Prestigious Males are VERY Attractive to Me

This article at Hooking Up Smart explains my preferences in men EXACTLY! It was an excellent read. I prefer prestigious males over physically dominant ones and these men often appear like beta males! I wrote about this a bit in my previous post Alpha and Beta Males and Females. I don't need a guy to have physically dominant male characteristics (e.g., being the tallest, biggest, hairy, super-muscled, low voice etc.). I prefer prestigious males with beta male characteristics. To me a prestigious male is one who has achieved a high level of education compared to others (a minimum Bachelor's degree) and has a white collar job I admire or respect for it's benefit to society, safety, security, earning potential, independence, and prestige (e.g., engineer, professor, accountant, banker, dentist, architect, government worker, computer guy etc.) instead of macho men jobs that are often dangerous, taxing on the body, or insecure (e.g., athletes, police officers, artists, criminals of course, construction workers). I just know what I'm attracted to, which is different from some other women, and some men just can't understand it.

Basically I'm attracted to guys who look like Joseph Gordon-Levitt (in terms of style, demeanor, "nice guy vibe", okay physically too who am I kidding....) with a degree and a job at an office, where he earns a salary, and doesn't come home in pain or sweaty. A guy who keeps himself looking good, thin, and cute (somewhat metrosexual, nice hair, young looking with boyish charm, not very hairy lol). This is a guy who wouldn't mind taking care of the kids sometimes, or showing affection for me in private and public, and would actually get married. I'm not into the most "macho men". I am into the high achievers who lead other men based on their intelligence, prestige, and personal achievements not due to the fear they instill in others due to physical dominance. If a guy says he has a graduate degree and wears a tie to work that is WAY more attractive to me than if he's strong, the best at a sport, or if other men think he's cool. Swagger is not attractive to me!

So in a way I actually do like competitive men because educated men with good jobs first beat the competition by getting into university, beat them again by staying in their programs, won again by graduating with a degree and letters after their name, and finally won again by obtaining the great job! Those men are the winners to me and more attractive than men who are physically dominant because the prestigious men (as the article explained) can also be very nice, nurturing, and sweet. I don't mind if they are a bit nerdy or geeky either because I'm a bit nerdy and geeky too :)

So this preference of course comes from my valuing of higher education, middle class attainment and values, and no doubt because of all the romantic movies and television shows I have consumed over the years. I do watch many action, horror, and thriller films with cops and heroes but, although they may appear attractive, I could never imagine myself in a relationship with one of them. I also think my preference stems from my years of experience knowing guys with this look (well not as good looking of course) and demeanor in school because at advanced levels the macho, jerky guys disappear. I have just found when I meet the physically dominant guys they are disrespectful when they approach me, sometimes rude, and sometimes very critical when I have barely had any interaction with them. Of course maybe I am just cold to those guys...that's definitely a factor.

When I was younger the relationships I had with the physically dominant guys ended because of EXTREME disrespect, lies, and their putting in no effort to have a relationship. On the other hand relationships with the prestigious guys ended because of a difference in opinion, inconvenience, personality differences etc. but there was always a wish that we could have worked out, unlike with the "bad guys" who I hoped dropped off the face of the earth. Anyways, there are lots of guys who fit my preferences out there and I only need things to work out with one of them, so I don't feel the need to date every guy who comes along. A funny thing I learned recently is that location definitely matters! In some parts of my city there will be tons of jerky guys who I would rarely be interested but other areas are filled with adorable betas left and right! I will definitely be frequenting the latter area. Yeah I think I like hipsters....sigh....but NOT skinny jeans, never skinny jeans...

Related Articles:
Study finds female choice key to evolutionary shift to modern family
10 reasons to date a beta male (MUST READ)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt looking 
irresistible in adorable glasses, tie, 
and a cute sweater! I turn my
head when guys like this walk
by not jocks, guys with chains,
or guys with "swagger". Nice
guys with brains finish first with
me :)

JGL from 500 Days of Summer. I just want to 
cuddle guys in sweater vests...soooo cute! Some
 would call  this beta male attire. Some guys say he's too
 thin, not macho, a wuss etc. but this is my type definitely! 
See, he doesn't sag his pants like an ex-con, doesn't
 have a neck tattoo, and doesn't look like he wants
to fight someone for no good reason lol!

Does Your Success Say Something About Your Character?

This poster is aimed at children who are just learning about character and good behaviour. They don't yet have experience with situations where being generous, loyal, patient, yielding etc. can lead to negative consequences. These are great personal qualities and everyone struggles with upholding them. These are all ways to be a "good person" who would make a good friend, coworker, or romantic partner.

Repeatedly online I have read comments from men stating women should ONLY consider a man's character when looking for a partner and not their education, job, or socioeconomic status (SES). I'm assuming by character they mean whether someone is kind, loving, nice, honest, "a good man", dependable, faithful, pleasant, supportive, fun, friendly, marriage-oriented and other good things that would him pleasant to be around. Some have gone so far as to suggest women should not care about a man's criminal background or past drug use because "everyone makes mistakes", we "shouldn't judge", and "life is hard" (but doesn't past involvement in crime indicate the man may be dishonest, uncaring, selfish, violent, undisciplined, and immoral?). These men insist that educational attainment should not be used as criteria when deciding to date a man and they love to say they are highly intelligent (with no proof), they know very intelligent uneducated people, and they know educated people who are complete morons with no common sense. They also insist that what a man is doing at the moment (even though he's over 30) should not be used as criteria because he may have some mysterious "potential" that will become activated if I love and support him!  

Some of these men seem to make the assumption that those who have struggled have better character than those who are successful and may not have strrugled at all! I do not understand where they would get such an idea. Since when does having constant stress, frequent problems, and being mistreated your whole life make you a happy, kind, responsible, and caring person? Wouldn't it be more likely that a man who grew up loved (knows what love is and how to show it), in a nurturing and supportive environment, with positive role models (who he emulates), would lead a happier life? Would he have a more positive and optimistic attitude, the means, and the ambition to seek out happiness and privileges that he can share with a family? If life wasn't easier with less stress, fewer problems, and better opportunities then why are people constantly striving for those things instead of the opposite? Of course people who are successful and privileged can be jerks and totally unpleasant to be around...but so can anyone of any level of education, success, or SES! At least they have their basic needs met and can provide that support when necessary!

I believe that your personal success can say a lot about your character and background. Based on what you have achieved in life people may make certain positive assumptions about you such as: you are hardworking, dedicated, intelligent, and ambitious because you achieved so much; you had a good upbringing, a privileged background, a good education, and experienced few difficulties growing up; you have good social skills and were able to network and gain support from influential people who helped you along the way; you have excellent stress management and coping skills; you were never involved in crime or drugs that would have led you astray and prevented you from achieving your goals; and you are probably good at making the right decisions and making better choices because you chose the path to success. Most people wish they grew up the same way.

Men who have been unsuccessful in life may be assumed (sometimes unfairly) to be of poor character or upbringing, for instance assuming: they grew up in a negative home and social environment, did not have their basic needs met, grew up disadvantaged, and did not have the opportunity to succeed; they may be poor decision makers because they chose crime over education and hard work; they may have attended a bad school, be less intelligent, chose not to strive for the best grades in school, or they were otherwise distracted or prevented from achieving in school; they may lack focus or they may have chosen an unrealistic route to success (e.g., becoming a basketball star or a rapper) instead of a white collar position requiring a university degree; they wanted fast money and to be extremely wealthy instead of middle class; they did not have the discipline to do well in school so they were not accepted to university; they spent too much time focused on chasing women or hanging out with friends instead of focusing on school or advancing at work; they may go from job to job starting at the bottom every time because they do not have specialized training.

People say that money doesn't buy happiness, but realistically, neither does love. Someone with money may be used, disrespected, stressed, and unloved but so can someone without money! A person with love can struggle to make ends meet, end up in a homeless shelter, be abused, and end up in a life of crime because they could not pay for necessities. The number one cause of divorce is finances (source 1, source 2; alternative view 1, view 2)! It is difficult to stay together as a couple of you can not afford to live together and raise a family. Financial problems can cause constant stress and arguments because basic needs are not being met so no one is satisfied. It's a lofty dream that one only needs love to survive but if we are honest, we know that is not true. Wealthy people do get divorced and they may be unhappy at times, but they don't end up homeless and they rarely need to commit crimes to make ends meet (when they do commit white collar crimes it's often because they were too greedy, made poor decisions, and didn't want to lose their high standard of living). 

No money does not buy love but it buys: food (especially healthy food), shelter in a safe neighbourhood (with a home security system), clothing (including suitable work attire), transportation (especially to work and school), books to expand one's mind and learn, internet (for education, entertainment, convenient shopping, and communication), telephones/cell phones (for socializing, work, communication), medical expenses, childcare, tutors, university tuition, vacations to relax and travel, unique experiences (e.g., unpaid internships, workshops, camps), investments to expand one's income, insurance, savings for the future or a rainy day, emergency money to help friends and family, and counselling for personal and family problems. Just looking at today's economy, stating that money is not important is ludicrous! Look at how losing a job has ruined people's lives because they lose their homes, cars, and sometimes their children just because they don't have the money to provide basic necessities!

I'll end with this point, I would rather date and marry a man with good character AND an education, a white collar job, and a medium SES than a man with good character, no secondary education, and a low-paying job. I think that the former would be better able to care for a family's basic needs and privileges and would be more pleasant to be around, especially because he would be more like me.  If you are like me then there are people out there who will automatically dislike you because of your privilege (but wish it for themselves) and call you every bad name in the book because you are not miserable and struggling. All you can do is go about your business and try to find happiness however you see fit. We can only date so many men and only marry one and who you choose is your business. It's one thing to be friendly, respect, care about, or be kind to a wide variety of people, but that doesn't mean you have to date anyone who asks! If you spend too much time dating men with problems you will miss out on the ones without those problems! In the end, if you make good choices then you will have plenty of proof that you were successful, happy, and loved and that is all that matters!

Becoming an Elegant Black Woman is Very Ambitious!

What does it mean to be ambitious?

1. Having or showing a strong desire and determination to succeed- his mother was hard-working and ambitious for her four children

 2. (of a plan or piece of work) Intended to satisfy high aspirations and therefore difficult to achieve- the scope of the book is very ambitious- an ambitious enterprise 

(Ambitiousness) Ambition is the desire for personal achievement. It provides the motivation and determination necessary to help give direction to life. Ambitious people seek to be the best at what they choose to do for attainment, power, or superiority. ...(source)

Everyone has certain ambitions and things they want to do in life. But not everyone is "ambitious". Some people are fine with their lot in life, accept things as they are, and feel that they deserve the life they currently have. Others are ambitious and strive for high personal achievement and to be the best they can be in all aspects of life. I have come to realize that I am very ambitious! This comes as somewhat of a surprise to me because I thought it was just normal to strive to be the best and most people would do so if they could (e.g., if they were not bogged down with so may problems or barriers). 

I think that wanting to become an EBW is very ambitious because as you can read in the header above, I want to improve myself so that I become a better woman of the highest quality, despite my upbringing or lineage, so that I can attract good, successful men of any race. An ambitious woman does not just "settle" for what comes her way or what people think she deserves. She works hard to achieve what she wants and to change her situation into one she desires. 

I think my ambitiousness was definitely due to my upbringing (thanks Mom and Dad). My parents always expected an A (80% or higher) on my school work and they enrolled me into a school program with high achieving students who had high GPAs when compared to other students. I worked hard because I valued education, I thought high grades were supposed to be everyone's goal, and I didn't want to be the one who didn't achieve that goal. I also believed it was the norm for people to go to university if they wanted a good life and I always thought that the only acceptable occupations for me would be a doctor, dentist, or lawyer (why not strive for the best right?). So I went to school and obtained my advanced degree. I wanted to be highly intelligent, knowledgeable, competent, professional and well respected in society.

In terms of my personal characteristics, I am ambitious because I strive to have good manners, good health, a healthy weight, an attractive body, an attractive face, beautiful hair, and an attractive wardrobe. I work to be achieve these things because they are desirable traits to me an others. I also want to achieve the relationship I want, with a man I am physically, emotionally, and mentally attracted to, who has the same attraction to me, who I get along with, has similar values, and is just as ambitious as I am. Then we can strive to achieve our "dream life" of a house, his and her cars, a picket fence (actually I prefer hedges), two kids, a dog (preferably a cat), vacations, security, and a happily ever after. Actually almost all of my self-improvement goals were for this purpose, to have this happy life of love, family, security (including financial), and happiness.

So in terms of my education and career I am on the right track and my work is paying off. However in terms of my dream life things were not going as planned. I wasn't happy with my appearance, I was single, and I was not attracting the men I wanted. So being the ambitious person that I am, I decided to do something about it!  We all know that most men like attractive women so I improved my attractiveness. I also learned that many men prefer feminine women so I learned about femininity (I'm still learning) and allowed myself to be more feminine. I sought out many ways to do so including: reading about feminine fashion, looking at clothing online, and buying a new wardrobe; reading about feminine traits, allowing myself to show them, and reducing my masculine traits; and reading about relationships, going out out on dates, and trying the new things I have learned. A lot of what I've read and heard about feminism doesn't fit with this behaviour so I had to stop blindly following feminist ideas and I have allowed myself to be critical and only accept what doesn't harm my interests. The funny thing is, being ambitious is often listed as a masculine trait! So there's some equality for you :)

Showing too many masculine traits, suppressing my femininity, and just going with the flow in my social life was not achieving my goals and I was not going to accept that. As an ambitious person I used my resources to change my odds so that I would be more likely to achieve my dream life goal. This is ambitious and goes against what many others believe. I do not believe great things will "just happen" if I am patient, hope, wish, or pray. I try to make things happen. I believe that people are constantly changing and that my personal habits are not "the real me" so I have no issues with changing some personal habits in order to achieve my goals. People change their make up and wardrobes constantly so I see no problem with changing my make-up and clothing to appear more feminine (it's not like I'm getting plastic surgery, degrading myself in trashy clothes, putting up with mistreatment, or sleeping around to win men so I am not harming myself). Also since many of us have masculine and feminine traits I see noting wrong with choosing at this point to express my femininity over my masculinity since I didn't really like the masculine side anyway. I feel happier being feminine and expressing those traits rather than feeling pressure to be strong, aggressive, and independent all the time. There are many women like myself who were unhappy with their lives and decided to change their circumstances. They want better and I have no doubt that many of the women we admire are ambitious. The only reason we know about them is because they were ambitious enough to stand out above the rest!

So are you ambitious enough to change your life, not care what others say, resist the pressure to settle for less, and strive to achieve you dream life?

Related Articles:
Ambition: Why some people are most likely to succeed (very informative!)