"Convince them that Everyone else is Doing it"

I just read a post at Hooking up Smart and one part really stood out for me,

…What researchers have found is that there are techniques for changing a culture that appear to work, but they are not always the obvious ones. Doing so in a way that produces lasting results, but doesn’t involve destroying the group entirely, requires finesse, subtlety, and patience. It also requires a certain suspension of optimism about human nature. To really change how a group of people thinks and behaves, it turns out, you don’t need to change what’s inside of them, or appeal to their inner sense of virtue. You just have to convince them that everybody else is doing it.

“The inner conformist is stronger than the inner activist,” said Michael Morris, a psychologist at Columbia University who studies the role of culture in decision-making.

Up here in Canada I feel like everybody has a positive view of self-improvement and social climbing and mobility. That's because my parents are that way and so are their friends. They sent me to schools where the emphasis was on doing very well academically, having hobbies, participating in many activities, learning new languages etc. so that we would be well-rounded people (which also made us attractive to universities). In university there was the same mentality and people clamored for unique experiences out of curiosity, to prepare them for work, and also to prepare them for graduate school (and make them more attractive to those schools). So for all those years I was surrounded by achievers, people trying to do their best, people pressured to "publish or perish", and the hoops one had to jump through in order to achieve desired goals. Since all of my friends were from school I though that this was a common mentality and "everybody else was doing it". Really it doesn't even matter if there are other large groups of society who think differently because I don't know them, I won't be working with them as colleagues, and I won't be dating them since I date prestigious and ambitious men.

This makes me wonder about some of the stereotypical things people think Western Black people do and don't do. How many of these things are based on the media especially movies, TV shows, and music?   These things are shown around the world and people think this is "Black culture" not just the culture of a small group of AA people. How many Black people around the world are really into hip hop (I mean totally satisfied and can see no wrong in it)? I keep on hearing that White people are the largest consumers of the music and they own the record companies so then isn't hip hop a White thing? But I don't hear anyone saying "White people who don't appreciate hip hop are sellouts to their own race". Why aren't people pushing oldschool Mowtown, Jazz, Blues, Calypso, Reggae, R & B, and pop as hard as hip hop? This is tragic because the hip hop that I hear/see in the mainstream in my opinion is the most materialistic, violent, misogynist, racist, and perpetuating of stereotypes when compared to the other music (and no I'm not going to search for some mysterious type of hip hop that doesn't have any of those things. I tried that before and was left with less money and two CDs full of cursing and the n-word that I was told was conscious and not like other hip hop. I gave it a shot and I've chosen other forms of music that's easier to consume). I've never had that issue with these other forms of Black music. I think that the music tastes of Black people needs to be studied and we might find that not as many like it as we think. Maybe a lot of people only like the beat and wish that most things about the style changed, which means they don't really like it! Seriously, if you say you don't like mainstream hip hop then do you really like hip hop? I have ZERO complaints about the mainstream ballads and Mowtown songs I love.

I also think that the values and beliefs of Black people around the world needs to be studied too so that what the majority of Black people think is known. There are probably studies like this already but I just don't know about them. I think this is so important for dispelling stereotypes! It could be that the majority of Black people in Western countries believe in marriage and having children after wedlock. The majority could believe that education is extremely important. They could actually be supportive of interracial friendships and dating. The majority may not think that everything bad that has happened in their lives is due to slavery or racism. They may barely think of race at all most days. They may think Black men and Black women are not a problem. They may think that Black people are not that different from other races.

It could be the case that the majority of Western Black people think these things but we are not hearing these sentiments as loudly or frequently as we should on the news, on TV, in movies, in music videos, in music, on Youtube, or on blogs! Is it because the minority is more vocal, attention-getting, famous, or more motivated to make their views known to the public? Have they just been more successful at making it seem like "everyone" is like them when really it's only a small group? Is this the media's fault or the fault of consumers? Are some Black people swallowing harmful messages put out by the minority while ignoring the beneficial messages of the silent majority? If you know something is a stereotype aren't you motivated to be different especially if it is negative? I guess some people might want to be a negative stereotype as some sort of protest or because they want most people to dislike or fear them (for reasons I do not understand). At least if you are conforming to a positive stereotype then there are obvious benefits because the behaviour/attitude is viewed positively. People have a strong drive to be "normal". For some the "Black normal" is very different from "White normal" but for others those two are almost the same! But many feel shamed and pressured to accept the extreme version of "Black normal" that actually makes it more difficult to to be successful in Western societies (i.e., being "Black normal" as defined by the minority means being considered abnormal by the rest of society and accepting the host of problems that comes along with that).

This is why it is SOOOO important to seek out alternative viewpoints, look at research and statistics, and sometimes just turn off the TV or computer and do what you think is right instead of what the media tells you "everyone is doing". Why do we have to all stick together when it comes to personal interests and life goals anyway? Since when does my going to school, dressing a certain way, speaking a certain way, or dating someone have anything to do with bettering the race or fighting for justice? I don't put on my clothes thinking "hmmm, I shouldn't wear this dress because this could harm Black people". I don't decide "hmmm I'm going to curse out this White woman today because that will help Black people" lol (doesn't it sound ludicrous to always think about race before doing anything?). MY LIFE IS NOT A PROTEST! We need to THINK about the lives we want, set goals, and figure out the best ways to achieve those goals by THINKING and looking at other people who have achieved similar goals (regardless of race). Based on my goals I don't think that acting like a stereotype would have helped me one bit. People should do what works for them instead of doing something because supposedly that's what members of their race do. I mean if Black people started jumping off cliffs would you do it too? Maybe if you searched for yourself and examined the people in your own life you would see the media is distorting the truth. Maybe those things labelled "Black" are not that Black after all.





I might agree with about 98% of what this man is saying omg!


May as well post another one just because :) Ok, he says if a woman goes out with him on 3 date's she's his girlfriend??? Where in the world can I find a man who thinks like that??? Yeah, I don't like the sandwich jokes...

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