Are Feminists Against Marriage?

There as an interesting conversation on another blog about a horrible new reality show starring a (c)rapper and his 10 baby mamas and 11 children. Yes you heard that right, a show about a promiscuous man who constantly impregnates 17-19 year old women who all live in a house with him! Well I made a comment that many feminists are against marriage and would see this arrangement as ideal especially if the man went away. Someone accused me of speaking "nonsense" and ordered me to give her sources to support my argument. Well I posted two videos but that was all I was willing to do because I'm not that stranger's slave and she should be empowered enough to do a simple Google search (it's funny but when I posted a video of feminist quotes she actually refused to view it even though she was the one who asked for sources!). It's a waste of time trying to educate such people, she doesn't even know what some members of her own group think.

Would I say I'm anti-feminist, no since I do agree with many of the things they do and have done. But I have the right to talk about the things I don't agree with. I thought about calling myself an egalitarian but after reading a bit about it I don't think it describes me either because I don't believe all lifestyle choices are equal, I think some people are better at some jobs/roles than others, some people earn privileges and prestige, and some people (e.g., children) can't handle the same rights and responsibilities as others. If I say I'm an egalitarian then I would be placing myself with the same people who have no problem with the (c)rapper's lifestyle, being promiscuous, taking drugs, getting black out drunk, not taking responsibility etc. and "respects" everyone else's lifestyle. That is so not me!

Other people often argue that people shouldn't bother to get married because so many marriages end in divorce. When I hear that I always think, "so what if they end in divorce?" I mean, a lot of people fail or have to drop out of university, but I didn't let that stop me from going and trying. If I had listened to the people saying school was a waste of time, so many people fail etc. then I would not have gotten my degrees. A lot of people are let go from their jobs so should I not bother to work? Some people never get into their desired career so should they not even try? Many people change careers 2-3 times in their life and may only stay in a job for 10 years, so was that a total waste of time? Didn't those jobs fulfill their needs for a period of time? Even if I get married and it ends after 20 years, so what? 20 years is a long time and I want that experience. In twenty years I will be 54 and right now I'm not thinking about what my life will be like at 54, I'm focused on my present experiences and my desire for present happiness. Even though up to 1/3 marriages in Canada end in divorce prior to 30 years, who says I won't be in the other 2/3 that don't divorce? Some people let fear of failure prevent them from doing things in life, they may be underachievers, yet when it comes to marriage people act like these people are brave to not get married out of fear of divorce.

Well back to the feminist arguments, these may be considered "radical feminists" but many of them are well known, they have written books I have actually heard of, these books are often read in universities, and many of these women are lecturers, professors, and heads of women's studies departments. So I think I'm just going to post links to articles so that you can read and decide for yourself if there are some feminists who are against marriage and would rather have women become single mothers with no involvement from the fathers. Get mad at them, not me because I'm just providing links to things they have said that are readily available on the Internet and in their writings.

I did find one interesting quote stating that feminists need to tone down on the anti-marriage rhetoric because it puts them at odds with  liberal feminists and most other women...good advice. Let's add anti-marriage messages to my list of other reasons why I can't support Third Wave feminism and even some earlier wave feminism (also on the list: the ignoring of non-White women, man-hating statements, promoting promiscuity as liberating and empowering, endorsing single motherhood as though it's easy, and the rejection and ridicule of feminine women, women who try to look attractive, women who wear makeup and dresses, women who want to have relationships with men, women who would rather be stay at home moms than career women, women who don't want to compete with men, and women who don't want to act and look like men).

Articles about anti-marriage statements made by feminists:

• Marriage and family: an ideological background: EXCELLENT! Apparently nowadays believing in marriage and having intact nuclear families is "conservative" when it used to just be "normal". Interesting that some feminists, such as Betty Friedan of The Feminine Mystique and Germaine Grier, were against marriage and their work was used to argue against marriage but later on they changed their minds! Some women spouting this stuff may end up changing their minds after millions of women listened and acted on their teachings.
• Who wants to marry a feminist? Very interesting! When some feminists got married some other feminists called them traitors. 
• Young, feminist, and...married
• Can a person be a feminist and still believe in marriage?  Really good except the last two paragraphs. "Moderate, mainstream feminists have long rejected this animus against marriage; the vast majority of such feminists either are married or intend to marry...Radical feminists...seek to undermine the nuclear family of married father, mother, and children, which they label the “patriarchal family.” As feminist leader Betty Friedan has warned, this anti-marriage agenda places radical feminists profoundly at odds with the family aspirations of mainstream feminists and most other American women."
• Criticism of marriage on Wikipedia (there is a part about feminist criticisms)
• The case against marriage
• Desperate feminist wives: Article describes large study showing that housewives are happier than women who have to work. "But the most interesting data may be that the women who strongly identify as progressive—the 15 percent who agree most with feminist ideals—have a harder time being happy than their peers, according to an analysis that has been provided exclusively to Slate. Feminist ideals, not domestic duties, seem to be what make wives morose. Progressive married women—who should be enjoying some or all of the fruits that Freidan lobbied for—are less happy, it would appear, than women who live as if Friedan never existed." WOW!
• Straw feminists setting fire to marriage material: This is a woman giving her strong opinion.

Why Do I Care So Much About Attracting a Man?

For some women in this world the biggest achievement in their lives will be owning a successful company, getting a specific degree, earning an obscene amount of money, winning a prestigious award, owning a huge house, or being a leader in their given field. These women prioritize money, fame, and power. For me, all of those things are just a means to an end and I want to be successful and wealthy to provide for my family and for future generations of my family. So for me, having a happy and healthy family is the most important goal in my life and all of my other goals were working towards that. I am not one of those women who is unsure if they want to have a husband or children. I have wanted those things since probably the fourth grade. I have no interest whatsoever in living alone or with a female roomate for the rest of my life. I have no interest in going from man to man and always feeling insecure because they could leave me at any moment. I have no interest in doing all this work only to die alone in some care facility with no children. I did not work so hard just for myself, I did it to provide for a future family. Do you know that there are some species that die right after mating or giving birth? That was their whole purpose for living. Yes there are other fulfilling things we can do to enjoy our long lives but we were created to reproduce.

I believe that when you make a child that is the greatest creation and act you will ever achieve in your lifetime. I'm just remembering a part in the movie Prometheus (SPOILER ALERT) (brilliant film) where a male scientist said that any moron could create life so it was no big deal. Then the female scientist reminded him that she was unable to conceive a child. Although so many species and people can create life without even trying many can not or their offspring is unhealthy or do not survive! If they can not procreate then their genetic material dies with them. If they do not have children then they can not pass on their teachings about how to survive and adapt that helped them to become successful, or they will pass them on to other people's children. Other people's children will benefit while the teacher's line dies out. From a genetic standpoint, not passing on your genes is a failure that many can't help and a successful and healthy person not passing on there genes is a waste. There are way too many people with serious adaptation problems and negative traits bringing multiple children into the world who they barely care for. Leaving them to be the only reproducers would not be beneficial to society. I'm sorry, but if I can have my own baby there is no way I would choose to not do so and care for one of those children instead. Those children are not my responsibility and I did not work so hard just to take care of an irresponsible person's offspring. I want my own to raise the best I can. They do not deserve children more than I do.

In order to produce and raise the best children I can, I believe that I have to attract, have a relationship, marry, have children, and raise those children with the best man I can find. I will not have a child with just anyone. I will keep myself healthy and I want someone healthy. I want someone who can provide financially for the child so we can have two incomes. I believe nowadays that is like insurance so that if one of us loses a job, becomes ill, or even dies then the other partner is able to provide. I want someone who has qualities that might make them a good parent so I don't want someone who is abusive, has a criminal past, has substance abuse problems, makes bad decisions, does not commit to anything, does not care for others, and does not take responsibility for things. I want someone intelligent enough to learn how to be a good parent and care for children. I want someone with enough self-respect and fear of shame so that they could never accept being a bad parent or abandoning their child. I want someone with enough emotional intelligence to maintain a marriage and keep a family together. This means I have to choose a man wisely and not just take whoever comes along.

Because of all of these reasons, attracting, choosing, and marrying a man is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in my life right now and this decision will affect me and my children for the rest of our lives. Jobs can come and go but that man will always be my children's father. If he disappears it could negatively affect my children for the rest of their lives but if I lost my job they may barely even notice or remember what I did for a living. They will adjust to living in a new house if we move, going to a new school, getting a new car...but a new father? I would rather make the choice of husband and father of my children only once and I refuse to accept the casual attitudes some people have today about marriage and bringing children into this world. I am not like those people and anyone who endorses those views has different values and priorities from mine. I may not be able to take much of their advice seriously because it may go against my values. This is the reason for some of my negative views about feminism and "the black community" since they sometimes advocate that marriage is antiquated and women can just have and raise children on their own. I will have children no matter what but I am going to make every effort to make sure they have a father to raise them. I don't care if I can raise a child on my own, I DON'T WANT TO! I don't care if other women do it and their kids turn out okay, I DON'T WANT TO. I don't care if marriage was created by patriarchy to oppress women, I STILL WANT ONE because it still has benefits I WANT TO HAVE.

So if I make some decisions, dress, speak, style my hair, choose my hobbies, go out to events, and improve myself to get a man so what? It is the most important goal in my life! Plus I am acting and dressing in socially approved and respectable ways that can benefit me in other aspects of my life. I made decisions, dressed, and acted in a certain way to achieve my degree (goal accomplished) and I will do the same to get and keep a job (current goal). I will have to do the same to get a man...why would I put in less effort to achieve the more important goal? Other women can go ahead and put their careers first but family is first for me. Women who put their careers first will never understand women like me and I must take their advice with caution because the same advice that brings them happiness could sabotage my goals. Yes, yes, yes things might not go as planned but at least I'm going to try and know I did the best I could!