Today I am posting a video that perfectly explains the reasons why Black women are doing themselves a disservice by calling themselves "Strong Independent Black Women" (see my earlier post about Black women needing to change the way we define ourselves). This term has become associated with negative traits like 'neck-rolling', being loud, demanding, controlling, argumentative, and masculine. We need to stop using this term and just try to be the best women we can be without the labels.
Hi Woyujune,
ReplyDeleteThere isn't much in this post, maybe you aren't able to see the embedded video? You would need to have flash installed on your computer.
I believe her argument is conflicted. The label "Strong Independent Black Women" is not the problem; she has a problem to the ugly characteristics associated with the label. It is alright to be strong- it is needed in today's world. It is not alright to be coarse and overagressive. The American ideal stands for individualism and independence- it is not exactly okay but it isn not completely bad either. Independence speaks of maturity and endurance and willpower. All of these positive characteristics should be taught to black females- we need it in this racist society. Also, there is really no such thing to be masculine or feminine (males and female can be emotional and aggressive).
ReplyDeleteThis was my problem, i mean i didn't had a lot of attitude but for some reason when you convince your self that you're strong and independent, then people are going to believe it and the result, you are going to be treated as such. No one will feel the need to protect you, people will treat you casually because you're strong so you can take rough treatment. Men will treat you like the strong independent woman. You will be attracting men who are looking for a sugar mommy because since you're strong, then you can shoulder the burden of going out and work and becoming the provider. These men are trying to replace their mothers who, by the way are strong independent woman.
ReplyDeleteBlack men don't have respect for black women because they grew up in a home without a father and they were bossed around by strong women and emasculated by their own mother and sister or any other female relative, then we wonder why they don't treat as like women. The reason a black man will treat a white woman (or woman of any other race) different from us is because those women do not usually describe themselves as strong independent women. To the black man they are more feminine than black women.
The lack of the father in the home is the cause of young black girls being raised to be strong and independent. They become masculine in their ways. I don't know about you but i don't like being treated as if i'm a man. For example, the girl who hangs out with a bunch of guys thinks she's being cool or different, but in reality, those guys she's hanging out with don't see her as a woman, they will treat her as if she were one of the guys, and even if she has romantic interest for one of the guys in her circle, he will never want her for romantic relations, he will always overlook her for the feminine girl with the long hair and wearing the dress and the heels.
I know this from experience, one of my best friend was jealous of a girl who use to hang out with her boyfriend and his friends a lot. Apparently the girl was attracted to my friend's boyfriend which was why my friend was feeling insecure. I took one look at the girl and i told my friend that she had nothing to worry about. First of all she's is seen as one of the guys, secondly she was rather unkept with no makeup and she always wore jeans and a T-shirt with sneakers. When i explained this to my friend she was amazed. I told her that they reason why her guy was with her is because she is nothing like that girl him and his friends were hanging out with.
If a woman wants to be treated like a woman, all she has to do is leave all the masculine traits behind. Stop drinking beers, eating junk food or doing anything that would make you seem less feminine. I used to be the girl hanging out with a bunch a guys and i was confused as to why none of them wanted me. When i ditched those guys i was hanging out with and started dressing and acting more ladylike, suddenly men were opening doors for me, offering to help me carry heavy things, even my boyfriend of one year still opens the door for me and pull out my chair for me when we go to restaurants.
Maria
~Sorry i had to leave my comments in 2 parts because i ran out of character space~
ReplyDeleteNot every woman can inspire chivalry in men, if you're on a date and you're entering a restaurant etc, just stand back so that they guy will get the message that he has to be a gentle man and open the door for you. If he doesn't get it just flutter your lashes and smile sweetly and say, "aren't you going to open the door for me?"
Make sure you're smiling and blinking when you're trying to get a guy to be gentlemanly, also remember to always smile and say thank you whenever he does something nice, followed by "oh you're so sweet," or "you're so thoughtful", or "you're such a gentleman, there aren't many guys like you anymore".
The more you do this the more he will want to treat you like a princess. Also remember to smile and say thank you to anyone who holds a door open for you or offer to help you. And you will see how much your life will change and how much better your relationship with men will be. You will notice a lot of women giving you catty looks, or making negative comments about you, just ignore them because they're all miserable and unhappy.
Maria