For some women in this world the biggest achievement in their lives will be owning a successful company, getting a specific degree, earning an obscene amount of money, winning a prestigious award, owning a huge house, or being a leader in their given field. These women prioritize money, fame, and power. For me, all of those things are just a means to an end and I want to be successful and wealthy to provide for my family and for future generations of my family. So for me, having a happy and healthy family is the most important goal in my life and all of my other goals were working towards that. I am not one of those women who is unsure if they want to have a husband or children. I have wanted those things since probably the fourth grade. I have no interest whatsoever in living alone or with a female roomate for the rest of my life. I have no interest in going from man to man and always feeling insecure because they could leave me at any moment. I have no interest in doing all this work only to die alone in some care facility with no children. I did not work so hard just for myself, I did it to provide for a future family. Do you know that there are some species that die right after mating or giving birth? That was their whole purpose for living. Yes there are other fulfilling things we can do to enjoy our long lives but we were created to reproduce.
I believe that when you make a child that is the greatest creation and act you will ever achieve in your lifetime. I'm just remembering a part in the movie Prometheus (
SPOILER ALERT) (brilliant film) where a male scientist said that any moron could create life so it was no big deal. Then the female scientist reminded him that she was unable to conceive a child. Although so many species and people can create life without even trying many can not or their offspring is unhealthy or do not survive! If they can not procreate then their genetic material dies with them. If they do not have children then they can not pass on their teachings about how to survive and adapt that helped them to become successful, or they will pass them on to other people's children. Other people's children will benefit while the teacher's line dies out. From a genetic standpoint, not passing on your genes is a failure that many can't help and a successful and healthy person not passing on there genes is a waste. There are way too many people with serious adaptation problems and negative traits bringing multiple children into the world who they barely care for. Leaving them to be the only reproducers would not be beneficial to society. I'm sorry, but if I can have my own baby there is no way I would choose to not do so and care for one of those children instead. Those children are not my responsibility and I did not work so hard just to take care of an irresponsible person's offspring. I want my own to raise the best I can. They do not deserve children more than I do.
In order to produce and raise the best children I can, I believe that I have to attract, have a relationship, marry, have children, and raise those children with the best man I can find. I will not have a child with just anyone. I will keep myself healthy and I want someone healthy. I want someone who can provide financially for the child so we can have two incomes. I believe nowadays that is like insurance so that if one of us loses a job, becomes ill, or even dies then the other partner is able to provide. I want someone who has qualities that might make them a good parent so I don't want someone who is abusive, has a criminal past, has substance abuse problems, makes bad decisions, does not commit to anything, does not care for others, and does not take responsibility for things. I want someone intelligent enough to learn how to be a good parent and care for children. I want someone with enough self-respect and fear of shame so that they could never accept being a bad parent or abandoning their child. I want someone with enough emotional intelligence to maintain a marriage and keep a family together. This means I have to choose a man wisely and not just take whoever comes along.
Because of all of these reasons, attracting, choosing, and marrying a man is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in my life right now and this decision will affect me and my children for the rest of our lives. Jobs can come and go but that man will always be my children's father. If he disappears it could negatively affect my children for the rest of their lives but if I lost my job they may barely even notice or remember what I did for a living. They will adjust to living in a new house if we move, going to a new school, getting a new car...but a new father? I would rather make the choice of husband and father of my children only once and I refuse to accept the casual attitudes some people have today about marriage and bringing children into this world. I am not like those people and anyone who endorses those views has different values and priorities from mine. I may not be able to take much of their advice seriously because it may go against my values. This is the reason for some of my negative views about feminism and "the black community" since they sometimes advocate that marriage is antiquated and women can just have and raise children on their own. I will have children no matter what but I am going to make every effort to make sure they have a father to raise them. I don't care if I can raise a child on my own, I DON'T WANT TO! I don't care if other women do it and their kids turn out okay, I DON'T WANT TO. I don't care if marriage was created by patriarchy to oppress women, I STILL WANT ONE because it still has benefits I WANT TO HAVE.
So if I make some decisions, dress, speak, style my hair, choose my hobbies, go out to events, and improve myself to get a man so what? It is the most important goal in my life! Plus I am acting and dressing in socially approved and respectable ways that can benefit me in other aspects of my life. I made decisions, dressed, and acted in a certain way to achieve my degree (goal accomplished) and I will do the same to get and keep a job (current goal). I will have to do the same to get a man...why would I put in less effort to achieve the more important goal? Other women can go ahead and put their careers first but family is first for me. Women who put their careers first will never understand women like me and I must take their advice with caution because the same advice that brings them happiness could sabotage my goals. Yes, yes, yes things might not go as planned but at least I'm going to try and know I did the best I could!
