Being Prejudiced and Hostile Hurts You The Most

Cross posted at Beyond Black & White

Let's see how this one goes over...

Here is a definition of prejudice from an online dictionary:

A (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge.  B : an instance of such judgment or opinion. C : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics. (emphasis added)

I think that some Black people can be very prejudiced. I thought that I would highlight the word hostility in that definition because I believe that this hostility is seriously harmful to Black people. I'll go out on a limb and state that people don't like hostile people. When someone acts or looks hostile that spells 'danger' to most people and they want to avoid hostile people. Here is a definition for hostile:

A : of or relating to an enemy <hostile fire>. B : marked by malevolence : having or showing unfriendly feelings <a hostile act>. C : openly opposed or resisting <a hostile critic> <hostile to new ideas>. D (1) : not hospitable <plants growing in a hostile environment> (2) : having an intimidating, antagonistic, or offensive nature <a hostile workplace>.

That doesn't sound good does it? You wouldn't want to be friends with someone who appears hostile. In fact you might not want to approach someone who even has a reputation for being hostile. This would not be the type of person you would want to strike up a conversation with, ask for directions, or hire for a job. No one likes hostile sales people or waiters. No one likes hostile teachers or bosses. No one likes to be around someone who is openly unfriendly, opposed, intimidating, antagonistic, or offensive. So, if this is the case then why in the world do some Black people act so hostile? Isn't it in their best interest to not appear hostile so that they can get along in society without being treated like a threatening enemy?

Now I know some people will immediately launch into the usual excuses. For example, "It dates back to slavery. Black people should be angry and hostile because of all the racist things that happened back then and even today". Or, "It's a defense mechanism because many of us live in hostile environments and this keeps others from bothering us". Or, "We aren't hostile, ever since slavery White people have thought of us as hostile and nothing we can do will change that". Or even, "What do you suggest, we should start shuckin' and jivin' so we don't upset the White folks"?  The most common one I hear is, "Well people are hostile to me so I'll be hostile right back. I won't let people walk all over me and do nothing". Well in the words of Dr. Phil, I have to ask, "How's that working for you?" (see I don't even like Dr. Phil but I still learned something from him).

I remember a time a few years ago when I was pretty hostile towards White people. I was reading a lot of African American history and I was really angry. I stopped listening to White music, stopped watching White shows, and I was always talking about racism and injustice. I was also being hostile towards White people and everyone I worked with and went to school with was White! So, what ended up happening? Well other students and coworkers developed stronger friendships. When I needed help with things I usually didn't ask because I feared I would be rejected. I didn't hear about important opportunities because I wasn't hanging out with the other students/coworkers. People thought I was aloof and didn't care. I was the angry Black woman always talking about racism, activism, how she didn't fit in, and how she was different. Surprised??? Fortunately I came to my senses and realized I was angry about things that had not happened to me personally and I was taking it out on people who had done nothing to harm me. I was being hostile to people who I needed and I was lonely because I saw the people around me as enemies instead of allies. Thank goodness I wasn't too horrible and this behavior did not harm my career! I think that things would have been much better though if I had had people looking out for me and if I had their support along the way. The hostility I had did nothing but keep me in a negative mood, keep me from making friends and having fun, and keep me from making important career connections. It was not beneficial to me AT ALL. It wasn't working for me so I stopped. I hope you can stop too.

The actual reason why I wrote this post is because the hostility I see in Black women towards non-Black women is really making us look bad! It comes off as jealousy, petty bitterness, or just meanness and unnecessary hostility. For example, a post was done about lessons we can learn from Elin Nordegren (Tiger Wood's ex). The post said she was a European beauty and made a point to show a beautiful Black woman as well. But one comment stood out to me. The gist of the comment was, "She's not all that, she just looks like a plain White woman" (it reminds me of this previous post). I just wonder why do some women/people feel the need to be negative and hostile like that. Why bother to say that at all? It just sounds like you feel obligated to bring the other person down. I've noticed this a lot and it bothers me. When someone says something positive about a non-Black person, some Black people just go out of their way to say something negative and dismissive.

Unfortunately, this inter-racial hostility is even applied intra-racially. For instance, people love to comment on how bad it is to be dark-skin shamed or fat-shamed but being prejudiced and hostile towards light-skinned and skinny women is condoned. One of the excuses is that light-skinned women get White privilege because their skin color is closer to White. The hostility I see towards light-skinned women is just horrible! The same thing goes for skinny women, they are ridiculed for having a body shape that is attractive according to Eurocentric standards (or Hollywood standards). Don't even get me started with the strange phenomenon of Black people complaining that every highly attractive Black woman has "White features" and doesn't represent "real Black beauty", so Black people should reject her (e.g., Beyonce). It's as though because light-skinned, allegedly Eurocentric looking, and skinny women are lauded in the mainstream media and by White people then it's the duty of Black people to be hostile towards them to even things out! In my opinion, the hostility doesn't even things out at all, it just makes the hostile people look even worse because they are picking on people who are well liked. It totally backfires.

Let me put it this way, think back to childhood about the most beautiful and popular girl at school. Now was it better for your status to be a friend to that girl or her enemy? Was it beneficial to be mean to that girl or would it backfire when people came to her defense and rejected you for hurting their darling? No, it was always better to be in her friend, learn her methods for getting people to like her, and to be in her circle of the best people at school and benefit from the association. By just associating with or enhancing your similarities with the most popular, attractive, influential people you become that by association. By being hostile to those people you just make yourself look bad and ruin any chance that they will help you to achieve your desired status or goals. Black people do accept some non-Black people who they think are "down" and have earned their "Black card". Well they earned that by being open and accepting of Black people. How do you expect non-Black people to be open and accepting of you if you are so consistently hostile towards them?

So the point I am trying to make is that it's not in Black women's (or Black men's) benefit to be seen as hostile, difficult, angry, or mean. We won't be seen as the "nice girls" (or guys). We will seem like bullies that no one wants to support, help, or protect.  Instead, we should be open to learning from other people, regardless or race, if they have achieved what we desire. We might actually have common interests and that is the basis of many friendships. Instead of automatically acting hostile and rejecting non-Black people we have to be more open to learning and making useful relationships. These people can help you to improve your life (even by just observing them). Now this doesn't mean you have to put all of your trust into them, tell them all your secrets, worship them, let them mistreat you, or be their mammy! I'm not saying  let these women be mean to you and just grin and bear it so you don't end up on their bad side. I'm ONLY saying, don't be prejudiced and hostile to people just because they aren't Black. I'm also saying don't be prejudiced and hostile to Black or biracial people just because they don't look "as Black" as you think they should. Your life will probably take a turn for the better if you are more open to new experiences and new people!

Warning: Just as a Black person can end up being a bad influence, jealous, a backstabber, a frenemy, or someone who betrays your trust and hurts you, the same thing can happen with relationships with non-Black people. Relationships are relationships. Some people will like you and want to be your friend while others will not. There are some people you shouldn't try to be friends with so use your common sense and judgement about that. Black friends can get on your nerves, be insensitive, and hurt your feelings too. Just as you could have a long, positive, and life-changing relationship with at Black person, the same could happen with a non-Black person. Inter-racial friendships/acquaintances may be no better or worse than inter-racial friendships/relationships, just try to get as many of them as you need, want, or can handle. Considering that this blog is supportive of interracial romantic relationships, if you date interracially you will obviously come in contact with non-Black people. If you are hostile and prejudiced towards them then your dating relationships might not last and you will never fit in with your partner's family and friends.

Is all this Venting Helpful?

This is another controversial sort of post. I think my tolerance for negativity and complaining is at an all-time low and I'm going to seriously work on reducing my negativity and complaining online and offline. If it's not helpful then why continue to do it? I just don't want to hear complaints about anything because it brings me down and after doing some research I understand why. Complaining to uninvolved people and venting apparently brings down your mood and isn't really helpful at all. I think this will all help me to be a more positive person and not a fake activist who constantly complains but doesn't work to change anything.

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This post was inspired by articles called 6 Ways to Release Resentment and Nobody Wants me so why even Bother? These posts made me wonder; 1) Is all this online venting about racism helpful to the individuals who do it? 2) Is venting about racism harmful to the ones who read it? 3) Does this venting actually contribute to the targets of this venting (i.e., White people) treating us even less like equals? It also makes me finally consider the statement many White people have uttered, 4) "There would be less racism if Black people didn't bring it up all the time".

I think I'm just going to state my opinion about each question and link to articles that support my point (if any exist). I think that AA culture and the civil rights movement is really one of the worlds most prominent examples of peaceful and determined activism. Participants of that movement like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton went on to continue fighting for civil rights by calling attention to racist incidents, making sure the incidents were highly publicized, trying to shame the perpetrators, and teaching a lesson about the history of racism against Black people (always referring back to slavery and Jim Crow) and how prevalent it is. Furthermore, ever since AA people have been allowed to publish they have written about racism and injustices including in academic settings. The purpose was to bring "awareness" to this racism and it's harmful effects with the hopes that the awareness will lead racists to stop what they are doing or lead the people in power to stop the racists. No one can deny that this has been helpful and has greatly improved the day to day lives of many AA people.

(1) But is the venting and the endless discussion or race, racism, and racist incidents online helpful in the same way? Question 1) Is all this online venting about racism helpful to the individuals who do it? It's probably helpful or else they wouldn't do it. I think that, understandably, a lot of Black people have resentment towards White people but they feel powerless to change things so they vent online. They get their frustrations out instead of letting them fester. That way they can get on with their lives, including interacting with White people, without taking their frustration out on actual people. It doesn't change their situation though so it is just a needed coping mechanism. Prior to the internet venting could only be done with friends and family and the rest of the world had no access to these heated conversations. The Internet allows people to vent to anonymously to strangers so that there are no consequences in their everyday lives and venting to friends and family isn't required. The article above actually encourages venting for this purpose (maybe not online). UPDATE: Based on the articles posted below there is no scientific benefit to venting and it actually prolongs anger! All this venting about racism online may be making the bloggers and readers angrier by prolonging and spreading those feelings!

(2) Today, due to the Internet people can overhear these discussions over, and over, and over again. 2) Is venting about racism harmful to the ones who read it? I think it probably is harmful if one reads this kind of writing frequently and over a long time period, similar to vicarious traumatization (see article below). It can be more harmful to people with low self-esteem or if the writing makes many generalizations (i.e., all Black people are victims and hated by everyone) - negative view of self, negative view of the world, or implies that the situation is hopeless and the situation will never change - negative view of future. Some of you may already know that negative views of oneself, their future, and the world are three thought patterns of people who are depressed. So basically, take a Black person with low self-esteem or under stress, have them read post after post of other BP venting about how hard it is and will ALWAYS be for ALL BP and how hated ALL BP are ALL OVER the world and I would not be surprised if a BP feels sad and hopeless afterwards. Reading similar posts daily, for an extended period of time could potentially make a person quite depressed. Based on the post above, that is exactly what happened to the letter writer.

My suggestion? RARELY ever read venting articles. Sometimes people find them helpful if they want to vent about the same issues (vicarious venting) but if you do not have the same issue then DON'T READ IT. Venting sessions never bring up the spirits of those who do not have the same gripe. They only suggest to them something they could be angry about (often ventors imply that others should be angry or else they are naive, part of the problem, not protecting themselves etc.). The venting is primarily meant to help the writer and sometimes the writer feels they are doing a public service by "informing others" of this major problem that everyone "needs to address and think about". But don't you have your own issues to deal with? Don't take on someone else's idiosyncratic worries. It is my belief that all the constant venting and reading about racism online can make BP more fearful and depressed about racism than they need to be. There is no reason why someone, who hasn't personally experienced a single racist incident in years, is constantly worried about racism, and can cite 100 racist incidents that happened to other people that year.

As I have already mentioned, some ventors may feel that they are doing their duty to warn other people so that they can somehow protect themselves from racist people. I don't know but is there a way to protect yourself from racist people?  I mean besides avoiding places where people act extremely and violently racist, you can't escape systematic racism, most often you can't tell who is racist until they do something (unless you decide to avoid all White people and their impact to be safe and I don't even think that's possible), and I think most racist incidents are unexpected. So I don't think the warnings could be helpful at all. Some may state that their venting is a "call for action" but most of the time it's for a boycott of some White person who said something unwise (e.g., John Mayer, that guy from Seinfeld etc.) and in some cases getting social disapproval is warranted to maybe stop people from making similar public statements. But if that person is racist, they will still be racist even after the boycott. It doesn't fight or stop racism, it just discourages people from saying racist things...a small victory that spares us from their negative statements.
(3) Does this venting actually contribute to the targets of this venting (i.e., White people) treating us even less like equals? Sometimes it does but sometimes it doesn't. I can accept the possibility that reading this information online can alert some WP about things that irritate BP so they may decide to stop saying and doing those things. BUT the only people willing to do that are those who actually care about getting along with BP and don't want to harm BP for whatever reason, in other words, the ventors are preaching to the converted.  These people will actually tip toe around BP so that they do not offend them, they will stand up and try to protect BP, and they will reprimand other WP for racist behaviour. Some BP will call them allies but others will say they are patronizing by treating BP like powerless people who cannot protect themselves and are easily hurt. If BP keep saying they are powerless and they are victims them WP will treat them as such. This is not treating someone like an equal therefore WP are basically damned if they do and damned if they don't when it comes to trying to help BP. Seriously, read a racism post and see how sympathetic WP are treated, it's amazing how many insults are hurled at them.

A racist person wouldn't care and would revel in the ventors suffering (e.g., trolls will pick on the ventor). They just see the venting as more reason to dislike BP. Then there are those WP who are on the fence about BP. They are the ones who get annoyed because, in their opinion, BP overreact to their words and behaviour, are too sensitive, have things better than them in some ways, or have done something bad to them in the past that was excused or ignored by others. These people get tired of the constant complaining because they feel that they have equally valid complaints. They are the ones who complain about reverse racism and the need to White scholarships etc. These people say they are egalitarians and they want everyone to be treated the same. But they ignore any systematic racism and believe that everyone has the same chance to succeed. These people will only become more irritated when they read venting about racism.   So, basically venting and complaining about racism online only raises positive concern from WP who already want to get along with BP ( and makes them think we are powerless and fragile), and it just makes racists and those on the fence feel more resentment and those are the people who it would be most beneficial to change.

(4) Would "there would be less racism if Black people didn't bring it up all the time"? When it comes to systematic racism the answer is NO. That would continue happening even if people didn't notice or talk about it. It exists because most people don't notice it because they are part of the system and did not intend to be racist. Would individual WP act less racist if BP didn't talk about it all the time? Maybe. Racism is a touchy subject and it is definitely a negative topic. If you know anything about classical conditioning then you know that when something that arouses negative feelings (e.g., racism) is paired with a neutral stimulus (e.g., Black people), then the presence of the neutral stimulus (e.g., Black people) will eventually arouse negative feelings. This is what happens when crime, arguments, sexism, loudness, foul language, begging, complaining, rudeness, aggressiveness, entitlement, selfishness, self-centeredness, or any other negative trait becomes stereotypically associated with certain races. All of these things are negative so if you are constantly talking about these things then people may actually develop negative feeling towards you. They fear that when you come around they will have to deal with the unpleasantness of conversations about something unpleasant. They will want to tune you out or avoid you because you have become a source of unpleasantness for them. I brought up some of these issues in my post Are Black People Too Sensitive and I'm not Too Concerned About Racism Anymore in regards to have constantly complaining pushes people away.

This may result in WP not wanting to associate with BP, hire them, read about their concerns, date them or have much contact because BP are frequently talking about negative things, complaining, or getting offended. So WP will discriminate more. This is the same thing that people feel about activists (e.g., environmentalists, women's rights, victim's rights, poverty, animal abuse etc.) because they are always talking about fighting horrible things and raising awareness of these horrible things. There is only so much people can tolerate before they start seeking out people who are talking about more pleasant things. Some people can take it but many can not especially when they don't want to get involved. This is the reason why people advise against talking about controversial things or politics when you first meet someone, because these things can bring up unpleasant feelings. Have you ever changed the channel when those sponsor a child or Humane Society commercials come on? Have you avoided the news when you were feeling stressed? It's because these things are unpleasant. Yes they raise awareness about problems and are meant to help the problem but they also bring on negative feelings that people want to avoid. My concern is that BP are becoming like that to WP. Reading our blogs can be like watching World Vision commercials over and over and over again. That's not fun.

I also have to say that I believe 100%, without a doubt, that BP will perceive that there is less racism if they stop seeking out or reading about racism. Then they will only be able to judge it's prevalence based on their own experience so it will be much less. A week doesn't go by when I don't read or hear the n-word, mammy, or about BW being insulted on Black blogs I read that are written by BW! It is not from reading the blogs of racists but those of BW seeking to "raise awareness" about how racist other people are and how so and so doesn't like BW. The letter writer above basically states this has contributed to her not wanting to date anyone. I also read a lot of racist things from BM when I have to scroll through their BW bashing video titles. A lot of racism may very well exist if we don't talk about it, but you won't be hurt by racist statements you don't read/hear about 24/7/365. Hearing about something negative all the time may make you think that you are more at risk than you really are. Nothing racist has happened to me this year but for some reason I am exposed to information about racism almost every day by reading Black blogs! I should write less about it, at least I don't bother reporting on every racist incident that happens in the media. I'm going to write less a out it. I've had and done enough :)

So my final thoughts on this are:

•  Avoid reading venting posts as much as possible because they will bring down your mood.
• Vent when you must but not too often because it wears people out and paints you as a negative person they may want to avoid. There is also no proof that venting helps and it may actually prolong your negative feelings.
• Think about the effect of your complaining has on others because it may be pushing them away. Think about the negative effect it has on you (i.e., makes you into an angry and negative person).
• Don't expect that venting about racism does much to influence anyone who isn't already on your side. It doesn't really stop racism in most cases. 

Related Articles:

*The upside of anger (anger is not the same as venting)
*Does venting help or just make it worse? (venting is useful it it allows you to stop thinking about it and move on. I don't think that's what happens when people vent about racism because they keep writing about it over and over. Research doesn't seem to support the benefit of venting!)
*Antidotes to bad moods and negative emotions (focusing on things that bring on positive emotions is more helpful than venting. Kittens always defeat my negative emotions lol!)
*Better to simmer than to vent: "According to the lead author of the study, psychologist Brad Bushman, Ph.D., our society advocates the "catharsis theory," which says aggressive behavior is an effective way to reduce anger and aggressive feelings. There is virtually no scientific evidence to support the theory, he points out..."The catharsis theory is worse than useless," Bushman says. "A theory is useless if it doesn't work. It is worse than useless if it produces harmful effects. Expressing anger produces harmful effects -- it increases aggression." WOW!!!
*Is venting good for you?, "It actually feeds the already present negative emotions as opposed to releasing them. And worse yet, we will damage those that are subjected to our outbursts. Most people do not find it pleasant to listen to angry tirades and it can do all kinds of damage to children and adults as well."...For example, talking to a therapist about our issues both past and present with the goal of improving ourselves is much different than talking or complaining, over and over again about your boss, your spouse, the traffic or the weather. Much of our talking or thinking about life’s problems is actually complaining and self-pity and just an overall lack of acceptance of life as it is, which is why I do not think it’s accurate to refer to such problems as our problems. Much of what we think is our problem isn’t a problem at all. The problem is our inability to accept life on life’s terms."
*Venting anger: a good habit to break, "The value of venting is a myth. The theory on which the idea of venting anger is based has been repeatedly disproven since the 1950s...If the act of venting becomes repeated, it risks becoming a habit – a bad habit. It is, after all, “practicing how to behave aggressively,” says Bushman."
*Vicarious trauma, (MUST READ) "Vicarious trauma is the process of change that happens because you care about other people who have been hurt, and feel committed or responsible to help them. Over time this process can lead to changes in your psychological, physical, and spiritual well-being...It is what happens to you over time as you witness cruelty and loss and hear distressing stories, day after day, and year after year."

New Found Freedom

I haven't made a blog post in a while. I think it's because ever since I shed the burden of "uplifting the race" and decided that I should stay away from commenting on African American issues (because I'm Canadian with parents of Caribbean descent) I haven't been reading or commenting on blog posts the way I used to. Reading and commenting on controversial articles would stir up my emotions and ideas and prompt me to write a flurry of blog posts. The same thing happened when I read feminist articles and I've been staying away from them too.

So now when I read articles I just say to myself that it's American, those things haven't affected my life, and I have no reason to be angry any more than I do about bad things that happen all over the world (and there is no point in being angry all the time about every bad thing). Sometimes I start reading a post and it quickly occurs to me that the person is clearly showing a "victim mentality" or that they embrace the idea that "Black women are handicapped" due to their Blackness and this prevents me from becoming alarmed or feeling personally threatened by racism, poor dating prospects, or the idea that my life will be horrible just because I am Black. My life is going fine and I don't feel threatened so that's why I have shed the victim mentality and handicapped labels that I co-opted from African Americans from the books, blogs, shows, and movies I used to consume on a regular basis. I am Black but my experiences are very different from the one's I was consuming and I don't think it feels good or is really helpful for anyone to feel the way I did. Unfortunately I think it is actually encouraged and thought to be "normal" for Black people in the U.S. to think and feel that way.

I also think to myself that there is no point arguing with someone online about these things because the argument will not change anything anyway. As a result I haven't gotten upset about anything I have read this week and haven't gotten into any online arguments (although that has been rare lately anyway)! I feel so free now! I can read things and not let them put me into a bad mood and cause me to spend hours reading and writing about a topic instead of doing something that would be more beneficial to me.

So now I have more free time to work on self-improvement and I'm going to focus on reading more books and articles on topics that interest me. Right now I'm reading "Men are From Mars, and Women are From Venus" and I will do a review of the book once I am finished (so far it's really good). I am also going to get a library card and I will start reading on a regular basis. I have been spending too much time watching TV and movies on the internet and I want to be doing other things. I'm still on the job hunt and that has to take priority. I'm going to buy that Emily Post etiquette book as soon as possible. I'm going to exercise and just go out more around the city instead of staying home. I need to be more active too. Time to step away more often from the computer, become the best person I can be, and really get out there and live the best life I can!

Staying Away From Controversy and Online Activism

I think that being a positive person and surrounding oneself with positive things is very important for one's health and success. Being around negative things, living in a negative and hostile environment, and being around negative or draining people can bring you down and derail you from your personal goals and focus on the positive things in your life. In my offline life everything is going great and I am not surrounded by negativity...so why do I allow that in my online life? I know plenty of people who don't even read blogs or comment at all! 

As many people have noticed, the internet can bring out the worst in people and sometimes that is the case with me. Oh I have improved so much in terms of avoiding commentary by Black males about Black women and those Men's Rights videos criticizing women because those were so negative, hostile, misogynistic, vile, and full of foul language and they just made me so angry. I think that in the past few months I have only watched and made a negative comment on one such video (it was restrained and poised though). I don't feel the need to watch any more. I also avoid listening to many videos that contain foul language, I really have no tolerance for them and I feel no obligation to suffer through that vulgarity in order to hear a person's supposedly important message. 

But what I am realizing is that I have to be extremely vigilant about commenting on controversial African American (AA) women's issues on other blogs! One reason is because VERY often discussions of the negative experiences of AA women end up asking the reader to "do something", "fight something", "come up with solutions", and "solve the problem" and as you know I no longer feel the obligation to "lift up the race". I have no intentions at this time to do anything (other than signing a petition) to remedy any injustices and inequalities although I would be glad to see the improvements. Most people online probably feel the same way but won't say so and although everyone has opinions most are not activists. 

All I am willing to do at the moment is be a good person, possibly mentor someone offline, and lead by example.  This is a blog about improving myself and my feelings about being a Black woman and it is not an activism site. Someone may benefit from it as they would from a self-help book but I do not want to be involved with online activism. I tried that before and it ended badly. Furthermore, other than changing an individual person's behaviour and thinking I do not think that online discussions about Black issues change anything on a systematic level because it is all talk and no plans for action on a systematic level. There is no point getting angry at an individual's commentary when it really won't change things systematically anyway. It is just arguing with minimal benefit to anyone so it is exposing myself to negative issues and commentary that has a negative effect on me for no good reason.

One may argue that exposing myself to these issues will raise my "awareness" of what is going on for Black women and staying away from these messages will result in me being unaware, out of touch, and uncaring perhaps like Marie Antoinette. Well since I am Canadian I think I should focus more on issues where I live (that I have mostly been ignoring because I found it boring) instead of African American issues (that tend to appear more extreme or in the case of televised news, more entertaining). I will have to remember that I am a passive observer of all American content, not to take it personally, and not to co-opt the anger of someone else because I have no reason to be angry in my life. Yes of course there are injustices and inequalities but right now I don't see the benefit of making myself upset about them out of some "race loyalty" while I should be focusing on my personal goals. 

Although racism of course does exist in Canada there are so many differences when compared to the U.S. For instance Black people are only about 1.3% of the population (I think) and the largest minority is Asian; most of our Black media images are from the U.S. and is extreme compared to my middle class life; most of us came from the Caribbean and there is little discussion of the impacts of slavery which comes up in every discussion of African American issues; it's way more accepted to befriend, date, and marry interracially so race issues don't have to be as salient; and just from my experience people are not as angry and focused on race. So I am willing to be out of touch when it comes to U.S. racial issues and don't see the point of being constantly outraged about what is happening where I don't live. Some may be offended by this but really, how concerned are you about what's happening in Canada if you don't live here? It's normal to be more concerned about where you actually live.

So I think that I'll keep focusing on self-improvement, becoming an EBW, starting my career, dating, and starting a family in the near future. I'll restrict how many controversial U.S. articles I read. When I do read I won't bother commenting on controversial American issues unless I agree with the author and won't bother saying anything if I disagree. I won't come to the rescue of anyone online as I would for someone I actually know. I'm going to restrict myself to being positive in all of my comments for a long time in order to foster the feminine trait of being pleasant and agreeable. Of course I can disagree but I won't go around saying I disagree or getting into arguments online. We have to remember that the internet is a new thing and people in the past did not spend hours reading controversial issues and arguing online! Instead they focused their time talking to people they actually know where there are consequences for their actions. If and when I decide to volunteer or support something it will be in my offline life and not limited to racial issues. I have no desire to be an activist at this time like many other people. This will benefit me greatly at this time and is a huge burden off my shoulders.