Staying Away From Controversy and Online Activism

I think that being a positive person and surrounding oneself with positive things is very important for one's health and success. Being around negative things, living in a negative and hostile environment, and being around negative or draining people can bring you down and derail you from your personal goals and focus on the positive things in your life. In my offline life everything is going great and I am not surrounded by negativity...so why do I allow that in my online life? I know plenty of people who don't even read blogs or comment at all! 

As many people have noticed, the internet can bring out the worst in people and sometimes that is the case with me. Oh I have improved so much in terms of avoiding commentary by Black males about Black women and those Men's Rights videos criticizing women because those were so negative, hostile, misogynistic, vile, and full of foul language and they just made me so angry. I think that in the past few months I have only watched and made a negative comment on one such video (it was restrained and poised though). I don't feel the need to watch any more. I also avoid listening to many videos that contain foul language, I really have no tolerance for them and I feel no obligation to suffer through that vulgarity in order to hear a person's supposedly important message. 

But what I am realizing is that I have to be extremely vigilant about commenting on controversial African American (AA) women's issues on other blogs! One reason is because VERY often discussions of the negative experiences of AA women end up asking the reader to "do something", "fight something", "come up with solutions", and "solve the problem" and as you know I no longer feel the obligation to "lift up the race". I have no intentions at this time to do anything (other than signing a petition) to remedy any injustices and inequalities although I would be glad to see the improvements. Most people online probably feel the same way but won't say so and although everyone has opinions most are not activists. 

All I am willing to do at the moment is be a good person, possibly mentor someone offline, and lead by example.  This is a blog about improving myself and my feelings about being a Black woman and it is not an activism site. Someone may benefit from it as they would from a self-help book but I do not want to be involved with online activism. I tried that before and it ended badly. Furthermore, other than changing an individual person's behaviour and thinking I do not think that online discussions about Black issues change anything on a systematic level because it is all talk and no plans for action on a systematic level. There is no point getting angry at an individual's commentary when it really won't change things systematically anyway. It is just arguing with minimal benefit to anyone so it is exposing myself to negative issues and commentary that has a negative effect on me for no good reason.

One may argue that exposing myself to these issues will raise my "awareness" of what is going on for Black women and staying away from these messages will result in me being unaware, out of touch, and uncaring perhaps like Marie Antoinette. Well since I am Canadian I think I should focus more on issues where I live (that I have mostly been ignoring because I found it boring) instead of African American issues (that tend to appear more extreme or in the case of televised news, more entertaining). I will have to remember that I am a passive observer of all American content, not to take it personally, and not to co-opt the anger of someone else because I have no reason to be angry in my life. Yes of course there are injustices and inequalities but right now I don't see the benefit of making myself upset about them out of some "race loyalty" while I should be focusing on my personal goals. 

Although racism of course does exist in Canada there are so many differences when compared to the U.S. For instance Black people are only about 1.3% of the population (I think) and the largest minority is Asian; most of our Black media images are from the U.S. and is extreme compared to my middle class life; most of us came from the Caribbean and there is little discussion of the impacts of slavery which comes up in every discussion of African American issues; it's way more accepted to befriend, date, and marry interracially so race issues don't have to be as salient; and just from my experience people are not as angry and focused on race. So I am willing to be out of touch when it comes to U.S. racial issues and don't see the point of being constantly outraged about what is happening where I don't live. Some may be offended by this but really, how concerned are you about what's happening in Canada if you don't live here? It's normal to be more concerned about where you actually live.

So I think that I'll keep focusing on self-improvement, becoming an EBW, starting my career, dating, and starting a family in the near future. I'll restrict how many controversial U.S. articles I read. When I do read I won't bother commenting on controversial American issues unless I agree with the author and won't bother saying anything if I disagree. I won't come to the rescue of anyone online as I would for someone I actually know. I'm going to restrict myself to being positive in all of my comments for a long time in order to foster the feminine trait of being pleasant and agreeable. Of course I can disagree but I won't go around saying I disagree or getting into arguments online. We have to remember that the internet is a new thing and people in the past did not spend hours reading controversial issues and arguing online! Instead they focused their time talking to people they actually know where there are consequences for their actions. If and when I decide to volunteer or support something it will be in my offline life and not limited to racial issues. I have no desire to be an activist at this time like many other people. This will benefit me greatly at this time and is a huge burden off my shoulders. 

Black Women Bashers are Pathetic Excuses for Men

I feel torn. I like the idea of being nice and kind but it's so hard to do that when men are posting hateful videos about Black women on YouTube. Go on that site and enter the search term "black women". What you will find are videos by Black men criticizing and insulting Black women and blaming them for all the problems in the Black community. You will also find videos posted by Black men and racists showing Black women acting badly with the explanation that MOST Black women act that way, this is why we are inferior to other women, and this is why they won't date us. I would guess 97% of these videos are by Black men because they tend to be flagged and removed when they are by non-Black racists.

I am not like the women in the videos, but by posting these videos and claiming that most Black women fit those stereotypes, these videos affect me. As a Black woman I feel compelled to stand up and fight to correct these unfair assaults on our image. Most of the time I find it frustrating, but yesterday I actually found it amusing! I was amused because I realized that the men posting and commenting on these videos are really the bottom of the barrel and don't have anything to offer a woman like me. An EBW is a lady, but she is not a doormat! I think sometimes I can be insulting to these men, but if they put these videos up then they are asking for an argument. I think you can tell so much about the men based on the videos and comments and these are my observations:

1. These men are not educated. You can tell they are not because their spelling is atrocious and their grammar is pitiful. They don't even know how to capitalize the first letter of a new sentence! They also resort to swearing and insults instead of focusing on the argument. I also think many of their arguments don't make sense and they are incapable of understanding women's viewpoints. They may be victims of a poor school system, or they may not have applied themselves in school. Either way, I wouldn't want one of them.
2. These men are not successful. These men get offended when successful women say they want a successful man. If they were actually successful then they would not be offended. These men have not achieved much and they want us to ignore that, give them our bodies, and "submit" to them just because they are men!
3. These men are desperate for respect. They have done nothing else in their lives to deserve respect. They are desperately trying to get it based on the fact that they are men which somehow entitles them to respect. They use the Bible to justify that men should be the leaders and women were made for men, they go on and on about the roles of men and women, criticize matriarchy, and rant about feminism. A man who was successful, makes good decisions, and carries himself like a gentleman would not need these arguments because he would be respected automatically! We should respect everyone's basic rights, but the type of respect these men want can only be earned. They have not earned this respect and that hurts their egos.
4. These men can not get the women they want. These men complain that Black women don't want a good man and only want thugs. They claim that they are good men and there are plenty of them around. That tells me that they think they are good catches but the women they want obviously don't and they are rejecting them. In fact, these women are rejecting them harshly with a lot of attitude which has been a blow to the men's egos. The only way they can protect their self-esteem is by criticizing the women instead.
5. The only thing these men offer is sex. These men get upset when Black women on YouTube talk about liking White or Asian men. Frequently, they say Black women are crazy for liking Asian men because Black men are supposed to be better endowed, as if that is the only thing a woman wants. When Black women talk about the positive traits of men they know of other races, Black men ignore everything (e.g., personality, respect, education, career, sensitivity, romance etc.) and focus on sex. They do this because they know they do not have the qualities these other men have so the focus on the one thing they "possibly" have over them. 
6. These men do not hold themselves accountable for their lives. These men blame everyone for their current situation including their mothers, Black women in general, "The Man", racism, and discrimination. Yes, racism and discrimination may have a role, the economy, where one grew up, and  parents do have a role, but what are they going to do about that? They take NO responsibility for the choices they have made. The finger is always pointed elsewhere so they don't see any need to change themselves and spend their time lecturing about women needing to change. Men like this will not improve their circumstances because they do not realize that it is extremely difficult to change other people and it is easier to change yourself.
7. These men's standards are too high. Black women bashers are unrealistic about the women they want. Why would a middle class, successful woman want a poor man who goes from job to job with no security? Why would someone with an education want someone without one? Why would she want someone with a criminal record? According to these men they are attractive and good men (I don't know what criteria they are using) and that should be all a woman should look for. If she wants anything else then she is a snob, a golddigger, or a mammy for "The Man". They ignore the much researched notion that women want security, stability, and someone who can provide her their children. Looking good or being well endowed doesn't ensure any of that. These men complain about women with attitudes who are superficial, with children from different fathers but maybe...those women are on their level and the only ones who would want them! The men can't accept that based on their lack of achievement they can not get better women. They have to face the fact that they need to educate themselves and get better jobs if they want better women.  
8. These men are immersed in hip hop culture. I say this because any time someone blames the hip hop culture for the misogyny, materialism, aggression, and criminality of Black men they take offence and try to justify the music and it's messages. They do not see their misogyny or double standards or any harm the music could cause. They equate being Black with liking hip hop and do not pursue any other cultural genres. These men want to be rappers or ball players no matter how unlikely it is to to become a professional in these areas. They waste their time trying to achieve that dream instead of focusing on school or other creative ideas. I would advise EBWs to stay away for men who areTOO interested in hip hop.
9. These men just hate Black women and nothing will change that. There are some Black men posting videos who have never liked Black women, or they have decided they don't want to date them again. These men are not providing constructive criticism to help Black women so that maybe they can date again. These men just want to spread their hate. Their video are no better that those posted by racists. They do not care about improving the Black community or fostering Black love. These videos should be flagged and removed.

The next time you are on YouTube and you see one of these video, think about this post and who is behind the video. They are not helping the Black community, they are the LEAST capable of doing so, and they don't have anything to offer an EBW.