tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post2456184522912234985..comments2024-01-29T01:52:28.701-05:00Comments on The New Elegant Black Woman: Do Ultra Feminine Women Lead Horrible Lives: Part IIElegancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-90958580949208422942012-08-22T09:21:15.141-04:002012-08-22T09:21:15.141-04:00Great post as always!
@Maria - Wow, I can definite...Great post as always!<br />@Maria - Wow, I can definitely relate to your story. Once I found myself sacrificing my social life for my "career" (at 23!) I knew I had to get out. I'm glad you found a place where you're happy with your fiance! KChttp://www.blackandfemme.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-71314436057184562892012-08-21T15:51:25.822-04:002012-08-21T15:51:25.822-04:00Hi Ladies,
I definitely think that many of us hav...Hi Ladies,<br /><br />I definitely think that many of us have to take care of our own needs before taking care of anyone else. It is also unfair to expect women to do things that may actually harm them just for the benefit of others. Helping others is great but some people just can't afford that while others can. Plus, a lot of the time the ways we are asked to help is actually not helpful and a waste of precious time and resources. Some women can't afford to waste anything. I think that once these women have their lives together it will actually be beneficial to everyone so that should be their only obligation. <br /><br />Hi Maria,<br /><br />I like my education and career and all but if it prevents me from getting married and having kids I would be so disappointed, sad, and even angry. For me the whole point of the prestigious career was to provide for a family not just so I could feel good about the achievement. The achievement feels great but it was supposed to serve a purpose. If I had the choose between happy family and career the family wins no contest.Elegancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-64812125489388915842012-08-19T21:39:48.155-04:002012-08-19T21:39:48.155-04:00There is a reason why I was never really the stron...There is a reason why I was never really the strong career type, even when I felt that I should pursue a high earning job. There is always a pressure on a lot of black women to be independent and to go after high stressed jobs.<br />But I knew that it wasn't for me because it's not my personality. Some of my friends and family are supportive of me with whatever I decide to do, but I still have some friends and family members who are confused as to why I would still go after jobs like waitress or receptionist. <br />One time I was working at a restaurant chain and I was in training to become a manager. It was so stressful having to deal with all the responsibilities. I hated it and wanted to quit, but I kept on going because I didn't want to disappoint anyone.<br /><br />In the end the pressure was too much for me so I quit and went back to my old job as a nail tech in a salon. Boy everyone was so mad. They couldn't understand why I would do such a thing. But I kept on doing nails because it was easy and I prefer jobs where I can relax and be myself. When I met my now fiance, it was easy for me to quit my job and move to Panama to live with him. If I had a demanding stressful career I wouldn't have been able to do that because with jobs like that comes great responsibility and obligations. <br /><br />I now work part time at a call centre and I love it. My fiance is wealthy so I never have to worry about money. He takes good care of me. My friends don't understand how I came to find such a gem like my fiance. They are still pursuing careers and promotions etc, but they are single and unhappy. One of my gf is going through a divorce after only 3 years of marriage because she placed her career above her own happiness. Her husband wanted kids but she wasn't interested because she was too busy with her career.Now she's even more stressed out and she gained at least 30 lbs. I mean if having a demanding and stressful career makes some women happy then fine, I respect that but I'm yet to find one who's actually happy and not stressed out.<br />Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that too many black women are sacrificing their own happiness and well being for others. Too many of us are over worked, miserable and misguided because we've been trained to carry the burden of others, especially the burden of a black man. We date men who are broke and basically can't do anything for us, yet women of other races wouldn't date or marry a guy who is poor and can't help them.<br /><br />Here in Panama, there is a huge Jewish community (my hubby is jewish) and you will not believe the privileges of the Jewish woman. Jewish women never have to work or lift a finger to do anything in their lives. They have maids, nannies and personal assistants etc. If their husband dies, then the community takes care of them. They are not expected to fight battles or anything. I think that black women got the shitty end of the stick because other women are not required to work as hard as we do, unless they themselves want to, but that's a whole different story.The Hypergamous Mindsethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04713795660288361167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-84445345417800637232012-08-19T19:54:15.090-04:002012-08-19T19:54:15.090-04:00I love this post (part 1 and 2) and I agree with y...I love this post (part 1 and 2) and I agree with you and with the commenter above. Black women must stop trying to fight battles when we barely have anything. It's just too taxing on our bodies, minds, and souls, and leaves us no better than we started out... if not worsenotyourgirlfriday.wordpress.comhttp://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-70511365386930865422012-08-19T09:29:00.344-04:002012-08-19T09:29:00.344-04:00I loved this part:
"I encourage those who do...I loved this part:<br /><br /><i>"I encourage those who do not want to be activists and have minimal resources to not spend their lives fighting (often in vain) to change society. Seriously, why does someone struggling each day to get by need to carry the burden of changing society? That is the responsibility of those who's basic needs are satisfied and can carry that burden. These people will change society through political action and that requires power. So for many Black women, instead of trying to fulfill certain anti-woman feminist mandates that could actually harm them (e.g., acting and looking like men), they may be better off taking the pro-woman line, coping, and trying to succeed using available resources (e.g., education, birth control, using tried-and-true relationship advice etc.)."</i><br /><br />This reminds me of all the conversations I've had with my parents about my education. I know my Nigerian parents are not the only parents who are blunt about the fact that that they did not want their children, especially their daughters, choosing majors or jobs where they would be drained and essentially burn out "fighting the man" or whatever cause they were suppose to take up on some other group's behalf. The message was always to focus on our advancement and help out your family when you can.<br /><br />Black women could stand to be A LOT more selfish and really focus on what is going to lift them up individually. We need to stop trying to help the masses, folks who wouldn't even spit on you if you were on fire, and start investing in yourself (losing weight and becoming more active, reading books, getting a quality education, attending finishing school or taking etiquette classes, moving to safer neighborhoods, positioning yourself to meet quality men, etc).<br />shesthedifferencemakerhttp://www.shesthedifferencemaker.tumblr.com/noreply@blogger.com