I Think Promiscuous Men are Gross Too

It's puzzling whenever someone says they don't think women should be promiscuous and someone comes out and asks, "why aren't you talking about promiscuous men too, they always get a pass." I think they need to get used to the concept that people often focus on one issue at a time because the circumstances are different so they can not easily be combined with other issues! This is the case with promiscuity, the situation for men and the consequences are different from that of women. Yes, yes, yes it's an unfair double standard but that is today's reality. You can live in reality or fairy tale land, but the rest of the world will not act according to your fairy tale script.

Also, I think that there is a common belief (maybe true maybe false) that women are more able to control their sex drive than men (e.g., studies that say men think about sex every 15 seconds). There is this belief that men are more easily aroused and able to have sex with someone without any intimacy. These ideas may be wrong but most people believe this. Therefore it makes sense that people would try to talk to women if they feel women are more capable of saying no. It reminds me of the debate over having birth control pills for men, many women don't want it because they don't trust men to actually use it. Well, many people don't trust men to be able to say no to promiscuous women but they know women often turn down promiscuous men. So they instead try to convince women to not be promiscuous and to say no to men instead of the reverse.

More importantly, promiscuous men don't always get a pass, especially not with women.Why are you ignoring all the women who are turned off and upset with promiscuous men? Do they not count? Just because some men think these guys are cool that fact that most women don't means nothing? Stop saying men always get a pass for sleeping around because that is absolutely not true because many women don't like it. Just as men don't want relationships with promiscuous women, women don't want relationships with promiscuous men!

These are the reasons why I think promiscuous men are gross and I don't want to hang out with them or date them:

1. Promiscuous men are only interested in you for sex. They don't care about you as a human being and they just want to use you for their needs. They are no better than someone who wants to use you for your money. They see you as a sex object and not a human being with feelings (or they just don't care about your feelings). They have no respect for you. This is just cold and heartless and who wants to associate with such a person.
2. Promiscuous men will pretend they want a relationship with you but really they only want sex. They will talk about your future together, flatter you, and make you hopeful but it is all an act. They are con artists and pick up artists. Many use the same lines on different women once they come up with a winning routine. They are liars and fakes. They entice girls with the promise of a relationship (what these women want) but dump them once they get sex (what these men really want). It's like agreeing to purchase something from a salesman and they give you an entirely different product.
3. Promiscuous men pressure and beg women to do something they don't want to do. They are specially skilled in convincing women that it's okay to have sex with them because everyone is doing it (lie), it's not a big deal (lie), it will be great (often a lie), and it's normal (entirely subjective). These men will pressure, beg, and push and push until women give in to what they initially said no to. They are the ultimate peer pressurers and manipulators. This is why it's hard to even be friends with promiscuous men because, especially when you are alone, they will try to have sex with you when you aren't even expecting it. You don't feel safe and relaxed around them because they are scheming to get you into bed. Beware of the types who keep trying to get you drunk, it's so that your inhibitions are lowered and you will give in to their pressure. They can be borderline rapists sometimes because they don't care about you and want sex from you no matter what.
4. Promiscuous men are irresponsible because some get women pregnant, don't care if they have gotten women pregnant, or don't know if they have multiple children walking around. This is being totally irresponsible and indifferent. Many of these promiscuous men don't like to wear condoms I guess because they are so wrapped up in how good sex feels without one. I wish I could find the article, but there was one about three men who had 100 children combined and did not pay child support for any of them. In the news interview some of the women did not know the other women existed. Sometimes if you ask a man if he has any kids he will joke, "not that I know of", well YOU SHOULD KNOW and it's not a joke! I think that condoning the promiscuity of men and men just using women as sex objects is a major reason why there are so many out of wedlock children. The men did not bother to get to know or become emotionally attached to the mothers and since they only wanted sex, their responsibility ended after the sex act. It doesn't matter to them if a child was a result since they did not plan on making a child.
5. Promiscuous men are often cheaters. They lie to women and pretend they are monogamous but they are sleeping with other women. These men do not make good partners because one woman can never satisfy them. So they lie and cheat. This endangers the women if he catches an STD. It ruins relationships all the time and often the man will say, "It was just sex. It didn't mean anything." When feminists argue that sex is no big deal then men can use this excuse when they cheat. If I know a man has had many sex partners I don't trust him and will not date him. The man has shown that he has a huge sexual appetite and has needed sex with many women. How can he possibly be satisfied with one woman? Plus, since he has had sex so many times he may be way more experienced than you so you will not satisfy him. Or he may have a preference for inexperienced women and once you sleep with him enough you will no longer be "innocent" enough for him. Either way, no one will convince me that a guy who has slept with over 100 women, often in one night stands, will be satisfied with one woman for a long period of time. I just won't trust such a man. 
6. Promiscuous men will not protect you from lecherous men. They see this as interfering with another man's "game". So these men will sit back and watch you get harassed or even worse and never interfere. These men will not stand up and say their friend should not cheat, take home some girl from the bar, use a girl for sex and dump her etc. You do not want your man to hang out with such men because they will condone and maybe even pressure your man to be as promiscuous as they are. Promiscuous men peer pressure other men to just use women for sex. They make fun of men who don't want to approach a woman and who have few sex partners. 
7. Promiscuous men often brag about their sex partners and can ruin a woman's reputation. You can not trust these men to keep quiet and although they had sex with you, they will tell others that you are a slut and turn them against you. These men have no respect for you because you had sex with them! So they have no problem telling the world about what you did and how awful you are for doing it. Do you remember John Mayer and how embarrassed Jessica Simpson was when he talked about having sex with her? Well this happens with celebrities and regular people all the time. If someone just sees you as a sex object then they don't care to protect your reputation and they will tell everyone what it was like to have sex with you. He may even encourage his friends to sleep with you so you will be "passed around". If you want a bad reputation, sleep with a promiscuous man. Promiscuous men also develop a reputation and are often called "players" or "playboys". Concerned people warn women not to date them and no one takes their relationships seriously. Their girlfriends will always be suspicious and accusing them of cheating so there will be no trust. Other men will not want these men around their women. People are surprised when promiscuous men have relationships and get married, they expect the man to cheat, and are not surprised when it happens (e.g., Kobe Bryant). 
8. Promiscuous men send the message to other men that being promiscuous is fantastic. These men will brag about how much sex they have had with different women. They will act as though this makes them better and happier than other men and some men will actually believe them. Other men will then think that the reason why they are unhappy is because they are not having lots of casual sex. So they will try to do so by lying to girls to get sex and using them as sex objects. There is a whole pick up artist (PUA) community including books, videos, seminars, and online forums dedicated to the purpose of tricking or attracting women for sex. You will probably be disgusted by many of their techniques and stories. Some of these men may actually want relationships, but the PUA role models are looked up to due to the high numbers of sex partners and encounters they have had, not for their relationships. Unfortunately, according to studies described on Hooking Up Smart and other sites, neither men or women are usually satisfied with just having sexual relationships. So these men may not be happy in the long run, especially if they end up with an STD or an unwanted baby to support. Promiscuous men downplay the positives about having relationships in favour of casual sex encounters for men. This makes it difficult for women to find men who want to have relationships and get married. 
9. Promiscuous men make other men look bad. After several experiences with promiscuous men who pretend they like you but only want sex, you may start to believe that all men are that way. You will become suspicious that when men talk about having a relationship with you and think it is just a lie to get you in bed. Then you become less trusting and open when a genuine nice guy comes around. This is what happens when women end up saying, "all men are dogs, cheaters, uncaring, and only in it for sex." Promiscuous and cheating men create these women and their innocence and openness is lost. They create bitter women. You feel like an idiot when a man tells you everything you dreamed of hearing , you give yourself to him, and he just dumps you because it was all a lie. Since you don't want this to happen again you are suspicious of every other man you know and every man you meet. This makes is harder for nice guys to get into relationships and it makes women cold towards them. So promiscuous men make it hard for men and women to start and maintain trusting relationships. When men cheat, women become suspicious of their future partners and this leads to paranoia and fights over those suspicions too. 

So as you can see I have many reasons why I think promiscuity should not be encourage or practiced by men too. In fact, I think that men being promiscuous is probably more harmful for society. Women trying to be like these men will just intensify the problem. If it's okay for women to be promiscuous then men will take advantage of that and be even more promiscuous. So I think it's best to discourage promiscuity for women AND men. Only a small minority prefer one night stands and friends with benefits to being in relationships. I would rather focus on making relationship-oriented people feel comfortable with their choice than worry about shaming the minority of people who choose to be promiscuous only for the pleasure (not due to peer pressure, low self-esteem, childhood abuse, trying to get a relationship etc.). So no, I do not support everyone's lifestyle choice and I don't have to. I disapprove of promiscuous men just as much as promiscuous women.

Empowerment or Sexism?

I just watched this video, by a feminist that totally contradicts all of the so-called feminists who act like it's empowering to sleep with as many men as you what whenever you want. Jenna Marbles said it differently but this vlogger is basically saying that some feminists may have fooled themselves into thinking being promiscuous is empowering and just embracing their sexuality (skip to 6:44 for the main point). This is why I can't get behind modern Third Wave feminism because they are often saying two completely opposing things so what am I supporting? If you support anything and everything then you really support nothing. All that stuff about "feminism just means you support equality" is way too simplistic and based too much on comparisons to men instead of just making sure women are happy and respected (i.e., different but equally valued and respected). The whole "men do it so women should be respected when they do it" argument sounds ridiculous when the behaviours in question are negative for everyone. For example, being promiscuous, drinking too much, swearing, fighting etc. are negative for men and women so why are women fighting to be respected when they do those things??? Things could be just as equal if men were encouraged to not do those things and stop seeing them as signs of masculinity! Let me put it this way, supporting promiscuity is supporting allowing men to use your body for their pleasure who don't care, respect, or want a relationship with you. Some will argue that many women get pleasure from the sex, but hey, prostitutes and porn stars get paid for their work and they might actually like it but are they not still being used? Women may say, "well I'm using the men too" but sorry, you are the ones who say we live in a patriarchal society where men are in power so no matter what, he has more power than you and is thus using you more than you are using him.

How is it possible that some people look at Lady Gaga and Katy Perry prance around half naked allowing themselves to be sex objects and they are shocked when the women say they are not feminists? (Katy Perry not a feminist video, Lady Gaga not a feminist video, Taylor Swift isn't a feminist either). Um wasn't that obvious? But to some younger women showing your body and sharing it with whomever is being an empowered woman and feminist! So basically it seems to me, being a feminist means being okay with anything other women do and doing anything you want so long as you don't shame or criticize other women, especially if they end up getting hurt! Oh actually that shaming and criticism thing is only okay  sometimes...like any time you think another woman isn't being your ideal version of a feminist or any woman criticizes or shames another woman, then you are free to tear those people apart! I find it highly amusing that feminist Naomi Wolf is criticizing Katy Perry's Part of Me video (actual VIDEO and I like this song) for the army footage when past feminists fought so hard to get women into the army!?? So hey all you military women, you are anti-feminist! (sarcasm) Yeah, I guess feminists don't need military protection? Way to honor the troops Naomi :) To me that video is totally feminist and empowering so I'm not understanding why it's being called anti-feminist (it reminds me of the film G.I. Jane).

Lol I just can't drop this Jenna Marbles issue because I just read some feminist blogs and comments about it. It really seems like there is a group of young feminists who are REALLY naive and unable to distinguish fantasy ideals from reality. These young women are saying that they don't think twice about doing things that most people, through common sense, personal experience, or hearing horror stories would never do. Or most people would not be surprised and would take some responsibility if they did these things and something negative happened. It's as though these women are incapable of weighing the pros and cons and the possible negative and positive consequences of their actions. All they do is trust other people to not harm them, and work hard to brainwash the world into thinking women are incapable of protecting themselves from harm, and therefore shouldn't even bother trying. When there is some risk (e.g., 30% risk of unpreventable harm), instead of taking the common sense route of trying to protect themselves these women decide it is pointless trying to protect themselves in any way.

It's as if they think their belief that certain things are unfair is like some sort of shield that will protect them from harm. Or they just don't think about potential harm and instead are more focused on whether others will blame them for their misfortune after. They don't even think about how awful being harmed would be to them, long term effects (or even death) and use that fear to stop them from doing risky things. So these women want and support doing WHATEVER they want and act shocked when others do WHATEVER they want that ends up hurting them. I have a strong belief that women are learning this from schools or online reading not from their parents because any caring parent warns their kids to not do potentially dangerous things. Where's the common sense? Why is there NO considering of their personal responsibility to protect themselves and just finger pointing at others to protect and respect their rights? Have they never seen the news or heard of bad things happening? How can they not imagine that some people out there don't care to protect them and actually want to hurt them? Maybe they are just being hypocrites and saying they support doing things that they would never do because they actually know those things are terribly risky!

Ok, I guess it's not helpful to criticize feminists without suggesting solutions that could change my mind about them. So I suggest: 1) Feminist leaders need to make a fact sheet about what feminism actually is, maybe 1 page of numbered points outlining what they support and believe and what they don't support and believe. They need a brief and universal statement so people, including feminists, understand what feminism is. 2) State that they do not support the use of the word "slut" and that calling their march "Slutwalk" and wearing skimpy clothes during the march was a mistake. 3) State that they support women's choice to be traditional women who do not want to act like men and state this is not anti-feminist. You must fight for these women too. 4) State that they will not endorse or support women engaging in harmful behaviours just because men do it. 5) Stop insisting that all women are feminists instead of letting women choose whether or not they believe in your fact sheet. Women deserve the right to say whether or not they agree with you and you have no right to label them. 6) Admit that most feminists are privileged White women and that your work focuses on them. Then start helping underprivileged and minority women much more and stop ignoring them (e.g.,  fighting the misogyny in rap music and the ignoring of missing women of colour in the media). If feminists do these things then I will support them, until then I can't call myself a feminist. In the meantime I will just not use the label to describe my self and will just concisely state what I believe to avoid being misunderstood and judged for things I don't even believe. The onus is on feminists to define and inform themselves of who they are not on women to read numerous books and articles and come up with a vague idea.

Related Videos:
Video trying to figure out Lady Gaga is a feminist (good grief now in this video she says she is a feminist!)
Video trying to figure out if if Nikki Minaj is a feminist (OMG Nikki Minaj does not support promiscuity and thinks it lessens a woman's value!? She denies ever being loose or easy. The language is so foul I can't believe those little girls on Ellen are allowed to listen to her music)
Katy Perry and feminism
Katy Perry's aversion to feminism shows that feminism is still radical (EXCELLENT)
Are Taylor Swift and Katy Perry killing feminism? I guess slamming other women is okay as long as you identify as a feminist and they don't (sarcasm).
Don't go calling Taylor Swift a feminist (also mean and insulting. Actually I can think of a lot of really mean things written by feminists...maybe they should try to be nice like Taylor and then people wouldn't dislike them as much. Being mean to sweet girls really isn't endearing, you come off like bullies and snobs)
Taylor Swift is a feminist's nightmare (wow disagree 100% and I don't even know her music. Lol calls Beyonce evolved and Lady Gaga revolutionary (hmmm, been there done that with Janet Jackson and Madonna)
Why Taylor Swift offends little monsters, feminists, and weirdos (I think this person is insane)

Wow the video below is actually viewed by some as a bad influence and Lady Gaga videos are a much better influence???? Compare to Lady Gaga's Love Game video. These feminists would rather have young girls watching this instead of Taylor Swift??? Yes singing about playing the love game and riding someone's disco stick is revolutionary...maybe when Madonna and Janet Jackson did it decades ago...Another video is Paparrazi...yes so original singing about being famous and how great you are for being famous...killing your boyfriend is much cooler than just daydreaming about him right? I guess there is some message in Gaga's art that is getting lost in translation for me. I can relate to Tayor's video way more than Gaga's.