Friday, December 28, 2012

Are Feminists Against Marriage?

There as an interesting conversation on another blog about a horrible new reality show starring a (c)rapper and his 10 baby mamas and 11 children. Yes you heard that right, a show about a promiscuous man who constantly impregnates 17-19 year old women who all live in a house with him! Well I made a comment that many feminists are against marriage and would see this arrangement as ideal especially if the man went away. Someone accused me of speaking "nonsense" and ordered me to give her sources to support my argument. Well I posted two videos but that was all I was willing to do because I'm not that stranger's slave and she should be empowered enough to do a simple Google search (it's funny but when I posted a video of feminist quotes she actually refused to view it even though she was the one who asked for sources!). It's a waste of time trying to educate such people, she doesn't even know what some members of her own group think.

Would I say I'm anti-feminist, no since I do agree with many of the things they do and have done. But I have the right to talk about the things I don't agree with. I thought about calling myself an egalitarian but after reading a bit about it I don't think it describes me either because I don't believe all lifestyle choices are equal, I think some people are better at some jobs/roles than others, some people earn privileges and prestige, and some people (e.g., children) can't handle the same rights and responsibilities as others. If I say I'm an egalitarian then I would be placing myself with the same people who have no problem with the (c)rapper's lifestyle, being promiscuous, taking drugs, getting black out drunk, not taking responsibility etc. and "respects" everyone else's lifestyle. That is so not me!

Other people often argue that people shouldn't bother to get married because so many marriages end in divorce. When I hear that I always think, "so what if they end in divorce?" I mean, a lot of people fail or have to drop out of university, but I didn't let that stop me from going and trying. If I had listened to the people saying school was a waste of time, so many people fail etc. then I would not have gotten my degrees. A lot of people are let go from their jobs so should I not bother to work? Some people never get into their desired career so should they not even try? Many people change careers 2-3 times in their life and may only stay in a job for 10 years, so was that a total waste of time? Didn't those jobs fulfill their needs for a period of time? Even if I get married and it ends after 20 years, so what? 20 years is a long time and I want that experience. In twenty years I will be 54 and right now I'm not thinking about what my life will be like at 54, I'm focused on my present experiences and my desire for present happiness. Even though up to 1/3 marriages in Canada end in divorce prior to 30 years, who says I won't be in the other 2/3 that don't divorce? Some people let fear of failure prevent them from doing things in life, they may be underachievers, yet when it comes to marriage people act like these people are brave to not get married out of fear of divorce.

Well back to the feminist arguments, these may be considered "radical feminists" but many of them are well known, they have written books I have actually heard of, these books are often read in universities, and many of these women are lecturers, professors, and heads of women's studies departments. So I think I'm just going to post links to articles so that you can read and decide for yourself if there are some feminists who are against marriage and would rather have women become single mothers with no involvement from the fathers. Get mad at them, not me because I'm just providing links to things they have said that are readily available on the Internet and in their writings.

I did find one interesting quote stating that feminists need to tone down on the anti-marriage rhetoric because it puts them at odds with  liberal feminists and most other women...good advice. Let's add anti-marriage messages to my list of other reasons why I can't support Third Wave feminism and even some earlier wave feminism (also on the list: the ignoring of non-White women, man-hating statements, promoting promiscuity as liberating and empowering, endorsing single motherhood as though it's easy, and the rejection and ridicule of feminine women, women who try to look attractive, women who wear makeup and dresses, women who want to have relationships with men, women who would rather be stay at home moms than career women, women who don't want to compete with men, and women who don't want to act and look like men).

Articles about anti-marriage statements made by feminists:

  • Marriage and family: an ideological background: EXCELLENT! Apparently nowadays believing in marriage and having intact nuclear families is "conservative" when it used to just be "normal". Interesting that some feminists, such as Betty Friedan of The Feminine Mystique and Germaine Grier, were against marriage and their work was used to argue against marriage but later on they changed their minds! Some women spouting this stuff may end up changing their minds after millions of women listened and acted on their teachings.
  • Who wants to marry a feminist? Very interesting! When some feminists got married some other feminists called them traitors. 
  • Young, feminist, and...married
  • Can a person be a feminist and still believe in marriage?  Really good except the last two paragraphs. "Moderate, mainstream feminists have long rejected this animus against marriage; the vast majority of such feminists either are married or intend to marry...Radical to undermine the nuclear family of married father, mother, and children, which they label the “patriarchal family.” As feminist leader Betty Friedan has warned, this anti-marriage agenda places radical feminists profoundly at odds with the family aspirations of mainstream feminists and most other American women."
  • Criticism of marriage on Wikipedia (there is a part about feminist criticisms)
  • The case against marriage
  • Desperate feminist wives: Article describes large study showing that housewives are happier than women who have to work. "But the most interesting data may be that the women who strongly identify as progressive—the 15 percent who agree most with feminist ideals—have a harder time being happy than their peers, according to an analysis that has been provided exclusively to Slate. Feminist ideals, not domestic duties, seem to be what make wives morose. Progressive married women—who should be enjoying some or all of the fruits that Freidan lobbied for—are less happy, it would appear, than women who live as if Friedan never existed." WOW!
  • Straw feminists setting fire to marriage material: This is a woman giving her strong opinion.


  1. I read the article on the (c)rapper that have the baby mammas & children in one house. Seriously, this is ridiculous! And dumba**es will watch this show for the drama and the "excitment." Of course you'll have those women that state: "He's taking care of his kids and baby mommas." Um no. He's objectifying and exploiting the children and the women to his $$$ advantage. I don't see him marrying one of these women and truly they live in the "feminist" idea of no marriage. Sadly in the US, black women do not consider marriage because either a bad experience or lack of marriage role in the household. Feminists never had black women in mind of the ideas they posted. We was never included because then never seen us as "women" period. Empowerment of the woman is her making sound choices even marriage. Single mother/parenting is not the way to go. When I married, I didn't want divorce but it happened. I'm optimistic to the nth degree to get married again in my life because I know the value it holds within myself and children. I can't stand women so proudly boasting about being a single mother like its the way to go and such an easy thing to do and their finances look like crap. Get real! Lots of women need to wake up and get real with reality.

    Feminist seems to be an oxymoron for man hating, backwards and acting like a dude with boobs.

    Great article as always, keep it up!

  2. Yes this is another great blog. I'm just about given up on BW as a group I take them on a person to person basis.

    A fairly well known BW blogger talked about her baby bump. As she is fat, I did not know if she was kidding or not so I asked her if she was married. She got offended and expected congratulations.

    Sorry sisters I REFUSE to congratulate you for having a child outside of wedlock, I refuse. Just saying. You can get somebody else for that.

    BP have normalized out of wedlock ...and have the nerve to get mad at Mormons, at least the Mormon men TAKE CARE OF THEIRS.

    And yeh some pages encourage debate, I can't do that anymore so I just skip, lurk and leave.

  3. The problem with feminism now is that it's still lead by white women, and the focus is still on white women. But the thing is that white women in a way have more social rights (if that makes sense) than a black man. (in some places, a white woman is payed less than a white man, but payed more than a black man. ) they dont really have anything to fight for now, which is why i think they're now moving onto more ridiculous areas. what we need is for women of color and other minorities (Women AND Men) to band together and create a new feminist movement with white women not as the leaders, but as the allies standing behind us.
    Most of the radical, nonsense feminists i have seen have been white women. While the ones who speak of true inequalities are non-white women, and men in the minority.
    i'm aware of the needs of feminism now, but i choose not to be one of the leaders because i feel like that path is too negative for my life. I need feminism, but i'll only consider myself an ally donating money to this war, and not a front row fighter simply because fighting drains all of my energy, and attracts negative energy to me. and i want to focus my life on more positive things, while still being aware.

  4. I read that article, and the ensuing difference of opinion. I think it is clear when someone means to hijack an argument by throwing insults and distracting statements in the guise of counterarguments.

    I'm glad you didn't lose your cool, and that you posted even more links here. Great job by the way.

    I would like to throw this question out to you though (as I don't live in North America, and so can only surmise): Qui bono? Who benefits from this debate?

    And why are the feminists, including the black feminists so adamant that we BW believe their 'rightthink'?
    If they're about freedoms and choice, then why are we not free to think what we please?

  5. Thanks Keesha, Dee Dee, Aneesa, and Anonymous.

    I was sorry to hear that you had to shut down your Facebook page Dee Dee. The troll comments must have been awful! They ruin a good thing every time by trying to control people.

  6. But earlier white feminists from the 60s and 70s like Gloria Steinem were married or were getting married so I don't know how things in general went from that direction to 'ban all marriage'! LOL But I'm still thankful for feminism because they brought out the anti-sexual harassment laws and guidelines (regarding sexual harassment at work), rape kits and the activism against treating raped women as pariahs or the 'blamed party', anti-domestic violence laws even repealing laws that allowed husbands to rape their wives, etc. that allow women to walk a little freer and taller and with much less fear inside them even if the women who made actions for these positive changes looked nothing like me for the most part those benefits still come in my direction. I'm sorry to say it but not that many BW wanted to stand up for those kind of rights for themselves and other BW back in the day because a lot of other BW thought that only BM should get their rights to freedom and the pursuit of happiness first so I have to thank the WW feminists for doing their bit at least back in the day.

    That being said I strongly believe in marriage in order for proper family planning to take place and I don't listen to 'marriage shamers' nor do I support their message.I am a child from a single parenting mother who was educated and a nurse but I remember seeing her struggle through financial difficulty sometimes even though she was very good at saving money and prioritizing and she was always tired and stressed out from working two to three jobs to keep her and I in one piece!

    I'll never forget any of that and I could never forgive myself I didn't learn from my mother's experience and if I repeated her same cycle. OOW childbearing and 'raising' has become exponential in growth and 'hair-raising'! The morning after pill is free from Planned Parenthood, contraceptives are varied and available and if sex is so important to anyone well a condom can help you out regarding that so why did OOW childbearing for BW have to reach such heights? It's high time for some ladies to get real and real fast.