So in a way I actually do like competitive men because educated men with good jobs first beat the competition by getting into university, beat them again by staying in their programs, won again by graduating with a degree and letters after their name, and finally won again by obtaining the great job! Those men are the winners to me and more attractive than men who are physically dominant because the prestigious men (as the article explained) can also be very nice, nurturing, and sweet. I don't mind if they are a bit nerdy or geeky either because I'm a bit nerdy and geeky too :)
So this preference of course comes from my valuing of higher education, middle class attainment and values, and no doubt because of all the romantic movies and television shows I have consumed over the years. I do watch many action, horror, and thriller films with cops and heroes but, although they may appear attractive, I could never imagine myself in a relationship with one of them. I also think my preference stems from my years of experience knowing guys with this look (well not as good looking of course) and demeanor in school because at advanced levels the macho, jerky guys disappear. I have just found when I meet the physically dominant guys they are disrespectful when they approach me, sometimes rude, and sometimes very critical when I have barely had any interaction with them. Of course maybe I am just cold to those guys...that's definitely a factor.
When I was younger the relationships I had with the physically dominant guys ended because of EXTREME disrespect, lies, and their putting in no effort to have a relationship. On the other hand relationships with the prestigious guys ended because of a difference in opinion, inconvenience, personality differences etc. but there was always a wish that we could have worked out, unlike with the "bad guys" who I hoped dropped off the face of the earth. Anyways, there are lots of guys who fit my preferences out there and I only need things to work out with one of them, so I don't feel the need to date every guy who comes along. A funny thing I learned recently is that location definitely matters! In some parts of my city there will be tons of jerky guys who I would rarely be interested but other areas are filled with adorable betas left and right! I will definitely be frequenting the latter area. Yeah I think I like hipsters....sigh....but NOT skinny jeans, never skinny jeans...
Related Articles:
Study finds female choice key to evolutionary shift to modern family
10 reasons to date a beta male (MUST READ)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt looking
irresistible in adorable glasses, tie,
and a cute sweater! I turn my
head when guys like this walk
by not jocks, guys with chains,
or guys with "swagger". Nice
guys with brains finish first with
me :)
JGL from 500 Days of Summer. I just want to
cuddle guys in sweater vests...soooo cute! Some
would call this beta male attire. Some guys say he's too
thin, not macho, a wuss etc. but this is my type definitely!
See, he doesn't sag his pants like an ex-con, doesn't
have a neck tattoo, and doesn't look like he wants
to fight someone for no good reason lol!
Hi Elegance,
ReplyDeleteI just want to give my two cents on this interesting post. I think that it's not that you were with dominant masculine men as much as simply with bad guys!
You say that you like competitive men but competitive men with a drive to be successful in a white collar job is typical alpha male quality. masculine alpha males wouldn't settle for a job in construction because they have the drive to be the best of the best.
And dominance and being masculine isn't about disrespect, lies, and showing muscle. Truly dominant and masculine men are mature and take responsibility for their actions and admit when they're wrong. :)
I think that you may be blending together masculine and just bad guys.
Macho is really about flexing muscles whereas masculine is really about being mature, taking responsibility, being ambitious, etc.
I just hope that you see the difference. Macho guys can come in bad forms but truly masculine men are hardworking, ambitious, and take responsibility for their actions. :)
Macho equals: bravura, physical strength, hairiness, flexing muscles, size
Masculinity equals: protective of women and children, taking responsibility, being ambitious, having the drive to rise, being confident and assertive, being responsible with money and personal affairs, being mature
Sorry if I went off a little bit here, I'm currently developing an e-book on this and am up to my ears in interviews and research, so I'm very passionate about this topic at the moment, and I didn't want such a misguided and misunderstood stereotype to be spread by someone as lovely and intelligent as yourself! ;)
Love,
Nina
In the research and studies that I've done, interviewing masculine men, they've been far more chivalrous and far more respectful of women and children than most other men because they feel that as masculine men, it's their role to care for and protect women. :) They don't even think about it, it's just their instinct.
ReplyDeleteHi Nina :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments :) Well the definitions of dominant and prestigious come from the article I linked and they associated dominant men with the negative qualities I mentioned. I'll read through my post again and see where I could have used "macho".
Yes I definitely don't like macho men. I think that the definition of a hyper-masculine man is debatable. For instance would a less masculine man be less aggressive or more aggressive? Would he be more sensitive or less sensitive? If we think of a highly masculine man as being a gentleman then yes, he would have all the positive qualities you mention. But isn't there a point after that where too much masculinity can actually create someone who goes overboard with certain things (e.g., protective to the point of being unnecessarily violent and controlling, and independent leader to the point where he will destroy his competitors etc)? I suppose it depends on if we view masculine traits on a continuum of 'low to high' or if we use a categorical method of saying "masculinity is A, B, C" and anything else is not masculinity. I was using the continuum.
I'll have to disagree about the competitive, white collar men being alpha males. Based on the article only 25% of men are alpha males. There are many quiet, nerdy, shy, but brilliant guys who meet every demand of academia and their jobs by basically doing their best and competing with standards (e.g., required grades, meeting deadlines etc.), not competing with others directly. No one would call them alpha males because of their behaviour but they are successful because of their intelligence and ability to meet their academic or occupational challenges. For instance, the guys I knew in school met the challenges and achieved but I don't think they have the traits of alpha males in business settings for example.
Yeah the guys I dated were dominant and used their physical intimidation and psychological pressure to manipulate me. The other guys I dated did not. This again is based only on the definition of dominance from the article.
Hi Nina,
ReplyDeleteFor example, this link shows the different traits (e.g., competitive) but also incorporates the continuum where men are 'more competitive' and women are 'less competitive'. So on the far side of the masculine traits the men who are the most competitive would be the most masculine yet so competitive it makes them terrible to work with. These men would compete over everything. A man who was reasonably competitive but not excessively so would be the most ideal...but not the most masculine.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletelol forgot the link
ReplyDeletehttp://mensightmagazine.com/Articles/Kimbrell/whatisaman.htm
Here are two articles about hypermasculinity that I'll add to the post later:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/01/110118161353.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypermasculinity
http://rabble.ca/blogs/bloggers/lefthook/2012/07/hypermasculinity-and-sexual-abuse-silent-lessons-penn-state
I've never heard of being highly masculine being described as a good thing. I learned that it was taking masculinity to an often destructive extreme. Being too feminine can actually lead to problems too (e.g., being too passive, too emotional, not caring for oneself etc.).
What an awesome post. I actually met JGL in person once and he's just as hot in person as he is on celluloid.
ReplyDeleteI'm also attracted to the guy "prototype" as you describe. I tend to gravitate towards nerdy, well-dressed, and career-driven guys. Of course this has fluctuated over time and I was once attracted to dare OI say---"thuggish guys" or "guys with swagger"
Now that I'm in my 30s and have grown up a little, I want a guy who is alot more like me. Perhaps if I don't lean towards the extreme opposites, I may get lucky. Thanks for posting this.
I think it's important to also note that Alpha women and Beta men don't make great relationships. I date prestigious men because they are not intimidated by intelligent women. They are not intimidated by a woman who works hard, ambitious, and passionate. I value partners who inspire me to do better and I've learned this about myself through dating Beta men and having those relationships fail.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I love the fact that you share my love of JGL. He's always tact, well-dressed, and incredibly focused on becoming a great actor
Hi E. Wilson,
ReplyDeleteYes that is true that there will be problems if the man is intimidated by the woman and wants to compete with her. Definitely the man has to be secure in himself. For me it's fine if I'm the better looking one, but there might be problems if one partner is WAY better looking than the other. Yes prestigious men are so smart sometimes they have no need to feel intimidated.
JGL dresses really well and his magazine photo shoots are amazing!