Empathy, Kindness, Hostility, and Being Strong

I wonder about people sometimes. Actually I wonder about them all the time. Sometimes I wonder why in the world did I devote so much of my life, and choose a career that involves helping people, when sometimes I just hate people and wish they would fall off a cliff?

Then I think back to my values and the idea that taking and receiving throughout one's life and never giving back is selfish and it makes someone pretty much a parasite on the back of humanity. I think about my younger years when I thought that helping others was noble and that the ideal occupation is one where you help others to better their lives. I remember empathy, the Golden Rule, and the internalized value that I must treat others the way I would like to be treated:


The Golden Rule or ethic of reciprocity is a maxim, ethical code, or morality that essentially states either of the following:
(Positive form of Golden Rule): One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.
(Negative form of Golden Rule): One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated.

Empathy
1. the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person's feelings  
2. the attribution to an object, such as a work of art, of one's own emotional or intellectual feelings about it

In my opinion, I think about being empathetic a lot. I think about how the other person will react to what I am saying. I think about whether the person will feel disrespected. I don't assume that they are super strong or confident, and actually to be on the safe side I assume that they are not. That way I treat them more delicately than others might. This is because I concern myself with those who are more vulnerable since those who are strong can handle most things. 

What I wonder though is if there are enough people doing the same thing. I think there may be too many people, online especially, who are very "strong". By strong I mean hardened or cold by nature or perhaps due to being constantly treated without empathy. These people have always been able to take more than others or they developed a hard shell to protect them from the world's harshness. They are harder than most other people and expect others to be as strong as they are. If one can not handle the same levels of disrespect, criticism, abuse, neglect, insults, or ridicule then strong people may call you "weak, childish, useless, ignorant, immature" and other belittling comments. It's like someone who can easily lift 200 pounds ridiculing the average person who can not do so. The strong people do not realize that their level of tolerance is way higher than everyone else's and they should not be comparing themselves to most other people. 

How does this affect empathy? Well have you ever noticed that some people who grow up in nurturing and responsive environments tend to be more nurturing and responsive to others? Have you also noticed that those who grow up rough may treat other people roughly? They scoff when others are unable to tolerate the same living conditions and call those people "weak". I think these strong people need to check themselves and figure out if their capacity to empathize has been thrown off due to their unique nature or life experiences. What they believe is tolerable may actually be intolerable to the average person. When one's capacity to empathize is out of whack one can appear mean, cruel, disrespectful, insulting, hostile, aggressive, impatient, and really insensitive. 

These people do not consider that others can not tolerate what they can and instead insist that others simply tolerate more, sometimes instantly! They look down with supercilious disdain, contempt, and even disgust  for those of lower tolerance. They say, "get a tougher skin", "get some backbone", "toughen up", "you're too weak", "grow up" etc., sometimes with an implied kick while the person is already down. I wonder if they ever take a look in the mirror and wonder what happened to their empathy? How do they allow themselves to be so cruel and why do they take pleasure in that cruelty? Why are they unable to place themselves in someone else's shoes and say something kind and helpful? Do they ever take into account evidence that others are not as strong as they are by choosing to be less harsh? Or do they just insist that they are the ideal and there must be zero tolerance for anyone who is not as strong as they are? Are they completely unable to think of a time when they themselves were less strong and would have benefited from more kindness? 

It's kind of sad wondering what happened to these people to make them so hard and unable to be empathetic to those who are not as strong. Hardness and lack of empathy is especially unpleasant and unusual in women. I think that the way we treat those weaker than ourselves is an important indicator of one's good character and humanity. How you treat others says something about who you are on a deep level. I think the world would benefit from some more humanity. Please be kind to others even those different from yourself. Remember, the day may come when you too are down. It may be one of us, who have been there before, that will help to pick you back up :)