This blog is about self-improvement not criticizing Black women's behaviour. It's about improving myself so that I become a better woman. It's about becoming the highest-quality woman, despite my upbringing or lineage, and attracting good, successful men of any race.
What Men Like About Black Women Versus Asian Women
One more thing before I leave the topic of Asian women compared to Black women for a while. I've mentioned in previous posts the things I've heard men say about Asian and Black women. I think the videos below will explain these views clearly.
I know it's hard to take being compared to someone else, especially when you can't help the way you were born or the way you look. It seems very unfair doesn't it? But pay attention to the video about why the blogger likes Asian women because only one reason has to do with physical appearance. The other reasons are because of their attitude, behaviour, and demeanor and also because they show interest and date the men who are interested in them! Attitudes, behaviours, and our dating interests can change! When Black men and men of other races are constantly rejected by Black women they may eventually give up and start pursuing other women who will give them a chance. Apparently, White men have had success with Asian women so they see them as dating and marriage options. They have probably learned from experience or from friends that most Black women are not interested in White men so they do not purse Black women as much. But if you give off a vibe (like many EBWs) that you are approachable, friendly, and open to other races then you will be approached by these men.
This man is attracted to Black women because he thinks we are strong and resilient (not a fan of that word strong or the belief that we are strong) and we strive for and only accept excellence. Also, because good men are in demand, Black women treat them well. Last of all, he finds us physically attractive (e.g., nice behind, full lips, dark skin the usual). There is no mention about us being very feminine or cute or that we are open to dating men of other races. Being strong is a masculine trait and once again it was used to describe us but it was not used to describe Asian women. In fact, I have never heard anyone describe Asian woman (or most women) as strong at all.
So, while Black and Asian women are considered to be attractive for different reasons, Asian women are valued for being feminine and girly while Black women are valued for being strong and hard working. I would rather be considered feminine and girly and some men are actually turned off by strong, independent women. I don't like being expected to be strong. I think the type of man who looks for a strong woman may want someone he doesn't have to worry about protecting or providing for. On the other hand, a man who wants a feminine, innocent, girly woman might enjoy being the protector and provider. I don't know but it's just my guess. I've heard Black men complain that they don't want strong, independent women who don't seem to need them. On the other hand I have heard men complain about lazy women who they have to do everything for too. Which situation do you think is the better deal for a woman? Maybe the ones who want a tiny, easy to overpower woman would be overly controlling? I really don't know but I preferred the first video and would like those things to be said about me.
This just reminds me of cats and dogs. I love cats but what I love about them is they are low maintenance. You feed them, play with them sometimes, but they are quiet, you don't need to walk them, and they don't constantly need your attention. Cats are like strong, independent women. Dogs need constant attention, grooming, walks, and whenever they make noise you have to go see what's the matter with them. The dogs are like the girly women who need protection and the help of a man. I don't want to be a cat, I need more attention and care than that! Cats are lonely and ignored.
My husband is a white guy and there are definitely physical attributes he likes about me as a black woman. He loves the contrast between our skin colors (I'm dark skinned), he loves my full lips and my nicely shaped behind :) He also likes that he can envelope me with his embrace (I'm 5'1, he's 6'1). Prior to dating and marrying my husband, I dated other white men. I think being approachable is key. Unfortunately, there are a lot of negative stereotypes associated with black women, that are applied with a broad brush - even though they don't describe all black women. I'm not loud (I'm quiet and reserved by nature), I smile and have diverse interests. I didn't have any problems being approached by interested white men.
I also don't like the "strong black woman" label. I'd much rather be seen as a feminine woman. About a year ago, I made the decision to wear only dresses and skirts. Partly because I wanted to emphasize my femininity.
Hi Mary Ellen :) I hope to find someone who finds me beautiful too. Yes, we all have to be more approachable especially in situations where there is no need to be on guard.
That's funny, I decided to start wearing more dresses and skirts 3 years ago! In the past year I have worn them almost exclusively. Not only do I look better in them (I always look dressed up and get plenty of compliments) but I also find them more comfortable. There is nothing worse that pants that squish your thighs or give you a muffin top!
I stumbled across your blog this morning and I have been enjoying it very much. :) I too am trying to become more feminine! I blog about all of this below:
http://theproperlady.blogspot.com/
My blog is about my journey to become elegant, classy, ladylike feminine, and educated in general, though. But femininity is definitely a part of that!
I too wear skirts as well. They just make me feel more feminine. :)
I can't wait for many more posts from you. You have a beautiful blog. :)
Wow, the proper lady... I like the sound of that already! I'll have to pay you a visit :) Yes it sounds like we have very similar goals. Good luck on your journey and come back soon :)
I'm back already. ;) I'm really enjoying reading all of your posts... on my blog, when I mention feminism it's about giving advice on how to BE feminine and I don't go into much analysis. That's why I really enjoy hearing you lay out things like pros and cons and also society's reaction. :)
I find it all to be very fascinating!
You may be interested in one of my favorite blogs:
Good to see you :) Oh yes this whole thing is so fascinating to me too! There was so much I didn't know and I find out new things every day. Many of those new things have a big impact on my opinions and understanding of the world. In the year since I started this blog I've definitely changed a lot!
Oh yes, The Art of Being Feminine is one of the first blogs I read through thoroughly. I didn't do a review on it though. I need to take another look at it though. Blogs like that were so helpful to me.
So interesting! I've actually wondered myself what Asian men (or any man of a separate ethnic background, really) found so appealing about black women...Also, regarding the whole strength and resilience stereotype, I actually embrace it! I mean, obviously I don't want to be considered a masculine girl (which I ain't; I gravitate toward skirts and airy fashions mainly , and I'm pretty shy with people :D) but I also think it's what makes us who we are. Throughout history black women have had to struggle through a lot of tests and trials, and though we aren't the only group of women who've ever suffered, the point is that we have and we should be proud that we've come out victorious. Just wanted to add something there....Again, very interesting post!
I stumbled upon your blog a couple days ago and boy i have been reading a lot of your material. I too use to be considered strong and independent. Even though i looked feminine, i was not treated as such because everyone one just assumed i was tough because i'm black. I'm 5'5 and i weigh 110 so guys were initially attracted to me, unfortunately, after a couple months they would leave me. It took me a very long time to figure out where i was going wrong. One day i was at work and and one of the girls asked me to lift something heavy, which wasn't a problem at the time because i was used to people asking me to do stuff they would normally ask a guy. That's when it clicked, it was like a light came on in my head. People were treating me as if i were a man. Men liked me but they did not stay with me because i didn't possessed a lot of feminine qualities. They would never buy me jewelry or flowers or take care of things for me. Some of them even expected me to go 50-50 on dates when the bill came. I used to get frustrated because i didn't understand why men treated me differently. My girlfriends were having way better luck than me and i just didn;t get it until that moment where i was lifting that heavy box at work. I soon realised that real men didn't like strong independent women, especially strong independent black women.
I decided to put an end to it. I became more girly and feminine and i noticed right away that men were being nicer to me. I was shocked. All i did was acted more feminine and girly. What i would do was watch a bunch of movies (particularly Bollywood movies) where the women were ultra feminine, and i started to mirror their behaviour and mannerism. Suddenly men were buying me things, taking me on expensive trips and helping me with all sorts of things. I felt like they wanted to protect me. The more feminine i became the more men were nice to me.
That was two years ago, now i'm in a happy relationsship with a really nice guy who gives me a lot of attention. He takes care of me, and i don't have to work as hard anymore, i just work three days a week because i wanted to keep working so that i can maintain some level of independence. But it's always nice knowing that i don't have to work because i look at my female co-workers and i can tell that they're all over worked and stressed because they are all 'strong independent' women who are single and miserable like i was two years ago. But i'm so glad i came across your blog because i can totally relate to everything you're saying. Please keep doing what you're doing, maybe i'll do a blog too who knows, but i love what you're doing so please don't stop.
Hi Brittany and welcome to the blog :) I'm glad that you found the post interesting! I always want to know what men like about Black women and I wish there were more videos and blogs about it instead of just men showing bikini photos. I don't embrace the strength thing and it's easy for me not to because I know I'm not "strong" but I'm not helpless or weak either. Things are just easier with help and support and I'm not going to push that away anymore :) Thanks for your comment.
Wow that was an amazing comment and a great story about how becoming feminine has improved your life! That is so interesting. I remember in my past I wanted to build muscles like the women in fitness magazines, I would show them off to guys, and I refused to let them carry things for me when they offered. I am definitely not doing those things now and it hasn't hurt me one bit. Men are treating me well now and with respect.
If you don't mind I'l like to post your comment and a few from other women who had positive results when they became more feminine. I hope that will be okay? You wrote so much it would be great if others read it. I should look into Bollywood films, I dismissed them before because I thought the dance scenes were unrealistic but they do show ultra feminininity that's for sure.
Sure go ahead and post i want people to know that just being a little more feminine, a woman can get a lot more respect from men, while you're at it check out these video of bollywood actresses singing and dancing and how ultra feminine they are, also notice that the men are nice and respectful to the women and they are all having fun. I'm from Trinidad and we have a lot of Indians and i've always admired the relationship they have between the men and women.
Liked your post, and can absolutely appreciate your desire to be considered feminine rather than strong. I also need loads of attention so I feel you on that one. But I'm not sure why it is so important to be "strong" for Black women. I know that the "strong Black woman stereotype" has it's implications for Black women, but I actually like being strong, and don't see why I should compromise my strength to be accepted by a man?? There are very good reasons why I and many other Black women have had to be stronger than other groups of women, and I just don't see why feminity that is associated with other women has to be the femininity that defines "us"? I also am glad that I had my strength at very important points in my life? some thoughts :-)
I don't think black women have had to be stronger than other groups of women. Some women have and still are treated far worse than we ever have. Middle Eastern is an example, chinese, korean, and japanese women have always been unbelievably discriminated against and are denied opportunities to be successful career-wise. Most have few rights in relation to the men are taught from day 1 that they are inferior to men. This notion is constantly uphelp in the family, society, and government in their countries. Black women have not gone through this much and for that long. We've had it easy in comparison.
I am just a normal girl. I grew up thinking multi racial harmony bs. I have been reading all the nasty/stereotypical/racist things people on the internet write about asians. Thanks for writing your opinions without venom.
My husband is a white guy and there are definitely physical attributes he likes about me as a black woman. He loves the contrast between our skin colors (I'm dark skinned), he loves my full lips and my nicely shaped behind :) He also likes that he can envelope me with his embrace (I'm 5'1, he's 6'1). Prior to dating and marrying my husband, I dated other white men. I think being approachable is key. Unfortunately, there are a lot of negative stereotypes associated with black women, that are applied with a broad brush - even though they don't describe all black women. I'm not loud (I'm quiet and reserved by nature), I smile and have diverse interests. I didn't have any problems being approached by interested white men.
ReplyDeleteI also don't like the "strong black woman" label. I'd much rather be seen as a feminine woman. About a year ago, I made the decision to wear only dresses and skirts. Partly because I wanted to emphasize my femininity.
Mary Ellen
The Working Home Keeper
Hi Mary Ellen :)
ReplyDeleteI hope to find someone who finds me beautiful too. Yes, we all have to be more approachable especially in situations where there is no need to be on guard.
That's funny, I decided to start wearing more dresses and skirts 3 years ago! In the past year I have worn them almost exclusively. Not only do I look better in them (I always look dressed up and get plenty of compliments) but I also find them more comfortable. There is nothing worse that pants that squish your thighs or give you a muffin top!
Hello There
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog this morning and I have been enjoying it very much. :) I too am trying to become more feminine! I blog about all of this below:
http://theproperlady.blogspot.com/
My blog is about my journey to become elegant, classy, ladylike feminine, and educated in general, though. But femininity is definitely a part of that!
I too wear skirts as well. They just make me feel more feminine. :)
I can't wait for many more posts from you. You have a beautiful blog. :)
Love,
Nina
Welcome Nina,
ReplyDeleteWow, the proper lady... I like the sound of that already! I'll have to pay you a visit :) Yes it sounds like we have very similar goals. Good luck on your journey and come back soon :)
Hi Elegance!
ReplyDeleteI'm back already. ;) I'm really enjoying reading all of your posts... on my blog, when I mention feminism it's about giving advice on how to BE feminine and I don't go into much analysis. That's why I really enjoy hearing you lay out things like pros and cons and also society's reaction. :)
I find it all to be very fascinating!
You may be interested in one of my favorite blogs:
http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/
Perhaps you've already seen it, though. :)
Best,
Nina xoxo
Hi Nina :)
ReplyDeleteGood to see you :) Oh yes this whole thing is so fascinating to me too! There was so much I didn't know and I find out new things every day. Many of those new things have a big impact on my opinions and understanding of the world. In the year since I started this blog I've definitely changed a lot!
Oh yes, The Art of Being Feminine is one of the first blogs I read through thoroughly. I didn't do a review on it though. I need to take another look at it though. Blogs like that were so helpful to me.
So interesting! I've actually wondered myself what Asian men (or any man of a separate ethnic background, really) found so appealing about black women...Also, regarding the whole strength and resilience stereotype, I actually embrace it! I mean, obviously I don't want to be considered a masculine girl (which I ain't; I gravitate toward skirts and airy fashions mainly , and I'm pretty shy with people :D) but I also think it's what makes us who we are. Throughout history black women have had to struggle through a lot of tests and trials, and though we aren't the only group of women who've ever suffered, the point is that we have and we should be proud that we've come out victorious. Just wanted to add something there....Again, very interesting post!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog a couple days ago and boy i have been reading a lot of your material. I too use to be considered strong and independent. Even though i looked feminine, i was not treated as such because everyone one just assumed i was tough because i'm black. I'm 5'5 and i weigh 110 so guys were initially attracted to me, unfortunately, after a couple months they would leave me. It took me a very long time to figure out where i was going wrong. One day i was at work and and one of the girls asked me to lift something heavy, which wasn't a problem at the time because i was used to people asking me to do stuff they would normally ask a guy. That's when it clicked, it was like a light came on in my head. People were treating me as if i were a man. Men liked me but they did not stay with me because i didn't possessed a lot of feminine qualities. They would never buy me jewelry or flowers or take care of things for me. Some of them even expected me to go 50-50 on dates when the bill came. I used to get frustrated because i didn't understand why men treated me differently. My girlfriends were having way better luck than me and i just didn;t get it until that moment where i was lifting that heavy box at work. I soon realised that real men didn't like strong independent women, especially strong independent black women.
ReplyDeleteI decided to put an end to it. I became more girly and feminine and i noticed right away that men were being nicer to me. I was shocked. All i did was acted more feminine and girly. What i would do was watch a bunch of movies (particularly Bollywood movies) where the women were ultra feminine, and i started to mirror their behaviour and mannerism. Suddenly men were buying me things, taking me on expensive trips and helping me with all sorts of things. I felt like they wanted to protect me. The more feminine i became the more men were nice to me.
That was two years ago, now i'm in a happy relationsship with a really nice guy who gives me a lot of attention. He takes care of me, and i don't have to work as hard anymore, i just work three days a week because i wanted to keep working so that i can maintain some level of independence. But it's always nice knowing that i don't have to work because i look at my female co-workers and i can tell that they're all over worked and stressed because they are all 'strong independent' women who are single and miserable like i was two years ago. But i'm so glad i came across your blog because i can totally relate to everything you're saying. Please keep doing what you're doing, maybe i'll do a blog too who knows, but i love what you're doing so please don't stop.
Maria :)
Hi Brittany and welcome to the blog :) I'm glad that you found the post interesting! I always want to know what men like about Black women and I wish there were more videos and blogs about it instead of just men showing bikini photos. I don't embrace the strength thing and it's easy for me not to because I know I'm not "strong" but I'm not helpless or weak either. Things are just easier with help and support and I'm not going to push that away anymore :) Thanks for your comment.
ReplyDeleteHello Maria and welcome to the blog :)
ReplyDeleteWow that was an amazing comment and a great story about how becoming feminine has improved your life! That is so interesting. I remember in my past I wanted to build muscles like the women in fitness magazines, I would show them off to guys, and I refused to let them carry things for me when they offered. I am definitely not doing those things now and it hasn't hurt me one bit. Men are treating me well now and with respect.
If you don't mind I'l like to post your comment and a few from other women who had positive results when they became more feminine. I hope that will be okay? You wrote so much it would be great if others read it. I should look into Bollywood films, I dismissed them before because I thought the dance scenes were unrealistic but they do show ultra feminininity that's for sure.
Sure go ahead and post i want people to know that just being a little more feminine, a woman can get a lot more respect from men, while you're at it check out these video of bollywood actresses singing and dancing and how ultra feminine they are, also notice that the men are nice and respectful to the women and they are all having fun. I'm from Trinidad and we have a lot of Indians and i've always admired the relationship they have between the men and women.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJzT1KMjQ0k&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXb_XPXA2zw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buteQeqt8YQ&feature=fvwrel (the woman is over 50 yet still retained her femininity)
Hope you enjoy :)
maria
Hi!
ReplyDeleteLiked your post, and can absolutely appreciate your desire to be considered feminine rather than strong. I also need loads of attention so I feel you on that one. But I'm not sure why it is so important to be "strong" for Black women. I know that the "strong Black woman stereotype" has it's implications for Black women, but I actually like being strong, and don't see why I should compromise my strength to be accepted by a man?? There are very good reasons why I and many other Black women have had to be stronger than other groups of women, and I just don't see why feminity that is associated with other women has to be the femininity that defines "us"? I also am glad that I had my strength at very important points in my life? some thoughts :-)
I don't think black women have had to be stronger than other groups of women. Some women have and still are treated far worse than we ever have. Middle Eastern is an example, chinese, korean, and japanese women have always been unbelievably discriminated against and are denied opportunities to be successful career-wise. Most have few rights in relation to the men are taught from day 1 that they are inferior to men. This notion is constantly uphelp in the family, society, and government in their countries. Black women have not gone through this much and for that long. We've had it easy in comparison.
DeleteI am just a normal girl. I grew up thinking multi racial harmony bs. I have been reading all the nasty/stereotypical/racist things people on the internet write about asians. Thanks for writing your opinions without venom.
ReplyDelete