tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post9181054410455385822..comments2024-01-29T01:52:28.701-05:00Comments on The New Elegant Black Woman: My Thought's On For Harriet's "Why Would I Want to Be A Lady"Elegancehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-80218031673700937642013-06-16T19:58:26.862-04:002013-06-16T19:58:26.862-04:00I think the real problem is that the very feminine...I think the real problem is that the very feminine aspects that we are trying (myself included) to accept and cultivate are the same ones that have been consistently taken advantage of. For instance, the traditional housewife in the past didn't have the knowledge of how to take care of the finances (since men tend to die earlier than us), lacked work experience if anything happened to her husband who provided for her, and if she was being physically abused, the authorities at one time wouldn't take her complaints seriously without her husbands consent. Essentially women didn't have a voice without a man to speak or advocate for them. The flipside is that feminism came around and while fighting for our voices, the tenets were that women needed to become more masculine, hence "Why would I want to be a lady". It's the extreme reaction to a world that doesn't hold femininity as highly as masculinity yet still inadvertently buys into the same logic. The reality, imo, is that neither by themselves are good because they have negative aspects that lead to problems. Everyone has masculine and feminine sides that needs to be tapped into and channeled in ways that work in your favor. For myself, I realized that doing masculine exercises like kickboxing and weightlifting helps me to feel more soft and feminine outside the gym. Going after the "A" in my science classes increases my confidence and "hipsway" down the street that garners appreciative looks from men. And actually stating my opinions without discounting others added a bit of spice and charm to my conversations, particularly with men. Your thoughts reflect mine and it feels good knowing that I'm not alone in my pursuit to cultivate my femininity as a black woman.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-24448519896399744582012-09-04T20:33:20.357-04:002012-09-04T20:33:20.357-04:00I am so glad you responded to that blog.You expres...I am so glad you responded to that blog.You expressed my sentiment. Well Said!!! Brown Bettynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-34027667329245746042012-08-30T11:46:38.984-04:002012-08-30T11:46:38.984-04:00Thanks so much for your comments Crystal and Maria...Thanks so much for your comments Crystal and Maria :) <br /><br />Being a lady is work. I think it takes good character traits like self-control, good manners, and agreeableness that some people just don't possess or value. Instead of seeing to get along with as many people as possible and then choose the best people as friends and associates instead they show all of their bad qualities and settle for whoever doesn't run away (most likely they have the same bad qualities). <br /><br />So when other people are offended they just think "it's their loss", "they are too shallow, stuck up, or old fashioned", and blame it on them instead of taking personal responsibility for their obnoxious behaviour. That is their coping mechanism that allows them to not feel bad about their offensive behaviour and instead it's everyone else who has the problem. Maybe after some negative experiences she and others will change their minds. Elegancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-74521609322323864472012-08-30T11:32:31.059-04:002012-08-30T11:32:31.059-04:00Hi GoneInternational :)
When I buy clothes and dr...Hi GoneInternational :)<br /><br />When I buy clothes and dress in the morning the last thing on my mind is whether or not I will be harassed or raped! If that's the case with the author then she lives in the wrong neighbourhood. I consider whether it's flattering to my body, showing too much, appropriate for work, something I can wear to work and when I go out, and the price. <br /><br />It's sad and unfair that some women live in an environment where thoughts of sexual assault is at the forefront of their minds all the time. I cant's think of any fashion blog where women are only showed clothes that will protect them from rape or harrassement (but by the author's own words clothing doesn't make a difference). It's really strange to continually read about this concern on AA blogs. Other women are only concerned about being thought of as trashy or too conservative not personal safety. <br /><br />If these women can get out they really should. How can any woman in one of these places say they like it there and they don't want to leave? I wouldn't even want to drive through one of their neighbourhoods if it's that bad. I feel more sad for her than critical. She may even be very safe where she lives but she is may just be fearful from hearing scary stories. Harassment isn't even on my radar.<br /><br />Yes I agree that ladies tend to set pretty high and firm boundaries personal boundaries compared to non-ladies. I think they are just loose with their definition of femininity and basically whatever a woman does is feminine and respectable to them. Elegancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-5977778537248787732012-08-30T10:51:08.439-04:002012-08-30T10:51:08.439-04:00Hey, I say good for her. The way of elegance and b...Hey, I say good for her. The way of elegance and being a lady for Black women does not sit well with many people. In fact, when you think about it, a BW lady-like in the Western part of the world is a radical position, a shock to the system for most people.<br /><br />Also, the blog owner made the comparison that being lady-like won't keep you from being harassed or raped. I can't even reason with someone who speaks such drivel. She's talking about predators here; since when are they normal? Unless she subconsciously thinks all mean are predators?<br /><br />I also can't entertain the idea that ladies are hesitant to set clear boundaries. LOL, that tells me all I need to know about that blog owner, and what she knows, or doesn't know, about being a lady. GoneInternationalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-85298991704431620922012-08-29T11:31:56.786-04:002012-08-29T11:31:56.786-04:00Hi socialitedreams :)
That was an interesting art...Hi socialitedreams :)<br /><br />That was an interesting article. I actually have The Art of Being Feminine as one of my links (I still have to read a lot of it). I wrote about not keeping it real too because I think it's actually harmful to many Black women. I agree with the author that just doing whatever you want and not thinking about the consequences is easier and lazy. For some people it's too much work to think about the other person's feelings or about the way their behaviour is holding them back. They just expect everyone to take their bad behaviour and treat them the same as someone with much better behaviour. It takes work to cultivate a good image and it's easier to just do whatever and then blame the world for rejecting you. Image management, being feminine, and being respectable is about self-control, controlling your urges, and regulating your behaviour and some people have problems doing so (may have started in childhood).<br /><br />I also found the part about the single mothers very interesting. Basically in the AA community the whole rejection of marriage and raising children alone experiment is being conducted. The results are not positive in that group. I'm not sure why feminists are not paying attention to that result! Single mothers and their kids are not living in utopia without men (some may be very happy) but I think most are not. They have to stop encouraging that because that's a luxury for rich women with more power, resources, and safe environments. Elegancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-65972400079106173282012-08-29T01:32:10.082-04:002012-08-29T01:32:10.082-04:00this could go in your "related articles"...this could go in your "related articles" part for her too, def fits! <br /><br />http://sojournerspassport.com/if-you-want-to-live-well-let-go-of-the-keeping-it-real-trickbag/socialitedreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06171868338538960023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-57186727341378769422012-08-28T16:40:08.072-04:002012-08-28T16:40:08.072-04:00Wow that girl has issues. People like her are too ...Wow that girl has issues. People like her are too self absorbed so trying to be a lady and acting in a respectful and responsible manner is too much work for them, which is why they would chose the lazy way out and declare that they don't care what anyone thinks, but deep down, they do care because it's human nature to care about what others think. We can deny it all we want but it's a fact. I also know from experience because I was somewhat like her in my 2os. I too had the 'I do whatever I want' attitude.<br /><br />Being a lady is hard work. But you know what, I don't mind the hard work because the rewards are too great. I work hard to maintain a feminine appearance, and I work hard to appear pleasing to everyone and it does pay off. So many people are telling me what great manners I have and how much they like the way I dress. People say that I'm such a nice person. I get job opportunities for jobs that I'm not even qualified for because people love my agreeable yet poised personality. I made an effort to be a lady and a lady is a respectable woman in society. Men love her and other women look up to her or envy her. <br /><br />I read her article and I pity her because she is completely misguided. I'm disappointed by the comments that her followers left on her blog. They are all just like her. It's a shame how there are so many crude, unladylike and unkept women that this generation has produced. I'm already in my 30s and it too me so long to figure out where I was going wrong. I feel bad for the young girls coming up, they have no real role models.The Hypergamous Mindsethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04713795660288361167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-56006448052580298382012-08-28T07:54:55.215-04:002012-08-28T07:54:55.215-04:00Hi lovely point you put across, it seems to me tha...Hi lovely point you put across, it seems to me that the person you speak of in the article is ignorant and reminds me of an article you had done recently about people who adapt to situations because of past experiences. Clearly this person has been raised in such an environment where one is rediculed for being lady like and praised for being the opposite. It may be ok for the environment she lives in hence her being proud of it but if she is to come out of her comfort zone and change her environment only then will she realize how negative the attitude and appearance is. I do hope she does not have too many followers as it isn't a good thing to encourage young people to adopt such mannerism.Chinenye igbohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08054577630080357534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-74391199261400121122012-08-28T03:23:49.162-04:002012-08-28T03:23:49.162-04:00Hi Candace, welcome to the blog:)I'm glad that...Hi Candace, welcome to the blog:)I'm glad that you like the site :) Sure it would be so nice of you to post the link. I took a look at your site and it will be cool to see what images you find. I've always liked that Ashanti Good, Good video and the song too :)Elegancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086459974594918860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-788247236906826630.post-55608121772498699002012-08-27T21:26:31.619-04:002012-08-27T21:26:31.619-04:00I just love your blog! It's so positive! So be...I just love your blog! It's so positive! So beautiful! Oh my goodness I'm in love! Would you mind if I post your blog link on my page? I have a Black Pin Up Models page I think this would be great. Here's a link to my page. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Pin-Up-Models/274448509280942Candace Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14411159183230353188noreply@blogger.com