Friday, September 21, 2012

Black Women Must Advertise Their Unique Feminine Features



Those who are familiar with this blog know that I like learning how to be feminine, desirable, and successful by looking at other women (role models or competition, no matter the race), learning what they do that is positive, finding out what other people think of their behaviour, and then incorporating the positive and prized behaviours into my own repertoire. Well I just read an article about How to differentiate from other companies. This really made me think about the reputation and popularity of the current "Black woman model" and what we have to do to make the "New Elegant Black woman model" (EBW) stand out from the competition. Women of other races emphasize their good qualities and it's time Black women do the same!





This video is risque in some parts but there is no denying that these women are BEAUTIFUL! After watching this your perception of Black women's beauty will change. The more media we have like this the better we will feel about ourselves and others will finally notice what they have overlooked!


I think that Black women have some uniquely feminine and attractive features that we need to start using to our advantage in the dating market! There are things that some people have noticed but there is a huge market of people who have no idea of the unique feature we have to offer. Some of this will involve using spin to make some of stereotypical features seem more positive. This will only be useful to women who want to be noticed and approached by men so be warned. Here are the features we need to emphasize and add to our EBW product so that there is higher demand for us as companions:

  1. Full lips are feminine and ours tend to be very full. We could say "You haven't really kissed until you have kissed the luscious lips of a Black woman. Our kisses feel good everywhere (wink wink)." In fact, we could market ourselves as being the best kissers. Full lips are seen as attractive to the mainstream as evidenced by the obsession with Angelina Jolie's lips and the sales of lip injections, plumping lipsticks, and glosses (look for the bright side instead of focusing on the idea that it took a White woman to make full lips appealing to the mainstream. Now your lips are "in"). Most Black women have fuller and nicer lips than Angelina Jolie and they are natural too. Some Black women just refuse to wear any sort of make up, but by not wearing lipstick or lip gloss you are not marketing one of your most appealing feminine features! Taking the time to find a good everyday lipstick and gloss could greatly improve your look (I always wear the same colour because it works on me so I don't waste money on unnatural colours). Never let your lips look chapped or ashy and the least you can do is keep lip balms handy to prevent that. 
  2. Curvy bodies are feminine and many Black women (even the thin ones) have curves. "A Black woman is built like a real woman with curves in all the right places and she really knows how to use them. If you want curves then Black women are the best way to go!" Many in the mainstream now find larger bottoms to be attractive as evidenced by the popularity of Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian, Jessica Biel,  Braziallian models, and Brazillian but lift surgery. Let's use this to our advantage instead of complaining that it took light skinned women to make big bottoms popular (look for the bright side! Now your curves are "in"). Our curves must be emphasized with our clothing at all times. Baggy or ill-fitting clothing hides this important feature we have over the competition (especially Asian women). This is where knowing how to sew would come in handy because then you could adjust your clothes to fit your curves. Obesity is unattractive though so you need to keep your curves firm and healthy looking by exercising and eating healthy. 
  3. We need to market our natural hair as a good thing. For example, "a Black woman has the most delicate and soft hair that is fun to play with and can be worn in many styles". Being soft and delicate is feminine. Keep your hair soft by using a lot of conditioner (I conditioner wash too) and taking good care of your hair. Let people touch it so that they can learn that it is actually soft and fascinating and they will tell other people that it actually feels good. This will be hard for some women but I feel it is so important to correct negative opinions with real experiences with soft, non-greasy, healthy natural hair (it sounds really weird that Black women are the only women who won't let their hair be touched! I have no problem letting friends, family, or dates touch my hair). If you have natural hair have you noticed how surprised people are by the way it feels? This means they did not expect it to feel good and we must correct this! Men need to see playing with our unique hair as a benefit of dating Black women and then they won't use it as an excuse to date non-Black women (men are turned off by untouchable hair). The world has to see that natural Black hair is beautiful, soft, and feminine and not inferior to other women's hair. Men who want to date us will also like knowing that they will be able to touch our hair and that they don't have to go to other races for that feature.  Let them play with your fake hair too, what's the big deal, they know it's fake. 
  4. Our skin must be marketed as a good thing that makes us more appealing than other women. For example, "A Black woman's healthy skin glows and is warm, soft, smooth, and even toned. It is her skin that keeps her looking young and beautiful longer than many other women".  This is a major selling point that we must promote repeatedly! I'm actually hearing many non-Black people saying this now that I'm in my 30s and it really stands out that I look younger than White women my age. This will be very appealing to men because we know that most men prefer younger looking women. He will find it appealing to know that other men will be envious of his younger looking wife/girlfriend.  Keep your skin looking smooth, even-toned, and soft by exfoliating, shaving, and moisturizing (e.g., with cocoa butter to even out skin tone). I also hear that urea creams are good for exfoliation. Use sun screen to prevent skin discoloration and damage. 
  5. Replace the term "strong, independent Black woman" with descriptions that are more appealing. For example, "A Black woman has self-respect and does not engage in the vulgar or masculine behaviours of other women. She is willing to put in the work to get what she needs (including a fulfilling relationship) rather than expecting to be given everything with no effort. She is willing to make things work in her relationships and elsewhere in her life and does the best she can. She is smart and when the times get tough she figures out how to get through and remains loyal to her partner, family and friends". Now doesn't that sound appealing? A consumer would conclude that compared to other women, Black women have more self-respect, they work harder in life, they put more effort into their relationships, and they are more loyal. Another example would be, "A Black woman has a life of her own but makes room for relationships with a partner, family, and friends who are very important to her. She is a modern woman but still values tradition. She has the intelligence and common sense to make sure her basic needs are met but appreciates getting help and being cared for." This just sounds like a competent, intelligent, and useful person to have around instead of the negative stereotypes. 
  6. Here is a way to spin our reputation for being opinionated. "A Black woman loves to have conversations and discuss issues. She is a good listener, honest yet tactful, empathetic, and respectful of differing viewpoints. She will say what she means instead of making you guess. She is knowledgeable about current events and other cultures, and she is open-minded". I have heard several men say that they appreciate not having to guess what Black women are thinking or if they are upset, but of course this must be done with respect and tact to be appreciated. It is up to Black women to work on being knowledgeable and open-minded though. You could be the go-to women about international issues and politics but try to not focus on race all the time because it can be too controversial, argumentative, and depressing. 
  7. Here is a good way to spin our reputation for having an attitude. "A Black woman has a feisty personality and will add some spice to your life (Caribbean and African spice flavors also available lol)". Did you see that spin?  Latina women have used the terms "fiery" and "spicy" to their advantage instead of terms like "crazy" or "quick to anger". This is where I think it is so important that Black women learn to cook, cook well, and (at least occasionally) cook something spicy or delicious for the men they are dating. So many modern women refused to learn how to cook because of feminism. We can use that to our advantage by being known as the ones who can cook! We have all heard that food is the way to a man's heart so why not use that information to our advantage? I personally think that we should play up our exotic factor. Many men do not like the ordinary and we can be the exotic adventure they are looking for. I think Black women could actually make tropical print dresses our signature feminine look all year long in order to look exotic and feminine but different from many other women. Wearing flowers in our hair could also be our thing. We don't want to look too different but we want to have just the right amount of spice to set our product apart from the competition. 
So on top of being an elegant Black woman who is feminine, kind, sweet, intelligent, graceful etc. we can now describe Black women in this positive way. Fight negative propaganda with positive propaganda. This is how you can describe yourself or any EBW:

Well I think that Black women are amazing! Seriously, you haven't really kissed until you have kissed the luscious lips of a Black woman. Our kisses feel good everywhere and there is no comparison. A Black woman is built like a real woman with curves in all the right places and she really knows how to use them. If you want curves then Black women are the best way to go! We also have the most delicate and soft hair that is fun to play with and can be worn in really cool styles no one else can do. A Black woman's healthy skin glows and is warm, soft, smooth, and even toned. It is her skin that keeps her looking young and beautiful longer than many other women. While the rest are looking old an haggard we still look young and beautiful! Black women have self-respect and don't engage in the vulgar or masculine behaviours of other women. We are willing to put in the work to get what we need (including a fulfilling relationship) rather than expecting to be given everything with no effort. We are willing to make things work in our relationships and elsewhere in our lives and we do the best we can. Black women are smart and when the times get tough we figure out how to get through and remain loyal to our partners, families and friends. A Black woman has a life of her own but makes room for relationships with a partner, family, and friends who are very important to her. She is a modern woman but still values tradition. She has the intelligence and common sense to make sure her basic needs are met but appreciates getting help and being cared for. A Black woman loves to have conversations and discuss issues. She is a good listener, honest yet tactful, empathetic, and respectful of differing viewpoints. She will say what she means instead of making you guess. She is knowledgeable about current events and other cultures, and she is open-minded. A Black woman has a feisty personality and will add some spice to your life and being with her will be like taking a trip across the world.
Now that's the type of positive description I want to start hearing about Black women by Black women and those who love them. Spread it around and use it to think positively about yourself. It definitely made me feel good writing it :) You can also read my previous post about the Black Standard of Beauty.



Black women age so well and maintain our youth longer than  most other women. Youth and beauty it highly valued and you will hold on to yours much longer than the rest!


43 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I have to concur ....as you said "the article was awesome". But, unfortunately like most articles of this nature doesn't truly reflect the realties, attitudes, mind set, or the "truths" as we see, and continue to see today.

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    2. The might of the pen can never be overestimated "Jon John". It is like the story of the eagle that grew up with chickens. The time has come for black women to spread their wings and fly boldly and gracefully into the sun. Change is good; embrace it and soar or remain at the bottom scratching away in negativity.

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  2. This was an amazing post! I saved it in my "life goal" journal. :)

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  3. Superb post! This is a wonderful example of using the cards we have to our advantage! Love it!

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  4. Great post!
    Another unique feature black women have to embrace are our noses. Each black woman has a unique nose that gives her own very natural, cute and quirky charm. I think it adds to the "it" factor black women have when were relaxed, feminine, and radiating positive energy.
    Lol I know this seems random but I notice a lot of white/asian/latina women adopting hipster culture in an attempt to be the next Zooey Deschanel (aka unique and free spirited)They do it mostly b/c they're well aware that their features and personalities resemble one another VERY much and it's easy to get lost in the crowd. We don't have to worry about that! Black women are often ashamed of their noses (we all know why, won't go into details lol) and some even have gotten or wish to get plastic surgery *smh* I know I shouldn't judge other women, but I don't think the universe makes mistakes. The different shades of brown that make up our skin tones compliment our full features:we have a natural warmth and sensual quality to us (like a warm blanket lol). Let's not angst over our features that that don't resemble non-BW anymore, embrace them! A distinguishing trait is a powerful weapon for ALL feminine women :)

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    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. I love this!!! Yes, companies do this all the time. What a phenomenally simple yet profound idea. Please hug yourself as you have just revealed hidden gems today. May God bless you!!!! Thank you.

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  5. Wonderful, classic, a home run! It's very well received at Black Women With Other Brothers on Facebook.

    You are gem my dear keep up the GREAT work!!

    Love, DDR

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  6. This is a lovely post, very positive and uplifting. :)

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  7. u r an f-ing genius!
    end of story!

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  8. Thank you everyone for all the positive comments :) Thank you Dee Dee Russell...lol I was wondering why this post got so many views so fast! I truly believe everything I wrote, more people just have to recognize it :)

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  9. Elegance I stan for you and appreciate what you do very much and should have a perm-link from this page; the fam at BWWOB on FB adore your posts as you well know. I'm glad you no longer debate or tolerate trolls, too many BW do. I think it's a weak move. I experimented with letting 'anyone' comment during the first 2 weeks of operating that page...well! I think you know what happened. BM, WW and ghetto girls came up to argue and throw hate. So now comments are limited to Black Women and Other Brothers still, sock puppets come through but at the first snarky post they are gone.

    Your current post has the comments closed or I'd post this there. I don't understand why those who disagree with you come to your space. When I don't care for someone I totally ignore them.

    BW make themselves an easy target being too accepting of disses but I call it enabling dysfunctional behaviors.

    Too many BW spent hours debating with fools who will never love them nor support them, smh.

    You might enjoy this! When I placed my new comment policy on the FB page I got email from BM and WW asking why their post was removed -from a BW swirl page! Ha! They have nothing to do with BW swirling but think they have the right to stick their nose in our biz. Not on my dime.

    Sorry to ramble I type very fast.
    Peace to you as always!

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  10. Thank you so much for your comment Dee Dee, it was just what I needed. You are right, some people just convince Black women (and others) that they have to listen to disrespect in order to be fair and let others have their say. For instance, we are told to look past the cursing and disrespect of some rap songs and hear the message behind the song or understand the pain of the male artist. Sorry, I'm not going tolerate drinking just a little poison with my wine...I throw the poisoned wine out! I'll just choose something that doesn't offend me.

    I deleted a bunch of comments and saw that I went back and forth with a couple of anonymous posters and wrote so much. Why? Because they think may beliefs are okay but only if I hold them for "the right" reasons or state them "the right" way. No more, I don't have time for that.

    That story about your facebook page is funny. It's like people believe it's their right to be heard about anything and others have to give them a chance to speak. It's something about being online that makes people feel this entitlement. But on this blog I'm going to treat people they way I would in real life. If I feel disrespected by a stranger I stop conversing with them and move away. Especially since on this blog I want to foster a higher standard of behaviour I should not tolerate the same sort of comments allowed on other blogs.

    Well live and learn and today's lesson for me is to be more assertive, don't tolerate being disrespected, and stop wasting my time with useless arguments!

    See you again soon :)

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  11. Great article!

    Richelle

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  12. Excellent, EXCELLENT post!! I've bookmarked this one!! I really needed that reminder today. Thanks so much!!

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  13. I loved this post u are an absolute spin doctor... much of which we truly need considering our current rep. When I read this post it made me think of some quotes Sofia Veraga said in Allure magazine about being a latina. It seemed very relevant to their "positive" marketing. check it out http://bossip.com/626133/quote-of-the-day-in-latin-america-if-you-dont-have-a-big-a-youre-nothing-sofia-vergara-43081/

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  14. Haha Shae, thanks for the link Shae. Yes I think "passionate" is a great way to put it. Being confident and focusing on your good points is very attractive and positive marketing for us all :)

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  15. I read this post a yesterday but I was mobile so couldn't really leave a comment so here I am.
    I absolutely LOVE this post! It's incredibly uplifting and it sends out a clear message. We should all stop complaining about what mean racist people say and think about us. I've heard too many times that black women weren't attractive and that we're masculine etc.
    Of course I was confuse when I heard and read these awful things because non of it reflected me or my lifestyle. My experience is totally different.

    Anyway, I liked this post so much so that I started actually using more positive descriptions for black women and myself in particular. Even yesterday I was telling my guy how much I love being a black woman because we understand how to be loyal and devoted as partners etc. He just smiled and agreed with everything I said. A-m-a-z-i-n-g!
    This morning I caught my guy looking at my while I was getting dressed in front the mirror and I turned to him and said how much I love my black genes because I know I'm going stay youthful looking way into my 50s. He just looked at me with so much admiration in his eyes. I think that we should start using positive words to describe ourselves with everyone, especially with men, but at least be careful as coming across as conceited though.

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  16. Awesome post and loving it. Thank you so much!!!
    I agree 200% on this and I love how you 'redirected' #5 "Strong Black woman." That term makes me cringe! Doesn't sound very attractive nor feminine. When I describe myself to a guy, I tell them 'loving, caring, intelligent, etc..you know the rest! I'm human just like the rest of the women in the world and qualities that attract. Being a comic fan, the last time I checked Superman, Wonderwoman, Green Lantern are fictitious character with super strength abilities either not from Earth or made by a supernatural/supreme force from another realm. Those are the strong ones, not us.

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  17. I have always made an effort to teach my daughter & the other young ladies in my circle the importance of elegance, femininity, and intelligence; expressing that these characteristics combined is what makes a woman sexy. I just want to say how very proud I was to see my college age daughter post a link to your awesome blog on her Facebook page tagging myself, her friends, family & other hopeful future EBW’s. Thanks for your very encouraging blog & although I’m over 40, I learn something new every time I read EBW. Keep up the great work. Peace & blessings to you.

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  18. Thank you again everyone for your fantastic comments! I had no idea that anyone would like this post so much! We really have to focus on our positives and compliment each other much more! Don't you know you're amazing? I hope you all realize it now :) Your comments were really touching for me and I thank you so much for them :)

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  19. Hey sweetie:). What is the name of the lip color u like to wear? I 'm in love with NARS "easy lover"

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  20. Just read thru the comments,you've become so popular now,bravo.

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  21. Hi Chic Noir :)

    I wear Mocha by NYC. It's an inexpensive colour that looks great on me, it's like my nude colour. I just wear it with lip liner and some gloss.

    Lol about the popularity! I think there are some new readers but I don't want the blog to be very popular among the haters though. I wish that there were more similar blogs so that it wouldn't seem so unusual to people :)

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  22. Mocha by NYC ,Hey thanks for that. Will be going to an Ulta very soon. NARS is a bit pricey but the colors really work for us.

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  23. Nars lipgloss and lipsticks I mean, the blushes aren't bad either.

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  24. Love it! And you're right about make up! I'm trying to learn more about it to highlight my features.

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  25. I AGREE 100%!!

    I drifted away for a minute and when I realized what I missed,I immediately start returning to how I was raised. I would like to add that wearing colors that compliment our skin tones is another asset. Not many can wear gem tones as well as we.

    I enjoy your blog immensely.

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  26. I definitely agree on this one post in particular.

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  27. Thanks for the great article and much needed reminder.

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  28. I found this after I was looking for is natural black hair feminine. Um...apparently it is! We forget sometimes how much we are really just okay. No artificial stuff needed.

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  29. As a tenage black girl, who lives ina mostly white community, it's nice to finally read something that uplifts my looks and celebrates my feautures rather than putting them down or ignoring them all together! So thank you so much for this post, it was great! And thank you for creating such an awesome blog that I can add to my self-esteem repertoire!

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  30. i'm 17 and I think this is beautiful :)

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  31. This is a perfect description of a black woman but unforntunatly there are still men who are going to one look at the dark color and never say anything to us or two not believe that positive black women exisist after watching cable tv

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    1. Instead of complaining about how the men who don't want black women, we need to focus on those that do want black women and see the unique beauty in black women. That's the problem with some black women. We feed into negativity about us too much to the point of not seeing the positive side of black women. A lot of that is mostly our doing. Maybe if we change how we are and how we look, then men and people in general will not look at us in a negative way. Instead of complaining, we need to do something about it.

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  32. Ok, I appreciate this kind of effort to present physical qualities that make black women unique. I think we should see the beauty in what we have but also change things that lower our confidence. If you've always hated your nose, telling yourself it looks pretty is not going to work. Get it fixed to your liking. Self improvement is required to fuel good self esteem.

    However, here's the thing, men like what they like and unfortunately their taste rarely changes. Do I think we well ever be the flavor of the day? I honestly don't know...anything is possible. However, it will only happen when we focus on being the best women out there holistically and not wanting others to validate who we are or even accept us for that matter. At the end of the day, what is most important is that we have done tangible work to be high quality women who have proven their worth to themselves and to the world. Remember, admiration is 100 percent voluntary.

    How do we go about being that kind of woman? Looks play a strong role. We've got to maximize everything and aim to be symmetrical more than anything else. Be very clean, modest, classic, stylish, and know how to speak eloquently. Make up should be natural and done well. Simple hairstyles that don't take attention away from your facial beauty and that appear no fuss.

    Intrinsic qualities would be developing our communities to the point where they are safe and clean. Ensuring our children have high grades in school and perform well on standardize tests.
    Things like this reflect on the caliber of mothers we are. Some of us are excelling because a know of some black mothers who have very high achieving children, but other black mothers need to work steadfast in improving their children's report cards, which is also their own.

    Cook healthy, exercise and ensure people in your family have weight that's monitored. Letting children or yourself get fat screams life is out of control and I have poor management skills. Being a population of women that has few reports out of poor health says that we take care of ourselves and are effective at taking care of others = worthwhile to be with.

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    1. By this comment that I'm reading, it sounds a bit negative. Ellegance is telling black women to using their unique looks to their advantage in their dating market. You make it seem like there's no hope for black women to be the flavor of the day, and I believe that EVERYTHING is possible if you put your best foot forward. I disagree with you telling black women that they should change their nose. Why would you tell black women to change something that's part of our racial make-up. Sounds like self-hate to me. So instead of complaining about what men like and saying that men like what they like as if black women are at the bottom, we should do something that will draw more eligible men to us. Complaining what men like is not going to change.

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  33. Amen!!!! You are so wise. I totally need to come back and peruse this website.

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  34. I really enjoy this post (I even pinned it to Pinterest )! Thanks for creating this blog, I am a teenager and I have been reading this blog for years, but I was too shy to comment.

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  35. That was a beautiful video! The music was a great complement too. Also, of course Elegance this article is still very well received. :) This video makes me want to add more images to my Tumblr blog.

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