Many Black Women are Too Submissive

Yes, you read the title correctly, I think that many Black women are too submissive! Dictionary.com defines submission as:

1. inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
2. marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.

Many of you reading this know Black women who don't seem submissive according to this definition. These are the strong, independent Black women who say they can do everything themselves and don't need a man or anyone else. These women are self-sufficient no matter how much money they make or how educated they are. They run their households and will not allow themselves to be disrespected. I agree, on the surface many of these women do not seem submissive. But take a look at the definition of submissive behaviour by Changingminds.org:

submissive (or passive) behavior means shying away from saying what you really mean and not seeking to achieve your needs, particularly when someone else has conflicting needs. A submissive person is a shrinking violet, avoiding upsetting others either because they fear them or they fear to hurt their feelings.

When things go wrong, the submissive person is likely to assume that they are to blame in some way, and accept culpability when singled out by other people.

According to that definition, many Black women are actually too submissive when it comes to having sex and babies with Black men! Think about all those Black women out there who are sweet talked by men who they suspect are no good and end up sleeping with them. Men will tell women they don't need labels on their relationship, polygamy is the African way and it's natural, let's have a baby without getting married, sex is no big deal, I don't see my children because their mother is crazy etc., and women STILL sleep with them! If a Black man says "jump" they refuse, unless they are told "jump into my bed" and then they quickly obey! Given the out of wedlock birth rate for Black women being the highest in North America, Black women are actually the most submissive women! These women are too submissive because they are giving into men who have conflicting needs. A man who's statements and behaviour is telling you he will never commit to you or your children has conflicting needs and your having sex with him will not change that. You are behaving too submissively when you put your needs aside because the man wants you for the moment! Men don't do things that do not benefit them so why are you?

I hear you saying, many women, of many ethinicities are submissive and give in to men pressuring them for sex. But Black women do it more often with men who are no good! Other women act submissively by letting the men be men, cooking, cleaning and other almost trivial ways, but they are less submissive when it comes to having sex! They hold out and refuse to have children without marriage! Some women will submit to sex but only when the man actually has something to offer them other than the promise of love. These men have resources and from their behaviour, there is actually A CHANCE that they will commit. They are not submitting to a man who has never achieved anything in his life with the hope that one day, with your love, he will pull himself together and change. These women try to get more than love which would be consistent with their needs! They hold out and refuse to have children without marriage!

Some Black women are also too submissive when it comes to the Black community. These women will actually date, sleep, and have children with men who have nothing to offer because the Black community pressures them to do so! They are told to forget about getting a successful Black man, just go for any Black man who could possibly love you and help him to succeed. Don't go for a successful man of another ethnicity because then you will be abandoning Black men and you owe them. Black men are struggling, so lower your standards and don't expect them to have an education, or a job. It's okay if he has children with other women , if he cheats on you, or if he's a criminal. 

Take a look at yourself and if you believe it is your duty to give any Black man a chance, even if he has nothing to offer but the promise of love (you might not even get that) then you are being too submissive! Do you think women of other ethnicities fall for that pressure? No! They are strong and don't even bother with men who have nothing, and they will date outside their ethnicity if that man is successful and treats them well! Yes, when Black women do the same thing they are called goldiggers, but other women are mostly exempt from that label because men and women understand that this mindset is in their best interest! No one would expect them to do anything that is against their best interests! But that is exactly what men are telling Black women to accept!  They are pressuring us to be submissive to no good men, just because they are Black! Think about it, what's worse, cooking dinner for man you have known for two weeks because he asks or having sex with a man you have known for two weeks because he asks? Which is more submissive? Which could have the more serious consequences?

So what do you think? I think some Black women are the most submissive women when it comes to having sex, making babies, and having relationships; these are three serious choices that can have lifelong consequences. Instead of this being recognized as a type of submission we are blamed for not closing our legs and going for thugs (no blame placed on the domineering men). We have to change the way we are submissive! Other women may be submissive when it comes to doing minor things their men want, domestic duties, and trivial behaviours (e.g., letting the man make dinner plans, having the last say on unimportant things etc.) but when it comes to having sex, babies, and relationships these women are DOMINANT and they SAY NO! Only be submissive if it's in your best interest!

Articles:
Why Weak Men Want Submissive Women (excellent article!)
Women of Color Undervalued and Stereotyped

This EBW is Learning How to Sew

I have decided to save up to buy a sewing machine! The reason for this is very practical. I lost a lot of weight and now I have over a dozen really nice blazers that are way too big. I have a few options:

1. Do nothing and let the blazers sit where they are because I might gain all the weight back anyway (no way!!!). But what will I wear in the meantime?
2. Donate all the blazers to charity and buy new ones. This will be expensive.
3. Take the blazers to a tailor to have them altered. This will also be expensive. Most of them are second hand and altering may cost most than I actually paid for the!
4. Buy a sewing machine, learn how to use it, and alter all the blazers myself.

I have chosen option #4 because although buying the machine will be an investment it will pay for itself because I won't have to buy new blazers or pay for a tailor. Furthermore, as long as I (and my future family) wear clothes I may need to make alterations. I can already make minor repairs to my clothing by hand, but a machine will be better for the large scale alterations I have to make. Doing all the alterations may take a year, but why not learn a new skill?

This is a traditional female skill but it is useful, and in these economic times it makes sense to do things yourself and not waste money. Many people dream about becoming rich and never cooking, cleaning, or doing almost anything for themselves. But this is reality and I don't have a maid. We throw away too much money to restaurants, housecleaning services, handymen, and other services that people used to just do for themselves. Isn't it better to be self-sufficient and use our hard earned money for more important things? Altering my clothes will make them fit and look better. If any of you have watched "What not to Wear" then you have probably heard them recommend altering the clothes you buy so that they fit better (I watch the show occasionally but I think they way too superficial and narrow-minded).

My mother can sew and I actually learned a little back in high school. But I didn't keep it up because, as was typical for me, I though anything that was traditionally feminine was beneath me and all modern women. I'm thinking differently about it now. I don't think I'll ever start making my own clothes, but I could do other things like make curtains, pillows, place mats, and simple things instead of buying them. Just think about all of those home decorating and renovation shows like "Take This House and Sell It" where a seamstress makes the curtains and pillows...I could do that! It could be a worthwhile hobby :)

Here are some articles on the benefits of sewing:
The Many Benefits of Sewing
Benefits of Sewing
Learn to Sew: Benefits of Sewing
Studies Show Benefits of Sewing

Dorothy Dandridge, the Quintessential Elegant Black Woman

I have never actually seen one of Dorothy Dandridge's performances but I have watched the HBO docudrama, "Introducing Dorothy Dandridge" twice. It stars Halle Berry and I believe she won an award for her performance. Fortunately, I found some video tributes on YouTube! This woman is beautiful, graceful, refined, stylish, super feminine, delicate, elegant of course, and highly talented! Ladies, this is the quintessential EBW!

Pin Up Girl Style for Black Women

What do you think of you you hear the words "pin up girl"? I'm not talking pornographic centerfold, I'm talking about pin-up girls of the 40s and 50s  (and they were mostly White). Pin up girl makes me think of whimsical photos of curvy, rosy cheeked women in provocative and playful poses. Pin up girls are sexy because of their poses and form fitting clothing (no nudity), but they also appear innocent because of their big smiles. They don't appear to know they are sexy and they are definitely not trying to be sexy. There is an innocent nymph quality to the photos. This video can tell you a bit about the origins of the pin up art genre and why they are different from centerfolds and many modeling photos today. The video below is full of cute, feminine pinup art.

More videos: Slideshow 2, Black pin ups 1, Black pin ups 2, Modern pin ups,

Do you notice the difference between the pin up model and the two models in the photos below? 

It's the attitude! The pin up model is smiling and just being pleasant and feminine, and any sexiness is inadvertent. On the other hand, the other models (Christina Millian and Nikki Minaj) are not smiling, and they look like they are hungry for sex and want everyone to know it. You can like sex, but being sexually aggressive and advertising that is very masculine. Feminine sexuality is more subtle. The pin up girl looks friendly, playful, and approachable. But Nikki and Christina could scare off some men with their sexual aggression or attract the wrong kind of men. I'm not naive, I know that women will be thought of as sex objects by most men, the difference is that men will ONLY look for sex from women who pose like Nikki and Christina. Take a look at these Google images from King Magazine (images). Barely any of the models are smiling! Who took these photos? Men complain that Black women look mean but they take these photos and buy magazines full of women who look like this! Everyone should get some tips from Angelique Noire, a modern day pin up girl, who happens to be Black and beautiful. Her smile and playfulness is very reminiscent of the 1940s pin ups and she has great natural hair too! (Thanks for the link Black Girl int he City :)

The pin up style is great for Black women who have curves and even plus sized women. You can work some elements of the style into your current wardrobe. The key is that the clothes are feminine and fit your curves, but they don't have to be short or revealing. My favorite pin up style item is the pencil skirt (video and see photo below). They are appropriate for work, dates, or a night on the town. They make your backside pop and give you a sexy wiggle when you walk. I love to wear mine high on the waist because it makes my waist look narrower, my thighs look thinner, and they look great with feminine tops. Key elements of this style are kitten heels, curly hair, red lips, nylons with garters, and sheer undergarments. There are many videos on YouTube about pin up hairstyles and make up (by black women), as well as clothing options. This is a style befitting any EBW.

Many of you have probably seen modern pin up models. For some reason people thought that new pin up models needed some sort of "edge" so now they have tattoos and piercings and aren't often smiling in their photos (I prefer the old style). There is also a store called Pin Up Girl Clothing that sells this style of clothing exclusively (notice the tattoos and almost no one is smiling). 

Videos
Ashanti - Good Good (showing modern pin up style on a Black woman, love this song)

Kreesha Turner - Don't Call me Baby (towards the end of video, she's Black, love this song)
Kanye West - Goldigger (lyrics are negative about women, not enough smiling so the women don't look innocent and playful)
Katy Perry's style

Articles
Modern Pin up photos
20 Classic On-up Girls Before and After (fascinating! They made the waists smaller, hair bigger, and bodies curvier)
How to Dress Like a Pin up Girl
10 Ways to Look Like a Pin Up Girl

B- Lifestyle in Japan

I just read a fascinating article on Clutch Magazine called "B-Style: Japanese Youth Reject Convention in the Pursuit of Blackness". You must watch the video below!

For Hip Hop News & Entertainment at DimeWars.Com

Here are my thoughts about the article and video:

1. It makes me happy to know that some people think Black women are so beautiful that they want to look like us. In Japanese society (and many others) where pale skin is the epitome of beauty, some people think dark skin is more attractive and healthier looking. It was amazing watching the video and hearing the women say that Black women looked so good and cute. The B-style women use dark tanning just like light-skinned women in North America who tan and prefer their skin to be dark (just not as dark). They also like Afro-textured hair and braids (unlike some men over here). I didn't hear any of the women saying the Black women looked hard or unfeminine, they think the Black women look beautiful, cute, and pretty and that our styles look good. 
2. I think that the Japanese women wearing the styles are still cute but it does make them look harder than the kawaii girls (I'm not a fan of the piercings). But they still look feminine don't they? Would a Black woman dressed the same way still appear cute? I did notice the women in the video were smiling a lot so maybe that's the difference. It didn't seem like they were swearing or speaking in a harsh, masculine manner either. Wearing hip hop fashion is not the same as acting ghetto and hard. Wear it, don't be it.
3. I wish they would not use tanning beds. I just can't cosign anyone trying to look Black if it would endanger their health. Self-tanners are the best option. It would be horrible if some of these women ended up with skin cancer in 20 years because of a fashion trend they liked when they were young and innocent. Are they doing blackface? I don't think that is their intention and it's different from White American kids having those offensive hip hop costume parties. The people at those parties were making fun of Black people not appreciating them. They were putting on costumes not embracing a fashion trend. Tanning beds exist to make skin dark, the Japanese are just going extra dark. Now if they started painting their lips white and putting on Amos and Andy routines that would be another story!
4. I wish that people around the world did not think that hip hop culture was synonymous with "Black culture". I cringed when I saw the women watching 50cent's Candy Shop video. Do they even understand his degrading lyrics? Are they pumping more money into the rap industry that actually degrades all Black people? I think they just like the beats (as do I), don't understand the lyrics, have never lived the dangerous street lifestyle (most of us haven't), and just like the fashion. I can't fault them for that because the hip hop industry likes it that way and goes to great lengths to promote it as the only   "authentic Blackness" today, even for other Black people! I hope that they don't start accepting the degradation of women, using the n-word, and thinking drug dealing and gangs are cool. I want Black people to stop liking those things and it would be better if the Japanese did not embrace those things either. Am I offended by it? No. They have been sold a commercialized music/fashion style just like everyone else. I think that fashion is fashion. I like Japanese fashion and prefer kawaii to hip hop fashion :)
5. Someone commented that they thought that some Black men would prefer an Asian woman acting Black to an actual Black woman. I wouldn't be surprised if that was true, even if the woman had a bad attitude and was a golddigger. Anyone who excuses the same behaviour in one person or "race" over another just has a preference for that person or "race" period.
6. It was interesting hearing the comments of the B-girl's mother. The mother said that the girl was in school and healthy so the unusual fashion was okay. She knew that when her daughter got older she would give that all up and dress in a mature manner. That's exactly what Black people have to do! You have to put that aside after a while and grow up, tone things down, speak properly, and live a respectable (non-criminal) life. For some reason, young Black people are so immersed in hip hop culture they can't act in any other way. It's just a fashion, not an inherent part of your personality or DNA as a Black person. Giving it up or never liking it in the first place does not mean you are not Black.
7. I didn't like Dime Wars' spin on the video. They entitled their article "Dang! When Black Women are Trying so Hard to Not Look Like Themselves, Japanese Women are Trying to Look Like Them". What a backhanded compliment! Instead of just looking at it as an appreciation of Black women, the writer had to criticize Black women for wearing hair extensions. While there are some Black men who like our style there are many others who hate it. You can't please everyone nor should you bother trying. I bet if the Japanese women started wearing wigs and hair extensions (they already do actually) they would be given a pass because they have long straight hair underneath. It takes a real talent (sarcasm) to turn that video into a criticism of Black women.

Articles:
NajaBarbie (MUTE your computer if you are at work :) Take a look at the photos. Do Black women look cute when the wear the same things? Is there a difference? Honestly, maybe it's because they're thin so the clothes look better on them the way high fashion is made for skinny models. Clothes just don't look as good if you are bigger. Is that it? Plus, a lot of them are smiling.)

Tokyo Ms. Kicks (Wow! You have to see this blog!!!)
Gyaru Gal Styles
BGal tumbler (photos!)
Surprisingly there are many blogs by Black women and White women who love this stuff!
Videos:
B-Gyaru Love (view this on mute because music is horrible)
Tokyo Sera Toujours Tokyo
Top 15 Japanese Fashion Styles (yeah, they had a style called blackface...not sure if it had to do with Black people though)
B-Gyaru and Rasta (speechless...look at the hair!)