Wednesday, October 17, 2012

It's Really Hard to Know What Black Women Want

I was just thinking that it's really hard to know what some Black women want. This post was inspired by a post on Clutch called "The Age of the Fat A$$". We are all different and sometimes so different it almost makes you laugh. These are just some frustrating things I've noticed and maybe you have too.

There are very few shows with Black female characters on them and many of them are blatant, negative stereotypes. Yet whenever there is a BW character who is not a total embarrassment, disgrace, or stereotype there are tons of complaints about her, but only from BW (or some BM)! The complaints range from her skin is too light/too dark, she's not Black enough, she's not like me, her hair is fake, she isn't in a relationship, she's fat, she's dating interracially, she's unhappy, she isn't the star, she always gets hurt and blah, blah, blah! All BW are different and most of the media is run by White people so do you want to see a variety of BW in the media or not?

Now a lot of men and the media have elevated the beauty status of fuller behinds. This is to the point where women are wearing butt-enhancing clothing, butt-enlarging pills are being sold, and women are getting surgical enhancements. Instead of enjoying the fact that one standard of beauty has changed that actually elevates their beauty status some BW women are complaining! They are saying that they are being fetishized like Sarah Baartman and objectified! SMH, do you want more/all people to think you are beautiful and attractive or not?

Natural afro-textured hair has finally, FINALLY become acceptable in Western countries and there is finally enough information available about how to care for it. Yet it is some BW (and BM) who are saying natural hair is ugly, they would never been seen wearing it, or they would never date someone with natural hair. This is the same hair that is growing out of their heads and the same hair their children have. I have heard countless stories of how non-Black people are saying natural hair is attractive instead of Black people! SMH, do you want people to accept your hair however you wear it or not?

BW of the past fought HARD so that BW would be accepted as women/ladies that deserved to be respected, cherished, and protected like non-Black women. But today some BW are totally offended by the suggestion that they dress and act like ladies! They resent any idea that they should be compared to other women when past BW made that comparison and wanted to be treated like non-Black women! Instead you want to act like hard pack-mules who don't need special care when your ancestors hated that reality! BW in the past fought so that BW would not just be thought of as sexual objects yet you make yourselves into sexual objects by dressing, dancing, and speaking in a vulgar sexual manner and having casual sex all over the place! SMH do you want to be thought of as a lady and equal to all other women or not?

While some BW have lamented that non-Black men don't find them attractive others will loudly proclaim that they don't find non-Black men attractive whatsoever. Or when non-Black men approach them they are extra rude. If a non-Black man is dating or married to a BW then other BW say he just has a fetish! Some BW have no problem with men liking their chests or behinds that they flaunt in sexy clothes yet they are offended if men (only non-Black men) are attracted to their dark skin! How is being attracted to gorgeous, even, toasty brown skin a fetish while liking extra fat deposits on the chest and backside is not? If a non-Black man said the most attractive thing about you was your chest you would not feel offended yet if he loves your skin then he's sick? Do you want more/all men to like you and find you attractive or not?

This is just me venting but think about if these trends were to be reversed. If the media gave up and decided to exclude BW actors then there would be complaints for inclusion. If large behinds went out of style and women with Tracee Ellis Ross behinds were called "fat/unattractive" then there would be complaints about unfair Eurocentric beauty standards. If people started saying BW don't dress or act like other women because they aren't really women there would be OUTRAGE all over the place! If non-Black men went around saying they just aren't attracted to BW at all there would be OUTRAGE (remember John Mayer?). If non-Black men  started vocally stating dark skin is unattractive and they would never date a woman darker than a paper bag there would be more OUTRAGE (there already is when BM say such things). Personally, I think that all of these media and societal changes are good for BW and it's annoying when other BW try to spoil it for the rest of us!


  1. You are so on point with this. It's like you can't please black people no matter how hard you try. I am always happy to see a black woman on TV or in the movies playing a non stereotypical role.
    Yet people are still bitching and complaining. I just don't get it.

  2. Off topic: You must grab a copy the November issue of American Elle magazine. Wow great essays and articles and plenty of Black models on both advertisements and editorials. Plus a small feature with FLOTUS, Mara Brock Akil and Nicole Avant former ambassador to the Bahamas and married to one of the big wigs at NetFlicks.

  3. Okay just finished the essay and I agree. It trips me out how few Black women feel as if they are appealing to other groups of men. Men know when they see attractive and will respond in kind.

  4. A few other Black women doing it big , Isabel Wilkerson and historian Annette Gordon-Reed.

  5. Same thing happened with the Princess and the Frog and Scandal