Tuesday, July 17, 2012

What's The Elephant in Your Room?

This is a very intriguing and important video that Shanda has made. She addresses the fact that sometimes there is something very wrong going on in our homes or relationships that some people, couples, and families choose to ignore. She proposes that we address these issues (in a ladylike manner) instead of letting them continue indefinitely. I think that this is a very important message.

HOWEVER, addressing an issue can only do so much. It is very difficult to change other people, especially adults, if they have power over you, or if the behaviour or situation you want them to change could actually harm them in some way. In these instances your addressing the issues may not change anything other than letting them know you are unhappy. All you can do is state what the problem is, what you want to happen, and what the consequence will be if what you want does not happen (often taught in assertiveness and conflict resolution courses [good article]).

Even if what you want does not happen at least you tried. After this lack of success then the next step falls on you...what are you going to do now that the situation has not changed? Are you going to put up with it, leave, find someone with more authority to help you, go on strike, yell, or try something different? You have to do something besides just blaming the other person/people and waiting for them to change. If you decide to live with the situation that is YOUR choice and there are others would would react differently depending on their personal circumstances, resources, and character. Because of this you are partially responsible for the situations that you allow to continue or live in. Maybe the best thing to do is try to change some of your other current circumstances, increase your resources, improve your character, try something different, or remove yourself from the situation.

I think that we often are the cause of the "Elephant in the room" because of our own negative, self-destructive, or socially suicidal behaviours! Many of us need to take a hard look in the mirror, recognize, and accept that in some areas of our lives we have made poor choices, hurt others, and hurt ourselves. Perhaps if we had not ignored our personal failings and flaws and instead had the courage to change or improve our circumstances then we would be much happier today instead of regretting our apathy, fear of change, and worries about social backlash.

I'll end this post with one of my favorite quotes:

Related Articles:
Conflict resolution from Mind Tools (Many people have no idea about conflict resolution and instead insist that one person, usually the man, makes the final decision...it doesn't have to be that way! Excellent website for self-improvement!!!)
Conflict resolution (Great!)
How and when to use I statements
I statements

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