hating, vapid etc. because they usually have some substantial goals along with the trivial ones and they may have already achieved more meaningful things. People having different goals, interests, likes, dislikes, and opinions is what makes the world interesting!

The blog and becoming an EBW is a hobby that could actually benefit my social interactions and improve my appearance but I have other goals and interests. This is no different from someone who wants to lose weight, fix their teeth, learn another language, grow their hair long, get a tattoo etc. which are all unnecessary things but the individual believes they will bring some benefit. These people could listen to the advice "you are good just the way you are", "you are trying to be something you aren't", "your willingness to change shows you hate yourself and think you are inferior" but most people don't have such attitudes about self-improvement, trying new things, or making personal changes. Who cares if it isn't hurting anyone? Unless that person has a lot of power over others and their personal goals somehow hurt those people, or they are actually harming the individual (in that case they will probably stop without you lol), an individuals interests shouldn't bother anyone.

It makes me wonder about those who are so opposed...have they never tried to change themselves in any way? Don't they have any goals? Why is my hobby and interest so offensive to you compared to others? I think the problem is that such critics are not putting things in perspective and they are exaggerating the importance of goals like mine. It's as though they imagine every woman will suddenly do what I'm doing, they will be forced to conform, and then the world will end because it's just so horrible! Some goals are serious and could harm the individual and the public, but my goals are not like that at all! I know this because no one in my real life has a problem with it and no one has complained (I get compliments actually). You see, I like certain things a certain way and it would be great if more people would do things that way. But doesn't everyone feel that way about some things? For example, many people say they wish others were nicer, more responsible, more hardworking, more appreciative, less racist, less lazy, took better care of themselves, less serious, more involved etc because they believe that would make life better for them and others. I don't need EVERYONE to be the same either and there is no way I could enforce that anyway so why worry about it?

My point is that people should relax and not get worked up over other people's goals, interests, self-improvement goals, and desires for people to be a certain way unless these goals are actually harmful to the individual and society. Wishing that more women wore 50s (or any style) style dresses because they are pretty is not harmful but wishing and promoting the sexual assault of women who dress differently is harmful. Wishing and advocating that people show better manners is not harmful but advocating that women or children be beaten for not doing so is harmful. Saying you admire someone for reasons A, B, and C is not harmful and there is something wrong if one can never see the good in others, or see some people as all good or all bad. Relax and keep things in perspective. Maybe you need to focus more on making and achieving your own goals rather than focusing on the interests of others. I will never justify my blog or my interests to anyone ever again.

Well for everything someone likes there will be someone who absolutely hates it. These articles actually make me laugh but some people hate vintage fashion as much as I hate modern fashion lol!
Why I hate vintage clothing fashion
5 lies women who wear vintage dresses tell (lol bitter much?)


  1. Sorry I accidentally deleted a comment from jtbrown that said:

    "I have similar goals as you do. I'm 33 and sometimes I feel that I'm too old to try to become ladylike or correct my manners but I'm still willing to try. I don't really get involved with the goals of others and I would never criticize anyone for their personal goals. I feel that when people criticize someone for trying to change, it only reflects a personal issue they have with themselves."

  2. Thanks for your comment jtbrown :) I don't think anyone it too old to try to be a better person (in their own eyes or even the eyes of others). I have always thought that it was admirable.

    In my real life like I said no one has issues with my clothing style or manners. Given all the goals I hear about our goals are not something anyone should have a problem with but the occasional annoying troll does. That's really strange given all the fashion blogs out there including many vintage blogs where the clothing is very feminine. I won't justify myself to them or anyone else anymore.

  3. I was trying to leave a comment since yesterday but it kept telling me I have to subscribe to post one, so here is my last attempt:
    I think it's great to have goals no matter how trivial they may seem. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be more feminine. I spent most of my twenties trying to figure who I was and what I wanted.
    I thought I wanted to be strong and independent, a goal which I achieved while in my 20s. Then I realised that I wasn't happy so by the time I got to 30 I was so confused. But you know what, I realised that I wanted to be happy. It was my goal in life to be happy. Along the way, I eventually figured out what made me happy so I surrounded myself with the things that made me happy.
    Stay positive and surround your self with positive people and positive things that make you feel happy. It's a shame that you had to enable comment moderation because of the trolls but it's for the best. This is your blog and I think that what you're doing is great. I'm so glad that you're sharing it with us. Haters will always hate no matter what.
    It's funny though because some of the same people who made fun of me when I started dressing more feminine are now copying me lol. I don't make fun of them though because I realised that they have very low self esteem to begin with, I just compliment them but in my mind I'm thinking; now who's laughing now! lol

  4. Thanks Maria,

    I too off the moderation but I will have to put it back on sometimes if trolls come back.

    You're right, all I have to do is let the good things happen because of my self-improvements and then the haters will see the results. Plus I think they are just in denial that feminine women have things easier in some ways. Some people just want to go against the grain and like to be a thorn in everyone's side.