The same thing happens when discussing, class, poverty, crime, beauty standards, fat acceptance, natural hair, and anything where people are not equal. I think that complainers want others to either somehow give up their privilege to them. Or they want others to feel very guilty, as though they have wrongfully taken the privilege away from the complainers! For example, if someone has the privilege of going to university, wants to marry someone with the same privilege, and wants to send their kids to university too what is wrong with that? Why are they made to feel guilty about the opportunity they have been given? I mean if you win a free car would you refuse to drive it because other people didn't win cars? If you have good health are you going to try to catch diseases because other people were not so lucky? If you live in a safe neighbourhood are you going to hang out in dangerous neighbourhoods so that you can risk your life too? It doesn't make sense to me to do any of those things. That would be throwing away the good thing that you have and wasting your opportunity that others would be grateful for. Maybe you didn't work for your privileges but maybe your parents and ancestors sacrificed a lot for you to have them. It is disrespectful to them for you to not accept their gifts.
Isn't giving up privileges like throwing away money, safety, health, positive relationships, and positive experiences? Is someone a bad person if they don't want to give those things up? If you got a promotion would you give that up to another coworker because they had a hard life? Would you turn down a scholarship that you need because you haven't suffered as much as someone else? Would you refuse to marry the love of your life because other people didn't have the chance to marry? This also reminds me of dating and the way some women are stating their standards including only wanting a man who is educated and who has a certain type of job or social class. Some men will get so upset and insisting that their standards are too high because of A, B, and C bad circumstances that happened or they were born into. They want to be given the same chance as men who meet the women's standards and ignore all of the privileges they would be giving up. What I feel for them is pity and I will not date someone out of pity.
Sometimes it sounds as if people are saying "since you have more privileges than me you are not allowed to complain as much as I do. You also have to put up with my unpleasant behaviour without complaint". Seriously, when you hear the reaction of people to certain things in the news it sounds like they feel that, because of inequality, crimes committed by Black people, poor people, people without fathers, people who have been abused, people from dangerous neighborhoods etc. should be excused and get a free pass while others are punished for the same behaviours. I think what they mean is don't blame the person but blame their circumstances. But if the circumstances of a whole bunch of people are horrible and that causes them to be unpleasant then how can that be ignored? They make life unpleasant for anyone who comes in contact with them. I know that Black people are often punished more harshly for the same crime but people act like there should be no punishment at all or something way too lenient given the crime. A dangerous person is a dangerous person and I want them to be prevented from harming others no matter what caused them to be that way in the first place.
At other times it sounds like, "since you have so much privilege you need to do something to help me get the same privileges even it that would mean losing something yourself". Why should anyone feel compelled to give up the good things they have? Is it even possible to give up one's privilege? They would either have to share more, sacrifice time and resources, or sometimes risk a lot in order to help others. These sacrifices are usually only done for family and close friends (or through work or volunteering) because everyone's resources and time is limited. But if that is what less fortunate people are asking for then they should come out and admit that! Admit that they want you to feel guilty or sad for them, that they want you to fight for their cause and tell their story, and that they want you to comfort them. If you want people to fight for you then stop with the guilt trips that make people want to avoid you! If you just want comfort then be nice because no one wants to comfort a jerk! Be honest because that's the only way people will know how to react to you and give you what you need.
I've noticed these mixed messages in posts about colourism where the poster and commenters are asking for more appreciation of women with darker skin tones or certain facial features, typically someone who looks like India Arie. But let's be honest, if that happens then women who don't look like India Arie (including many BW) will have fewer chances to see women who look like them. This would be fine if there were many examples of BW in the media, but BW are already underrepresented. I think that some BW are just more acceptable to the mainstream (i.e., most White people and most other racial minorities in Western countries). I think BM are fine with the BW in the media today (not hearing complaints). It is mainly dark skinned women who are complaining and sometimes being downright hateful towards lighter skinned women. Other people may be willing to help their cause but they should not be surprised if lighter skinned women end up pitying or even disliking them. They should also not be surprised when people who did not think dark skin was a drawback have now learned that it is because dark skinned women worked so hard to convince them this was a fact.
Lastly, there are certain privileges that come from being a woman but they are being slowly eroded at the request of some feminists. I think it is actually a privilege to be the ones who are not expected to fight, get hurt, and do the heavy and dirty work. We are the ones who are protected by men when they are expected to protect themselves. It is a privilege to have doors opened for us, to go first, to have dates paid for and I really appreciate those things. I don't feel entitled to them but I do like them. We also get to wear feminine clothes and makeup or dress like men with little disapproval but men who dress like women face much harsher criticism. Men have many privileges too but this post isn't about them. I think feminists want us to give up these privileges so that everyone treats men and women exactly the same. Some of them even want men and women to look the same (androgynous). The extremists wouldn't mind if we ignored biological sex all together and just partnered with any human being. Some are big proponents of casual sex and open relationships, and some think marriage is antiquated and should be forgotten, yet others are fighting hard for same-sex marriage? Personally, I don't want to give up any of my feminine privileges.
Feeling Pity
When it is pointed out that other people are suffering and have things harder than I do I can't help but feel pity. Pity is defined as:
1. Sympathy and sorrow aroused by the misfortune or suffering of another.
2. A matter of regret: It's a pity she can't attend the reception.
Synonyms: compassion, commiseration, sympathy, condolence, empathy
These nouns signify kindly concern aroused by the misfortune, affliction, or suffering of another. Pity often implies a feeling of sorrow that inclines one to help or to show mercy: felt pity for the outcast.
I'm wondering how someone who is complaining about their horrible life could be surprised that someone pities them? As you can see from the definition, when someone tells a story of their misfortune and suffering then people feel pity, concern, or even that they need to help the person. THIS IS THE NATURAL REACTION and (even though people will deny it) this was the reason for the sob story in the first place. The story teller wanted people to feel bad or guilty, to be extra nice, or even offer to help to them. I do not think this is a bad thing whatsoever. But what I think is unfair is making people feel bad for pitying others. Hey I won't feel sorry for you if you stop telling me things that make me feel sorry for you! Furthermore, when the story tellers get offended by the pity and call it "paternalistic" or "patronizing" it's really weird because I think these people don't even know what they want! They are doing something (i.e., telling a sad story of misfortune) and expecting people to not have the natural reaction to that story (i.e., feel pity)??? These same people complain when others don't pay attention to their stories, dismiss them, or refuse to help but this is what people do when they don't have pity or compassion for you. People can either care or not care!
The story of what went on at the Before and Afro blog is a great real life example of this. In the latest installment the blogger describes how a man with an afro inspired her to sponsor a child in the Philippines. But lo and behold, in the comments section someone criticized the blogger for being paternalistic and sponsoring the child just so the blogger would feel good about herself! She was also criticized for trying to get attention and approval by writing on her blog...newsflash many people blog, talk, and socialize because they enjoy the attention and that is healthy and normal! You really can't win with these people who I believe are actually perpetual complainers. Just read through her other blog posts and see how she was pulled every which way and how everything she did was pulled apart. While some are telling her she should devote her blog to discussing racism and how to stop it others are saying it is paternalistic and not her place to do so. While some are telling her ways that she can appreciate Black people others are rejecting every attempt she has made to do so. I'm surprised she hasn't said, "forget all of you people you people are CRAZY!!!" I think that in order to get people to fight for your privileges then you have to be nice to them because they are doing you a favor that could actually reduce the amount of privilege they have. They are sacrificing something for you that might not even create the intended effects. I don't expect people to give up their privileges unless it's to someone close to them. I don't expect a person to give anything up to someone who is hostile or blames the person for all of the blamer's problems. I think they will only do it if you are nice so they like you, they feel sorry for you, they think it will make life better for everyone in the long run, or they think it is morally or ethically the right thing to do.
So I honestly want to know, 1) When you complain to people that they need to recognize their privilege what exactly do you want them to say or do? 2) Why do you need them to recognize their privilege and how does that benefit you?
Related Articles:
Do you recognize your privilege? Actually being a first generation Canadian I have a lot of the privileges on this list meant for White people. In regards to the items that do apply to me (e.g., working in places with few visible minorities) I still survive and I'm not sure what effect more BP would have on me. I won't necessarily get along with them or like them and what if they were actually stereotypical and bad coworkers? Plus, the blogger just asks people to recognize their privileges but I'm again left with the question, once these things are recognized then what?
Is privilege offensive? Equally vague. Seems like they expect people to police others for saying or doing things deemed "oppressive". That's risky for someone who is supposed to be oppressed to go around policing the members of the oppressive group and not expect any negative repercussions. I'm just trying to live and I don't feel like being the speech police. I'm busy trying to get along and not get into arguments.
Recognizing class privilege. Basically in this article it seems that the writer just wants people to see and admit that they have privileges that helped them to become successful and it was not just their hard work. Just like the other articles there is this hint that the purpose of this recognition is so that they can understand why things are harder for others. Ok, so now I understand...now what? I think what they don't want to say is that they want us to be more lenient and give more chances to people with less privileges.
That's fine if you are talking about work or school opportunities (i.e., affirmative action) but this stuff doesn't apply when it comes to personal lives. If due to someone's lack of privilege they can't support themselves, they are mean, they do drugs, or they have nothing in common with me then I won't be their friend/date them. They would be unpleasant to be around and could bring me down. I'll be friends with someone if we get along and they don't bring me down and most often I've found it's people who have had similar lives to mine. So once again, since I'm not planning on being an activist, how does recognizing my privilege help anyone? I'll be nice to people who are less fortunate but that's all. I guess they don't want to be blamed entirely for their circumstances...that's fine but I don't think anyone can totally be absolved of responsibility either. Either way, this is all about talk, not hurting people's feelings, and being sensitive about what you say. It's a lot of fuss about saying things the right way when I think there are more important things to focus on.
I disagree.
ReplyDeleteI don't consider seeking fairness and equality complaining.
A lot of the "privileges" that specific people in our society has was not earned like a promotion you receive from work is and it was not won by chance like winning a car is. It was stolen. People have been suppressed, degraded, neglected and exploited in order for these people to receive these "privileges" and still are.
For example, after WWII the development of the suburbs in America boomed and for the first time homes in the suburbs became more affordable for the average American through new FHA Loan policies and the GI Bill. However, Black Americans and other minorities were excluded from receiving these resources. Nevertheless, President Johnson eventually signed the Fair Housing Act which finally allowed minorities to take advantage of these resources. But once minorities started moving into predominately white neighborhoods, whites started moving out taking the value of the homes and resources with them. When the value of the homes in a neighborhood declines it becomes less desirable to buyers therefore less people occupy the homes therefore less property taxes are being paid therefore the upkeep of the neighborhood and it's schools depreciates because that's what property taxes fund. More importantly, the majority of wealth the average American makes is through the equity of their home. So, because of the legal policies and social practices that prohibited blacks from owning homes and living in good neighborhoods, the average White American has more wealth than the average Black American even if they make the same salary because the average White American is more likely to own a home. Therefore, it looks like our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents didn't work as hard as there white counterparts to provide for their offspring when in reality they were not offered the same opportunities and resources to do so.
So why not point out such privilege when it has such great affects?
No pun, but according to your logic why would Black Americans bother seeking civil rights? What did they expect, for White Americans to give up some of their privileges so they can enjoy them as well?
Funny thing is, a lot of the times there isn't even nothing to give up in order to let other people enjoy the same privileges. For example, what does a white person have to lose from letting a well-to-do minority family move into the neighborhood? Nothing. What do those with the legal privilege of marrying have to lose from allowing gay marriage? Nothing. What does Halle Berry have to lose if the beauty India Arie exudes is also celebrated? Nothing. I guess a sense of superiority.
Change cannot occur if a problem goes unrecognized. A lot of times it is necessary to point out one's privilege when they have false pretenses about why other's have not done as well as them. Informing and enlightening those who are privileged can possibly encourage them to become more conscious about being fair. It's not far-fetched, it happens all the time. There were whites who fought for the freedom of slaves and the civil rights of Black Americans. There are rich and wealthy people who support taxing those with higher income brackets opposed to those with lower income brackets. There are many lighter skinned people who totally get the plight of colourism and promotes the beauty of all skin tones. There are whites who recognize their privilege and choose to educate others about the topic such as Peggy McIntosh and Tim Wise.
Why wouldn't you address something that directly affects you negatively? I'm not understanding that.
(sorry for about my typos)
ReplyDeleteThis post is going to be a hard pill for many bw to swallow. Many have been trained from birth to be "social justice warriors" thinking they are making a difference by pointing out all the "have's" of whites that blacks do not have.
I used to be like that in the early part of my college years, but I'm glad I've snapped out of it. what a WASTE OF TIME. As you've seen in the comment above me, they actually...lol....they actually compare what they do to what black women went through in the civil rights movement. It's a disgrace. Rather than bw and black Americans focus on financial freedom, we want to spend time making wealthy whites feel bad because their wealth came from opression and enslavement of the blacks before them. Trust me, THEY KNOW and they will CONTINUE on their merry way. Whereas the social justice warrior will still be in that same condition they are in. Rather than focus on improving their own condition, creating alliances, seeking assistance, doing some internal work, they will forever be pointing a finger at the evil [insert random villain].
WASTE OF TIME. WASTE OF YOUR RESOURCES. WASTE OF YOUR ENERGY.
The comment above me displays the mentality of those who helped re-elect Obama for a second term, but let's not get off topic.
The point is we ALL have some sort of privilege. Gee let's see:
being able to see, being able to walk, being a woman, being black, having educated parents, going to great k-12 schools, having a college degree, having a car, being able to have children, etc.
Is one suppose to dedicate their lives to making people who have these privileges miserable? Is it to make them aware of these privileges? Well, they are aware of it, what now?
IT'S A WASTE OF BLACK WOMEN'S TIME AND RESOURCES. Some of us really need to put that sista soldier gear away.
I don't condone badgering random people about the structure of society and how they benefit from it. Matter of fact, I've never even had a conversation about this topic with someone that may be considered more privileged than me in society. I've probably never even had this conversation with anybody at all actually. At least outside of the web. Believe it or not, I have a rather diverse group of friends. I'm not bitter about anyone's upbringing or background for the mere fact that it may have been better than mine for whatever reason.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I didn't just go to college; I'm truly educated. Furthermore I'm socially aware, I know my history, I embrace my culture, and I'm proud of my heritage.
Basically, I'll I was doing in my previous post was addressing what I disagreed with in this particular blog. The privileges that specific people in our society receive come at the cost of other's not by luck and not because it was earned as the blog suggests. Again I don't condone going on random tirades, but if it's the case that one's privilege directly affects you negatively then why not address the problem?
For example, I just finished reading an article about a BW who has been on the job hunt for 2 years. Within those 2 years she did not receive 1 call. On her application she would select that she was a black female and sometimes she would decline to share that information. She decided to pretend that she was a white female with a different name but the exact same credentials and lo and behold she received tons of calls and emails.
Why is that not worth pointing out?
If a group of predominately white people think it's unfair that only 10% of Americans own the bulk of the nations wealth and resources then why not point that out?
Both cases have financial affects.
I hate to call social injustices privileges because that implies that they've been earned. Basically, they are unfair advantages. I don't think they can be compared to a lot of the 'privileges' that you've listed either because the dynamics are different.
Being socially aware doesn't necessarily mean that you're complaining and blaming others for everything. It just means you recognize social inequalities and understand it's affects. Furthermore, being concerned with politics and affairs doesn't negate you from being productive. At least when you're truly educated it doesn't.
I don't think you should go around arguing people down about social inequalities all the time, but I think you're also a fool to deny it and say it doesn't matter.
Hi Mina and Shesthedifferencemaker,
ReplyDeleteLet's keep this clean and respectful. It's unnecessary to call anyone a fool or similar names.
Personally I don't feel very effected by White privilege. I think about it when it's pointed out online but in my everyday life it really doesn't matter since it hasn't kept me from what I want to do. It's usually after reading Black blog that I suddenly feel worried that I'm not attractive enough or I won't get the job I want. I hope Mina that you can understand that all Black people are not the same and some do not feel affected by these things the way others do.
I don't feel that I have stolen anything from anyone! Yes it was luck that I was born to immigrant parents who provided a stable childhood for me and encouraged me to go to school. I did not choose them or work to get them, this was given to me by luck. I was also lucky to be healthy and able to see, hear, read, not be abused etc. My having these privileges did not involve me oppressing or taking something from someone else.
I got into school because of my education, living nearby, and hard work because race was not marked on my applications. Entrance was based on my grades and applications. There is competition to get into schools and jobs and I won over others but I did not 'steal' from them because they did not own those things. You can only steal from someone who owns something. These are privileges that must be earned. Some people get these things easier than others but they are not stolen.
Maybe we are talking about different types of privileges and the one's I'm talking about are the ones Shesthedifferencemaker may be referring to.
My life is probably way better than the homeless White man on the street so I don't feel that he is oppressing me or more privileged due to skin colour. There are many privileges that I have over White and Black people. I think that everyone in the system is oppressed and privileged in some way so I don't see the value in pointing it out to everyday people.
In my opinion, people think bad things about Black people because they think we have negative qualities that are basically genetic. Black = bad to them. So pointing out their privileges so that they act nicer to us will do nothing to change them. They think we are inferior because we are Black not because of our circumstances. They hate well behaving rich Black folks the same as the poor or criminal ones.
So this is why I think it's useless to point out privileges to most people. I'm talking about now, 2012 and not some historical time. It's the job of politicians, the media, and schools to inform people of injustices and inequality not mine. I used to think that knowledge of something was important but if it doesn't change your behaviour or you don't use it when you need to (or know how to) then it is useless.
I heard about that resume example you mentioned. Pointing that out to hiring managers would be useful, but it provides no useful information to people who are not in the position to hire. It only informs Black people that their names may affect their job prospects so they might want to use different names or not mention their race. Like Shesthedifferencemaker said, White people who are rich and powerful already know that, our pointing it out them just annoyies them. They hire based on criteria other than feeling sorry for the applicant so pulling on their heart strings probably won't work.
Yes you can point out anything you want under the sun. My point is to think about the consequences, if it will actually achieve your desired results, if it may make things worse for you, and if it is a waste of time you could be using to do something else. You already know what I think.
I also have a few questions Mina because I think we may be talking about very different things.
ReplyDelete"The privileges that specific people in our society receive come at the cost of other's not by luck and not because it was earned as the blog suggests." Okay what privileges are you talking about?
"if it's the case that one's privilege directly affects you negatively then why not address the problem?" What's an example of a 2012 case where someone's privilege directly affects you?
I hate to call social injustices privileges because that implies that they've been earned. Basically, they are unfair advantages. I don't equate social injustices with privileges or unfair advantages so I really think we are discussing different things. For instance, people on the BeforeandAfro blog were calling the blogger privileged because she had naturally straight hair and could take her afro wig off. It isn't a social injustice that she can do that.
Being socially aware doesn't necessarily mean that you're complaining and blaming others for everything. It just means you recognize social inequalities and understand it's affects.Well whenever I read about someone telling someone else to examine their privilege it's because they are complaining about that person's behaviour. They are complaining that the person doesn't understand or see something, they are not just stating facts. They are pressuring the person to change the way they think but unless that person is in a position to help others then it really doesn't matter if they recognize their privileges. It might just make them grateful for what they have and not take it for granted.
Ok, this post I'm linking and the comments are the perfect example where light skinned women are criticized for their 'light skin privilege' or being born closer to the Eurocentric standard of beauty.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.beyondblackwhite.com/recognizing-the-necessity-and-importance-of-dark-skinned-feminine-beauty/
The writer asks all Black women, even the light skinned ones being insulted to help in promoting dark skinned women. It just rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like begging and made me feel pity. Before reading Black women's blogs I did not think having dark skin negated a woman's beauty at all but these women convinced me it is a big deal.
I feel that nothing is free and there is a cost for everything we do. In terms of the media, attractiveness to the masses is what gets people jobs. So if Halle Berry is the standard for BW actresses then women who look like her get more jobs. If India Arie becomes the standard then women like Halle will get fewer jobs. There is a risk.
Just look at the way large behinds are now thought to be so attractive. In the past women with big bums wouldn't be in men's magazines making money, they were just called fat. Now these women are making money and being sought after while the flatter girls are not in the men's magazines.
These are media examples but people make a big deal about it when really they should be more concerned about jobs that don't rely on looks and more on intelligence in my opinion. I don't place much importance on jobs based on looks or athleticism...I just have more respect for brainy jobs.
"My point is to think about the consequences, if it will actually achieve your desired results, if it may make things worse for you, and if it is a waste of time you could be using to do something else."
ReplyDeleteexactly Elegeance.
Many of us are not putting our talents and efforts where it could yield great results for us individuality and collectively. These battles against "the privilege" aka DA WHITE MAN is all leftover propaganda from the failed black panther/power movement. I can only control myself and I know I will not be wasting my time pointing out each and every inequality among the masses, trying to have whites and other groups pity me and feel bad that they are better off than me. *yawn*
bootstraps. bootstraps. BOOTSTRAPS. lol I'm serious. I'm over all of this complaining and thinking I'm making a difference by saying that rich white family is only rich because their ancestors oppressed my ancestors. How the heck is that going to help my predicament in I'm stuck in the ghetto somewhere?? Wouldn't going to community college, uni, learning a trade, taking up a new hobby, etc, be a better investment in myself?? All of this crying wolf.....when there really is a fire, there will be no one left to call because many of us have already scared our potential allies away.
As for the name calling from Mina, that is typical in discussions like this when people don't have much of a point to make. no worries :)
Tell me Mina, do you see other Americans minorities in the US sitting around and pointing out the privileges of whites? Or do you see them making personal connections, working hard, and marrying to move their group to a better position? If you're the only one doing something, and it's not working, it’s time to change course.
ReplyDeleteSee:
http://sojournerspassport.com/delete-all-variations-of-the-following-phrase-from-your-vocabulary-fighting-white-hegemony/
http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2012/04/response-to-former-readers-question.html
Bw, instead of fighting "white hegemony", need to focus on working on themselves and winning in the current setup. Pointing out privilege is talking and 'talking' does nothing. Pointing out racism doesn't solve racism... it leaves you exactly where you are, and makes you a potential target because you made associated negativity with yourself.
Personal connections, networking, and hard work can get over these structural barriers. 99% of all black people who are successful or in a high position got there because of the combination of the three steps above and because of their talents, work ethic, and personalities.
The poster above who gave the example about the Bw who couldn't find a job...most jobs (70-80%+) are not advertised.
http://www.npr.org/2011/02/08/133474431/a-successful-job-search-its-all-about-networking
This is something that Elegance was talking about. Talking about racism limiting this woman from getting a job is not going to get her a job. At the end of the day, she’s still going to be jobless. She could have maneuvered or even skipped over this problem by networking. Making connections with other groups (blacks, whites, etc) will allow people to know ‘you’, and allow you to skip over these prejudices. There are ways to learn to network (look at the Obamas and their success…they were boosted by networking).
Other ethnic groups (including whites) do this all the time
Why do you see people who are young, don’t have as many degrees/credentials as others, have an ivy league degree, or have a parent in an upper level management position manage to get support/jobs/perks others can’t? Answer: networking & personal connections.
Thank you Lorrnae!!! You said it better than I ever could :)
ReplyDeleteSojourner's Passport is a great resource for black women....if those women are willing to put their needs first and invest in themselves.
Yes I agree with your comment Shesthedifferencemaker, I just don't see where thinking and discussing racism and privilege will improve my life right now. For a while I felt this pressure online to always think about it and believe that it affects every aspect of my life, but I don't really see it. Maybe my life would have been a lot better if I was White but that's just make believe not my reality so why waste time thinking about it? My life is pretty good despite the fact that I'm Black and it hasn't hindered me in ways I can perceive. Others may have it worse of course, but again, their reality isn't my reality so I don't preoccupy my time thinking and talking about it. I don't think talk does much unless there is an intention to act and with much of the racism/privilege talk online there is no plan to act.
ReplyDeleteHi Lorne it is really eerie that you really understand what I think about these issues! Those are my thoughts exactly. I'm actually looking for work and just applying to advertised posts when they come up. I know I need to spend more time networking and treating the job search like a full-time job but I'm just not doing it now. My circumstances (moving back home where I don't have connections) and not putting in the effort and time are the reasons why my job hunt is taking so long (plus the economy). I only have myself to blame.
ReplyDeleteI could sit around thinking that my White classmates found jobs because people give them more chances and help them more. But instead I realize that they stayed around the school where we all had connections and that's why they found jobs easily (e.g., called up old supervisors, friends etc.). I would have a job if I stayed there too. Plus, some of them may have started looking earlier and worked harder to find jobs. I can admit I haven't put in much effort. Focusing on their Whiteness will not help me get a job but using their methods (e.g., networking) will probably work. I just try to play the game the way they do instead of complaining about the game.
I don't care if my life isn't as easy as someone in the 10% because I know that I am more fortunate and I have more privileges than many White people and my life is pretty good. I don't need all the things they have and I'm pretty satisfied. I can understand why someone who is really suffering and has many problems would complain and talk about injustice but I'm just not that person. Many of us are not but we feel like its our duty to always point out inequality. I'm done with that.
I think I said in an earlier post, being racist is just another way of being mean. I don't see the point in getting worked up and pointing out whenever someone is mean to someone else who isn't my friend or family member, especially if that person can turn on me.
Here's an example, I was with some younger White and Black guys and they were calling each other the n-word. A White guy noticed my shocked face and apologized. I let it go and didn't go into a tirade about racism and privilege because I was a guest in their house, I didn't know them well, I might never see them again, they would keep on doing it when I was gone anyway, they already know it's racist, and their Black friends were condoning it and would probably defend them. I didn't see the point in making them uncomfortable, starting an argument, or focusing on it. Now if people in the office were doing that I would say stop and it would of course most offices clamp down on racial slurs, being loud, swearing etc. anyway.
I guess my point that Shesthedifferencemaker and Lorne noted was that I (and I hope other BW) think it will be more helpful to me and Black people if I focus on getting along, networking, making friends, and being a model employee among White people instead of policing what they say and do. I'll let schools, employee seminars, the media and other people in authority do that because it's not my job to police White people. Policing others is a risky job and I'm not going to do it when I don't think it's effective anyway.
Hi Lorne it is really eerie that you really understand what I think about these issues! Those are my thoughts exactly. I'm actually looking for work and just applying to advertised posts when they come up. I know I need to spend more time networking and treating the job search like a full-time job but I'm just not doing it now. My circumstances (moving back home where I don't have connections) and not putting in the effort and time are the reasons why my job hunt is taking so long (plus the economy). I only have myself to blame.
ReplyDeleteI could sit around thinking that my White classmates found jobs because people give them more chances and help them more. But instead I realize that they stayed around the school where we all had connections and that's why they found jobs easily (e.g., called up old supervisors, friends etc.). I would have a job if I stayed there too. Plus, some of them may have started looking earlier and worked harder to find jobs. I can admit I haven't put in much effort. Focusing on their Whiteness will not help me get a job but using their methods (e.g., networking) will probably work. I just try to play the game the way they do instead of complaining about the game.
I don't care if my life isn't as easy as someone in the 10% because I know that I am more fortunate and I have more privileges than many White people and my life is pretty good. I don't need all the things they have and I'm pretty satisfied. I can understand why someone who is really suffering and has many problems would complain and talk about injustice but I'm just not that person. Many of us are not but we feel like its our duty to always point out inequality. I'm done with that.
I think I said in an earlier post, being racist is just another way of being mean. I don't see the point in getting worked up and pointing out whenever someone is mean to someone else who isn't my friend or family member, especially if that person can turn on me.
Here's an example, I was with some younger White and Black guys and they were calling each other the n-word. A White guy noticed my shocked face and apologized. I let it go and didn't go into a tirade about racism and privilege because I was a guest in their house, I didn't know them well, I might never see them again, they would keep on doing it when I was gone anyway, they already know it's racist, and their Black friends were condoning it and would probably defend them. I didn't see the point in making them uncomfortable, starting an argument, or focusing on it. Now if people in the office were doing that I would say stop and it would of course most offices clamp down on racial slurs, being loud, swearing etc. anyway.
I guess my point that Shesthedifferencemaker and Lorne noted was that I (and I hope other BW) think it will be more helpful to me and Black people if I focus on getting along, networking, making friends, and being a model employee among White people instead of policing what they say and do. I'll let schools, employee seminars, the media and other people in authority do that because it's not my job to police White people. Policing others is a risky job and I'm not going to do it when I don't think it's effective anyway.
I like this post. I agree that it is more helpful to focus on networking and making friends than point out inequalities. Simply put I think black women often take it upon themselves to point out unfairness and inequality and in result end up getting typecast as hard and aggressive/ complaining and we lose our chance to be truly elegant black women. I think that it is not black womens responsibility ( and doesn't actually change anything) when black women point this out because socially speaking very few people are listening anyways.And at this moment black women have relative power to change these injustices. I think more than pointing out inequality and racism/ sexism black women would BEST benefit by focusing on being intelligent, educated feminine black women. And leave the race/ gender saving to feminists and black men who have more power to do so anyways, so we can stop self sacrificing.
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ReplyDeleteHi notyourgirlfriday,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your comment 100%. Getting along and working the system is the best strategy for everyone right now. I think that it's way more likely that one will find success and happiness that way rather than being the complainer who bites the hand that feeds her. Once people gain power, influence, and money then they can use that to change the system, but only after not before.