Cute Make-up and Hairstyles

I like the gyaru style of Japanese make-up. I have been doing something similar for a couple of years before I even heard of this stuff. I'll describe my daily look that takes me 15 minutes maximum:

• After my face cream I use concealer under my eyes and a mineral powder on my entire face. I also use a primer on my eyelids, forehead, and nose.
• I ALWAYS fill in my brows with a dark brown brow pencil. Ladies, please do this, it just polishes the look.
• I line the inner corner and inner half of my lower lid with a silver eyeliner (no sparkles). I line the rest of the eye with black eyeliner.
• I wear two to three coats of mascara.
• I may wear a bronze eye shadow on my lids with a bluish gray in the crease (it actually looks pretty natural). I only wear that at night. During the day I may go without eye shadow or just wear a dark brown.
• I line my lips with a plum lipliner, fill in the lips with a bronze/brown lipstick, and then add a pink or bronze lip gloss over top. It gives me a pinkish bronze lip that matches my skin.
• I wear a lot of pink blush. I add it to the front cheek area, and even a bit on the bridge of my nose. I don't use it under my cheekbones because I think that makes you look old.

The photo below is an exaggerated version of what I do. I use silver liner instead of white (more subtle), no false lashes, no green contacts (I think her eyes are natural though). I wear more blush and less white eye shadow. The Barbie tutorial will give you a similar look.

I think big, long lashes are very feminine so I really recommend wearing mascara. I also recommend RapidLash because it really does grow your lashes. I'm not a fan of the false lashes because I prefer the natural look (enhanced by make-up). If you tend to lower or furrow your brows, try this exercise to raise them again. I found it helpful because once I began to notice the different feeling when my brows were up versus down I was able to correct myself. You will have to do it twice a day for a while.
Make-up Tutorials:
I chose these tutorials because I think they look nice on Black women. Many of the tutorials for Black women use really bright, unnatural colours that I think EBWs should avoid.
Gyaru Make-up Video 1 (final look is very nice but I think it can be done with fewer steps)
Gyaru Make-up Video 2 (cute, but forgot the brows)
Kelly Rowland Tutorial
Kim Kardashian Inspired Make-up (on a Black woman. I know, I know, but KK does know how to look good)
Gyaru Make-up Video 3 (she used a lot of make-up and steps to get a natural look so I think it was excessive). 

Black Gyarus (excessive at times, unflattering piercings)

Great hair will really improve your appearance. I have been natural for over three years and my hair is finally long enough for me to feel comfortable. I did not like it when it was short and it is so much better now. I think natural hair is very feminine. I have lots of little coils with lots of movement and volume. If you wear wigs or weaves please choose something that looks natural or relaxed instead of an unusual colour or super straight and shiny texture. 

Ways to Look Cute and Feminine

I've been searching the Internet for ways to look cute that would be suitable for adult women who don't want to pretend they are little girls. I love kawaii fashion but I would only wear little bits of it myself otherwise I'd end up looking like Nikki Minaj. We have to abandon the hard, ghettofabulous, hip hop look and go for something softer and more innocent. It's okay to look like and be a girly girl! These tend to be things other women wear, but why can't we? So here are some ways to add cute to your look.

1. Cute accessories. You can wear cute ear muffs, gloves, scarves, hats, belts,  leg warmers, and arm warmers.
2. Cute outerwear. Choose a cute coat that only a woman would wear.
3. Cute dresses, skirts, and tops. Try to find dresses that are flattering for your figure in feminine colours and patterns. Nothing too tight or revealing. You will also get more out of your money if you buy dresses that are appropriate for work or after work (e.g., pair the dress with a cardigan or blazer at work). I avoided dresses for many years, but now I find them more comfortable than pants. They are more forgiving if your weight fluctuates and they accentuate your curves while hiding oversized hips and thighs.
4. Cute shoes. Anything with a bow, curved toe, and pretty colour is great.
5. Cute purses. These can be as adorable as you want with bows, hearts, flowers, and even cartoon characters if you dare.
6. Cute makeup. There are many videos on YouTube that can give you tips about cute make-up. Many of the one's done by Black women are too colourful and unnatural, but I did find a few.
7. Cute hair. In my opinion, cute hair looks natural not artificial. It looks soft to the touch and doesn't look like you spent all day working on it. Don't go overboard with the hair accessories.

I'll do a post on cute make-up and hair next ;)

Cute Fashion:
Kawaii Couture (great examples of cute and feminine clothing)
Kawaii Craving
Asianicandystore

Videos:
Winter Fashion Tips: Dress Warm, Look Cute
15 Dresses, Which One is Your Favorite (you can watch the entire playlist to pick out styles that would look good on you


Black Girls and Women Who Embrace Cuteness
Amayamor.blogspot.com (interesting post here)
Choco Barbie Girls (I wish they didn't get piercings)
Usagii's Blog
No Beauty Limits
NaijaBarbie

Why Many Black Women are Succeeding

I started thinking today about why many Black women are succeeding today and many men are not. Some of the reasons apply women of other ethnicities as well because women in most Western countries and Asia are doing better while men are doing worse. There are many reasons why these things happened but if men want to do better, they may have to take an example from women.

1. Women figured out that education was the great equalizer and a worthwhile pursuit. They believe that having an education or expertise in a field is the best (of course not guaranteed) way to ensure that they will obtain a stable, white-collar career. I think that this is the safe route because once you have the knowledge and degree it can not be taken away and usually you have transferable skills that can be used for many different careers. These women knew realistically that they were more likely to become teachers, social workers or bankers than musicians, actors, or professional athletes. Unfortunately, many men  now devalue education and waste their time trying (often with little effort) to become musicians, actors, and professional athletes (sometimes they use athletics to get into college, but their grades are usually poor, and their goal is to become an athlete not some other professional). Instead of staying home and doing schoolwork they are on the street, playing video games or basketball, and listening to and writing rap lyrics.  Women developed realistic goals and plans that included education while men developed unrealistic plans that did not require education.
2. Women stay away from crime. Women do commit crimes, but they do it at a much lower rate than men. I don't know why a woman can be poor and struggle to get by without becoming a criminal but it's harder for men to do so. Men will say there is pressure from their peers or pressure to have money so that they can attract women. Is it impossible to choose new friends and attract women in another way, especially when you are young? For some men who live in dangerous neighbourhoods they may also be dragged into gang activity to avoid being a victim. I understand that. But if you don't come from a dangerous neighbourhood what is your excuse? How is it that some men withstand the pressure? It really seems like the nerdy guys who keep out of trouble are the real men with backbones because they don't cave to peer pressure and become gangsters. 
3. Women fight to be a part of the system. This is a big one in the Black community. Many Black people are angry about racism, discrimination, and they history of slavery. Black women have chosen to fight for their place in the system, play the game, and win a good life even if racists don't want them to. This is the 'if life gives you lemons, make lemonade' attitude and they are attempting to adapt to whatever situation they have been placed in. The women know the odds will sometimes be against them, but they learn the rules of the game, follow the rules, and try to succeed anyway. From things I have been reading online, many men disagree with this strategy, and I believe these men are dangerous and to be avoided. These men believe that any cooperation with the system is a betrayal of Black people and reject the notion of working or being educated in the system. They see a life of crime as a way of fighting the system, they reject public education, and choose to self-educate by using questionable and often dangerous sources. These men (seriously) believe that they are in some sort of Matrix, eventually everyone will wake up, and they will be the leaders in some sort of race war! When this war starts they plan to punish anyone in the system, including successful Black women who they call traitors. I don't think I have to tell you how unrealistic and scary this militia, Black man rising, conspiracy thinking is but these beliefs are FREQUENTLY and CASUALLY mentioned by men online as though this war is inevitable and they will be the last ones to laugh and judge Black women when it happens. Scary right? 
4. Black women are living in the present not the past. One strange thing I have noticed online is the way men keep bringing up slavery to explain why they are not succeeding today and why they are not getting along with some Black women. I know when I started reading Black history I was so angry at the world and it made me want to reject everything that was not Black. It was a phase. I eventually realized that the people around me did not commit the crimes of slavery (especially since I live in Canada). I know racism exists and sometimes people are ignorant, but the people around me were not my slave masters! I was never enslaved and neither was anyone alive today nor their parents or grandparents. No one raped me or sold members of my family away from me. I never though I'd have to say this but slavery is in the past and you have to move on and adapt to your current circumstances. You can not live in the past so somehow men have to disengage these feelings that slavery happened to them personally and there is some conspiracy to hold you back. Yes, the system is biased against Black people but is rejecting the system actually working for you? Reparations are not coming and they probably won't help your situation anyway. Dreaming about revenge for past wrongs (or recent injustices) is holding you back from making the most of your present.
5. Black women are self-sufficient. Yes it's true, Black women and many women today are independent and that has helped us to succeed. Even the woman who goes on welfare is being self-sufficient in a way. She found out about an available resource and obtained it instead of laying down and dying. When men walk out on their children women take on the responsibility of being the sole care giver and do the best they can. Other women had the self-discipline to work hard in school, graduate, and have a career. They provided food, clothing, and shelter for themselves instead of waiting for a man to give it to them. Men have always been able to put their needs first but for some reason many want women to put men's needs first too! They claim to be strong but they are asking successful women to "invest" in them so that they can succeed. They blame the single mother for not being the best mother possible even though she had no help from the father! That's like a man giving a woman a 100 pound bag to carry and criticizing her for not walking as fast as when they were both sharing the bag! I wonder if these men would go after their kids if the women gave them up for adoption or the foster care system? I doubt it. Caring for your child is the same as caring for yourself! If you are not caring for your child then you are not self-sufficient!  
6. Black women take responsibility for their lives. This ties into the notion that women are self-sufficient. Successful women don't expect anyone to take care of them or give them handouts but they do expect men to take care of their children and carry their own weight. It seems like men expect the opposite. They resent any notion that the woman should consider a man's finances before getting into a relationship. Can you imagine, a Black women who will only marry a man if he can provide enough money to care for a middle-class child is called a goldigger!? If you think you can survive only on love then I doubt you are self-sufficient and know the costs of supporting a family. But, as I heard in a YouTube video today, some men think the woman's role is to be a man's helper to help him achieve his goals while his role is to lead her to do whatever he decides she should do!? Yes, he said the Bible says that's the way it's supposed to be (glad I'm not religious). He said his role is to replace his wife's father and she is there to serve him. Why is it that men need so much help and support to do things? Why are women able to just get up and do what needs to be done? These men complain that everyone needs to change without taking any responsibility for their role in ruining their own lives. They blame racist employers for not hiring some Black men while ignoring the fact that they are untrustworthy ex-cons with no education. They blame women's high standards and attitudes for the low marriage rates when it's the men who decided to use, abuse, and not marry them. They blame the school system for not educating Black boys when they chose to skip school, not do the work, or get kicked out while others succeed. This is the most ridiculous one: They blame a corrupt justice system for locking up Black men while completely ignoring the fact that almost all of these men are GUILTY of some crime including murder, rape, and drug dealing! Why they were profiled or unfair sentencing is secondary to the FACT that these men are GUILTY! They blame Black women for the problems in the Black community with no reference to their role in the problems at all. 

So, to any woman or man who wants to be successful, here is my advice: Get an education, stay away from crime, fight to be a part of the system, live in the present not the past, be self-sufficient, and take responsibility for your actions. Doing otherwise doesn't seem to be working.

Many Black Women are Too Submissive

Yes, you read the title correctly, I think that many Black women are too submissive! Dictionary.com defines submission as:

1. inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
2. marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.

Many of you reading this know Black women who don't seem submissive according to this definition. These are the strong, independent Black women who say they can do everything themselves and don't need a man or anyone else. These women are self-sufficient no matter how much money they make or how educated they are. They run their households and will not allow themselves to be disrespected. I agree, on the surface many of these women do not seem submissive. But take a look at the definition of submissive behaviour by Changingminds.org:

submissive (or passive) behavior means shying away from saying what you really mean and not seeking to achieve your needs, particularly when someone else has conflicting needs. A submissive person is a shrinking violet, avoiding upsetting others either because they fear them or they fear to hurt their feelings.

When things go wrong, the submissive person is likely to assume that they are to blame in some way, and accept culpability when singled out by other people.

According to that definition, many Black women are actually too submissive when it comes to having sex and babies with Black men! Think about all those Black women out there who are sweet talked by men who they suspect are no good and end up sleeping with them. Men will tell women they don't need labels on their relationship, polygamy is the African way and it's natural, let's have a baby without getting married, sex is no big deal, I don't see my children because their mother is crazy etc., and women STILL sleep with them! If a Black man says "jump" they refuse, unless they are told "jump into my bed" and then they quickly obey! Given the out of wedlock birth rate for Black women being the highest in North America, Black women are actually the most submissive women! These women are too submissive because they are giving into men who have conflicting needs. A man who's statements and behaviour is telling you he will never commit to you or your children has conflicting needs and your having sex with him will not change that. You are behaving too submissively when you put your needs aside because the man wants you for the moment! Men don't do things that do not benefit them so why are you?

I hear you saying, many women, of many ethinicities are submissive and give in to men pressuring them for sex. But Black women do it more often with men who are no good! Other women act submissively by letting the men be men, cooking, cleaning and other almost trivial ways, but they are less submissive when it comes to having sex! They hold out and refuse to have children without marriage! Some women will submit to sex but only when the man actually has something to offer them other than the promise of love. These men have resources and from their behaviour, there is actually A CHANCE that they will commit. They are not submitting to a man who has never achieved anything in his life with the hope that one day, with your love, he will pull himself together and change. These women try to get more than love which would be consistent with their needs! They hold out and refuse to have children without marriage!

Some Black women are also too submissive when it comes to the Black community. These women will actually date, sleep, and have children with men who have nothing to offer because the Black community pressures them to do so! They are told to forget about getting a successful Black man, just go for any Black man who could possibly love you and help him to succeed. Don't go for a successful man of another ethnicity because then you will be abandoning Black men and you owe them. Black men are struggling, so lower your standards and don't expect them to have an education, or a job. It's okay if he has children with other women , if he cheats on you, or if he's a criminal. 

Take a look at yourself and if you believe it is your duty to give any Black man a chance, even if he has nothing to offer but the promise of love (you might not even get that) then you are being too submissive! Do you think women of other ethnicities fall for that pressure? No! They are strong and don't even bother with men who have nothing, and they will date outside their ethnicity if that man is successful and treats them well! Yes, when Black women do the same thing they are called goldiggers, but other women are mostly exempt from that label because men and women understand that this mindset is in their best interest! No one would expect them to do anything that is against their best interests! But that is exactly what men are telling Black women to accept!  They are pressuring us to be submissive to no good men, just because they are Black! Think about it, what's worse, cooking dinner for man you have known for two weeks because he asks or having sex with a man you have known for two weeks because he asks? Which is more submissive? Which could have the more serious consequences?

So what do you think? I think some Black women are the most submissive women when it comes to having sex, making babies, and having relationships; these are three serious choices that can have lifelong consequences. Instead of this being recognized as a type of submission we are blamed for not closing our legs and going for thugs (no blame placed on the domineering men). We have to change the way we are submissive! Other women may be submissive when it comes to doing minor things their men want, domestic duties, and trivial behaviours (e.g., letting the man make dinner plans, having the last say on unimportant things etc.) but when it comes to having sex, babies, and relationships these women are DOMINANT and they SAY NO! Only be submissive if it's in your best interest!

Articles:
Why Weak Men Want Submissive Women (excellent article!)
Women of Color Undervalued and Stereotyped

This EBW is Learning How to Sew

I have decided to save up to buy a sewing machine! The reason for this is very practical. I lost a lot of weight and now I have over a dozen really nice blazers that are way too big. I have a few options:

1. Do nothing and let the blazers sit where they are because I might gain all the weight back anyway (no way!!!). But what will I wear in the meantime?
2. Donate all the blazers to charity and buy new ones. This will be expensive.
3. Take the blazers to a tailor to have them altered. This will also be expensive. Most of them are second hand and altering may cost most than I actually paid for the!
4. Buy a sewing machine, learn how to use it, and alter all the blazers myself.

I have chosen option #4 because although buying the machine will be an investment it will pay for itself because I won't have to buy new blazers or pay for a tailor. Furthermore, as long as I (and my future family) wear clothes I may need to make alterations. I can already make minor repairs to my clothing by hand, but a machine will be better for the large scale alterations I have to make. Doing all the alterations may take a year, but why not learn a new skill?

This is a traditional female skill but it is useful, and in these economic times it makes sense to do things yourself and not waste money. Many people dream about becoming rich and never cooking, cleaning, or doing almost anything for themselves. But this is reality and I don't have a maid. We throw away too much money to restaurants, housecleaning services, handymen, and other services that people used to just do for themselves. Isn't it better to be self-sufficient and use our hard earned money for more important things? Altering my clothes will make them fit and look better. If any of you have watched "What not to Wear" then you have probably heard them recommend altering the clothes you buy so that they fit better (I watch the show occasionally but I think they way too superficial and narrow-minded).

My mother can sew and I actually learned a little back in high school. But I didn't keep it up because, as was typical for me, I though anything that was traditionally feminine was beneath me and all modern women. I'm thinking differently about it now. I don't think I'll ever start making my own clothes, but I could do other things like make curtains, pillows, place mats, and simple things instead of buying them. Just think about all of those home decorating and renovation shows like "Take This House and Sell It" where a seamstress makes the curtains and pillows...I could do that! It could be a worthwhile hobby :)

Here are some articles on the benefits of sewing:
The Many Benefits of Sewing
Benefits of Sewing
Learn to Sew: Benefits of Sewing
Studies Show Benefits of Sewing