This blog is about self-improvement not criticizing Black women's behaviour. It's about improving myself so that I become a better woman. It's about becoming the highest-quality woman, despite my upbringing or lineage, and attracting good, successful men of any race.
In upcoming blog posts I am going to review the things that I have learned about being an Elegant Black Woman (EBW) and how you can become an EBW too. This is what this blog was originally all about--my journey towards achieving my goal of becoming a high-quality woman, despite my upbringing or lineage, so that I can attract good, successful men of any race (you can read, It's Time for The New Elegant Black Woman, my original post that explains why I started this blog). I have learned so much over the years and I have changed so much. I am treated better than I was in the past so I think that this endeavor has been a success!
The last step I have to achieve is settling down and starting a family but I am hopeful that this is just around the corner. Education and starting a career interfered with my romantic opportunities unfortunately so I was not able to "have it all" while trying to become an educated career woman (sigh). But now is the time for me to date and find someone to settle down with, who is grown up enough to want the same thing.
In reviewing my old blog posts I think that I can summarize what I have learned into 10 lessons that every BW must learn in order to become an EBW (I narrowed things down from 12):
How to dress
How to wear your makeup
How to wear your hair
How to smile
How to speak
How to sit, stand, and walk
How to interact with others
How to spend your free time
How to date
How to be virtuous
***UPDATE November 11, 2016. Visit this PAGE to view the l0 lessons.***
Some might complain and ask why are all of the appearance lessons listed first? I did this because when you are trying to make changes in your life, it is better to start with small easy steps. That way you can start with some early successes that can boost your spirit and give you the momentum you need to complete more difficult tasks. It is much easier to change the way you look than it is to change the way you feel and the virtues you embody. You could shop for a day or two and totally change the way you look. People are also likely to treat you differently based on your feminine appearance so you can benefit from the positive treatment right away. First impressions matter, and we all know as BW that we are often stereotyped based on first impressions, just because we are Black. Also, when a change is new, the reasons for some things may be complicated or difficult to understand. Changing your look to appear more stereotypically feminine, so that people assume you are feminine, is not complicated to understand.
On the other hand, people may not notice your personality or behaviour change right away so you could feel disappointed by that. Lessons 11 and 12 will take much more time to learn and practice. People are accustomed to women changing the way they look, but they are less used to women totally changing how they act, speak, and respond to things. It is in this area where many modern women will object, often due to feminism (let's be real, they would object to the other lessons as well). Also, unfortunately many people associate being well mannered, soft, and virtuous with being White and some may actually oppose these changes for BW. They will exclaim "just be yourself and do what's natural". The problem is that being ourselves and being natural has not been helping many of us, and while feminine behaviour is rarely questioned in other women, it is both expected and discouraged for BW at the same time! When we don't act feminine we are compared to non-Black women and told we are inferior, but when we act feminine we are accused of being self-hating and trying to be something we are not! My choice is to be feminine and ignore that haters because being feminine leads to better treatment by people who matter in my life.
Furthermore, what is natural? Most of us learn how to act by observing others starting with our parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, and eventually people in the media. A child will observe these people and will often act in the same way. But what if a Black girl's role models are all highly masculine acting, aggressive, angry, depressed, uneducated, or poorly mannered? Then that girl may act the same way! Due to this negative influence, many BW will have to re-learn how to be feminine and undo the unhelpful behaviours they learned in the past. Self-improvement and remedial learning is necessary for anyone who didn't get the best training when they were younger. There is nothing wrong with self-improvement and striving to improve your life because nobody is perfect!. By leaning these 12 lessons you will feel better about yourself and other people will feel better about you! Stay tuned :)
After I removed the images from my blog I started searching royalty-free stock images of elegant Black women (EBWs). The search was hard! There are some free stock-photo sites, many of the images were not good, and most were of White women. This is because the sites are probably White owned, the photographers are mostly White, and the models are mostly White. It is what it is (sigh). Photographers and models should be paid for their work and I don't want to take advantage of them. But while looking for images I felt so left out and kept asking myself 'why aren't there more images for us'?
It is so important that Black women and girls can see images of themselves that defy racial stereotypes so that they feel free to break those stereotypes. It really is mind control! We are not all blessed with imagination, and many of us don't question why we act a certain way, or if we could be different. Sometimes just the suggestion of a different path can inspire a flurry of ideas and possibilities for someone. This is especially important for BW because, due to our history, we have been bombarded with pessimism, criticism, and legalized restrictions on what we could and could not do. Showing non-stereotypical possibilities opens minds and could lead BW and girls to defy the stereotypes. Just think back to your childhood. Do you remember ever thinking that you could not be successful, beautiful, cherished, adored, or admired because you rarely saw BW portrayed with these qualities? Only seeing White women with these traits has an impact.
So what can we do to change this? We have to seek out positive representations and support them, including support with our dollars. Selling, publishing, and buying now is easier than ever! We can produce images to show the world how we want to be represented. There are already creative people making Black dolls with Afrocentric features and natural hair, there are now many BW on TV and in movies too. I have seen some people self-publishing books and selling them, including children's books. These items can be advertised on blogs and by using social media. They can be sold using online marketplaces like Amazon, Etsy, and many others.
Well, in the process of finding images I came across some avatar makers! Some of them are actually girls games (like paper dolls) but you dress up your "doll" online and then download the images! It was quite fun and I must have made 20 images lol! Now this may seem childish, but think about all of the logos, product covers, clothing, commercials, and art that have graphic images of non-Black people on them. These were created by adult graphic designers who make a living designing these things. I'm no graphic designer, but I think I can make some simple things to decorate my blog or post for other's use. I plan to use these avatar makers when I do posts about feminine clothing as well as using Polyvore (Polyvore allows you to create fashion collages and you can post the widget on your blog. The items in the widget will show the price and brand and link to where you can purchase the product. As far as I know it's legal). Simple things like making your own decorations, book covers, wall decorations, etc. can help you to surround yourself with EBW images rather than images of other women. I'm going to find out about some of these options and share them with you as I go along. There is no reason why BW need to beg big companies to make these things for us when we can make or find them ourselves and sell to others. What we make will probably be more affordable and more to our liking anyway.
P.S. I also learned something fantastic that may be useful to bloggers. You can now use many of the images from Getty Images for free on your blog if you use their posting widget to give credit and link to their site! So I will be able to post images of EBWs all over this blog and it will be legal! Also to see a large collection of EBW images be sure to visit my Tumblr site because it's amazing!
Avatar Makers (pretty fun!): The first thing you should do with any of the games is check if they have brown skin and the hair options you want because many don't have brown skin tones.Take a look at the FAQ pages because it may be possible to use the image you create commercially if you give credit to the artist.
Hi Ladies! Here I am back again after almost a year of no blogging. I have decided to start up this blog again so that I can continue to document my Elegant Black Woman journey because it is not yet complete. So why even start this up again? Well with the US election coming up, soon Michelle Obama will no longer be in the public view. She has been a big role model for me on my EBW journey. There is also a lot of racial strife in the US right now and it makes me wonder what impact that will have on the perception of BW in general. Today we are being represented much more on television and wearing natural hair is no longer abnormal. So with all of these changes I wondered if my opinions have changed and if I have kept up with my EBW ideals.
I started this blog in 2011 when I was still in school, unemployed, and with limited funds. It's not as though I have tons of free time or cash now, but it's good to have a hobby to keep oneself occupied. To tell the truth, when I started thinking about this again I was so excited! I plan to revisit my old blog posts and do updates and make a bunch of tips that can be used to become an EBW. I would also like to try using new social media, graphic design, and monetization ideas I have been learning. This blog has just been sitting here for ages so maybe it can become a source of passive income for me. I'm being upfront and honest about this part and I think that BW could all benefit from using some of these ideas. I could even post the tips, videos, and articles I have been using and maybe it will inspire you too! This is a niche blog that only appeals to certain women, but a niche can be a good thing. Everyone has opinions so why not share mine on this blog? There is so much I have to do! I have to add images, update my links, open social media accounts, and check out whether there are any other Black femininity blogs around.
You may notice that most of my images have been removed because I don't want to risk infringing on copyrights and I may as well monetize the site since I put so much work into it! So I'm going to sign up for Adsense. I will also sign up to be an Amazon affiliate because that way I can post images of items I am talking about, including movie posters. I am in the process of collecting free clip art and I am looking around for inexpensive clip art and stock photos that I can use on the site. One thing I want to mention is that since I started looking for free photos and images it has become really clear that there are not many for Black women at all! Over the years I have gotten so many comments complaining that the women in the images I used were too light or that I should have more images. I should not have posted those images at all because they did not belong to me! I miss them because they were amazing and they are still on my Tumblr site though if you want to see them.
Well, that was my first post of 2016! Welcome or welcome back if anyone is out there watching!
P.S. I have also turned the comments back on. I had to turn them off because of annoying spammers.
Update #2: I'm so tempted to hide this post because some Black people are so mad about this and I'm not. I am so sick of people who call names and totally condemn a person just because they don't have the same opinion. I don't like to deal with such people because they are intolerant of different opinions, they think that there are concrete right and wrongs in controversial social issues, they catastrophize about one thing leading to something horrendous, and they act as if in hindsight they knew whatever would happen but everyone else was too stupid to see it. It's better to just live my life and try to be happy, find a husband, and have kids instead of bothering with this stuff. My opinion is like the opinions of the women in the video, this is just an odd thing it it not an indication that you are suddenly going to disappear because all the White women are going to turn Black. Chill. People are also mad at Melissa Harris-Perry of MSNBC because she was not mad at Dolezal either... I see things the way she does! You can watch a video about her views HERE. I like the last part of the video where she says Dolezal is like a Rorshach Test, you either see her as a hustler with bad intentions or you see her as someone who has a personal struggle with identity and doesn't see race the way everyone else does.
Well, the Interwebs are all aflutter about a professor and civil rights activist who was born to White parents but has been passing herself off as Black for 7 years. I think she has been working for the Black community for 20 years and went to Howard University. She teaches Africana Studies. You can read about her HERE or all over the internet. So what are my feelings about this?
1. I don't feel angry. Why? I just don't feel angered by what happened because it doesn't directly affect me and I don't feel the need to be angry for the people it directly affects. The people who didn't get a job because of her can be mad, or the people who feel she lied to them, but not me. Her parents can be mad that she denied her father but not me. She may be charged with fraud or something, but again, I'm not angry because this fraud isn't something I feel the need to get outraged about.
2. At first I felt flattered that she would actually want to pass as Black. She obviously did not think having dark skin was ugly (that tanning is not good for her though) and didn't find Black hair ugly either. I can't hate her for wanting to look like a Black woman.
3. As long as she taught her courses well and helped Black folks I don't care what race she is. The people who lost out jobs to her can be mad though. As far as I'm concerned, unless race was not a requirement for the jobs and only an assumption then she can apply for any job she wants.
4. She made a great effort to be Black so I'm not mad. I am flattered that she likes Black people so much.
5. She might be confused or have a self-esteem or identity problem, so again, I'm not mad if she needs mental health intervention.
6. Basically I don't understand the whole appropriation thing. People go on and on that a White person can't just take a part of Black culture without knowing the people or the history, but she does! She works and lives among Black folks and totally embraced their culture and history. No one else is going to do that. I don't understand why it's not okay for this woman to embrace Black culture when Black folks embrace White culture?
Many Black people speak a White language, consume their entertainment, wear their fashion, learn from their books, wear their hair straight, eat and cook their foods, do their dances (e.g., ballet), play their music (e.g., classical), etc. Why is that okay and not appropriation? Do Black folks have to learn and embrace White history and culture before doing those things? Yes, I admit those things are forced on people in school but any Black person as an adult can choose to have natural hair, try to always dress differently from White folks, and reject as much White culture as they want (Black folks can learn more Black history and culture if they want, people of other ethnicities do it. I did it for a period of time).
But why is this not called appropriating? Is it the case that, by definition, a Black person can never be accused of appropriating because due to the power differential, there is always the excuse that they are trying to accepted (and get advantages) so it is never seen as outrageous? Instead, some people feel sorry for the Black person and claim they are brainwashed, or they have low self-esteem, or they had to do it to survive? But, due to the power differential a White person is NEVER allowed to take on a part of Black culture? When is it not appropriating? I think in this case Rachel Dolezal has paid her dues enough to have this not be called appropriating. Or can we just admit that there is a double standard and that it is ALWAYS okay for Black people to try and fit in by embracing White culture and that it is ALWAYS appropriating when a White person embraces Black culture?
If we can just admit that people will always claim appropriation when a White person embraces Black culture then why are there all these dance classes teaching White folks Black dances? Why are they allowed at Black universities? Why are white rappers embraced? Why are Black folks selling artifacts to White folks vacationing in Africa or the Caribbean? Why are Black folks calling for White folks to listen to their stories and to value their culture but freak when they assimilate any of that culture? If you don't want to be assimilated then you have to keep your culture secret! But you aren't doing that, you are plastering your culture everywhere, selling it, and then getting pissed when people like it and want to be like you. I don't understand that! There are cultures that keep themselves secret, underground, and they keep outsiders out. I don't understand how Black folks can have their culture out in the open, selling it, and then complain about appropriation.
My feeling, keep your culture to yourself, sell it to outsiders if you want, and embrace other cultures if you want. In this information age people are going to find out about things, and unless it's against the law they are going to adopt whatever they fancy. Getting outraged all the time is just bad for your mental health because you will always feel like a victim. You are setting yourself up for misery if you keep asking to be accepted and then get outraged when you are. People will never truly accept Black women if they don't date and marry them, befriend them, hire them, and bring their form of beauty into the mainstream. The things Black folks do will never been seen as "normal and acceptable" unless the majority accepts it. In my opinion, the more the world accepts anything from Black folks (that doesn't make us look bad) the better. People may be worried that something may become a fad but why worry about that? Just keep keeping on before, during, and after the fad. If a bunch of White women start perming their hair and wearing braids that doesn't keep you being natural. But if you are of the mindset that 'if everyone is doing it then I don't want it because now it's not special' then you are choosing to reject the things you like because it became popular. To me, that isn't a good enough reason to get so outraged or for me to feel angry for you.
This whole thing reminds me of that whole debacle over that White woman who was wearing an Afro wig in New York. People trashed her for appropriation and she stopped writing her blog and wearing the wig. I don't get how so many people want to be accepted and rejected at the same time. This is my opinion and that's that. I don't care if you think it's ignorant, that's what I think and anything else would be a lie. The End.
P.S. I also have to add that I am sick and tired of the term "caping". If an issue comes up and someone has an opinion, I think it's really annoying that they are shamed because their opinion does not automatically bash White people, or Black men, or whatever or if the person is of the opinion that a certain group (e.g., BW) is overreacting or in the wrong. If it's your opinion it's your opinion. I am FIRMLY against the policing of thoughts, especially if you have no direct influence in the situation.
Enough with this generalizing that if you aren't foaming at the mouth because non-BW are wearing braids then that means you excuse everything negative White folks have done since the beginning of time. This is ONE incident. And for all of those high and mighty folks who act like we should be asking for blood because she lied on job applications...are you serious? People are getting murdered, raped, bankrupted, dying of diseases and worse things so I'm not going to bother becoming enraged, and saying "woe is me" because of this minor incident that only affects the people who actually know this woman. Take a minute to ask yourself if you are a negative person who mostly thinks the worse is going to happen and if you tend to blow the significance of things out of proportion. This is nothing, relax.
Update June 16, 2015:Well after reading a lot of forum posts and articles about this incident a lot of Black people are really MAD about this. I'm just not, so my reading didn't change how I feel. I feel something when I hear about people defrauding others of their life savings, identity theft (no she did not steal a particular person's identity, buy things, and ruin their credit), assaults, rape, things like that. This was just nothing for me. I mean my life isn't perfect and I am stressing about a couple of things right now, but Rachel Dolezal definitely isn't one of them. People are acting like something was 'taken' from them and that this is the beginning of their erasure from the planet or something.
I took a sneak peak at a BWE blog and this particular person has so much animosity for light skinned and biracial people she wants to prevent them from calling themselves Black (seriously, if you are light skinned, biracial, or not African American then you are not welcome on that Blog and the blog owner seems to think you are the enemy there to steal everything she is entitled to by the Gods or something). Well, one article I read called Sister Outside: Rachel Dolezal and the Ideology of Race made sense to me. I'm surprised that the Black people writing and commenting on this thing are so attached to the idea of race when it was socially constructed to facilitate slavery and to create a hierarchy of races where Black people are on the bottom. Why hang on tho those shackles? I mean, from what the conservatives are doing affirmative action will not be around for long so is much of this because people expect certain jobs or scholarships to be reserved for Black people and they feel personally wronged because one scholarship, and two positions were given to Rachel Dolezal? Really? Okay.
I think what some people are saying is that if a Black person was to pass then they would not be accepted as White...so? They're being a-holes. Are you just doing what you think White people would do if the situation was reversed? Anyways, this is just an isolated situation and people are catastrophizing by acting like it's a hidden epidemic stealing half of Black people's scholarships and jobs or something. I've grown tired to the outrage.
UPDATE: I was going to write something really hateful about certain people right here but I deleted it seeing how vengeful people over there can be. I don't know the commentators there anymore and I think they are very disrespectful, spiteful, self-righteous, closed-minded, and hypocritical. That is not a safe space for Black women to speak, it is a place for sheep to follow in line and call names if you don't agree with them. I don't associate with people like that in real life. It's actually making me feel sick to my stomach because I'm actually disgusted with how the people commented. I think, after all this I've lost all compassion for anyone over there I don't know who those people are. There is no bone in my body who looks up to anyone over there anymore and trusts any advice they give. They are so not for me anymore safe place for Black women my ass! I really don't like people who can't think for themselves and just jump on the bandwagon, they are freaking scary. I can't support the site anymore if I don't feel safe there and I have lost all respect for the people who comment there. I feel disgusted.
This post is about a situation that has happened on the Beyond Black and White website. Apparently the site arranged for a YouTube Blogger to go on dates with 5 Black women and it was suggested that he film those dates. Well he posts videos about dating Black women (he is White) and compared to all of the hateful BW bashing videos on YouTube I was soooo glad to find them. I think that the videos are well done and I plan to watch the ones I have not seen yet.
Well apparently, the guy said he wanted to find a relationship but then changed his mind. In one of his videos he said he is also changing the direction of his channel so I guess there won't be any more interracial stuff or saying great things about BW :( Anyways, on BB&W they were seriously bashing this guy and calling him a fraud in this POST! I can understand that the women who went on dates with him could be upset but there was no reason for so much anger and name calling! It makes us look really bad and I hope that this is not the reason why he has changed the direction of the YouTube channel. This really bothers me for some reason. His channel was a good thing for BW and now people are unsubscribing because of the dating fiasco and they are writing mean comments. I think they should be thanking him for devoting all the time and effort and probably money to boost up BW. People had the nerve to complain that he went on some
dates with light skinned BW because their features were
not Black enough. People were actually telling him it was wrong for him to be attracted to those women and you only really like BW if you like dark skinned BW and reject light skinned BW. Your complains will not make him like you more they will probably make him like you less :(
It reminds me of how irritated I was when people were bashing Sleepy Hollow because they wanted Abbey and Ichabod to fall in love right away and they were upset that his wife came back into the picture. In both situations I feel the BW had unrealistic expectations for the relationships, they were expecting things to happen right away, and merely showcasing positive images of BW (and making them stars) was not good enough. They have no patience! SPOILER ALERT: If these women had patience and didn't start telling other BW not to watch they would have seen that Ichabod ends up killing his wife this season so she is gone! But nooo, because BW have not been treated well most of the time they expect mistreatment and they walk out feeling hurt before anything bad has even happened. Women who have never even seen anything on his channel are being told not to watch any of his videos and they are slandering him to his readers! So what if he changed his mind about the relationship? I have wanted a relationship for so long but I put off seeking one because I was moving, I was busy with school, I was busy with work, or even because it was too cold in the winter. So what? It just wasn't the right time. But to them that means he's s sociopath and a fraud. Whatever. This may be part of the reason why some people don't want to deal with you, it's easier to just focus on something or someone else who doesn't turn against them so easily.
It just seems a lot of the time that BW cannot be pleased even when they are given A GIFT for free, a gift that they have been asking for over and over! It also reminds me of some of the comments I have gotten on this blog. This blog was about my personal exploration but I made it public as A GIFT to other BW who had similar goals. It took so much time to do photo posts like THIS ONE. I had to search Google Images or Tumbler for images of BW looking a certain way and I spent (I am tempted to say wasted) many hours finding the images that demonstrated what I wanted. People have the nerve to come on here and complain that some of the women are light skinned or biracial!? If you want images of dark skinned women you are free and welcome to find them yourself and post them all over your blog or Tumbler. You will probably find it difficult because you will have to choose from what is available and time is a finite resource you may not be able to spend. You will have to wade through images of BW scowling, looking hard, mean, and masculine, and once you get past that (if you care) you fill have to find someone ATTRACTIVE in a good quality photo. Furthermore, just because you have issues with light skinned women doesn't mean I do and according to some people I am actually light skinned. I tried to show variety but I will only spend so much time looking for images and I have no problem displaying light skinned or biracial women. I am not on a mission to promote dark skin, I (was) only on a mission to promote straight BW period. I am tired of these purity standards that will only accept dark women showcased. I showed variety but you choose to ignore that and have a fit if you see light skin. If you can do better please do it yourself and stop asking people for a handout. I can understand that it won't be easy to make your own TV show but if you have time to complain to me then you have time to look for images of dark skinned BW.
I think the reason why this sort of thing irks me is because sometimes it seems like BW will not be pleased and they complain even when they get a good thing. I dare say there is some entitlement going on where you feel the TV producers, the YouTube guy, and even I owe you something and that we are "wrong" for not doing what you want. I'm tired of it. Enough with the victim mentality.
Here is my post from the BB&W site, I think I'm probably the only person in dissent about the issue:
I
don't know why I am the voice of dissent on so many things that have to
do with Black folks but it is what it is. Something about this reaction
just sounds so extreme to me. Everyone has the right to their opinions
but all the name calling and labeling seems excessive given that this
account is totally one sided. I'm not taking anyone's side I'm just
being empathetic and putting myself in the shoes of each party involved.
These are my opinions.
1) None of us know this man's true
intentions but if I was a dude and I found out a bunch of women were
attracted to me I would not want to settle down if I didn't have to.
Many men play the field way longer than women would like, that's just
the way it is and in that regard this man is not abnormal, a sociopath,
or a DBR and neither is every attractive male who doesn't want a
monogamous relationship. It helps you to get through the day by thinking
he's an awful guy then go ahead and do what is best for you. Just
remember how much it hurts when you hear about BW being labelled and
scrutinized for their choices and the names we are called when we don't
give men what they want.
2) BW complain that they are not the
focus of dating shows and that they are not being shown as romantic
interests. This guy is doing just that and because of that he is now a
sociopath? He's trying to be an entertainer, did you really expect him
to fall for a woman right away and stop doing his work? Think about how
many people are set up on dating shows who want a relationship...how
many of those actually work out? BW are getting the attention they asked
for but many of you have fairytale dreams and have unrealistic ideas
about how relationships will develop (I'm no expert either) but I don't
know why anyone would think a blind date would end up as a relationship.
You want the attention but when things aren't perfect you don't want it.
There was a post on this very site about Missy Harris wanting to be on
The Bachelorette and people supported it and were disappointed when that
didn't happen. Now some dude decided to give you what you want and
you're pissed because he didn't want a commitment and wanted to date
around more. Watch what you ask for because dudes might think twice
about dating BW or encouraging it due to all of this vitriol. Please,
EVERYONE, think about what the goal of this whole experiment what and
Chris can tell us what he actual goal was. Was the goal to showcase
interracial dates so the more dates the better or was the goal to
actually fix us this man with a BW. If the goal was to showcase
interracial dating then the goal was accomplished and this man should be
thanked for doing it because I can't think or anyone else who is. If
the goal was the second, ish happens, everyone you fix up is not going
to fall in love, people change their minds, and things don't always work
out.
3) Maybe he just wasn't into her. We all know great women
who are single but just because we would date the girl does not mean
that a specific guy would. He may very well want a relationship but he
did not think he found the right girl. It happens, even to beautiful
nice girls. Yo don't have to take it personally. Just because he is
looking for a relationship doesn't mean he wants one with the girl you
picked because he knows there is no shortage of great girls.
4)
Think to yourself, is all this anger helpful to you or is it making
things worse? Do you feel more open to interracial dating and more
confident about your attractiveness or less? One guy did not want a
relationship with one woman, no need to get so upset about that. It
makes us look sort of bad. I could understand why the actual woman would
feel upset, but I don't get why so many people in the comments section
are. Maybe dude was a player and just wanted to get laid...it happens
every day.
That's my opinion, everyone has one. Entertainment and
exploitation goes hand in hand a lot of the time, for every beautiful
woman there is a man who didn't want her, and just because he wasn't
into her and wanted to get some does not make him the devil. If I was on
the date I would be hurt and cry as I usually do though so I can
understand her hurt. Fire away...
I also want to ask the women here who think he looked suspicious from
the get go...how many White dudes have you dated or spoken to on a
regular basis? The guy seemed fine to me, like someone I would get along
with. Are you just suspicious of this guy or do you feel that way about
most White dudes anyway? It might just be me but he didn't seen too
weird to me, but I like guys who are humble anyway. I feel I guess
disappointed that a good thing like this could be derailed because he
didn't fall in love with one woman. How MANY times have we complained on
our blogs about about the BM doing negative videos about us and this
one guy has done so many videos saying great things about us and showing
us as romantic interests. It's so refreshing and wonderful to me. Do
you really want to destroy this? Does he not deserve any praise for not
going around bashing us the way BM do? In fact, I found his videos a
year ago after wading through all the hate videos. Please keep the
greater goal in focus. This is what you want.
and natural hair, there are now many BW on TV and in movies too. I have seen some people self-
and selling them, including children's books. These items can be advertised on blogs and by using social media. They can be sold using online marketplaces like 
, Etsy, and many others.
1) None of us know this man's true intentions but if I was a dude and I found out a bunch of women were attracted to me I would not want to settle down if I didn't have to. Many men play the field way longer than women would like, that's just the way it is and in that regard this man is not abnormal, a sociopath, or a DBR and neither is every attractive male who doesn't want a monogamous relationship. It helps you to get through the day by thinking he's an awful guy then go ahead and do what is best for you. Just remember how much it hurts when you hear about BW being labelled and scrutinized for their choices and the names we are called when we don't give men what they want.
2) BW complain that they are not the focus of dating shows and that they are not being shown as romantic interests. This guy is doing just that and because of that he is now a sociopath? He's trying to be an entertainer, did you really expect him to fall for a woman right away and stop doing his work? Think about how many people are set up on dating shows who want a relationship...how many of those actually work out? BW are getting the attention they asked for but many of you have fairytale dreams and have unrealistic ideas about how relationships will develop (I'm no expert either) but I don't know why anyone would think a blind date would end up as a relationship. You want the attention but when things aren't perfect you don't want it. There was a post on this very site about Missy Harris wanting to be on The Bachelorette and people supported it and were disappointed when that didn't happen. Now some dude decided to give you what you want and you're pissed because he didn't want a commitment and wanted to date around more. Watch what you ask for because dudes might think twice about dating BW or encouraging it due to all of this vitriol. Please, EVERYONE, think about what the goal of this whole experiment what and Chris can tell us what he actual goal was. Was the goal to showcase interracial dates so the more dates the better or was the goal to actually fix us this man with a BW. If the goal was to showcase interracial dating then the goal was accomplished and this man should be thanked for doing it because I can't think or anyone else who is. If the goal was the second, ish happens, everyone you fix up is not going to fall in love, people change their minds, and things don't always work out.
3) Maybe he just wasn't into her. We all know great women who are single but just because we would date the girl does not mean that a specific guy would. He may very well want a relationship but he did not think he found the right girl. It happens, even to beautiful nice girls. Yo don't have to take it personally. Just because he is looking for a relationship doesn't mean he wants one with the girl you picked because he knows there is no shortage of great girls.
4) Think to yourself, is all this anger helpful to you or is it making things worse? Do you feel more open to interracial dating and more confident about your attractiveness or less? One guy did not want a relationship with one woman, no need to get so upset about that. It makes us look sort of bad. I could understand why the actual woman would feel upset, but I don't get why so many people in the comments section are. Maybe dude was a player and just wanted to get laid...it happens every day.
That's my opinion, everyone has one. Entertainment and exploitation goes hand in hand a lot of the time, for every beautiful woman there is a man who didn't want her, and just because he wasn't into her and wanted to get some does not make him the devil. If I was on the date I would be hurt and cry as I usually do though so I can understand her hurt. Fire away...